Do You Understand Who I Am? Do You Wanna Know?

A week later.

“Aleeex.” I whined as I clutched his blanket around my face. “Piss off man, shut the curtain or get back in here, I’m still fighting a hangover.” I whined and he just chuckled. Me and Alex had become inseparable in the past week. We where like brother and sister.. Only we flirted.. A hell of a lot. So, I guess we looked more like boyfriend and girlfriend than best friends. But that’s what we were. Best friends.

“Awwh, Is ikkle Franny in pain?” He cooed and I rolled my eyes softly as I turned to face the wall of the bunk. I felt the bed shift beside me again and him get back under the covers. He pulled my body, turning me around and wrapped his arms softly around my waist. “I’ll be here for you.” He whispered softly in my ear, making soft shivers run down my back. I buried my head into his chest and breathed in his amazingly strong smell. It was like heaven to my senses.

“Thanks.” I whispered quietly and I felt his warm lips on my forehead.

“Go back to sleep.” He whispered huskily, and that’s what I did.

------

When I woke up, I awoke alone and the smell of coffee hinted in the air. A horrible feeling arose in my stomach. And it was one of loneliness. I’d woken up to Alex every morning and him suddenly not being here took it’s effect on my emotions. I got up from the bunk, Pulling down my T-shirt as it had risen slightly in my sleep. I made my way towards the kitchen and smiled as I saw Alex leaning against the counter, his hair perfectly messy and his jeans hung low on his hips. He was still shirtless though I noticed as he lent with his back against the counter.

“Morning Alco.” He stated with a chuckle as he shot me a winning smirk. I rolled my eyes softly but then grabbed my head from the pain. Alex walked over to me and handed me two Advil and a cup of coffee. “It’ll make you feel better.” He said with a smile as he softly kissed my forehead.

“Thanks.” I whispered in relief and shoved the pills in my mouth, downing them with some of the coffee. “What happened last night?” I asked with a groan and Alex chuckled.

“Well, You pole danced, stripped and ran around the bus in just your panties and bra. Also, you ran outside for a while too. I had to drag you back inside and put you to bed. Then you refused to go to sleep till I got in the bunk with you, so I did. I was pretty pissed myself so I wanted to go to bed anyway.” He chuckled and I grabbed my head as I groaned loudly.

“Fuck, Really?” I asked and he nodded his head softly as he took a sip of his coffee and leaned back against the kitchen counter.

“Very. Nice boobs by the way. What cup are you? D? He asked and I blushed crimson red as I hid my face in my hands.

“I’m a double D actually.” I stated once my cheeks had gone back to their original colour. Alex nodded his head with a smirk.

“Very nice.” He stated with a deep chuckle as he sat across from me in the small booth. “Gah, Why can’t there be another you in this world? One I can actually go out with?” He asked with a chuckle and I shrugged my shoulders softly as I smiled.

“I’m unique baby.” I said with a wink and he sighed softly as he leaned back on the couch.

"I know that honey." He said quietly and I sighed.

“I’m gonna go get ready. Then gonna go show my ass outside in embarrassment. Everyone’s seen me half fucking naked!” I exclaimed with a groan. And Alex placed a hand over mine that was rested on the table. I softly hissed as I felt a stinging sensation go up my whole arm. What the hell? How did I not feel this before?.. Oh, I can’t feel two different pains at once.. My headache must have masked it..

“What’s wrong?” Alex asked and I sighed softly as I tried moving my wrist. Only to let out a soft scream.

“Mother Fucker that hurt!” I screamed and Alex took my swollen wrist in his hand.

“Go get dressed and we’ll take you to the hospital.” He stated and I gave him a knowing look. “What’s wrong with your fingers?” He asked in confusion and I rolled my eyes. Everyone notices eventually.. I thought and sighed softly as I stared down at the horrible fingers before me. I hardly had any skin or tissue left around the nail.. I really needed help.

