When Forever Comes

Young. Carefree. Invincible. Those are words that should readily come to the mind of a seventeen year old when asked to describe how they feel. Those are the words that I would have used yesterday had I been asked how I felt.

Yesterday was amazing. I recently bought new shoes; they’re white sandals with a strap on the back and another over the toes, with a flower adorning the spot between the big toe and the little toe next to it. I had the perfect outfit to wear it with: a blue sundress, made of denim, with white polka dots on it. I wore my hair up in a messy bun. I looked cute, yet casual. I met my best friend Mark at the park. We swung on the swings (they were yellow and the metal handles were starting to rust, turning them into a slightly brownish-red color) and played tag with some little girls (one had blonde hair and pigtails and the other had short black hair). Afterward, Mark and I went and got some ice cream at our favorite place in town: a little ice cream shop called Melanie’s. It’s in a tiny building about a block from the park, right between Oliver’s, a shop that sells pricy clothes for men, and Flower Boutique, the one and only place in town where women can get their hair done. Melanie’s is the best place to get ice cream in all of Texas, I can guarantee it. Mark thought the waitress was super pretty and, if the way she smiled at Mark was any indication, she definitely thought Mark was handsome as well. Mark ordered a hot fudge sundae and I ordered my usual: two scoops of Rocky Road in a waffle cone.

I usually am not so observant of things; ask anyone I know and they’ll tell you the truth: I can be pretty clueless sometimes.

The irony of this whole story, though, is that while I was being so observant yesterday, I was also being completely oblivious.

Looking back on it, I should have noticed how tired Mark has been lately. I should have put two and two together and realized that all of his aches and pains could be attributed to one thing: cancer.

Cancer. God, I still can’t believe that’s what it is.

There are the remnants of all of the tissues from the two boxes of tissues I went through today scattered all over my bedroom floor. Staring at them, I still can’t fathom how this could be true.

Yesterday, I felt young, carefree, and invincible.

Today, I feel like I’ve lived a hundred years in the past day. I feel like now I have so many more worries and responsibilities than I did yesterday.

Today, invincible is the last word that I would use to describe me.

I’ve been knocked down by life itself. It hurts. It hurts so bad that I want to curl up into a ball and stay there forever.

Mark, though, Mark hurts even more than me, and I need to be here for him, because he’s my best friend in the whole world… and I love him.

I love him.