Status: Uber Active!
Always Something More
Chapter 14
We are young! (Whoa!) We are young! (Whoa!)
I lifted the blanket that I was under and looked at my bed stand.
We drink, and we fight, and we love just because.
I reached over and picked up my phone.
“Hello?” I closed my eyes; the sun was shining right into my eyes.
“Hey Rae its Kennedy.”Great! I knew he’d ask why I left and what happened. I didn’t really want to talk about it. It doesn’t really matter what was going on.
“Oh hey Ken, what’s up?”
“I was just calling to see if you were okay, you left pretty early last night. Did something happen? Did someone say something to you?” I didn’t know what to say to him, it was actually kind of embarrassing.
“It’s nothing. I guess I was just very surprise to see you guys up on stage. A lot happened in last night.” I said.
“I guess John heard you listening to one of our songs, and wanted to keep it from you, I guess as a joke. I wanted to tell you but John insisted that it was a secret. Did you enjoy the show though?”
“You guys were amazing. Really. The crowd really liked you also. Do you know what Saving Grace is about?” I wanted to make sure it was about me, I mean I had a good feeling but who knew, John was always good at being cryptic.
“Oh um I-I um don’t know” he was obviously lying.
“You’re a bad liar you that? Is it about me?” I was desperate to know.
“Talk to John about it, it’s not my place to talk about it.” I guess he was right, but I didn’t want to talk to John, I didn’t want to be near him.
“I suppose your right. What are you up today?” I got up and looked outside. Someone’s car was in our driveway but I didn’t know who.
“I’m going to get lunch with Gabby, and then I’m not sure. You want to do something later?”
“Yeah that’d be nice. You can bring Gabby; it’d be nice to meet her”
“Yeah alright, she wants to meet you also. I’ll text you later. I got to go now and get ready. Talk to you later.”
“Aright bye.” And with that we hung up and I went to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and my eyes were puffy and red from cry last night. Just thinking about why I was so upset makes me cringe. I shouldn’t have acted like that.
I put a little makeup on to take the redness away and I fixed my hair. I went to the stairs and went down stairs. I didn’t hear anyone. I bet one of the boys crashed in the extra spare room, or Kennedy’s room. I went to the kitchen and got a bowl and some cereal. I sat at the bar and ate my cereal in quiet. I didn’t really think about anything important. I was trying to avoid thinking about what had been going on. I wondered what the weather would be like today or what I’d do with Andy when he got here which made me think about texting Andy and start making a plan for him to come down here soon. I needed him; he would know how to make me happy.
I heard some feet shuffling behind me but I didn’t care to turn around to look at who it was. I kept on eating my cereal in peace and that’s all I wanted. But when I saw it was Garrett, I knew we had to talk.
“Good Morning” I said happily.
“Morning” he said softly and sounded tired. He went to the cabinet and got out a glass and went to the fridge to get some orange juice out. As he took a sip he didn’t make any eye contact.
“The show last night was great. You guys are really good.” I knew he wouldn’t pass on this topic.
“Yeah, Thanks. “And ended the conversation there. He walked over and sat next to me and we stayed quiet.
“Garrett please, talk to me.” I probably should of waited till I rushed into this but I couldn’t help it. I studied his face, he looked tired and angry. Those two emotions didn’t mix well.
“What can I do for you to forgive me?”
“I don’t know Rae,” he said harshly “I know you’ve probably heard this a million times, but what you did was horrible and it’s just one of those things where I wish I could forget the whole thing. I really loved you, I know we were young but I knew I was in love. And you broke my heart. How can I forgive you?” He look down at his cup and started to swirl the juice around in a circle.
I just stared at him. He was right, how could he forgive me. I was a nasty person, why would anyone want to forgive me and be my friend again.
I was speechless there was nothing I could say that would help the situation. Saying I was sorry wouldn’t do anything, it wouldn’t fix what I did to him and it wouldn’t fix his broken heart.
“I don’t know what to say to make you see that I’m so sorry.” I leaned over and grabbed his hand. I would have thought he would pull away but he didn’t, he just left it.
