Something Ends, Another Begins

I stared blankly at the plain light brown rug in my room, the piece of paper with my speech written on it resting in my lap. I knew that I should be getting ready since we were leaving to the church in about a half hour. I kept reminding myself that this was all a dream and I would wake up at any moment. I kept telling myself that Josh wasn't really dead and I would soon wake up and see his adorable sleeping face next to mine. However, that hasn't been working out so well for me since I'm sitting on my bed, wide awake, getting ready to go to my boyfriend's funeral. For some strange reason, I couldn't feel the urge to cry anymore, as if I've used up every tear that's been inside me this past week. My eyes are still bloodshot and I could still feel the tears stained on my face, but I'm not crying.

A crack of thunder blasted my room, causing me to jump a little and awaken me from my little daydream. I sighed and looked at my outfit that was laid out on my bed. I slowly stood up, folded my speech that I tried to go over (but couldn't, since I was afraid that the tears would come again) and placed in my purse. Just as I was about to take off my pajama top, I heard footsteps coming towards my door. I looked at my door and, as expected, my mother appeared already dressed up, hair done, and makeup put on. "How are you, honey?" she asked softly, the question she's been asking me every minute of every day since the morning we came back from the hospital.

As usual, I replied, "Okay, I guess."

She nodded, as if she knew what I was going through, before she opened the door wider. "There's someone here to see you." She looked in the hallway and gestured for the mystery person to come over.

Just as I was thinking my life couldn't get any weirder, the one and only Cameron Reeves appeared at my door. His dark hair still had the shaggy, bed head look but I noticed that he wasn't wearing his signature lip ring and he was wearing a very flattering suit, a sight I never thought I'd see.

I realized that Cameron and I have been just staring at each other awkwardly. "I'll just leave you two to talk," my mom said and left quickly. I was very tempted to go after her and beg her not to leave me with him. Instead, I just stood where I was with my arms crossed over my chest.

"What do you want?" I asked, which came out a little more harsh than intended. But believe me, after everything he's said to me, I was being nice.

"I wanted to see how you were," he said quietly, something else that wasn't like him, and started rubbing his neck awkwardly.

"Why would you care how I was feeling, Cameron? Besides, don't you have a group of bimbos to hook up with?" I knew Cameron hated how I called him by his full name, but there was no way I liked him enough to call him "Cam", the name he'd prefer people call him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I could sense him getting frustrated.

"It means don't you have something else you'd rather do?"

He was quiet for a moment and ran a hand through his hair. "Josh was my best friend, Ali. Just because you were his girlfriend and you and I aren't best friends doesn't mean I don't want to be there for him today."

"Wow, I can't believe it. The big, bad Cameron Reeves has feelings? Who would've thought?"

The room fell silent as I looked down, surprised that he hasn't hit me with a comeback yet. "I guess I should just go, then," he said softly, pushing himself off of the doorframe he had been leaning on. "But just so you know, Ali," he added, "You're not the only one who lost him." When I looked up, he disappeared.

What the hell was that supposed to mean? Whatever. I have more important things to worry about than his annoying ass. I always wonder what everyone at school sees in him.

I suddenly came to the thought of school starting by the end of the month and how different it's going to be now. I always imagined going through Senior year with Josh by my side and then we would go to university together. I guess those plans are going to have to change now. Man, and to think, a week ago, I thought I had the best life a person can have.

***

It looked like my feet had a mind of their own as they dragged me into the church. Once my mother, father, and I stepped inside, my eyes immediately came into contact with the black, closed coffin in front of the room, tons of flowers stacked on top of it. WIth a light shove from my mom, I started walking towards it. I felt people's eyes on me as walked, but I could care less. All I cared about at that moment was saying goodbye to my best friend for the last time. After what seemed like ages, I stood in front of the coffin, trying not to think about what laid inside. I looked to the side and saw Josh's Junior year picture that was taken on picture day almost a year ago. It was my favorite picture of him. I placed a hand on the casket as I felt my dad's hand rest on my shoulder, assuringly. "I love you," I heard myself whisper and felt yet another tear make its way down my cheek.

I suppose my parents sensed another breakdown coming, so they ligthly pushed me away from the casket and to our seats, which weren't very far. After I sat down, I felt a pair of eyes on me. I glanced around me until I spotted a pair of familiar bright blue eyes looking right at me. Cameron and I just stared at each other like we did earlier in my bedroom. I noticed he was sitting next to a slightly older, blond woman who he kind of resembled. Cameron did a nod towards me and mouthed, "Hi." That has to be the first time he's ever greeted me without making the slightest insult.

I found myself smiling slightly at him and quickly looking away. I saw the priest make his way up in front of everybody and the room became dead silent.

***

"...and now, Mr. Cameron Reeves would like to say a few words," the priest said, gesturing for Cameron to come up. Are you kidding? Cameron was going to talk like I was?

I, along with everyone else, watched as Cameron stood up and walked over next to the casket, behind a tall stand. By the look on his face, I kind of felt guilty for questioning his being here. He wasn't wearing his usual smirk and his eyes seemed very dull and...sad. He actually looked a little nervous. I could have sworn this was a completely different person.

