Killing Me Slowly

My POV

We got to town and it was daytime now so people were walking around and about. We parked the 'caboodle' and started walking as well. I knew I should’ve been focusing on the task at hand but I really wanted to know what Dean was thinking. He seemed so deep in thought...and I knew he wouldn't actually tell me what he was thinking...I wonder if Jesse ever had a mind reading ability...and so if I had given it to him...maybe....

What am I doing?

My eyes widened. That was Deans voice! I felt my heart accelerate. "What are you looking at?" he asked me and I realized I was still staring at him and now he was staring back.

"Umm nothing..." I murmured and looked away. He gave me a weird look but looked away.

Are we really supposed to be together? Maybe this break should be permanent...

I felt my heart breaking. And I couldn't stop myself but I had to say something. I grabbed a hold of his arm to stop him. "Is that what you really think?” I asked him.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, nervously and hesitantly.

"That we should make this break permanent" I kept eye contact wit him.

He was taken back. "How did you..."

"Does it matter? Is that really how you feel, Dean? Are you really done here? Are you done with me?" I felt myself frying ready to cry. I hated how vulnerable I felt right now.

"Mel..." he started gently.

"Stop beating around the bush! Just tell me so I know what the hell I'm doing here" my voice cracked.

I probably looked like a mess rite now but I couldn't help it. I felt whole body breaking and I wasn't in control of it. He just stared at me for a moment. "I don't know...I don't know what to feel or how to feel it..."

"Well...tell me something...do you still love me?"

His facial expression changed. "You know I do"

"Then I really don't see the problem" I laughed a little.

"It just seems more complicated than that"

"I don't see how, I mean..." I put a hand to my forehead.

But then I stopped talking but I heard a familiar noise and then I saw an Impala and a green truck go driving right passed us...with us behind the wheels. My eyes widened as I jumped toward Brit and Sam’s direction to make them stop walking.

"Hold up...don't move" I muttered and we all froze.

We all watched as they parked across the street. "Oh no, that’s all sorts of wrong" Sam commented. "Those are nice wheels. I’m telling you, when this is over, I’m steeling those rims" Dean said as he called Bobby.

"Yea?" I could hear him on the other end.

"Bobby, we got eyes on them"

"What?"

"Yea, its like looking in a funhouse mirror"

"Yea I know the feeling"

"Alright, tell me you got something, otherwise we have to get in close” We started to move in.

"Just hang back for now"

“Too late, we…” Dean started, but then cop cars started to pull up right in front of us. “Hold on” he told him.

I watched all the officers get out of their cars and point their guns at us. “Hands in the air!” one yelled. I noticed he had a rectangular pendant on his coat that said Sheriff.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, this is a big misunderstanding, the guys you want…” Dean started.

“Shut up!”

“They’re right there, just turn around and look!” I yelled at the stupid, old man who should really retire from this damn job.

“I said, shut up!”

I sighed in aggravation. “Put down the phone and put your hands in the air”

Dean tossed his phone to the ground and kept his hands in the air. Then, we started to get hand cuffed and I looked over at our doubles and saw them looking back at us. My eyes met my double and she was smirking and then I saw Dean’s double wink and I couldn’t even go over there and knock him out.

~

“You’re making a big mistake” Brit said as we were being lead through the station. “The real killers are back at the diner” I said to them

“Is that the best you can do?”

“I want my phone call” Dean said. “Oh they’re will be a call. To the FBI. Take them…” he looked to Dean, Brit and I.

“To cells one, two and three and take that one to the interview room…” He meant Sam. “Once they’re separate and secure you boys call it a night” the sheriff ordered and we all started to be lead down different hallways. “You’re making a mistake!” Sam yelled.

