Save Me

His name was Johnny Seward... also known as Johnny 'Christ'. He was bassist extraordinaire for the band Avenged Sevenfold. And he definitely knew how to use his bassist-fingers well on me. I loved Johnny with all my heart, mind, body and soul. He was my other half. But he did so many things that got under my skin. He was a slob, for starters. He was very hygienic personally. He showered everyday and brushed his teeth, and all that normal stuff. But as far as anything else was concerned, he didn't care about being clean. He would throw his clothes on the ground, leave his dishes around the house, and even go as far as to toss his trash anywhere it would fall. He also liked to talk to his friends about what went on in our bedroom, and he had absolutely no manners when we were in public. It was the most annoying thing on Earth.

I felt more like a maid or his mother than his damn girlfriend. I got so fed up with him that on this particular occasion, I flew off the handle. We had just made love and we were cuddling. He held me close to his chest and I could smell the cologne that he had sprayed across his body that morning. I loved this time with him. More than the sex, more than kissing him, I loved it when he held me. I would trade a thousand days, no a lifetime, to have him hold me like that for five minutes. His eyes made me weak and it was so hard to look away from him when he smiled at me. But damn his faults. They made me want to punch him.

After we had stayed that way in silence for an extended period of time, Johnny gently eased away from me to put some clothes on. He went to our closet and instead of sorting through the clothes by pushing the shirts down the rack, he just pulled them off the hangers and tossed them to the ground if it wasn't something he wanted to wear.

"Johnny! What the fuck are you doing?" I shouted.

"Um..." he paused, looking at me like I was crazy. "I'm getting a shirt."

"Why are you throwing the clean clothes onto the floor? You could just slide them out of the way! They're on hangers! It takes more effort to pull them off and throw them down."

"I'm sorry, Rayleigh! It was just... I'm impulsive."

"You're a slob," I corrected.

He clenched his fists and rolled his eyes at me. "I'm seriously sick of you saying that."

"I'm sick of you treating me like a fucking cleaning service. Just because you're a rock star, that doesn't mean I have to pick up after you like you're Goddamn royalty.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he huffed. "You're so immature, Ray. You're acting like I just pissed on the floor."

I scoffed at him, getting up out of the bed to pick up the mess he had just made. "You are completely impossible to live with, Johnathan."

"Me?" he challenged. "You're a freaking perfectionist, Rayleigh. You act like I'm not worthy to share a roof with you. Let me tell you something, Miss Everything-has-a-place, you have flaws just as much as I do."

"I am done with this fight, Johnny. Either you change your fucking ways or get out of my fucking house. Forever," I exclaimed, pointing towards the door.

His jaw went slack, then his eyes lit up with fire. He grabbed a pair of boxers from our dresser, then slipped on a pair of jeans. He grabbed a shirt that I was still holding in my hand from when he threw them down, and pulled it over his toned chest. "Fine by me," he growled before slipping on a pair of vans.

He grabbed a bag and threw as much of his stuff in it as he could before snatching his keys off of the dresser. He reached into his top drawer where he kept his socks and felt around for a moment before pulling out a small box and tossing it onto our bed. Then he exited our home, and my life. I went over to the bed to see what he had thrown, and my eyes overflowed with tears at the realization. It was a ring. I had just shut him out of my life forever, when he was planning to propose to me.

Four weeks and two days had gone by and I was sinking further and further into the blackness that was my world without my chocolate eyed lover. Over a month without his warm embrace, and I was losing my mind. I wore his ring on my finger as if it would bring him back to me. But it hadn't worked. I held onto his pillow every night, though it no longer smelled like him, it was a like a piece of him I could grasp. Before Johnny came, I was battling with depression, and I had attempted suicide several times. But then he came and scooped me up out of my sorrows and nursed me back to health with all the love he had to give.

Now, he wasn't there to ease my pains. I had decided life wasn't worth living without him. I had tried to call him, but he changed his number. I couldn't get through to him, so there was really no purpose for me to continue on. I had lost my whole reason for existing when he left through that door. I called the guys and none of them had heard from him. It was like he disappeared. He was the only one who had ever tried to save me from my depression and problems, the only one who could keep a constant smile on my face. And he was gone.

So I sat down and scrawled out a note on a yellow notepad I found in a pile of his papers.

Dear whomever is reading this,

I've made the biggest mistake of my life. I let my one true love get away and now he is nowhere to be found. He's probably far away from here and has most likely forgotten me. I spent our whole relationship apparently making him feel like he wasn't worth anything. I never wanted that. He was my everything and I didn't deserve him.