"Uh," I heard him mutter quietly, looking at the piece of paper in front of him. Then, all of a sudden, he crumpled the piece of paper in a ball and looked up at the audience. What was he doing? "I don't think a piece of paper and a speech is enough for me to truly tell you just how great Josh was and how much of a great friend he was to me," Cameron began, his hand holding the paper ball. "I met Josh when we were both twelve, going to eighth grade. I just moved here and was going through some stuff but, thankfully, he helped me through it a lot. That was Josh's thing, helping people and not expecting anything back. He was just like the brother I wish I had. It would be an understatement to say that Josh lived a great life. He was friends with practically the whole school, had a family who loved him, and had a girlfriend who he loved more than anything." His eyes landed on me and his lips curled into a tiny smile. "We shouldn't be here to grieve Joshua's death, but to celebrate his life. I think that's what my brother would've wanted. Thank you." And with that, Cameron backed away and walked back to his seat, where the older blond woman smiled at him and rubbed his arm.

"Now, Miss Aliana Pearson will come up and speak," the priest said, looking at me and giving me the same look everyone has given me all week. I felt my mom squeeze my right hand and my dad squeeze my left arm. I stood up slowly and took a deep breath at the same time, leaving my speech on my seat. As I walked up, I quickly glanced at Cameron, who was looking straight at me. When he noticed my eyes on him, he smiled at me reassuringly.

When I stood behind the same stand and looked at everyone, I strangely felt another urge to breakdown and cry again. I kept telling myself to calm down and took another deep breath, not caring if everybody heard. "Cameron is right," were the first things that came out of my mouth, surprisingly, "A piece of paper is not enough to tell you how amazing Josh was and how much I loved him. How much we all loved him. I've known him since we were nine and there hasn't been one day when he gave me a reason not to love him. He was sweet, caring, generous, hilarious, and so much more. He was my best friend and even though it pains me so much to know that he's not here anymore, I do know that he's an angel now, looking over us. I know he wouldn't want us to be upset over him, even though it's easier said than done. Josh would want us to be happy and go on with our lives because, as I've just realized, life is too short." I looked to my right and saw Josh's picture that was on the casket. I suddenly felt water roll down my cheek. Oh no. Not now. "Josh was," I began, but I felt as if something blocked my throat and I couldn't speak. When I looked at everyone again, I felt more tears make their way down my face and I saw peoples' facial expressions turned worried and/or confused. "I'm sorry, excuse me," I heard myself choke out as I ran down the steps and out of the room.

Once I was outside, I immediately felt the warm Summer breeze but I couldn't stop running. I couldn't stop the tears that were falling, either. I didn't know where I was running to, but I didn't care, just as long as I was away from everyone. However, that didn't last too long.

I heard my name being called. I faintly recognized the voice and knew it couldn't be my mom, the voice belonged to a guy. I figured it was my dad and knew he would just make me go back, so I began running faster. Unfortunately, the person was faster than I was and took hold of my shoulder. "Leave me alone!" I shouted, not looking at the person.

"Ali, please just calm down," the person said softly as they held me tighter. Now, I knew who's voice that was.

"Cameron, leave me alone and go back to the service," I tried yelling, but it came out as a whimper, a plead.

"Not until you tell me what happened back there; everyone's worried."

I shook myself outof his grip and backed away, but was too exhausted to try running again. "It was all my fault." The words just spilled out of my mouth.

"What was your fault?"

"All of this, everything. If I hadn't have told Josh to leave my house so quickly to go back home just because he got a text from his mom, he wouldn't have come into contact with that fucking drunk driver! He didn't want to leave but I made him go anyway! It's all my fault!" Tears were falling freely from my eyes now and I was sobbing loudly and uncontrollably. I closed my eyes and covered my face with my hands, thinking that hopefully the crying would stop.

It wasn't long before I felt Cameron grab my forearm and wrap his arms around me. I wanted to push him away so bad and yell at him, but I gave in and just let him hold me as I cried and possibly stained his shoulder. "Ali, listen to me," Cameron spoke softly as he rubbed my back gently, "Nothing is your fault, you had nothing to do with his death. If Josh were here right now, he would probably be so pissed at you for thinking that."

Normally, I would push him away, cry even more, and tell him he was wrong, but I stayed in his embrace, the tears began to settle down, and I believed him.

***

I don't know how long Cameron and I were sitting on the steps in front of the church silently, with my head on his shoulder, but I know that the service was just about over. People slowly began coming out of the church and into their cars, driving away.

"There you are," I heard a voice say behind us. Cameron and I turned our heads and saw my parents standing behind us. I expected them to be somehow upset that I just ran off, but they looked more relieved than angry.

I slowly stood up, along with Cameron. "Thank you, Cameron," my mom said with a polite smile. My dad gave him the same smile as he handed me my jacket and loosely wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"It's no problem," Cameron said, shoving his hands in his pockets. "As long as Ali is okay."

"Cam," we heard someone say. It was that older blond woman that Cameron was with today. She stood behind Cameron patiently and smiled at me and my parents.

"I guess I should go," Cameron said, gesturing at the woman.

"Yes, we have to get going ourselves," My dad said. "It was nice meeting you, Cameron." The three of us started to walk away.

"Ali," Cameron said quickly and grabbed my forearm when my parents were a good distance away. I just looked at him, waiting. "Do you have your phone with you?"

"Yeah," I said slowly, taking my phone out of my purse, "Why?"

He gently took the phone out of my hands and I could tell he was typing some stuff in it. "There's my number if you want to talk or text or whatever." He gave my phone back to me and there, in my contacts, was Cameron's name and his cell number.

Was I missing something? The real Cameron Reeves wouldn't be caught dead giving me his number.

I didn't explain this to him, however. Instead, I smiled at him and said, "Sure thing."