“I know you are. But it’s still hard to think about what you did and not be ok with it.” I understood where he was coming from, if I was in his shoes I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself either.
“Rae look, I wish what happened never happened, at least I wish it never happened to me because I’m still hurt by what you did, and it was 2 years ago but I can’t move on. You were my first girlfriend that I truly loved. And seeing you now, I wish I was still with you but I know that’ll never happen.” He sounded so hurt, it killed me.
“We can at least be friends. We can be civil and just know that in some ways were getting passed this.” I knew we could never go out again, my heart was falling for Andy but being Garrett’s friend was good enough for me.
“I don’t know. I want to get pass this and be ok but being your friend would make things harder. I rather not have you in my life.” I let go of his hand and was shocked. I couldn’t believe what he was saying. I was trying so hard to move on but he just wouldn’t have it.
“Whatever Garrett, you do whatever you want to do.” I got off my chair and walked away. I didn’t need him in my life; he was just another boy who that wasn’t that important. Most people in my life were like that.
As I got closer to the stairs so did a very shirtless John. I waited for him to come down the
stairs before I went up. He rubbed his eyes, and ran his fingers threw his hair. It was very hard to keep my eyes off of him.
“Mornin” he said tiredly.
“Good Morning John.” I tried to go up the stairs but he grabbed my wrist and let go when I turned around to look at him.
“So did you enjoy the show last night?” he said with a stupid smile.
“You guys were great John, I’m glad I had to find out right when you got on stage that you guys were in a band.”
“I told everyone to keep it a secret from you; I just wanted to see your reaction. But I thought you were smarter than that, I would of thought you would look up who The Maine was before hand. But then again I guess we really don’t know you Rae.” I didn’t realize it but I don’t think either of us look away from the other, we both stared deeply into each other’s eyes.
“And what’s that suppose to me?” I asked and kind of tiled my head to the side.
“You know exactly what I mean; you’re a different person now apparently.” The way he said it made me get so angry, he said it so nicely and just so obnoxiously. “Did you like the songs?”
“Yeah John I loved them all, especially the one you wrote about me and sang to me while my stupid sister was standing right next to me thinking it was written about her.” He just laughed
“We usually don’t perform that song live, but when I heard your friend cover it” he got all serious “I needed to show you that I wrote it for you.” He said.
I gave him a soft smile, and I hope he didn’t notice the tint of pink around my cheeks. “When I heard Andy sing it for me, I didn’t think anything of it. But when I heard you sing it last night I just wish… I don’t know.” I shook my head and tried to pass john on the stairs.
“No, what?” he said as I looked down at John
I looked down at my feet and bit on my lower lip. Everything was difficult to talk about; I couldn’t really talk to John about what I was feeling towards him.
“It doesn’t matter John, it was just a song.” It really didn’t matter what I thought, he was with my sister, and my chance with him just like a few years ago is slim to none.
“Please Rae? Tell me.” He pleaded.
I stepped down a few steps so I was more leveled with John. I looked him into his green eyes. “When you sang that song last night, it made me wish I was with you and not my sister. I heard love in your voice while you sang, but I wish that love was towards me.” I was sure my face was red as a tomato; this wasn’t a topic I really wanted to talk about.
He stayed quiet, and that was my queue to leave, what else was there to say. The only thing that would change between was the awkwardness. Now that he knows how I feel it would be weird to be around him.
I got to the top of the stairs and looked back at john, he hadn’t moved besides looking down at the ground and putting his hand on the banister. I waited for a few more seconds thinking maybe he’d say something but he didn’t.
I was halfway to my room when I heard John softly “Me too.” I froze but didn’t say anything. I was shocked and confused by what he said. I went to my room and closed my door. What did he mean ‘me too’? Me too as in I wish I was with you? Me too as in I wish my love was towards you? I never understood John.
I pulled out my phone and saw that Kennedy had texted me.
Hey! Want to go to lunch at 12? I’ll come and pick you up?”
I responded quickly and looked at the clock that said 11 o’clock.
“Sounds great. See you in a bit.”
Hopefully going out with Kennedy and meeting Gabby would take my mind off of everything. I was excited to meet Gabby. From what I heard from Kennedy she was very nice and polite girl. He said me and her were a like and would become great friends.
