Something Ends, Another Begins

Ali's P.O.V.

It is exactly 3:45 in the morning right now and I am lying in bed wide awake and staring at the ceiling. To say that I had a bad day yesterday would be a complete understatement. And of course the cause of it all had to be Cameron. If I had never let him "talk" to me I wouldn't have been crying my eyes out all day.

After that argument I had with Cameron, I held back tears for an hour and a half until last period was over and immediately drove home. I usually would've waited for Jenny so we could go get something to eat since that's what we do. But, instead, I text her after the bell rang saying I didn't feel so well and that I was going home, which was not a lie.

Once I got home, I ran upstairs to my room, threw my bag on the floor, threw myself on my bed and just started crying. I know I should not have let Cameron calling me a bitch bother me even though it has been the worst thing he's ever said to me; I know I'm stronger than that. But I wasn't crying just because of that. I was crying also because maybe, possibly he could be right. However, I didn't think this a couple hours after the fight.

12 hours ago

I've finally stopped crying. I'm just sitting in bed staring off into space not particularly thinking of anything; my mind just went blank. I didn't bother to wipe my tear stained face. Suddenly, I hear the front door open downstairs. The sound made me jump a little since I've been sitting in dead silence for about two hours.

"Ali, I'm home!" I hear my mom exclaim as well as the door closing and her setting her keys down somewhere.

"Hi," was all I replied. I knew she was going to come upstairs to ask me how my day went and I really did not want to talk about. Once I heard her footsteps coming closer, I began frantically wiping the tear stains off my face and hoped that my eyes weren't red anymore. I grabbed my phone to make it seem as if I wasn't just sitting in bed doing nothing.

"Hi, honey," Mom said as she slowly opened my bedroom door, smiling. "How was your day?"

I told you. I smiled back as best I could and said, "It was fine."

The smile on her face dropped a little as she studied my face. "Ali, are you okay? Have you been crying?" she asked, getting worried. How the hell did she figure it out so quickly? I guess my eyes were still red.

"No," I lied. For some strange reason, I felt tears coming back up again.

My mom sighed and sat next to me. "Are you sure? You know you can talk to me."

I nodded. "I know." There was a brief silence after that. My mom smiled, tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and stood up to leave. "Mom," I heard myself say. She turned and looked at me curiously. "I need to ask you something."

She crossed her arms over her chest patiently, waiting for me to continue. I took a breath and continued, "Let's say someone's best friend just died and about a month after their death, and that someone started acting as if it didn't happen and they're out partying and acting as if someone they were close to didn't leave their life. What's your opinion on that?"

My mom thought for a moment before sitting back down next to me. "Well, I believe people deal with things differently and if they decide to move on from what they're going through instead of being depressed all the time, I think that's great."

"But Mom, Cameron is acting as if he was never even close to Josh," I blurted out. Oops. I never intended to drop names. I couldn't take that back now.

"Oh, so this is about that nice boy we met at the funeral."

"Mom, he's not nice. It's like he totally forgot everything that happened. Like he doesn't care."

"Why would you think that? Because he's out laughing and having a good time with friends? What's so wrong about that?"

"I just didn't expect him to move on so fast. They've been best friends for a long time. You'd think he would want more time to deal with it." I admitted not only to my mom, but to myself as well.

Mom gave me a polite smile. "Ali, it's like I said, people deal with things differently. Maybe he didn't want to sulk around and be sad anymore. Of course Josh's death was tragic and we all wish to have him back but he's in a better place now. Do you think Josh would want you and Cameron to keep on being sad and stop living?" She didn't wait for me to answer. "You know how Josh lived life to the fullest and was hardly ever sad. I know he would want you to feel the same way right now. It's not as if you're going to forget him; he's always going to be with you. Maybe Cameron has already realized this and it's time you do, too. You know I don't like seeing and hearing you cry everyday. You need to be happy again." With that, Mom stood up, kissed the top of my head and left the room.

