... and I'm still not satisfied
See me, in the eyes of another's child
Another shitty morning which announces to be just the prologue of another shitty day. I've always kinda hated myself for being so pessmistic all the time, yet how could I not be considering that I feel like I’m trapped in a world that I’ve never belonged to. Too uncomfortable, too desgusting, too cruel for me … Reality and I have never been really good palls, too bad. Always things the same, nothing ever changes. Sometimes I’m thiking of going to a tailor and ask him to sew me a brand new reality on my size in wich I could possibly fit in, haha, just trying to make a little fun of myself tough it doesn’t help me in any way . I enjoy being mean and sarcastic most of the time, this is my way of keeping people away from me, to avoid getting hurt by them …again.
The sunbeams are now pricking the curtains of my window, trying to reach and annoy my sleepy, exhausted eyes. Wish I could barry my head in this pillow forever, damn it! I fucking hate mornings, they should be provided by law if you ask me, the most difficult part of the day – that one when I have to leave the bed,wipe the dream’s dust of my eyelids and face back the real world. Guess I’ll never get used to that… I sob and get my soles off the cover.
- Lisaaaaaaaa! Aren’t you up yet, darling? Breakfast is ready already,you’re going to be late to school! I tought we talked before about how important and essential is punctuality for a young-lady in the society and …
- Yeah, right mom, of course I do! Be right there, just please don’t start it again, okay?! I shout at her with the most sick voice.
- You better !
Well, maybe this so-called “young-lady” doesn’t even want to get around of your fucking society. But of course, who is she to say what a girl is to do?
I quickly get out of my dear and warm bed and go brush my teeth, hope she remembered to buy a new toothpaste, the other one had the taste of mint honey, pretty gross. Of course, she didn’t. So by now I am gonna have to be the one who picks the toothpaste in this house, damn mornings.
- Lisaaa! she menancingly yells from down-staris
-For Chrit’s sake can’t I even brush my teeth here, or would your rather prefer me to step in the society with a lovely stinking breath, huh? Oh, just imagine, what would the other respectable young-ladies would think of me? I ironcly add and spite two times in the wash-bowl. As I raise my eyes to the mirror and catch the reflection of my pale, dull face I suddenly remember “I dreamt of him again” . No,no,no! God, how long is this gonna curse continue? Isn’t it enough that he’s ceaseslly walking through my head all day long? It seems that even the ceilings got his features, wish I could tear him from there. Brian … my glass eyes obsession.. Those fucking eyes of him… from the very first time I’ve intercepted them felt a lot like suicide, hopefully just to me. Yet he doesn’t know that, he doesn’t know a thing about me, actually he doesn’t know about me at all. But I don’t blame him anyway, I mean, why would he? Why would someone that bloody gorgeous would even bother to notice me? But hey, he did talked to me in that scorching afternoon.
-Hey, sorry, have a light? I first heard a nasal childish voice from my back, when I turned to face him my legs instantly began to shake. “My God…” was the only thing I got to say in my mind with my eyes wide opened at the …uhm, the girlish boy or the boyish girl, with a pair of the most beautiful, azure eyes were staring at me.
- Nnn..no, I’m sorry, I, I don’t! I gawky answered hoping I wasn’t blushing as I always do in this kind of situations. He gave me a little suspicios-questioning look, probably noticing my tremble, then mumbled a “Kay” and left me there …confused and hopelessly in love, even tough at that time I wasn’t aware of that. “Don’t go and leave me…” I screamed after him (just in my head, of course) as watching him making his way into the crowd of empty, superficial bodies in front of the highschool. I suddenly felt thousands of drunk butterflies spinning in my stomach while my heart had started beating so fast that I almost tought I was gonna faint.
-Gee, Lisa, what were you doing with that freak? my friend Denisse, asked on with a disgusted figure on her face full of pimples covered with tonnes of face powder.
-You know him?
- My sister warned me some days ago about him. He’s like the biggest freak in the hole school, he's weird and eww he wears make-up!
- What’s his name?
- Molko as far as I remember, not that I would care to remember, duh! What’s with you, Lisa, don’t tell you have a crush on him or something like that! She joked nudging me.
- Come on, let’s get in class!