But, it didn’t matter. We were the criminals. Were they really wrong. We’ve stolen, we’ve killed people. Whether it was for a good cause or by accident. So I guess it’s good that I was sitting in this cell, now. Maybe, I just deserved to be here. Locked up. My thoughts went to Dean. So maybe I thought I would spend the rest of my life with him…that was my fault. It’s okay for all of you to be laughing at me right now. I know I was foolish to think I could be in love and stay happy. I should’ve known there had to be a catch to my happiness…and I should’ve known that catch was that I couldn’t have happiness…even if it’s just a simple emotion as love…but then again, love is more complicated than anyone can comprehend. Questions pop in my head like: Why am I still here? What am I doing? Why am I still doing this? Then, I think: Because I’m here for Brittney and I like helping people…but really Brittney has Sam, she doesn’t need me anymore…and it’s not like people are grateful anyway. They’re all just ungrateful sons of bitches. But, it’s not like I can quit…not really. But, I can go off on my own. Do my own thing. But, it would get lonely…and I don’t do well with lonely…plus, would I even remember how to even function on my own? That, in itself, is pathetic. And right now, I’m being pathetic. And vulnerable. I need to get myself together. And I’m starting now. Melissa Stern does not sulk or pine or mope. I’m stronger than this. Much stronger.

I stood to my feet and furrowed my eyebrows at the bars in front of me. Then, I blinked once and in an instant I was on the outside of the cell. I looked back at it and I grinned. I crept quickly over to the door and then started down the hallway but I ran into a body and stumbled back. I saw it was Brit.

“Mel? How’d you get out?” she quickly asked me.

“No time to explain. Lets just go…” I started but when we turned, I saw our path was blocked…and we were face to face with ourselves.

“Where you going Mel? To save your little boy toys? Ya know, I really admire the way you have both of them wrapped around your finger the way you do” my doppelganger said.

Brit and I were just frozen. “And what are you going to do about it, Brittney…just stand by and watch it happen like you always do?!” Brit’s double snapped.

“Brittney…go help Sam and Dean” I muttered.

“Mel, I can’t just…”

“Go…I can handle it here” I told her.

I felt her watching me as I held eyes with my own eyes and there was a smirk on her face but Brit did turn to run the opposite direction. “Go after her” mine told Brit’s.

But, I flashed in front of Brit’s double as she turned to run. “I don’t think so” I said and punched her right in the face.

She flew back. My double furrowed her eyebrows at me. “Awe, where’s that little smirk of mine?” She started to twitch her lips upward. “There it is…here, let me wipe it off for you” I spat and we went at it.

Swinging at each other left and right, throwing each other into walls and down the hallways. I had noticed Brit’s double had taken off when my double and I were at opposite ends, heavily breathing, just staring each other down.

“I have to say you’re stronger than ten minutes ago, that’s for sure. These passed couple days, it’s been all about the meek and dreary feelings…but now? I was so excited to be you because of your freaky powers but when I found out you don’t use them? I mean, what’s up with that? You’re really getting out of the hole you dug for yourself” she said to me.

“Yea, well I thought it was about time” I breathed out.

She straightened out her back…so I did too, but I was still on my toes and cautious. “Yea, I’ve kind of grown to hate all of you guys ever since we’ve started wearing you. None of you get it. You could be anything. Especially you, Melissa! You could have anything you ever wanted! You’re strong and you have this…gift. Plus, you’re incredibly smart. I was in shock to say the least. You hide it really well. But, you’re all just so caught up in being good and taking care of each other. It’s so disgusting” she made a face.

“And why do you care?”

“Because it friggin pisses me off, man! Yea, you love Dean. Good for you. Are you really going to let a man control your life. Control who you are?” Is this monster actually making sense to me right now?

“Melissa!” I heard Dean calling.

I spun around and saw him come around the corner with an axe and a bottle of something but he froze when he saw us.

“Dean, hurry! Kill her before she eats us both!” my double exclaimed, being a little over dramatic. “Are you friggin kidding me? Give me that axe” I said and ripped it from Dean’s hands and stalked toward the girl.

I swung at her but she dodged it and tackled me down, knocking the axe out of my hands. “You damn bitch!” I grunted.

She scoffed as we got back into our fist swinging fight. But then…I felt my hair being pulled and I was thrown up against the wall by Dean who was now holding me there by my neck and the axe was now in his hands.

“Dean…it’s me…” I gasped.

He stared right into my eyes, furrowing his eyebrows angrily. “I know Melissa and you are not Melissa” he said and then I flinched as I saw him swinging the axe.

