Killing Me Slowly

My POV

“So what? Maybe she had another kid she didn’t tell you about” Sam said as the guys came walking into the room.

“What’s going on?” I asked as Brit and I walked in.

“Dean thinks his one night stand’s baby is a transformer” Sam said and I could hear mock and amusement in his tone.

“Like…the kind of transformer you’d see Shia LaBouf hanging out with?” Brit joked with a serious look.

“I’m not kidding guys! She only had one kid. Emma. And that night when I was with her, there was nothing. No play pens, no blankets, no rubber ducks” Dean enforced as he went to the fridge to get out a beer for himself and for Sam.

“Right. Like you were focused on that kind of thing” Sam commented as he sat at the table and opened up his laptop.

“Hey that’s the first thing you notice. Red flags…” he said and then hesitated a little.

His eyes went to me and I could almost feel the uncomfortable feeling he was getting talking about his one night stand in front of me. But I just gave him a blank look, waiting for him to continue…so he did. “Then this morning: baby”

“Yea the one you thought talked”

“Oh it talked and not baby talk either”

“And you know so much about baby development” Brit smiled, finding amusement in this as well.

“I know enough to know they cant say hey mom who’s that guy…” Then Dean sat down in front of Sam and shut his laptop before he could type anything. He gave him an annoyed look but Dean just kept on going. “So cut to…Lydia’s handing this kid who called her mommy over to these women but this is not a baby, this kid’s gotta be five…and same name. Emma”

“Ya know, George Forman named all his sons George” Brit commented as she walked over to Sam’s side and she smiled at him and Sam smiled as well.

“Are you two deliberately messing with me?” They both shrugged. “Dude, I know weird. There is no non-weird explanation for this. This morning Emma was a baby, by sunset she’s Hannah Montana…the early years” He finished and then took a sip of his beer.

Then Sam’s phone began to ring. “It’s the professor” he said and I scoffed, rolling my eyes.

“Oh yea, the professor. I’m sure he’ll crack this wide open” Dean commented. Then his eyes went to me. “You believe me, don’t you?” he asked.

It wasn’t really a question…but it wasn’t really an assumption either…I don’t know what to call it. It was just something in his voice. “We’ll see” was all I said. I think those were the first words that we actually spoke to each other in days. Sad, right?

The next morning we met with the professor again. He was actually kind of helpful this time. Only kind of though. He informed us that we might be dealing with The Amazons. A tribe of warriors who just…didn’t like men. And after they were impregnated they killed the males…that’s what I got out of the professor’s excessively long speech and I’m pretty sure it was all we needed.

Now Dean and Sam were going through Bobby’s things back at the motel room to try and find something while Brit and I said we would try to go find a “decent food place” as Sam put it. But really for a good 45 minutes we were just driving around…wasting gas, yea, but I just didn’t want to go back yet. And I knew that once we found food we would have to go bring it back to the boys.

“Well…at least your road rage has gotten better” she commented.

I rolled my eyes. “Gee, Brit. I’m so happy you approve” I said, really sarcastically.

“Why don’t you pull the stick out of your ass already, Melissa” she said suddenly, straightening her posture. I snapped my head at her, shock.

“What?”

“You heard me. So you and Dean are having some problems, get over it”

I was sitting at a green light just staring at her. People were honking so I had to seriously pull over to the side of the road because I couldn’t believe what she was saying to me. I almost crashed twice while I was doing it. I shut the car off and just continued to stare at her in shock.

“You two will get through it. And if you don’t? So what? He’s kind of stuck with you anyway. Because there’s no way I’m letting you take off and have us separate again and he loves you. Just like I know you love him”

She paused to just stare back at me. “So just…suck it up…and be a hunter about it and move passed this one pathetic event and on with the rest of your pathetic life” she tried to lighten things up.