“Mr Smarty-pants, How am I going to get changed?” I asked curiously before sighing, knowing I had to answer his question. “I have Dermatillomania and Dermatophagia.. It’s compulsive skin picking and biting or is also classed as and impulse control disorder. I can’t help it.. It’s a form of self mutilation. My dad did it so.. I kinda learnt it from him and I’ve never stopped..” I explained and he sighed as he softly kissed my fingers.

“Your still beautiful.” He said making me blush. “Come on, I’ll help you get changed.” He said and grabbed my right hand, My good hand and dragged me into the bedroom. Luckily all the other guys had already gone out so we didn’t have to cramp into a tiny bathroom. “Lift your arms up as best as you can, Okay?” He asked and I nodded as I lifted up my arm. Groaning slightly as the pain grew worse. Once my shirt was off I put my arms back down and Alex groaned slightly. “Fuck me, you have no idea how hard this is.” He said with a small chuckle and I grabbed the clothes I had brought with me the night before with my good hand.

“No one actually said you couldn’t touch a girl Alex.. You just can’t sleep with them.” I winked and he took this as his opportunity to take a step towards me.

“Is that right Miss Scott?” he asked with a smirk as he placed his hands softly on my hips, Going over my curves slightly. His hands made their way up, towards my bra and I smirked lightly as I swatted his hands away with my good hand.

“Don’t get yourself to excited, Big boy. We’re friends. Not fuck buddies.” I said with a soft laugh and groaned as I moved my arm accidentally. Alex sighed and placed the T-shirt over my head. Once I was all dressed, we made our way out.

------

“Fucking sprained wrist.” I whispered angrily to myself and Alex chuckled from his place beside me.

“You’re the first person I’ve known that argues with their wrist.” He said with a chuckle and I shrugged softly. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and lead me over to a taxi that was waiting for us. Luckily, a hospital wasn't too far from warped. We climbed inside and soon enough we where at the gate entrance again.

“What time is it?” I asked and Alex looked down at his phone.

“Around five.. We had to wait for quite a while. It’s a good job we weren’t on stage today.” He said with a smile and I nodded in agreement. I couldn’t cope with today. My mother’s death was taking a tole on me today and I couldn’t stand it. I needed to get away.

“I’m gonna.. Go somewhere for a bit. I’ll see you later.” I said emotionlessly and wondered off in a direction that lead away from all the hustle and bustle of the people. I lead myself over to the edge of a lake behind the hedges and trees cutting off the rest of the action. It was a really beautiful place, I’d give it that. I couldn't get a song out of my head. Something I needed to get out. I ran out of the secluded area and towards my bus. I made sure it was empty before running in, grabbing my acoustic I kept on there and running back towards my area. I sat back down on the grass and started playing a My Chemical Romance song. It may have hurt my wrist like fuck but I didn't feel that pain. I felt the pain of my heart breaking all over again as i thought about her.

Turn away,
If you could get me a drink,
Of water ’Cause my lips are chapped and faded,
Call my aunt Marie.
Help her gather all my things.
And bury me in all my favourite colours,
My sisters and my brothers still,
I will not kiss you..
‘Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.

Now turn away,
‘Cause I’m awful just to see.
‘Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body.
Oh, My agony,
Know that I will never marry,
Baby, I’m just soggy from the chemo.
But counting down the days to go,
It just ain’t living.
And I just hope you know.

That if you say,
Goodbye Today,
I’d ask you to be true.

‘Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.
‘Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you..

Once I’d finished singing, the tears where already pouring down my face. It might have been about a couple but, it didn’t matter. It was still about the struggle and that my Mom went through.. The chemo, How she wouldn’t kiss me because if she did, she thought of it as saying goodbye. She was never ready for that. But I knew when she was. Because she kissed me the day that she died. I still had to one day to write a song about her. And I had a feeling that day, would be tomorrow. I heard shuffling behind me and gasped as I turned around. I wiped my eyes vigorously and faked a smile up at Alex.

“That was beautiful Fran..” He whispered and I laughed softly as I spun back around so I was facing forward, Away from him.

“Thanks. It’s not my song though. It’s My Chemical Romance’s.” I said and he sighed as he sat down beside me.