I lifted the blanket that I was under and looked at my bed stand.
We drink, and we fight, and we love just because.
I reached over and picked up my phone.
“Hello?” I closed my eyes; the sun was shining right into my eyes.
“Hey Rae its Kennedy.”Great! I knew he’d ask why I left and what happened. I didn’t really want to talk about it. It doesn’t really matter what was going on.
“Oh hey Ken, what’s up?”
“I was just calling to see if you were okay, you left pretty early last night. Did something happen? Did someone say something to you?” I didn’t know what to say to him, it was actually kind of embarrassing.
“It’s nothing. I guess I was just very surprise to see you guys up on stage. A lot happened in last night.” I said.
“I guess John heard you listening to one of our songs, and wanted to keep it from you, I guess as a joke. I wanted to tell you but John insisted that it was a secret. Did you enjoy the show though?”
“You guys were amazing. Really. The crowd really liked you also. Do you know what Saving Grace is about?” I wanted to make sure it was about me, I mean I had a good feeling but who knew, John was always good at being cryptic.
“Oh um I-I um don’t know” he was obviously lying.
“You’re a bad liar you that? Is it about me?” I was desperate to know.
“Talk to John about it, it’s not my place to talk about it.” I guess he was right, but I didn’t want to talk to John, I didn’t want to be near him.
“I suppose your right. What are you up today?” I got up and looked outside. Someone’s car was in our driveway but I didn’t know who.
“I’m going to get lunch with Gabby, and then I’m not sure. You want to do something later?”
“Yeah that’d be nice. You can bring Gabby; it’d be nice to meet her”
“Yeah alright, she wants to meet you also. I’ll text you later. I got to go now and get ready. Talk to you later.”
“Aright bye.” And with that we hung up and I went to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and my eyes were puffy and red from cry last night. Just thinking about why I was so upset makes me cringe. I shouldn’t have acted like that.
I put a little makeup on to take the redness away and I fixed my hair. I went to the stairs and went down stairs. I didn’t hear anyone. I bet one of the boys crashed in the extra spare room, or Kennedy’s room. I went to the kitchen and got a bowl and some cereal. I sat at the bar and ate my cereal in quiet. I didn’t really think about anything important. I was trying to avoid thinking about what had been going on. I wondered what the weather would be like today or what I’d do with Andy when he got here which made me think about texting Andy and start making a plan for him to come down here soon. I needed him; he would know how to make me happy.
I heard some feet shuffling behind me but I didn’t care to turn around to look at who it was. I kept on eating my cereal in peace and that’s all I wanted. But when I saw it was Garrett, I knew we had to talk.
“Good Morning” I said happily.
“Morning” he said softly and sounded tired. He went to the cabinet and got out a glass and went to the fridge to get some orange juice out. As he took a sip he didn’t make any eye contact.
“The show last night was great. You guys are really good.” I knew he wouldn’t pass on this topic.
“Yeah, Thanks. “And ended the conversation there. He walked over and sat next to me and we stayed quiet.
“Garrett please, talk to me.” I probably should of waited till I rushed into this but I couldn’t help it. I studied his face, he looked tired and angry. Those two emotions didn’t mix well.
“What can I do for you to forgive me?”
“I don’t know Rae,” he said harshly “I know you’ve probably heard this a million times, but what you did was horrible and it’s just one of those things where I wish I could forget the whole thing. I really loved you, I know we were young but I knew I was in love. And you broke my heart. How can I forgive you?” He look down at his cup and started to swirl the juice around in a circle.
I just stared at him. He was right, how could he forgive me. I was a nasty person, why would anyone want to forgive me and be my friend again.
I was speechless there was nothing I could say that would help the situation. Saying I was sorry wouldn’t do anything, it wouldn’t fix what I did to him and it wouldn’t fix his broken heart.
“I don’t know what to say to make you see that I’m so sorry.” I leaned over and grabbed his hand. I would have thought he would pull away but he didn’t, he just left it.
“I know you are. But it’s still hard to think about what you did and not be ok with it.” I understood where he was coming from, if I was in his shoes I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself either.
