Gray

I had always thought sleep was rather strange, though my perspective on it had certainly changed since I was a child. When I was younger, I held the belief that each night, after my grandparents tucked me into bed and urged me to go to sleep, I would die the minute that I let my little eyes flutter to sleep. While sleeping, I would remain dead until morning came, at which point, I would be reborn. From the time I was seven years-old to the time that I was ten, I would awake each morning with the idea in my head that I was lucky to be alive. I lived in constant fear that one night, I would die and nothing would resurrect me.

Insomnia was even stranger than sleep, though. Monsters could get me if I was awake. The tooth fairy wouldn’t exchange the tooth under my pillow for a few quarters. Santa Claus wouldn’t leave me any presents under the Christmas tree. Insomnia was worse than dying each night.

The insomnia eventually ceased, after I learned more about sleep.

And yet.

Sleep still scared me.



I wasn’t awakened with a kiss, like I had planned on happening. I didn’t even wake up in the strong arms of H, holding me as he breathed in and out to a rhythm that matched my heartbeat. I didn’t wake up and find a trail of red rose petals leading to some fantastic gift, like a brand new piano. (Alright, so maybe I’ve let too many girl movies go to my head. So what?)

What I did, in fact, wake up to was a slobbering tongue licking from my chin to the corner of my eyebrow; instinctively, I scrunched my face up and pushed away from the creature that had decided to wake me up in such a rude manner. My eyes fluttered awake to rest on Jubb, who was wagging his entire body ferociously, as though he hadn’t seen me in months and was utterly ecstatic to find me once again.

“Good morning to you too, you filthy mongrel,” I greeted my dog.

Taking a gaze around the room, I noticed that – aside from Jubb – I was entirely alone.

“I should have figured as much,” I sighed, rubbing my temples, “H always has seemed like the fuck-and-run type of guy. Of course, in this case, there was no fucking. Only running.” An overly-dramatic sigh left my lips and I stretched my arms out widely, as Jubb jumped on and off of the couch continuously. I raised an eyebrow down at him in confusion.

“What the hell is your problem, Jubb?” I demanded to know, “Do you need to be fed? Go for a walk?” Jubb did nothing to answer my question; instead, he continued to frantically jump around, making his way into the kitchen. I stood up slowly, following my dog into the kitchen with a yawn. Jubb was still acting rambunctious, but I decided that it would be best to simply ignore him. I began filing through my nearly-empty cabinets, finally locating a box of chocolate-flavored cereal, which I grabbed hungrily and set down on the counter.

As I got a bowl down from one of my cupboards and set it down on the counter, something else that rested on the counter caught my eye.

A single rose – so dark that it was, essentially, black – lay on the counter, next to a pink, cardboard box and an envelope that was addressed “To Tawny” in very slanted, delicate handwriting. I picked up the rose first, raising it to my nose in order to breathe in its scent; it had a very distinct scent, unlike any other rose that I had ever before smelled. It was sort of a euphoric smell; immediately, I threw it back onto the counter, just in case it was some sort of special flower that could only be found in hell and would put a curse on me.

Then, however, I rethought my thoughts; H wouldn’t do that. He simply wouldn’t and I knew that. So I gently stroked the petals of the rose and placed it more carefully.

Next, I turned my attention to the cardboard box, which had been written on in black ink: “I got you breakfast.” I opened the box and found an assortment of pastries within, which immediately caused a smile to appear on my face.

What had caused H to be so considerate?

I carefully picked up the letter and turned it over, noticing a crimson seal on the flap that had the letter H. I let out a sharp bark of laughter and turned to look at Jubb.

“A seal? Really? Who the fuck does he think he is? The Phantom of the Opera?” I laughed lightly a bit more, before I gently tore open the envelope and pulled out the letter from within.

Dear Tawny,

I’m sorry, but I had to leave early this morning. Something urgent came up; I hope you’ll forgive me. I also hope that you’ll enjoy the breakfast that I picked up.

I wanted to say thank you for the wonderful night and introducing me to Audrey Hepburn films. I feel privileged to have watched those movies with you. Perhaps we shall do this again sometime.

Remember that I will be on a trip this week, so we won’t be having your piano lesson. I look forward to the next lesson that we have.

Take care of yourself.

Sincerely,

H

I felt my cheeks redden and heart beat increase speed as I read the letter. Alright, so it wasn’t a romantic declaration of his intense, burning love for me, but it was something. He felt privileged to spend a wonderful night with me. That had to count for something.