I felt my body begin to shake a little. And then…I lunged toward her and hugged her tight. In a way I think I was relieved to finally here her tell me all of this. I think I really needed it. I needed…not just anyone…but my sister…to tell me it was time to just get over it. And whatever happens happens. I let my emotions get the best of me and it could be the death of me one day. But not feeling at all isn’t healthy either. Everyone needs a middle. You just need to find where that middle is.

“What you need to do now is just…well you probably need to yell. Yelling works. And you most likely will yell at Dean…just…try to choose words carefully okay?” she said to me.

“I’ll try…how did I get so lucky to have a best friend like you?”

She just smiled. “Okay, no more sappy, teary-eyed moments…I never thought I would have to tell you that…you’re not pregnant again, are you?”

I scoffed. “Shut up” I shook my head and just started up the car again.

Once we found some food, we got back to the motel and back to the room. I opened the door and saw Dean facing Sam and I could just feel the tension as soon as we walked in. They both snapped their eyes at us and I saw the worry.

“You guys…find something?” I asked cautiously, eyeing them both as we walked in and Brit shut the door.

Dean looked at Sam and gave him a Don’t tell her look. But Sam gave back a We have to look. So Dean sighed and then avoided my eyes.

“You could say that” Sam said.

We set the food down on the kitchen counter and that’s when they told us…well Sam told us…that Dean was a new daddy…to some monster whore. I guess you could say that didn’t help our situation.

Now we were all just trying to look through Bobby’s things and find whatever we could on these monsters. “Looking through Bobby’s stuff is like dumpster diving” Dean commented.

“Yea tell me about it” Brit sighed.

“So it makes sense why the Amazons want to hook up with decent look successful guys…” Sam started.

“They’re picky about the gene pool” Dean said.

“Right”

“So what was Lydia doing with you?” I asked, monotonously, not even looking up at him.

I could feel his eyes went up to look at me and then went back down. “She may or may not have thought I was a rich investment banker” he admitted.

“Really Dean?” Brit asked in a scolding tone and both her and Sam shook their heads at him.

“Guys…these papers just moved” Dean said. I looked over at him.

“What?” Sam asked.

“I didn’t touch them”

I sighed since I was the closest to the duffle bags, so I reached in for the reader. I turned it on and it started to go crazy with the lights…but I saw the window and I sighed again (internally this time)…but I kept going with it.

“It’s all over the place…red line…red line…” Then I walked over toward the window. “Oh yea and the power lines by the open window where there’s a breeze that could’ve moved the papers” I said with a small hint of attitude in my tone. I don’t think I meant it…it kind of just came out.

“Did you feel a breeze?” he snapped at me.

“It doesn’t matter Dean, the readings are useless” I replied, monotonously and put the reader away.

He was silent for a moment. “Hey, maybe…” he started and held up Bobby’s flask.

“We burned him, Dean” Brit said, lightly.

“So what?”

“So what are you suggesting?” Sam asked him.

“I don’t know, what are you?”

“I think you should concentrate on something else”

“Why?”

“Because it’s not Bobby” I said, pushing passed him to get to my bag on the bed.

“Could be” he argued.

“No it couldn’t be”

“Why not?”

“Because we want it to be!” I yelled as I spun around my heels to face him. “Dean, Bobby is not coming back. In spirit form or human form or any other kind of form. He’s gone. And you drinking from his flask won’t do anything but hurt you and us! Do you think any of us like seeing you pull that thing out every five minutes? Not only does it remind us that you’re not okay, but it also reminds us that Bobby isn’t here anymore and you aren’t the only one who’s found a way to move on! I know you blame me okay? I know you blame me for Bobby dying, for Sam and Brittney not being okay, for not having Cas around anymore. If you need someone to blame, that’s fine. I’m your girl. But just stop pulling this damn thing out!” I yelled.

And for my finale. I ripped the flask out of Dean’s hands, chucked it across the room and it flew right into one of the lamps so it crashed to the floor and shattered into pieces.

