You Know Me.

“I love you Jamie. I don't mean as a family member either. It may sound strange, but I really love you Jamie. I think about you every second. You are the only one who brings out my real self. Your the only one who makes me see the things I hid for so long.” I cried looking into his deep brown eyes.

“I know. I don't know why, but you do the same to me. You have always been the only one who understood who i really am. You are the only one who makes me think more about who I am and what I really want in life. I... I love you too.” He cried.

I smiled and swung my arms around him so I was now straddling him as my body pressed tightly against his. I missed the feeling of his warmth next to me. This is the first time I have been this close to him and it almost put my heart at ease. I pulled back a little to look into his eyes.

“Don't look at me. I'm such a pansy. You got me all in tears. You have always been stronger than I have ever ” He said looking down so I didn't see his face.

“That's where your wrong Jamie. You are stronger. You are not afraid to be who you are, your not afraid of what others think of you. I was worried about people finding out I was a girl because they would think I'm weird. I was afraid to let my father find me and possibly take me away from a family that could protect me more than anyone ever could. I have three strong brothers, a father, a mother who loves me, and a little sister who always wants to be just like every one of us

“You had plenty of reason to.” He whispered lightly.

“Thank you Jamie. Thank you for not hating me. I was starting to feel like you would never forgive me and there would be nothing between the two of us.”

“I kind of thought so too. I didn't know how to feel, how to react. I didn't know how to be. I still don't know how. But every time I look into those deep blue eyes of yours, I find myself lost. It's like every single feeling in my body takes hold of me.”

“Like how every time I feel your touch, my body grows warm and my heart starts to race.” I whispered as my eyes travelled to his lips.

“And how every time we kiss, the world comes crashing down and I can't ever find my breath.” He whispered as the space between us grew smaller and smaller.

“How the feeling of your breath against my skin sends my heart fluttering away.” I whispered even quieter as our lips finally touched.

His lips were soft against mine while my heart skipped a beat. The kiss went on as usual, but this time was different. This time we knew who we were. Our feelings grew more and more each time we spoke. Our love expanded more and more each time we kissed. My muscles began to tense as the kiss got more intimate. His hand was rested on the back of my head pulling my face tighter to his. The desperation in his touch sent my mind afloat.

I knew that we had to take things slow, so that everything we have is understood and so everything we had would work out. It was moments like these made everything so difficult. Every logic inside me, every rule. Every limitation and every boundary was forgotten. Before Jamie and I got too carried away, we heard a knock on the door.

“Go away!” He said frustrated.

“Jamie, can I just talk to you for a moment?” Our mother asked as the doorknob twitched. My heart leaped until he grabbed my hand so I wouldn't leave.

“I don't want to talk. Not feeling so well. Maybe later.” He said looking into my eyes.

“Alright, well I'm going to take Brody to the store for some munchies, do you want anything?”

“No, I'm fine. Thanks for asking.” We were still, waiting for her to leave.

We heard her footsteps fade down the hall and down the stairs when we both laughed at our actions. My heart was racing with nervousness. I had no idea what she would think if she walked in here seeing me and Jamie making out on his bed.

“That was close.” I laughed.

“Don't mention it.” He smiled pressing his lips daringly against mine once more.

Surprised at his sudden action, I pulled back. “Sorry. I just got carried away I guess.” He apologized looking somewhat ashamed.

“No, don't be sorry. You just surprised me is all.” I smiled taking his hand in mine. I rested his hand against my cheek as he watched every movement I made.

“It's odd how I didn't notice how stunning you were until recently.”

I blushed for a moment until he brought his finger under my chin bringing my face slowly back up to his. We kissed once more, this time more urgent than the rest. My emotions raced faster and faster as our lips moved together. I couldn't stand being careful like this, so I wrapped my arms tightly around him. His arms did the same as our breathing was more rapid than ever before. I felt his hands begin to move around my back when I grabbed a hand with mine and held it tightly for a moment.

This time he pulled away to catch his breath when he decided we should stop. “This is too much. We really should slow things down.”

“I agree. I'm kind of glad we both feel so comfortable and let each other get so carried away like that.” I smiled.

“It's not so much letting, but not controlling. We don't really know what's going on and our emotions are getting mixed up with our thoughts. I think we should know more about how exactly we feel before we let these things take hold of us.”

“Yeah, I think I understand.” I replied moving off of his warm body.

Being away from him made me feel so empty. Even now sitting beside him. Jamie moved back to his pillow so he was lying on his side where he pulled me in next to him. Now we lie face to face as we both examined all we could. I watched as the light glinted off his eyes and watched how they moved as his eyes studied my face. His finger was now tracing my cheekbones and around my face in every feature he could find.

His touch was so soft and gentle, it wasn't anything like what I was used to. I was starting to get drowsy when We heard the door downstairs slam. We must have missed mom and Brody leaving because we heard voices coming inside. I got out of Jamie's bed and headed for the door. My legs were weak, but I couldn't hide in here forever. Mom was mostly likely coming to my room next to see if I was okay. Jamie followed me to the door and gave me one last kiss as he watched me leave his room.

When I got to my room, it felt so empty. The floor was a complete mess and the walls made everything dark. I switched on a lamp next to the bed and lied down. I rested there for a while thinking of what had happened between Jamie and I and how exactly this was possible. As i found myself lost in thought, I finally heard a knock on my bedroom door. “Hey, can I come in?”

“Yeah mom, just close the door behind you.” I replied sitting up.

“I'm proud of you Johanna. I wasn't sure you would be able to tell them.”

“Well, you guys mean a lot to me, and with only Brody and Sarah in the dark, I didn't think there was much reason to hide it any longer.”

“You are not exactly hiding it. You just accepted.”

“I know I know. I get that, but now, I'm not accepting it. I've changed. Not a lot, but each day I change more and more. I feel like a total different person and everything I am, or was, just feels somewhat wrong.” I explained sick of hearing the whole accepting speech.

“Well, how are things with you and your brother Jamie?” she asked half teasing.

“He's not my brother. I feel like he's more than that, and this I know feels right.”

“I know sweety. Just making sure your able to talk to me about these things. I have a big feeling everything is going to change soon. First things first is taking you shopping for some new clothes.” She smiled getting up to leave.

“I don't need to go shopping. It's not my clothes I'm worried about. I will be fine.”