I felt like crying again. Cameron was right; maybe I am rude and controlling for thinking he shouldn't be happy and having a good time with friends. I know I should be doing this to and knowing Josh would want me too but I also know that it's not going to be easy.

I kept going over what my mom said all night and, even if I don't want to admit it, I know she's right. Who am I to doubt how much Josh meant to Cameron considering they were practically inseparable since we were thirteen just how Josh and I were inseparable since elementary school. I wouldn't be surprised if Cameron hated my guts even more now. It's never bothered me before how Cameron has some problem with me, but now it does. Maybe it's because I know what the problem is this time.

My instincts keep telling me to apologize to him and I know it's the right thing to do. I've never apologized to Cameron for something I've said to him before and he's never apologized to me for something he has said. So, being the first to apologize to someone who's been a complete jerk to me for about five years is definitely new for me. But this fight wasn't just Cameron calling me a bitch. This was mainly about Josh and how I accused Cameron of not caring when I never really knew his side of the story. It sort of annoys me how I've grown some sort of soft spot for Cameron deep down (way deep) and it also annoys me how I can't help it. It's actually an unsettling and disturbing thought.

I turn over and look at the clock again. It's now 4:05. I have to start getting ready for school in about an hour and a half. I turn over to my side to get comfortable while closing my eyes, hoping to at least get a little sleep.

***

While I'm taking out what I need from my locker the next morning, I hear footsteps coming towards me. My first thought on who it could be was Cameron. I started to get freaked out since I wasn't ready to talk to him and apologize yet. However, a wave of relief came over me when I came face to face with Jenny.

"Hey, Jen," I greeted as happily as I could.

"Hey," she replied while smiling politely. "Are you feeling any better?" she asked and reminded me of the text I sent her yesterday before I bolted out of school.

"Oh, yeah, just stressed out right now," I told her, which was actually the truth.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," she sighed. "I'm still stressed about the fact that Cam turned me down. Is there something wrong with me? Does he want to go out with any girl but me?"

Oh, great. Apparently, Jenny is still not used to the fact that one guy doesn't want to go out with her even they barely know each other and she just happens to mention the one name I am trying my best to avoid at the moment. I am trying so hard not to snap at her right now.

"Jenny," I breathe out, beginning to say what I've said a million times before, "Cameron is just one guy. A jerk and a player, in fact. Trust me, you are way better off without him. There are so many great guys that would kill to be with you. You see how Cameron breaks girls' hearts left and right. Would you want the same thing to happen to you?"

Jenny sighs again and looks down. "No," she responded quietly. "I guess you're right. I need to start looking for a new guy." Jenny starts scanning the area surrounding my locker. "Oh, he's cute," she whispered while looking at a guy across from my locker with shaggy dark blond hair and glasses, wearing a black t-shirt with dark jeans and black vans. He looked tall, most likely over six feet and was rummaging through his locker. Jenny was right, he is cute.

I giggle to myself. "Then just go over and say hi. Trust me, Jen, you could do so much better than Cameron Reeves." When I look up I see Jenny already making her way towards him, filled with confidence. I smile, happy that she's (hopefully) over Cameron.

When I close my locker, I turn to see what's going on with Jenny and Glasses Boy but instead, I lock eyes with you know who. Everything I want to say to Cameron suddenly disappears from my mind and I just stand by my locker looking at him. He looks like he wants to say something but he just stands in the same spot.

Then, as if my mind and feet had a mind of their own, I turn away from him and start walking towards my first period class even though the bell won't ring for another ten minutes. After what just happened, I don't even know now if I could bring myself up to tell him a simple apology. If just looking at each other was awkward, I don't know how we would start a conversation.

***

I am seriously about to go crazy. I've been thinking about talking to Cameron all morning and I can't stop. I have had a lot of difficulty being able to focus on anything else the first four periods. Now that it's lunch, I really can't focus on anything else. What really drives me crazy is how I've never felt like this before after Cameron and I have a little spat. I've never felt this strong of an urge to apologize to him before even when I know he doesn't want to apologize to me. Then I think that if I just apologize to him, all of this will be over and we can go back to ignoring each other again.