“Rae look, I wish what happened never happened, at least I wish it never happened to me because I’m still hurt by what you did, and it was 2 years ago but I can’t move on. You were my first girlfriend that I truly loved. And seeing you now, I wish I was still with you but I know that’ll never happen.” He sounded so hurt, it killed me.
“We can at least be friends. We can be civil and just know that in some ways were getting passed this.” I knew we could never go out again, my heart was falling for Andy but being Garrett’s friend was good enough for me.
“I don’t know. I want to get pass this and be ok but being your friend would make things harder. I rather not have you in my life.” I let go of his hand and was shocked. I couldn’t believe what he was saying. I was trying so hard to move on but he just wouldn’t have it.
“Whatever Garrett, you do whatever you want to do.” I got off my chair and walked away. I didn’t need him in my life; he was just another boy who that wasn’t that important. Most people in my life were like that.
As I got closer to the stairs so did a very shirtless John. I waited for him to come down the
stairs before I went up. He rubbed his eyes, and ran his fingers threw his hair. It was very hard to keep my eyes off of him.
“Mornin” he said tiredly.
“Good Morning John.” I tried to go up the stairs but he grabbed my wrist and let go when I turned around to look at him.
“So did you enjoy the show last night?” he said with a stupid smile.
“You guys were great John, I’m glad I had to find out right when you got on stage that you guys were in a band.”
“I told everyone to keep it a secret from you; I just wanted to see your reaction. But I thought you were smarter than that, I would of thought you would look up who The Maine was before hand. But then again I guess we really don’t know you Rae.” I didn’t realize it but I don’t think either of us look away from the other, we both stared deeply into each other’s eyes.
“And what’s that suppose to me?” I asked and kind of tiled my head to the side.
“You know exactly what I mean; you’re a different person now apparently.” The way he said it made me get so angry, he said it so nicely and just so obnoxiously. “Did you like the songs?”
“Yeah John I loved them all, especially the one you wrote about me and sang to me while my stupid sister was standing right next to me thinking it was written about her.” He just laughed
“We usually don’t perform that song live, but when I heard your friend cover it” he got all serious “I needed to show you that I wrote it for you.” He said.
I gave him a soft smile, and I hope he didn’t notice the tint of pink around my cheeks. “When I heard Andy sing it for me, I didn’t think anything of it. But when I heard you sing it last night I just wish… I don’t know.” I shook my head and tried to pass john on the stairs.
“No, what?” he said as I looked down at John
I looked down at my feet and bit on my lower lip. Everything was difficult to talk about; I couldn’t really talk to John about what I was feeling towards him.
“It doesn’t matter John, it was just a song.” It really didn’t matter what I thought, he was with my sister, and my chance with him just like a few years ago is slim to none.
“Please Rae? Tell me.” He pleaded.
I stepped down a few steps so I was more leveled with John. I looked him into his green eyes. “When you sang that song last night, it made me wish I was with you and not my sister. I heard love in your voice while you sang, but I wish that love was towards me.” I was sure my face was red as a tomato; this wasn’t a topic I really wanted to talk about.
He stayed quiet, and that was my queue to leave, what else was there to say. The only thing that would change between was the awkwardness. Now that he knows how I feel it would be weird to be around him.
I got to the top of the stairs and looked back at john, he hadn’t moved besides looking down at the ground and putting his hand on the banister. I waited for a few more seconds thinking maybe he’d say something but he didn’t.
I was halfway to my room when I heard John softly “Me too.” I froze but didn’t say anything. I was shocked and confused by what he said. I went to my room and closed my door. What did he mean ‘me too’? Me too as in I wish I was with you? Me too as in I wish my love was towards you? I never understood John.
I pulled out my phone and saw that Kennedy had texted me.
Hey! Want to go to lunch at 12? I’ll come and pick you up?”
I responded quickly and looked at the clock that said 11 o’clock.
“Sounds great. See you in a bit.”
Hopefully going out with Kennedy and meeting Gabby would take my mind off of everything. I was excited to meet Gabby. From what I heard from Kennedy she was very nice and polite girl. He said me and her were a like and would become great friends.