To my friends and family:
I'm sorry. I just can't do this anymore. I know it's irrational. But my rationality left with him. I love you all.

My beautiful Johnathan:
You'll probably never even read this, but I have so much to tell you. I know I took you for granted, and if I could, I would take it all back. I wouldn't even gripe when you left your underwear in the bathroom floor after you got out of the shower. You're worth more to me than my life, and without you, my life isn't worth anything. I remember the day we met, the way your hair looked, even down to what you were wearing. The first thing you said to me was, "Damn. You're sure are pretty." I was hooked on you right then, even though I didn't tell you right away. I just want you to know, I love you. I've never stopped loving you. I don't care about any of your flaws, you're perfect to me. And my answer would have been yes. I would give anything to be your wife. But, I know now that this will never happen. So I'm going to give you one final goodbye. And one more, I'm sorry.

I Love You,
Rayleigh Anderson

I then folded the paper and sealed it into an envelope. I took a deep breath and picked up the straight razor that was laying at my side. Avenged Sevenfold was blasting through my speakers; I wanted to go out listening to Johnny doing what he loved- playing his music. As the blade drew nearer and nearer to my skin, I closed my eyes and I could hear him say my name. It was clear as day, and I smiled, remembering the sweet tone of his voice. I let the pain rip through my arm as I drug the metal across my skin. Slowly. I didn't deserve to end it quickly. Then I felt someone grip onto my shoulder and I screamed, dropping the razor onto my bed.

My eyes met with the most beautiful sight. I must have already slipped away, because there was my angel. Johnny stood at the foot of my bed, panting and looking pretty haggard. My back was to him, so he couldn't see what I had been doing.

"I just came here because I had a bad feeling. I'm not trying to worm my way back into your life. I just wanted to make sure you were all right. You are, so I guess I'll go now."

"Johnny!" I shouted over the music. "Wait!"

He turned around and stared at me. "What?"

I quickly turned the music off and scrambled to be near him. "I-I'm not okay," I told him, glancing down at my bleeding arm. "I was.. I..."

Johnny's eyes grew wide in realization and he scooped me into his arms, carrying me to the living room. He took his shirt off and tightly wrapped it around the wound from which blood was flowing freely. He raised my arm above my head and held it there, not saying a word. Tears fell from his eyes, but his face held no expression at all. His eyes were opened too wide, his chest heaved up and down, and he only stared at the floor next to the couch as if looking at me might make it all become real.

"Johnny, I need you back," I pleaded, trying to get off the couch and reach for him.

"Shhh..." He reached down with his free hand to push me gently back onto the couch.

After what felt like an eternity, he slowly removed the shirt from around my arm. The blood had clotted along the cut which looked utterly disgusting. My forearm was covered in red mess. But he was near me, he was touching my skin, and I didn't care about anything else. He dropped to his knees next to the couch and buried his face into my shirt. I felt his tears sink through the fabric and it made my skin damp. I didn't know why he was crying. He was the one who didn't need me.

"Why are you crying? You changed your number, you didn't even come back to get the rest of your things. I figured that was your way of telling me you were done with me. What are you upset about, baby?"

He looked up at me and wiped his puffy eyes. "I changed my number because I know I'm no good for you. I didn't come back to get my things because I knew that if I saw you, I'd just try to beg for you back. You were right about everything. I'm just a slob and I don't deserve someone as perfect as you. And you don't need someone like me ruining your life, Rayleigh."

"Do I look like I don't need you in my life? This... depression... It took hold of me again, and Johnny, I've been nothing since the moment you left. Absolutely nothing because you are everything to me. I was ready to end it all, but here you are, saving me again."

"Rayleigh, if you take me back, I swear to God I'll never drop another article of clothing on the floor, I won't burp in public, and I won't talk about our sex life to anyone ever again. I know it all sounds silly now, but I'll be perfect for you just like you've always wanted." He held my face in both of his calloused hands, pleading with his eyes like I had never seen him do before.

I grabbed the bloody shirt from the couch where he had set it and I tossed it to the floor. Smiling at him, I pulled him in for a kiss. He quickly pulled away and looked at me with confusion brimming those beautiful irises. "What was that about?"

"Throw whatever you want on the floor. I don't care. Just promise me you'll never leave me. Never again," I whispered.

He pressed his forehead against mine and I ran my hands over his bare chest. "Never again," he muttered, kissing me gently.

That was how I got Johnny back. With a ring and a gut feeling. Just like that. Somehow he knew; we were always connected like that. He knew that I needed him. He saved me again, just like he always did.