But, when I heard a thump, I opened my eyes to see, Dean’s back facing me and my double’s body on the floor with her head decapitated. “Bitch” he spat. I stared in shock as he turned back to face me.

“Are you okay? I didn’t mean to grab you so hard. I just wanted to make it look believable” he tried to crack a smile but his face showed full concern as he placed a hand on my cheek.

“Yea, I’m fine…how did you know it was me?”

He shrugged. “I just…knew. Plus, when I looked into your eyes, it was a dead give away” he smiled. I just had to smile back and nod stupidly. So much for no more vulnerability.

I felt like our bodies getting closer together but at the same time we were glued in our spots. “Uhh I’ll take care of this one…apparently anything that has something called borax in it is harmful to them so…”

He poured some of it onto the decapitated body and it started to sizzle and boils formed. Then, he went around the corner, into a utility closet and started going through it. Then, he pulled out some kind of cleaning stuff and handed it to me.

“Okay, yea, I’ll uhh…I’ll try to go find Sam. You’ll probably be more useful to Brit” I said and went to take off but he grabbed my hand to stop me. I looked at him. “Be careful” he said, gently, looking into my eyes. “Yea…you too” I nodded and rushed off.

I ran down hallways, until I finally came to a room and kicked down a door, seeing Sam handcuffed to a table and Dean’s double was circling him. He spun to face me and I splashed him with the stuff so he flinched back as he began to sizzle and steam and boil. I rushed to Sam’s side, taking a pin out of my pocket and I started to try and pick the lock. But, then I was grabbed from behind and thrown to a wall and Dean’s double grabbed me by the neck, lifting me off the ground slightly.

“Oh Melissa…you know, I can see what Dean sees in you…you’re feisty, you don’t take crap from anyone…well, at least the old you didn’t…you’re hot…” he brought his lips closer to me. “He really loves you…he’d do anything for you. It’s pathetic really. And Sam? Well, geez! Don’t even get me started. You never really grew out of high school did you? Always the little whore” he whispered in my ear. That’s what got to me.

I put my feet up against his chest and kicked him back. “Did I hit a nerve?”

I just grinded my teeth. He started to stalk toward me but I swung my fist at him so hard, I think I heard something break. Then, I kicked him back again and he flew across the room, toward the door. I threw the borax stuff on him again…more this time…and he yelled out in pain. Then, our Dean rushed in with the axe and swung, slicing his head off. Some blood got on my clothes but I didn’t really care at the moment. I just stared as the body fell. Brit was standing in the doorway with the sheriff.

“Well, that felt good” Dean commented.

The sheriff unlocked Sam’s handcuffs and I watched him carefully as he just sat there so deep in thought, it was almost scary. “So…the FBI is on the way” the sheriff stated.

“Yeah, listen, about that…”

“Whatever I can do…especially if it involves lying about everything I just saw”

“Good. I was hoping you could help us kind of...be dead. You know, quote unquote”

“Yeah. Yeah, I should be able to swing that. All right” “Come on, let's grab a mop” Dean said and went to leave.

Brit was the only who went to follow him. But they stopped and looked at me first, who was looking at Sam so they did the same. “Sammy?” Brit voiced. “You okay?” Dean asked.

Sam looked up at him…then he looked at me…then he looked back down. “Yeah, I'm fine” he lied, obviously…but Dean couldn’t catch it…or just didn’t want to. “Let's go, then” he said and left the room.

I continued to watch Sam for a minute…but then I followed Dean out as Brit walked in to his side and I didn’t want to hear what they were about to say to each other…if they said anything at all. I was so done here.

It was day now and we drove down to the pier with the heads of all our doubles to dump them into the water…but things were so tense in the air…I almost couldn’t breath. “Are you sure you want to dump these things? I'm thinking they might actually come in handy down the road. What do you think?” Dean asked as we were at the trunk of the Hatchback looking down at the wrapped heads.