“You can always talk to me Fran. Remember that. I went through something similar.. It’s hard and I understand that you need someone to talk to. I didn’t have anybody and that’s why my grieving lasted for years.. I want to be the person you can come to for this stuff.. So spill..” He said as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder. I put down the guitar and buried my head in his chest as I started to sob uncontrollably. I started talking and telling him everything. From birth to the present. He just added parts in when necessary and just.. Listened to me. And I felt a whole lot better afterward. I explained everything. How I was angry because she left me so early. That if we’d have found it earlier, she could still be here today. “You can’t think like that.. You can’t be angry at your Mom for something that she had no control over.. You know she’d do anything to be here right now. To see her little girl rocking it out on stage like the amazing musician she is.. She’d be very proud Francine.” He said and that only made me sob more. She would be proud. She always told me to follow my dream. And now I was.

“What would I do without you Alex.” I sobbed and he rested his head on top of mine as he softly kissed my forehead.

“You wouldn’t have anyone to talk too, That’s for sure. You’d possible still feel like you did around six months ago.” He shrugged and I smiled softly as my crying stopped and I softly wiped at my eyes, Staring into his chocolate brown orbs that held worry.

“And I can’t thank you enough for being here with me and helping me..” I smiled and he smiled back as he softly rubbed my back with the hand that was around my shoulder moments earlier. “I love you Alex Gaskarth.” I muttered into his chest and strangely, It felt really good saying those three words.

“I love you too, Francine Scott. You’re my best friend.” He chuckled as we stood up and made our way back towards the buses. “Now, you need sleep.” He stated as we made our way to my bus. I walked onto the bus to find out it was already midnight. God, Me and that boy could talk for hours.. I sighed and stripped down into my bra and panties before climbing under the covers. Alex lent down beside the bed and softly stroked my forehead before pressing his warm lips to my skin.

“Alex.. Please don’t leave me now.. I need you..” I whispered and he smiled softly as he stood up and stripped off his T-shirt before discarding his trousers and climbing under the covers next to me. “I don’t think I’m gonna be able to sleep without you once this bets over..” I whispered quietly but he heard it.

“Me too.. I’m so used to my arms being around someone. I’m used to sleeping with someone now..” He whispered back as he softly kissed my cheek. I looked up into his eyes and just.. Stared. His eyes were beautiful, That's for sure. Suddenly he started inching closer to me. And I didn't exactly do anything to stop it. Once he was close enough he softly pressed his lips to mine in a very slow and passionate kiss. The sparks running through my body could not be missed. I felt amazing but.. This was wrong. He grabbed hold of my neck to deepen the kiss but, I pulled away.

"What the hell just happened?" I asked in confusion and Alex chuckled nervously as he scratched at the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Erm.. We just kissed?" He asked for conformation and I nodded my head softly. Sure, when we first met I'd probably have been totally into it but... We where best friends now.. It was weird..

"Well.. Erm.. Okay.." I stuttered and he just sighed softly as he ran a hand through my hair.

"Just forget it happened, okay?" He asked and Smirked slightly I shook my head softly and brought my lips up to kiss him on the forehead.

"Let's hope I can.." I whispered quietly and he just chuckled quietly as he pecked my lips once more.

"Sorry, one for the road." He whispered with a chuckle and I giggled along quietly. "Can't we kiss..? Is that really against the best friend rules?" He asked and I shrugged softly. "Come on, so you didn't feel anything in that? If you tell me you felt nothing then I'll leave you alone." He said as he moved position so his body was now hovering over mine. I couldn't say anything.. I did enjoy it.. But he was my best friend..

"I can't tell you that.." I whispered quietly and he sighed as he ran a hand through my golden locks.
"Then I shall keep on trying.." He whispered as he pulled me into his chest.

"I just really need a friend right now Alex.. Nothing like that.." I whispered into his chest as I pulled him closer to me. He sighed softly and rested his head on top of mine.

"I know. I'll always be here for you. But it's just really hard to just be friends with how.. Close we are." He said and I sighed softly as I felt my eyes flutter shut.

"Let's just get some sleep Alex." I stated and that's what we did.