My 'Cool' Grandpa

Rosie's POV

I was sitting in the relative's room with Uncle Mike and Uncle Billie. I was shaking real bad. I couldn't take it if anything happened to Grandpa. He's my favourite person in the whole world; he always has been, even when my parents were alive.

Uncle Mike grabbed my hand. I realised how they must feel, I mean, they've known Grandpa forever. It would be like if Jack died.

The nurse came and stood in front of us. "Mr Dirnt, Mr Armstrong, I'm afraid Mr Cool..."

Uncle Billie cut her off, "We're not the only people in this room," he scowled, gesturing towards me.

"I'm sorry sir, Miss Cool, I'm afraid Mr Cool suffered a heart attack due to blood loss. We are trying our hardest to resuscitate him..."

The nurse turned towards me, eyebrows raised. I was sobbing so hard and I was finding it hard to breath.

Uncle Billie saw the way the nurse was looking at me.
"Cut it out, you ass-faced bitch. She's been through more in the last week than you've probably ever been through, so you can shut the fuck up, or I'll be lodging an official complaint."

Mike butted in, "Yeah and I'll shove a baseball bat up your ass."

The nurse looked at the floor and Uncle Mike hugged me close. I couldn't believe that my fantastic, funny Grandfather was... dying. He just CAN'T die. I mean we have so much fun together.

Like, every birthday I stay round his house with Mom and Dad. At the crack of dawn, he runs into my room and wakes me up by jumping up and down on my bed, holding a present, or a cupcake with a candle in it. Then we spend all day playing the drums and eating ice cream.

Once Grandpa forgot he was holding an ice cream scoop and hit the drum with it. It broke the drum and he was so mad! He tried to burn the ice cream scoop but it didn't work, so he threw it away from him and it smashed the window of Uncle Billie's car.
--

Suddenly, the door opened and a doctor walked in.

He whispered something to the nurse. She nodded and walked out.

"We have managed to get a heart beat, and Mr Cool looks set to fully recover, but we shall need to keep him here for at least 48 hours to monitor his condition. The police are here, if you'd like to press charges against Mr Becker."

"I just want to see my Grandpa for the moment, please. Is that all right?"

"Of course. I'll take you to his room. I'm not sure whether he is conscious or not though."

We walked into Grandpa's room. He was lying in bed, humming 'Dominated Love Slave'.

He saw us and smiled. I ran up to him and gave him the biggest hug ever.

"So, now these doctors are telling me I have to watch myself. I can't live like I used to! You know what that means! I can't do anything, I can't snort doughnut sprinkles, I can't catch on fire, I can't mess around at video shoots and get hit by the camera, I can't go on mechanical bulls, and I can't do anything!" Grandpa said. "AAAHH!! OH MY GOD!! I can still play the drums, can't I?" He began pressing the 'Help' button by his bed.

A nurse walked into the room. "Yes sir?"

"OK doc, I want it straight. Can I still play the drums?"

"Yes, of course you can. And by the way, I'm not a doc..."

"Great!! Can I go on mechanical bulls?"

"Yes."

"Can I accidentally get hit by cameras and recording equipment at the studio? I'm very accident prone."

"It's not good for you, but you can if it really is a mistake."

"Can I get run over or catch on fire?"

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that."

"OK, last question, can I snort doughnut sprinkles?"

The nurse's eyes widened and she looked absolutely terrified.

"He doesn't do drugs, well not anymore," Billie began. "He just really loves eating doughnuts."

"Um, ok. Yes, you may eat doughnuts." The nurse swiftly exited and Grandpa grinned like, well, like Grandpa.

"Oh, I forgot!" he pressed the 'Help' button again.

The same nurse entered the room again. "Yes sir?" she asked nervously.

"When can I get out of here Ma'am?" asked Grandpa, putting on a (totally fake) British accent.

"Um, we have to keep you in for two days to ensure that your condition is stable. The police would like to know if you wish to press charges. They have found out that the man was under the influence of both alcohol and cocaine at the time of the assault and would like you to know in case it affects your decision." She hovered by the door, waiting for an answer.

"Well, stoned and drunk. I don't think I'll press charges. I don't want to go to court and everything."

After hearing this, the nurse almost ran out of the room.

"I suppose, hmm, I suppose I'm too old to mess around with all that business anymore." Grandpa sighed.

"I'll let the police know," Uncle Billie said. He walked out.

Uncle Mike reached into his backpack. "Um, Tre, I found this in my trash can yesterday. I think it's yours. I'm kind of worried though. It looks a bit, burned." He pulled out a toy monkey that I recognized as...

"MR WHIRLY!!! Damn your wretched carcass to Hell!!!" Grandpa yelled.

Mike looked at me, shocked. He put Mr Whirly on the cabinet by Grandpa's bed and walked out of the room. I fell onto the floor from laughing.

Grandpa picked up Mr. Whirly.

"He must be taught a lesson!" Grandpa cried.

Suddenly, Grandpa grinned. "Hey, anyone got a blender?"