I was 14 back then, one of my first days of highschool, 21 September and since that nothing was going to be the same. I haven’t been in love with anybody until Brian but, somehow, I couldn’t doubt about my feelings, it felt and it still feels just too...
- Lisa, I’m losing my patience!
-
- I’m coming, fucking coming!
- Watch your language, young-lady!
The sunbeams are now pricking the curtains of my window, trying to reach and annoy my sleepy, exhausted eyes. Wish I could barry my head in this pillow forever, damn it! I fucking hate mornings, they should be provided by law if you ask me, the most difficult part of the day – that one when I have to leave the bed,wipe the dream’s dust of my eyelids and face back the real world. Guess I’ll never get used to that… I sob and get my soles off the cover.
- Lisaaaaaaaa! Aren’t you up yet, darling? Breakfast is ready already,you’re going to be late to school! I tought we talked before about how important and essential is punctuality for a young-lady in the society and …
- Yeah, right mom, of course I do! Be right there, just please don’t start it again, okay?! I shout at her with the most sick voice.
- You better !
Well, maybe this so-called “young-lady” doesn’t even want to get around of your fucking society. But of course, who is she to say what a girl is to do?
I quickly get out of my dear and warm bed and go brush my teeth, hope she remembered to buy a new toothpaste, the other one had the taste of mint honey, pretty gross. Of course, she didn’t. So by now I am gonna have to be the one who picks the toothpaste in this house, damn mornings.
- Lisaaa! she menancingly yells from down-staris
-For Chrit’s sake can’t I even brush my teeth here, or would your rather prefer me to step in the society with a lovely stinking breath, huh? Oh, just imagine, what would the other respectable young-ladies would think of me? I ironcly add and spite two times in the wash-bowl. As I raise my eyes to the mirror and catch the reflection of my pale, dull face I suddenly remember “I dreamt of him again” . No,no,no! God, how long is this gonna curse continue? Isn’t it enough that he’s ceaseslly walking through my head all day long? It seems that even the ceilings got his features, wish I could tear him from there. Brian … my glass eyes obsession.. Those fucking eyes of him… from the very first time I’ve intercepted them felt a lot like suicide, hopefully just to me. Yet he doesn’t know that, he doesn’t know a thing about me, actually he doesn’t know about me at all. But I don’t blame him anyway, I mean, why would he? Why would someone that bloody gorgeous would even bother to notice me? But hey, he did talked to me in that scorching afternoon.
-Hey, sorry, have a light? I first heard a nasal childish voice from my back, when I turned to face him my legs instantly began to shake. “My God…” was the only thing I got to say in my mind with my eyes wide opened at the …uhm, the girlish boy or the boyish girl, with a pair of the most beautiful, azure eyes were staring at me.
- Nnn..no, I’m sorry, I, I don’t! I gawky answered hoping I wasn’t blushing as I always do in this kind of situations. He gave me a little suspicios-questioning look, probably noticing my tremble, then mumbled a “Kay” and left me there …confused and hopelessly in love, even tough at that time I wasn’t aware of that. “Don’t go and leave me…” I screamed after him (just in my head, of course) as watching him making his way into the crowd of empty, superficial bodies in front of the highschool. I suddenly felt thousands of drunk butterflies spinning in my stomach while my heart had started beating so fast that I almost tought I was gonna faint.
-Gee, Lisa, what were you doing with that freak? my friend Denisse, asked on with a disgusted figure on her face full of pimples covered with tonnes of face powder.
-You know him?
- My sister warned me some days ago about him. He’s like the biggest freak in the hole school, he's weird and eww he wears make-up!
- What’s his name?
- Molko as far as I remember, not that I would care to remember, duh! What’s with you, Lisa, don’t tell you have a crush on him or something like that! She joked nudging me.
- Come on, let’s get in class!
I was 14 back then, one of my first days of highschool, 21 September and since that nothing was going to be the same. I haven’t been in love with anybody until Brian but, somehow, I couldn’t doubt about my feelings, it felt and it still feels just too...
- Lisa, I’m losing my patience!
-
- I’m coming, fucking coming!
- Watch your language, young-lady!
♠ ♠ ♠
Hope you liked it, any critics or observations are always welcomed! :D