Right?

Gently, I set the letter back in the envelope and the envelope on the counter. And then I dug into a Danish from the pink box.

It was unlike any breakfast pastry that I had ever tasted and immediately, I wondered where H had gotten them from. I searched the box for a company logo or something that would give it away, but there was nothing on the plain, carnation box.

“He’s a mysterious one, that H,” I sighed, nodding down at Jubb, whose excitement had subsided and who was now looking up at me in a knowing manner, “What’s that look for?” Jubb pawed at his nose and lay down on the floor with a sigh. He knew that there were already romantic delusions of H and I going on in my head. I sighed, following my dog’s suit as I leaned against the counter and folded my arms across my chest.

“I know, it’s pathetic,” I grimaced, “Believe me, if I could stop having this creepy, school-girl crush on him, I would. He’s just too goddamn charming.” Jubb groaned and rolled over, clearly not wanting to deal with my girlish predicaments.

A knock on my door suddenly brought me to attention and I nearly jumped out of my clothes. Unsure of who it could be, I straightened my clothes out (the ones that I had fallen asleep in the night before) and walked to the door to answer it.

Rudy stood on my doorstep, a cheery smile on his bearded, grubby face.

“So Tawny had company last night,” was the first sentence to leave his lips. I felt my face flush and I wanted so badly to slam the door in Rudy’s face and not talk to him about it. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it – especially since I knew I had an abundance of breakfast that I could share with my favorite homeless man.

“Come off it, Rudy,” I begged, “I don’t want to talk to you about it.” Rudy stepped into my apartment without so much as asking if he could come in and I closed the door behind him. Polite as ever, he took his shoes off at the door and traveled further into my home, clearly searching for something (probably to eat for breakfast).

I couldn’t get to the kitchen fast enough to hide the rose and letter that H had left for me. Rudy snatched up the envelope and stood up on a chair to ensure that he was out of my reach. I grabbed for the letter wildly, but it was just no use.

“Dear Tawny,” he recited, chuckling, “I’m sorry, but I had to leave early this morning. Something urgent came up; I hope you’ll forgive me. I also hope that you’ll enjoy the breakfast that I picked up. Thank you for the wonderful night last night…” That was enough for Rudy and he handed my letter back to me with a raise of his eyebrows and a sly grin slapped across his face.

“Somebody got laid last night,” he declared in a sing-song voice as I snatched the letter away, my cheeks now enflamed beyond belief.

“No, I didn’t,” I sighed, more disappointed than anything, “We watched Audrey Hepburn movies all night.” Rudy’s face fell and he stepped down from the chair to put an arm around my shoulders and pat my cheek in a patronizing way.

“Poor, little Tawny,” he pushed his lip out in a pout, before his lips spread into a triumphant smile, “Karma’s a bitch, innit?”

“What are you talking about?” I snapped, one eyebrow raised in confusion.

“This is what you get for throwing my cigarette on the ground.” I felt my jaw drop as Rudy stated this.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I moved back toward the kitchen counter, “You can’t seriously still be hung up on that, especially after I feed you and let you sleep in my car.”

“I’m just saying, clearly the universe thought that what you did was not a good thing,” Rudy stuck his nose in to the air. I instinctively grabbed the pink box full of pastries and gave Rudy a smirk.

“That’s too bad that you feel that way,” I sighed dramatically, “I was going to share these pastries with you, but…since I’m such a bad person, I’m not going to let you have any.” The smile immediately left Rudy’s face and was replaced by forced tears.

“You’d deny a penniless, starving man breakfast?” his lower lip quivered as he stared at me.

“Ha, that won’t work on me, you fiend,” I declared, my mean air still withstanding his homeless tears.

“It’s…alright,” he sighed, “I suppose I’ll be able to scrounge around in the garbage. I was only joking, you know. About the karma thing. I’m sorry, Tawny.” The more I stared into Rudy’s sad, puppy-dog eyes, the more I felt myself melt.

“Fuck you, Rudy,” I snapped, slamming the box down on the counter as Rudy smiled again, “I don’t know how you do it, but you do it every goddamn time.”

“It’s my specialty,” Rudy informed me as he took a pastry and went to sit in my living room. I helped myself to a second pastry, my insides melting with its pure deliciousness.

