Fat

The nurses make me stand on the scale each day I’m here, and they make me look at the numbers that keep rising and make me feel even worse. They congratulated me today for reaching 35 kilograms. I looked at them like they were crazy. How could putting on weight be a good thing? My answer: It’s not, but the nurses, Mother, Jake and Lucas think otherwise. They all had the biggest smiles on their faces, and when Mother and the nurses left my room – Mother to go home for the day, and the nurses to go do something else – Jake hugged me tightly, crushing me. Lucas told me he was proud of me and kissed me on the cheek close to my mouth. It was the closest he’d gotten to actually kissing me in nearly a month, but I wanted more.

“L-Lucas?”

“Mm?”

“D-do you…do you still…w-want me?” I asked in a teeny voice.

He didn’t hear me. “Huh?”

I raised my voice a little bit.

“Do you still want to be my b-boyfriend? E-even though I’m l-like…this?”

“Oh, Cale. Honey, of course I do”

“Then why won’t you kiss me? Am I really that disgusting?” I couldn’t stop the tears from welling in my eyes. Lucas gently touched the pad of his thumb under my eye and stopped the only tear that fell.

“Baby, the only reason I haven’t is because I didn’t think you’d want to, not because I don’t want to. I do, so badly. And you’re not disgusting. You’re sick, but you’re still the most adorable thing on the planet”

Then he kissed me. Properly. (Jake ‘awww’ed.)

Lucas didn’t put his tongue in my mouth, but that was okay. I still felt all warm and happy in my tummy.

And then someone walked into my room. I swear my heart stopped (in fact, I know it did, because my heart monitor that the doctors have insisted to be kept on said so). I thought it was Mother at first, because she’s really been the only one apart from the nurses (who, it turns out, were having their dinner) and Jake and Lucas (who were already in my room) that came to visit me. But luckily it wasn’t, because I was still kissing Lucas and the only reason I knew someone was there was because Jake cleared his throat and awkwardly said “hi” to the person.

It was Marissa. As soon as she spotted what Lucas and I were doing, she squealed.

“Oh my god, Caleb? You have a boyfriend and you didn’t tell me?!” Then she turned to Lucas. “Hi, I’m Marissa, Cale’s cousin. Who are you?”

“Umm…I’m Lucas? Caleb’s boyfriend?”

Marissa smiled for about a second, and then frowned. “You look a lot older than Cale…”

“I’m 18”

She nodded, and then looked at Jake.

He spoke up before she could ask. “I’m Jake. Caleb’s friend from school”

“Nice to meet you, Jake-with-an-Irish-accent”

He blushed, but smiled.

“Anywho” Yes, that’s actually what she said. “Can I have a bit of time alone with my baby cousin?”

Both Lucas and Jake nodded, but I begged them to stay. Jake shook his head and said that I really needed to talk to her, and Lucas pecked me on the lips and told me he’d be back later. He had to go do a shoot anyway, he told me.

As soon as they left, Marissa started. She yelled as loudly as she was allowed in a hospital about how silly I’d been for letting my eating disorder get this far (I wasn’t quick enough to tell her that I don’t have an eating disorder. A diet is not an eating disorder.), how I should’ve come to her for help if I needed it, how she knew something was up and asked me why I never told her I had a boyfriend and what made me think I needed to lose weight in the first place.

I took it all in silence, and didn't answer her questions, and she got angry at me for a moment, then relaxed, and told me how worried she’d been for me. Then I started crying, and apologising, and she hugged me. She was crying, too.

Eventually we both calmed down, and we just sat there holding each other and sniffing occasionally until Lucas came back. Marissa left then, telling Lucas and I that we were really cute together. I asked her not to tell anyone about us and she nodded.

Lucas kissed me quickly, and then took the place that Marissa was occupying a moment before. He kept placing kisses in my hair at random times and I fell asleep for a little while. It was nice. He’s really comfortable.

He’s just left, after staying with me for 3 hours, telling me that he’ll be back tomorrow, as always.

He’s so perfect.

Now I’m going to sleep, the nurse is taking my laptop again.

He does want me!