You Know Me.

I tried looking back in the kitchen but he wasn't there. I found my way upstairs to one of the bedrooms; the only one with a light on. I didn't see him until I looked at the window where I found him sitting peacefully on the roof watching the cars pass by.

My stomach turned when I pushed my feet forward until I was in front of the window. It was already propped open when I pushed my body through. Jamie jumped looking behind him seeing me come onto the roof with him. “Oh my God, you scared me half to death, when did you get here?”

“Um...” I paused clearing my throat so I could now use the voice that God had given me. “Just a minute ago.”

“I didn't think you would show.” He said watching as I sat down a foot away from him.

“I didn't think so either.” I replied hiding my face, not knowing what to say next.

“I didn't get your name by the way.” He said shuffling closer to me, reaching out a hand.

“Johanna.” I replied shaking his hand. His hand was cold for a moment but got warmer when I noticed his cheeks turn slightly red. I pulled me hand away and wrapped my arms around my knees.

“I'm Jamie.” He said quietly.

I didn't know weather to say I knew his name or that I was happy to meet him. I just settled with silence as I watched the cars down below. It was completely dark outside with street lights lighting the road in front of us. Everyone else was in the back yard where they had lamps and old Christmas lights hanging from the trees so they could see better. There was a slight breeze that felt cool against my arms and back. After a while, I started shivering wishing I had brought a sweater.

“Here, you look cold.” Jamie said unzipping his sweater and putting it around my shoulders. I was going to give it back but it was still warm from his body heat and felt too nice to give up. Jamie slid his arm around my waist to keep me warm. Butterflies fluttered inside me as I smelled the familiar smell of my cologne. I laughed quietly realizing he must have borrowed it from me. “What's so funny?” He asked looking at me.

“Oh, nothing. I'm just surprised you remember me is all.” Was the first thing that came to my mind.

“How could I forget? Not a single girl I know has made an impact on me like you have. It's kind of weird. I don't even know you, but somehow I feel like I do.” He explained leaning in closer to me.

For the first time looking into his eyes, I felt lost. My thoughts escaped in every direction as I leaned in closer to him as well. Before I realized what was happening, our lips connected sending sparks flying. My heart started to race as I pulled myself closer to him. The only thing I was conscious of was our lips touching. I reached my hand to his face as our tongues connected. My feelings grew stronger and stronger making my breathing harder and harder. Adrenaline shot through my heart making my muscles tense as my temptation grew. Our bodies were now touching as I felt his hand grab onto the back of my head. When I felt his heart racing along with mine, I realized what was happening and had to stop before things got out of hand.

I pulled back hesitantly, suffering as I did. Struggling to breath, I managed to say, “I can't do this.”

“What do you mean you can't? You can't be here? Oh, I get it. You have a boyfriend don't you?”

“No, no, that's not it. To be honest, you’re the first guy I have ever kissed, or liked for that matter. You are the only one who has ever made me feel this way. I am so terribly confused right now. There is a part of me that wants to stay here and make these feelings never stop, but there is also a part of me that is afraid. A part of me that is afraid to show you who I really am. You couldn't bear to know what I feel right now. I can't stand it sometimes, but someone told me to follow my heart, but right now, I'm not so sure what it wants.”

“Well, is this real? Is what we have actually happening?”

“Yes, and I have no idea why.” I said with tears making their way behind my eyes.

“I don't know either. But if you feel this way, that should be what your heart wants. Your heart told you to meet me here again and your heart told you to kiss me last night and just now. Your heart is telling you that you need to feel these things. Am I wrong?” He said grabbing my hand. I pulled my hand away taking deep breaths so I wouldn't cry.

“You’re right. But if you knew... If you knew who I really was, you would never forgive me.”

“What is there to forgive? I just met you.”

“You won't understand.”

“Then help me understand. I already feel like I'm falling for you even though I hardly know a thing about you. It won't matter who you are, because this women right here in front of me, is what matters to me.”

This time, I couldn't hold back the tears. I don't cry much, but with him, it seemed too hard to be the man that everyone knew me as. He wasn't like any of my brothers. He cared about how people felt, he didn't care about how he looked or how others looked. He only cared about how loving a person could be. The girl he thought he loved before he found me, I believe it was her looks he was after, but he also saw a part of her that no one else bothered to notice. He saw the good in people and tried to help people show it.

“I can't Jamie. I can't.” I cried.

“Hey, hey. Don't cry. Just tell me. I promise you, I won't judge you.” He said holding my hands in his.

“Fine, you want to hear who I really am? You want to know this person who you think you have never known, but you have actually known for as long as you can remember?” I almost yelled as I stood up above him in more and more tears.

“What are you talking about? How do I know you?”

“My name... or what people know my name to be is... Jefferey Alex Andrews. I was born on August third eight years before I was adopted to the Andrews family of three sons and one daughter. Charlie, Brody, you, Jamie, and Sarah. My real name is Johanna Alexis Mackenzie. When I was young, I was raised by a man who never cared about me and I only found being a man was the only way I could hide from my own father. It was supposed to be temporary but I didn't know how... I didn't know how to be a women without people thinking of me as a complete loser.”

“What? That isn't possible. My mother wouldn't hide such a thing from me or anyone in my family.”

“She didn't. Charlie knows. But as I grew, this persona became a way of life to me, and they accepted it. So instead of telling people and making things difficult for me being who I wanted to be, they just never mentioned it. I never found it relevant to tell anyone until now, now that I found a reason to be someone else. Now that I found a reason to be what God made me to be.”

Jamie's face was blank as he stared at his feet in silence. “I don't believe you. I can't.”

“Why would I lie about something like this?”

“I don't know. I don't know anything right now! I have to go. I can't do this.”

“No, please Jamie. Just listen to me.”

“No Johanna! Whoever you are, just let me think.”He said as he stormed into the room and down the stairs. I watched as he slammed the front door behind him and pause to look up at me for a moment. There was pain and confusion written all over his face. He turned and headed for the walk home. My heart was breaking and my mind felt like bursting. My eyes burned from the salty water flowing passed my cheeks. I stood for a moment not knowing exactly what to do. I heard the room door behind me open as someone stumbled in.
“Hey, it's that girl from the party the other night.” Brody slurred.

“The bathrooms at the end of the hall Brody, get a hold of yourself!” I heard Charlie yell.

I wiped the tears from my face and decided to go home. I climbed back inside and headed for the door. “Hey where are you going? You here alone tonight?” Brody laughed under his breath smelling of beer and sweat.

“In your dreams tough guy. Move, I'm leaving.”

“Hey, don't be in a hurry. I haven't got your name yet. You want my number?” He asked reaching for me.

I pushed him aside and hurried down the stairs hoping Charlie wouldn't see me. When I got home, my mom was waiting for me in my room. “So you told Jamie. You never told me that he was the guy you were with the other night.”

“How could I? We have been brothers since I moved here. I didn't mean for all this to happen. It just did.” I said tearing up once again.

“Well I don't know what to tell you. But I think first thing in the morning, you should tell everyone.”

“Mom, I can't. Please don't make me face everyone when I'm like this.”

“I will be there for you. I will help you. You know just as well as me that your brothers are very understanding when it comes to family.”

“I know.. I guess your right.”

“Get some sleep. You look like you had enough excitement for the day.” She said kissing my cheek and giving me a big hug before closing the door behind her, leaving me alone.

I wanted to cry until the world stopped moving but my eyes hurt so much I decided to fall on the bed and shut my eyes for seep to soon follow.