“Hey, this is a nice coat!” I heard Rudy call from the living room, “Can I have it?” A confused look spread across my face as I took another bite of my pastry and walked into the living room to see what coat Rudy had been talking about. I noticed immediately that it was both familiar and too expensive-looking for me to own. The coat belonged to none other than H.

“Damn, H must have forgotten his coat,” I finished off my pastry and crossed the living room floor in order to take the coat out of Rudy’s filthy hands, “I should probably take it back to him.” I heard laughter come from Rudy, so I turned to look at him for an answer to his merriment.

“You’re too obvious, Tawny,” Rudy chuckled a bit more.

“What are you talking about?” I wrinkled my nose up at Rudy, “He’s leaving for a trip. What if he needs this coat?”

“Right,” Rudy raised an eyebrow at me as though he didn’t believe me, “You just want to see him.”

“I do not!” I felt my cheeks redden again (Why was I suddenly so easily embarrassed? I blamed it on H and his treacherous charm.) as I tried to dissuade Rudy of his clearly truthful accusations, “I could care less about seeing him.”

“Hey, you don’t have to prove anything to me,” Rudy held up his hands in surrender, “You do what you have to do.”

“You’re a terrible man,” I pouted, folding H’s coat over one arm.

“Don’t flatter me, Tawny,” Rudy smiled, going to the kitchen – most likely to get another pastry. I didn’t even try to stop him as I went to my room to get dressed.

I immediately knew that Rudy was right about my feeling for H, as I attempted to find something adorable to wear. Everything was either too pure or too sultry, too young or too old, too extravagant or too homely. Eventually, I found a mid-thigh length, light blue dress that was tight around my abdomen and fanned out once it hit my waist. I paired it with black, lacy tights and a couple of gray ballet flats. I gave my hair a quick toss and my teeth a quick brush before I grabbed my car keys and H’s coat and headed towards the door.

“My, don’t you look nice?” Rudy teased me, just as I was about to leave.

“Leave me alone, Rudy,” I begged, “Could you feed and walk Jubb while I’m gone? His leash is in the drawer on the left of the stove.”

“Don’t have too much fun with your lover,” Rudy smirked and I left the apartment before he could see how pink my cheeks had gotten.

The drive to H’s mansion-esque house was short and uneventful, because I had no Rudy’s toes to run over and traffic was extremely light for it being just after noon. I hoped that H would be at home, or else I wouldn’t know how I would get his coat back to him before he left for his trip.

As I pulled up in front of the house, I noticed that the curtains were all drawn closed, as they usually were. I walked to the front door, jacket in hand, and took hold of one of the ebony knockers, before I knocked heavily. I waited a few moments, but no one answered. I knocked again – still, no answer.

At first, I admitted defeat and planned to return home immediately; then, however, I remembered that the side door was always unlocked and was the door that I always entered in order to get to my piano lessons. I was sure that H wouldn’t mind if I just let myself in, handed the coat over, and then went about my business.

I tip-toed to the side, letting myself into the grandiose abode, and stepped quietly through the halls. All of the lights were off and the dark state of everything almost frightened me.

“H?” I whispered, then realized he wouldn’t be able to hear me, and raised my voice, “H, are you here?” I received no answer, so I continued through the dark hallway, the hairs on the back of my neck standing straight up as a shiver ran down my spine.

Suddenly, I felt as though I shouldn’t be there. I had essentially broken into his house – though there was no actual breaking in – and I was now trespassing. Not only that, but who knew what H would do if he discovered me walking around his house, uninvited?

I wanted to turn back, but for some unknown reason, I continued on. It only seemed to get more dark and frightening the further I traveled into H’s house.

I suddenly heard a scraping sound coming from my left, and then there were shuffled footsteps and heavy breathing behind me. I froze immediately, my eyes wide and H’s jacket hugged against my chest for comfort.

“Wh-Who’s there?” I stammered, “H? I-Is that you?” The footsteps and breathing ceased at once, which did nothing to calm my growing nerves. If anything, it only frightened me more and I wanted nothing more at that particular moment than to get the hell out of H’s house. I didn’t even care about seeing him or returning his jacket to him at that point; I was scared beyond belief.

The distinct sound of a door creaking opening caused my ears to perk up and a solitary shiver run down my bony spiny. Turning to my left as slowly as seemed possible, my eyes caught sight of a white, eerie light emerging from a crack in a door that I hadn’t noticed only moments before (possibly because of my heightened state of absolute fear). The light, for some reason, seemed to draw me in. My first thought, of course, was to turn away, leave the light be, and run as far away from the place as I could possibly get. Instead, I sauntered towards the light, tip-toeing ever-so-quietly.