My thoughts are interrupted when I feel someone's presence next to me at the lunch table. That's when I realize I've just been blankly staring at my pizza. "Hey, Ali. You okay?" Jenny asks with a concerned expression on her face as she sets her bag down on the table.

"Yeah," I say, forcing a smile and quickly taking a bite of my pizza.

"Well," Jenny began, a huge smile forming on her lips, "I talked to that really cute guy this morning."

"Oh, yeah, how did that go?" That weird moment I had with Cameron this morning made me completely forget what happened with Jenny and Glasses Boy.

"His name is Zachary," Jenny gushed, "He plays guitar and piano, takes Band, loves to read and write, and he skateboards. He was pretty quiet when we first talked, but he loosened up a little later on." She started subconsciously bouncing in her seat out of excitement.

"Wow, you found all of this out this morning?"

"Not so much this morning, we only said hi to each other and introduced ourselves. It was mostly during second period, Pre Calculus. I never knew we had the same second period until today."

I started giggling at how fast she started talking. "Okay, calm down, Jen." It was weird to see her act like this over a guy she just met today. Usually, guys would be acting like this over her, not the other way around. What was also weird is that she's not attracted to some popular jerk like she usually is. Which is good.

Jenny smiled even more. "It's no doubt that I like him. He seems very sweet and nice and quiet which is totally different for me, but not in a bad way."

"That's good. I would like to meet my best friend's potential boyfriend, as well."

"Yeah, you should. But I'm not sure if I want to go out with him yet, though. I mean, we only met today and I want to get to know him for a longer time before I decide if a relationship would work."

I was shocked. Jenny Garcia has never said this about a guy before. In the past, Jenny would meet a guy one day and the next day, she would tell me they were going on a date. Maybe this guy is totally different. I took a sip of my soda and nodded.

Suddenly, Josh's face flashed in my mind. I guess this whole scene reminded me of when Josh and I first started going out. Jenny's voice became muffled as my mind started drifting off to something different than what she was saying.

I guess what felt like hours was only seconds when I felt Jenny slightly nudging me. Her voice suddenly became clear as I heard her ask, "Ali, are you okay?"

I wanted to tell her everything. How I was still mourning over Josh and her gushing about this new guy was actually making things a little worse. I also wanted to talk to her about Cameron and the real reason I didn't want her to go out with him. But instead, I smiled and told her, "Yes, I'm fine. I hope everything works out with Zachary." She smiled back at me and started eating.

I take another bite of my pizza and try to think of something else, anything else that does not involve Josh, Cameron, or Jenny.

***

I walk into last period, AP English and take my seat. After I get everything I need, I look at the clock and see there's about a minute left before the last bell rings. All I can think of is wanting to fast forward to me going home and taking a nice long nap.

My thoughts are interrupted to a quiet voice next to me saying, "Hi, Ali."

I turn my head to the direction where the voice came from and see Christie White looking at me and smiling politely. Christie and I have been talking more than we used to lately and I know it's only because she feels sorry for me, which is the last thing I need.

"Hi, Christie," I reply, smiling back.

"How are you feeling? Any better?" She asks in a quieter voice, almost cautiously as if she was afraid she said something wrong. I knew what (rather who) she was talking about. She asks me this every time we see each other which, I must admit, makes me happy knowing someone cares...even if it's just pity.

I shrug my shoulders and tell her, "I'm okay. You could say I'm extremely slowly getting better day by day."

Christie smiled wide and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "That's good," she said as Mrs. Morris walked through the door.

