Fat

The nurses told me this morning that tomorrow I'm going to be moved to a ward for people with bad eating disorders and who haven't been able to recover at home. It's kind of like a rehab, I guess, but I don't need to go to rehab. I've told everyone so many times that I DO NOT have an eating disorder and that I just want to go home but they never listen. 

I feel really sick. I want to throw up but I'm not allowed to. Food still feels really weird in my stomach. Eating always makes me feel sick. But this time I don't think I feel sick because of food, I think it's because I'm nervous. I'm scared of meeting new people. 

At least I'm allowed to have visitors. Lucas said that he'll still come and visit me everyday so I'm glad about that but it's not the same as being at home, or even in my own hospital room, but now that the doctors have given me the all-clear after my kidney and heart failure, I have to leave. 

I'm so nervous. But Lucas is here now. Hopefully he'll make me feel better.

Oh my gosh, his smile is amazing (he just smiled at me). I should go now so that he doesn't try to look at what I'm writing. 

He just called me "gorgeous". He's obviously never looked in a mirror before.