My hand closed around the edge of the door and I gently pushed it open, revealing a dark and ominous staircase. At the bottom of the staircase, I could see a corner and the light was coming from beyond the corner. Cautiously, I took the first few steps, paused, then resumed until I was at the bottom of the staircase and could see where the light was coming from.

It was difficult to explain and understand exactly what it was. As far as I could tell, it was a door of some sort, compose entirely of a sort of plasma-like mist. The center swirled like a vortex, slowly, and urged me to draw closer to it; I found myself unable to say no as I dazedly approached the portal.

A hand suddenly emerged from the mist, seemingly shrouded in ebony shadows and mist. I didn’t feel myself draw back or even shrink away in fear from the hand; instead, I stretched my hand out toward the hand, longing to take it in my own. Longing for it to pull me in with it, to wherever I belonged.

A stretch more and my fingers were only a centimeter away from the shadow…

Abruptly and unexpectedly, a strong arm wrapped itself around my waist and pulled me away from the hand, which shrank back into the mist. The portal disappeared immediately and I was plunged into darkness, being carried up the stairs by my torso and suddenly entirely away from my surroundings. Whoever or whatever had pulled me away did not put me down until the two of us were up the stairs and the door had been closed and locked behind us. Even then, I was carried all the way down the completely dark hallway and into the piano room, where a fire roared, filling the entire room with a warm glow. Only then was I set down in a high-backed, red velvet armchair in front of the fire.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Tawny?” an exasperated H demanded to know of me as he stood between me and the flames, his hands on either side of me to support his weight. He was breathing rather heavily and there was a look in his eye that I had never seen before – it was wild, it was livid, it was…terrified. I found that I was mostly unable to speak as I struggled to find the words to tell H.

“I, ah, was just, um…” I squeezed my eyes shut and held out H’s jacket at arm’s length, “Here. You left it at my house. I thought…you might need it, you know, before you leave for your trip, and all.” The events that had just occurred swam through my mind and I could feel my heart pounding in my ears. I wasn’t entirely sure what had just happened, but I could tell that H did. And it was clearly something that he hadn’t wanted to happen.

“You came all the way over here…to deliver my coat to me?” H wondered, his anger melting as he received a nod from me in return, “Why were you running around in my house without my knowledge?” I felt myself blush and hoped that the glow of the fire hid the red color that my cheeks had become.

“Oh, right. Sorry,” I gave him a sheepish look, “You didn’t answer your door.”

“And that automatically gives you license to enter my home uninvited?”

“Jesus, H, don’t make me sound like such a criminal,” my cheeks, if possible, became even more red, “I figured I would just leave your coat in the piano room and you could get it there.” H leaned away from the armchair and turned to face the fire; he looked back over his shoulder, giving me a narrow-eyed glare.

“You weren’t in the piano room,” he growled.

“I…saw a light,” I explained quietly, still trying to comprehend what exactly I had just seen, “So I followed it. I thought maybe…you might have been there.” I stared blankly at H’s back, wanting answers from him more than anything. To be honest, I couldn’t actually fathom what I had just seen. But I wanted to, so badly. I wanted him to explain everything about himself to me.

“Well I wasn’t,” he snapped shortly. I waited with bated breath to see if he would expand on his statement, but after a few short moments, he still remained silent. I cast my eyes downward at my lap, wondering whether or not I should speak up.

“H?” I dared to address him, watching as he fidgeted slightly to show that he was listening, “What…just happened?” I watched as his shoulders fell and his entire frame appeared to visibly shake.

“I can’t tell you,” he mumbled, “It’s…complicated. You can’t know. Or understand, for that matter.”

“I’m a lot smarter than I look, honest,” I looked up at him, watching as he turned to face me with a strained smile.

“I know, Tawny. That’s not what I meant,” H sighed, staring me down with his pretty, wild eyes.

“So what did you mean? Explain it to me,” I challenged, still holding his coat in my hands.

“I…can’t. You wouldn’t believe me and it would take too long to explain,” H declared, but I could see that he was struggling with himself internally. I was going to win this one; I could just feel it.

“Sum it up in one phrase. I dare you.”

H raised one eyebrow down at me, almost amused with my behavior. He took a deep breath before saying anything. And what he did say certainly blew me away with its suddenness.

“I’m Hades.”