The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

“Adie.”

I vaguely hear the voice calling my name, but I’m focused on things I have to work out in the next few hours; namely drawing up the schedule for our first day at Warped.

“Adie.”

I flip through my planner, barely acknowledging the plastic bowl of soggy cereal to my right, mindlessly swirling my spoon through it.

Between the ever-changing set-times, organizing signings, meet & greets and sound checks, not to mention countless other details, I already know this summer’s going to be hectic.

I rub my eyes and glance out the window- the sun’s just barely beginning to streak over the horizon but I don’t let the new brightness break my concentration.

I’ll have to remember to talk to Ian about showing the new guitar tech the ropes-
Ian…

Just thinking his name sends a strange jolt to my stomach and unsafe thoughts to my mind.

The bus hits a bump and brings me back to reality, back from what impossibilities I’m thinking of.

“Adie,” my sister’s voice repeats. I finally glance at her in the doorway. She’s wearing a Saves the Day t-shirt and tattered shorts with her hair thrown up haphazardly in a crooked bun, and she still looks nicer than me on my best days.

“Have you seen my hair straightener?” she asks impatiently, interrupting my thoughts.

“Black duffel bag. In the back lounge,” I reply, taking a few spoonfuls of cereal and chewing thoughtfully before I remember how soggy it’s become. I grimace and swallow anyway.

“Thanks.” Ari turns to go, then pauses, changing her mind. “You’ve been really quiet, you know?”

I pretend to yawn and look away for a few seconds.

“What are you doing up so early, anyway?” I question, changing the subject. Not that Ari notices. “We won’t get there for another three hours.” Instead, Ari shrugs, turning to the fridge in the small kitchenette to pull out a bottle of water.

“Couldn’t get back to sleep with the bus moving,” she answers, sitting across from me at the small table.

“Me either,” a deeper voice joins in, his voice muffled by a yawn. “G’Morning,” Ian adds, mumbling.

My stomach unintentionally flutters with butterflies that I’ve long since trained myself to ignore.

But he slides into the booth next to Ari, slipping an arm around her shoulders. Ari smiles and relaxes, leaning back into his arm. He returns the smile sleepily.

The butterflies disappear as soon as they’ve come and I look back out the window.

Suddenly, I’m not so hungry anymore.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

We arrive at the first venue earlier than expected, watching the lines of buses and vans settle into their parking spaces for the day as theirs follows the procession.

Trevor is glued to the window, looking even more jittery than is normal, even for him.

But it’s understandable; while the rest of us have been on the road for almost five years, this is his first tour.

“Don’t worry, Trevor,” Leo says, clapping him on the shoulder. “The hazing won’t be that bad.”

“H-hazing?” he asks cautiously. He doesn’t notice me, Ari, and Ian collectively roll our eyes.

“They didn’t tell you?” Leo continues to torment, his eyes widening convincingly in feigned shock.

“No…”

“Don’t listen to him, Trev,” Ian speaks up. “He’s just being a dick. As usual.”

“Always ruining my fun,” Leo sighs, leaning back in his seat. “But you should be careful, kid.”

“Why? Of what?” Trevor asks, taking the bait despite Ian’s reassurances. I roll my eyes again.

“If you mess up, I mean…the kids like throwing things, you know? Shoes, water bottles- and don’t let them find you after a set if you mess up-”

“You’re just saying that because a flip-flop nailed you in the face last summer,” I interject dryly. “Don’t worry, Trev,” I continue, turning to him. “If anyone throws things at the stage, it will probably hit this asshole’s ego first, and since it’s so big, there’s no chance it’ll get to you.” Leo just smirks at my comment, unfazed. I raise an eyebrow at him.

“You know, Adie, my ego’s not the only big-”

Leo’s suggestive remark is interrupted by the bus coming to an abrupt halt and a random crew member shouting a “We’re here!” from the back of the bus.

I check my watch and sigh, pulling out my schedule.

Here we go.

-x-x-x-x-x-x-

It’s almost 3:45 when I check the time again from side stage.

“Relax,” I distractedly tell Trevor, who’s fidgeting again. Ari grins and sings a few scales to warm up.

I’d never say it out loud, but as much as we sound alike, Ari’s always been able to hold a note or keep a tune ten times better than I’d care to admit.

Leo practices his smirk and musses his hair meanwhile Ian stares out into the crowd thoughtfully.

“You’re up,” I announce to them. “I know you’ll do great.” His attention turns to me for a second, just me.

He smiles.

My sister hugs me tightly before heading onto the stage.

Ian is next, a warm, soft hug I savor before it’s replaced by an obnoxious bear hug from Leo.

Trevor’s hug is quick and awkward but only makes me smile more as he dashes off behind them to play his first real show.

I watch with a smile as they hype up the already eager crowd, Ari with her charisma I’ll never have in a million years, Ian and his silent but forceful stage presence, Leo’s winks and smirks into the crowd, and all of Trevor’s anxiety and jitters tunneled into his pure talent on the drums.

I’m proud.