I raised an eyebrow at him and he was smirking down at me. “Umm no. That’s gross” I chuckled. But, then I looked back up at Sam who was leaning his arms on the roof of the car, still incredibly deep in thought, with Brit leaning beside him with her back against the car, just looking at him sadly and with concerned eyes.

I gave Dean a look and nodded at Sam. He looked at him and analyzed him first. “Hey. What is it? Talk”

“Nothing” Sam replied.

“Well, that's convincing. Did monster-us give you the jeebs, huh? 'Cause I gotta be honest, I ain't looking in the mirror for a while myself” Sam straightened up and faced our direction.

“Okay. You really want to know what's wrong?”

“Yeah. Yeah, you know my motto--here to help"

“‘Here to help’. Kind of like you helped Amy?” he said with so much anger…and disgust…and hatred in his voice.

I felt knots in my stomach. Dean froze for a minute and then sighed. “Listen, Sam…”

“Don't lie to me again. No, don't even talk to me…” He started to pace away.

“Sam, wait…” I tried as I approached him.

He spun quickly though so I stopped short in my tracks. “No, I cant talk to you either! You knew and you kept it from me! What kind of friend are you?”

He narrowed his eyes and all of this hatred-like emotions were now directed at me…and I’ve never been looked at like this before by Sam…it really stung.

“The kind that didn’t want you to get hurt! I hated Dean for doing what he did. I thought he was wrong for doing it. I thought it was wrong…” I listed.

“And now? Do you still think it was wrong?”

I just stared at him though…I glanced back at Dean. “Well?” Dean snapped.

They were seriously making me choose between them right now. “Okay, you can jump in at any time here!” I snapped at Brit. She got off the car to walk a few steps toward us.

“I’m curious too. Do you think it was wrong now? I have no opinion in the matter. She was a monster and deserved to be killed…but she was also a person with a son and Sam’s friend so she deserved to live…so Mel…what do you think?”

“Why can’t I say that?”

“Because it’s my answer and you couldn’t think of it”

I stared at all of them. “I don’t have an answer for you…I don’t know how I feel on the matter” My voice was weak. They were ganging up on me. It wasn’t fair.

“That’s the wrong answer” Dean murmured. My eyes met his…and this time…I saw him breaking.

But, then Sam grabbed his bag out of the car and started to walk away…but what I noticed was…he had Brit’s bag in his hands too. “What are you doing?” Dean asked, almost trying to find his voice.

“I can’t” was his reply.

“You can’t what?”

He spun back around. “I can't talk to you right now! Dean, I can't even be around you right now!”

“Okay, so…"

“I think you should just go on without me…us?” he asked, meeting Brit’s eyes, pleading with her to go with him.

She nodded and with her eyes it was as if she said ‘Of course. I’ll always be there, Sammy’ and I knew it would be true for them. They would always have each other. No matter what happened. Whether it’d be some crazy ass monster, or some angel-to-God-to-Leviathan on steroids…or me. They’ll always have each other. Me? I’m not too sure where I stand with anybody right now. I just suck altogether.

Brit got to his side and they turned to face Dean who was at the car…I was at the midpoint, in between them. “Go” Sam said. Dean nodded.

“All right. Sorry, Sam…see you around Short Stuff” he said.

He didn’t even give me another glance. He just got in the car and then I saw him stick out his arm with a bag in his hand…my bag…and he dropped it onto the pier…and I watched him drive off. I noticed Sam was already walking away…but Brit stayed and she was just watching me with sad, tear-filled eyes. She came over to me and hugged me tight.

“Come with us…I know you, Melissa…you’ll go crazy…you can’t just go off on your own. You don’t know how to do it anymore” she whispered.

“I’ll manage. Sam needs time away from me and Dean. Let him have time with you. Enjoy it. Someone deserves to be somewhat happy at least…don’t worry about me. It’ll give you wrinkles” She chuckled. “Go on” I let go of her.

“I’ll call you…to make sure you’re still alive”

“I’ll look forward to it” I smiled.

She nodded and then started to walk backwards. Then, after a few feet, she turned and jogged a little to catch up with Sam. I just sat on the pier and started to cry. I was alone…what was I supposed to do now? I guess I could start my journey to get myself together tomorrow.