"Okay, everyone," Mrs. Morris announced before the class became quieter. She grabbed a stack of papers on her desk and started to hand them out. "What I'm passing out to you is a paper describing this quarter's project." she was interrupted by an out roar of groans but she simply ignored it. I could tell she was trying to hide a smile. Why is it that some teachers enjoy torturing their students by handing out a project during the second week of school? Well, what else can you expect from an AP class? "However, there are good news that come with this project. One, you get to work with one partner of your choice. Two, we will be doing nothing but working on this project in class for the next whole week. Any time after that before the due date you must work on your own time. I'm pretty sure the paper is self-explanatory but if you have any questions, just ask me. Once everyone gets this paper, you can start picking your partners and get to work. However, I must warn you that if you spend this whole week in class talking about anything else but the project you will most likely have more work to do at home. I know you don't want that so please stay focused." Once Mrs. Morris was finished talking, everyone got the paper and were already moving around chairs and desks to sit next to their partner.

While I was scanning through the paper, I felt a tap on my shoulder. "Do you want to be partners?" Christie asked but was already moving her desk closer to mine.

"Oh, um, sure." I was actually shocked. Before this year, Christie and I would hardly say anything to each other and now we were English partners.

One part of the project was to read King Lear by Shakespeare and write/type a descriptive summary about in with certain details so Mrs. Morris knows we didn't just base it off the movie. The other part was to write a scene of our own that would be a modern adaption to any other scene in the play. Thankfully, the project wasn't due for another month and we didn't have to perform the scene we would create in front of the class. For the first fifteen minutes, Christie and I discussed and decided that we would create the scene first (start with the difficult part) and we would just spend the remaining time reading and writing the paper. Mrs. Morris allowed us to read the beginning of the play that was already in our textbooks to help with creating our scene.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Christie randomly asked as I was turning the pages of textbook.

I looked at her, confused of the random question. "Yeah, I'm fine," I said slowly. By the way she shifted uncomfortably in her seat, I knew she was doubting my answer. I sighed loudly and decided to say, "Christie, you don't have to feel sorry for me. I don't need any more pity."

Christie looked at me as if I was crazy. "Is that what you really think?"

"Well, it just seems that you haven't really talked to me until now."

Christie sighed and looked down at her desk. Still looking down, she said quietly, "I just...I know how you feel. The horrible feeling you get after you lose something or someone extremely special to you and believe that people you would never talk to before start talking to you because they just feel sorry for you. But I guarantee I'm not doing that to you, Ali. I would actually really like it if we could be friends."

I needed a moment for my mind to process all of this. Christie White just admitted that she knows how I feel and she wants to be friends. First of all, how does she know how I feel and second of all, how come she wants to be friends now?

Before I had a chance to ask her these things, however, she looked back at me and quickly said, "Anyway, did you want to work on it this weekend at my place?" I got the strange feeling that she was trying to change the subject, leaving me still confused.

Might as well play along. "Uh, sure," was all that came out of my mouth.

She pulled her iPhone out of her purse and handed it to me. "Here," she told me cheerfully, "Let's switch phones and put our numbers in so that way I could text you my address and you can hopefully come over on Saturday."

I nodded, agreeing, as I typed in my number. After we switched our phones back, I started scrolling through my contacts to find her. While scrolling, I came across Cameron's name. I still remember when he told me to call him whenever I wanted to talk but I never did. I think it was because I figured the next day, he would forget he even gave me his number. I went into Cameron's contact profile and I lingered over the option that read, 'Send Text Message'. The first thought that came to my mind was that if I didn't take the chance now to talk to him, I never would and that would just make me feel worse than I already was for a long time.

So, I hit the 'Send Text Message' option. I didn't want to stall or beat around the bush, so I simply (and quickly, in case I changed my mind) typed the obvious: Meet me by my locker after school. I really need to talk to you. -Ali

I put my phone away and let out a huge breath. I realized how weird it was to feel this nervous to talk to Cameron, the guy who's hated my guts the moment he met me. I don't even know if he'll show up but now I can't say I didn't try.

I looked at the clock and saw that there were only twenty minutes left until school was over.