The room was filled with such a silence that I thought if I even took a step forward then everything around me would crumble. Then I took a deep breath, put both hands on hips and cleared my throat. “Well…I feel a little better now” I murmured, trying to just find the courage to speak. I picked up the piece of paper that Dean was referring to when he said the papers moved. “Maybe it’s useful” I said, trying to keep my voice even. I handed it to Sam.

He was too much in shock to even process any words after my episode so Brit had to nudge him. He looked at it. “It’s in a whole pile of maybe it’s useful…besides it’s in Greek. No one reads Greek”

“Besides Greeks…and Bobby” Brit said, gesturing to all of his other stuff scattered across the room.

“And professor Morrison” Sam said.

That got Dean’s attention. “Really?” he asked him incredulously.

“I’m going Dean”

“I’m going with you…you two stay here. Mel watch Dean. Keep the door locked, don’t go anywhere. I mean it” Brit said.

Neither of us could get a word in though. They both just left. I turned to face Dean. Well…this was awkward.

A bit began to pass and the silence was seriously killing me. We were on opposite sides of the rooms, not even glancing up at one another. I was laying on my back on one of the beds and I was all the way over in the kitchen, staying away from me. So I attempted.

“I know you told me I shouldn’t care but…” I started.

“I was wrong to tell you that…I’m sorry. You don’t know how to not care, I know that. I was just hoping that, maybe, you would try to care a little less about me and care more about yourself” he told me.

I looked up fully at him. “Dean…telling me not to care about you would be like telling a rock not to be hard…” I started and he started to chuckle. “What?” I snapped.

“Did you really just say that?” he asked.

“Shut up” I just shook my head.

A small pause. I heard him walk over and sit on the other bed. “I don’t blame you, ya know” he said.

I sat up and looked up at him. “What?”

“I don’t blame you…for anything. I never did. None of it is your fault, Melissa”

“I guess it’s just nice to hear sometimes…especially when I feel if only I could’ve done something different”

Then he walked over and knelt down in front of me, placing a hand on my knee. “There was nothing you could’ve done differently…for any of it”

“Coming from the hypercrit himself, huh” I tried holding the tears back.

“Yea, I guess so” he smiled. “And listen…about this case…”

“I’d rather not talk about it…”

“I think we should though…shouldn’t we?” he asked, staring into my eyes.

It was the question basing off of our whole relationship: are we together or aren’t we together? At this moment…I really don’t know if it could be possible. I don’t think it would be the best thing to do. Not with everything going on. There’s just…always something else….

“I need some air…don’t leave. Keep the door locked” I said lowly and quickly as I left the room in a hurry.

I wasn’t sure what I wanted anymore. And quite honestly I wasn’t sure if Dean really knew what he really knew what he wanted anymore either. If he truly wanted me. Or if he just felt like he was supposed to want me. There’s a difference. We’ve all been talking about how we need to let Bobby go…but maybe Dean was right…maybe I need to let him go and he has to let him go. Maybe we weren’t meant to be. He’s such a different person that I just don’t know what it feels like anymore. To love him and be loved by him. How horrible is that? But it isn’t just him, it’s me too. The changes that are happening to us and within us…I just don’t know what it means for us.

My cell started to ring. “Brit?”

“Melissa!” she yelled and it sounded like she was running.

“Hey, how’d things go with the professor?”

“Oh just wonderful. We can’t get in touch with Dean and we’re pretty sure that girl, Emma is on her way to kill him, you guys need to be prepared” she said quickly.

“Emma?” I narrowed my eyes. But then my eyes widened as I realized how far away I had walked from the room. “Dean!” I yelled, hanging up.

I sprinted. I can’t remember the last time I ran this fast…I felt like I was faster than lightning itself. And then I shut my eyes and disappeared from my spot and appeared five feet in front of our motel room. I stumbled a bit, trying to regain balance since I haven’t done that in a while. Then…I was able to hear voices from within the room. I quietly approached the door and opened it just a crack. I could see a girl about sixteen facing Dean with some ancient knife and he had his gun pointed at her.

“It’s weirdly hard isn’t it, it isn’t for me” she said to him.

“Knock it off” he grunted.

“How could it not be? You’re my father” she gave an innocent tone. She was trying to get him to lower his guard down with this whole I’m your daughter thing.

“Hey, we’re not gonna do that”

“I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you! And now someone has to kill someone. Ya know what? So far my childhood’s been kinda disappointing”

“You haven’t killed anyone yet Emma. Walk away right now. I wont go after you” Come on, Dean. You know you have to….

“I cant. I don’t have a choice” she said and was about to raise her knife even higher in a threatening manner.

I knew Dean wouldn’t shoot. So that was when I busted through the door with my gun drawn, pointing it at her. She spun to look at me and her eyes turned red but then turned right back to normal as she looked back at Dean.

“Please don’t let her hurt me” she pleaded. Then she looked back at me.

My eyes went to Dean as his eyes went to me and back to the girl. He wasn’t going to do it…so I had to. And I did. I shot her right in the stomach. She dropped the knife and fell back onto the floor, dead.

The weight of my gun felt so heavy in my hand then that I had to drop it to the floor. Dean and I held each other’s eyes for what felt like forever. And I guess you could say in that moment…I realized I still loved him…and I could never stop loving him. The feeling of losing him tonight…I couldn’t bare it…and the thought of him having a kid with some other woman…I didn’t even want to process it. I didn’t care if he wanted me to stop caring about him…because it wouldn’t be possible…and I didn’t care if he would say one day that he stopped loving me back…because I would know that it wasn’t true.

Sam and Brit came rushing in and then stopped when they saw the girl on the floor and I could feel them look up at us for some kind of explanation but Dean and I just continued to stare at each other. Eventually…we went to the Amazon’s headquarters to take care of all of them…but they weren’t there…so we just hit the road. Brit thought it would be a good idea for all four of us to take the same car because she could tell something was up with me and Dean…even though she didn’t say that was the reason….

I was driving with Dean in the passenger seat and Sam and Brit in the back. I admit I was going a bit fast but no one else was on the road and no one else in the car was complaining. There was a deep silence for a long part of the ride…a long part of the ride. But I was refusing to be the first to talk. I felt Dean continue to glance at me. Then he finally spoke up.

“You know I don’t like it either…I wanted to torch them just as much as you but hey, next time they surface we’ll be ready” I didn’t respond. “Fine just sit there and be pissed” he added.

“Dean, what do we always say? What did you say to Sam about Amy? You’re supposed to kill the monster” I said, annoyed.

“I was going to do it”

“Oh please! You were not. Dean you were gonna let her walk”

“No I wasn’t, that’s ridiculous”

“Dean…she wasn’t yours, not really”

“Actually she was really…as much as you and I both want to deny it, she was…” That made me glance over at him so our eyes met and I saw it in his eyes…the love…the pain…the heart ache…everything….

“She just also happened to be a crazy man-killing monster but hey…” he continued.

“Ya know, Bobby was right. You’re head’s not in it. When Cas died you and Mel were wobbly but now…” Sam started.

“News flash pal, you’re just as screwed up as I am…you’re just…bigger” Dean snapped.

We all glanced at him. “What?” we asked at once.

“I don’t know” he scrunched his face.

“Dean the thing is, what happened tonight…it almost got you killed” I stressed.

“And we don’t care how you deal, we really don’t but just…don’t get killed” Brit said, leaning forward and I could feel her giving me a look.

I just tightened my grip on the steering wheel. I did care how he dealt…but if he was dealing then I guess…whatever. “I’ll do what I can” he replied.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Sam asked.

“It means I’ll do what I can okay? And you all can shut up about it” he snapped. All I did was sigh and continue down the road.