Fat

I got woken up this morning by Lucas. So much for going to bed when I did last night so that I’d be awake when he arrived. I woke up to him stroking my hair and talking to the nurse, Jessie, about what I tried to do last night. I kept my eyes shut. I didn’t want to see the disappointment on his face. He sighed when she told him, but when he spoke, I was surprised.

“I know how hard it is for him. I went through the same thing a couple of years ago. I relapsed half a dozen times before it finally got through to me that I can stay in good shape without purging…”

I gasped then, and that gave me away. I opened my eyes.

“Hi, sweetie” Lucas said, and leaned down to kiss me on the forehead.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted to wait until you were recovering well before I told you. It didn’t help me much when I was going through it to have people who’d beat it before telling me about how hard it was and all that sh*t. I went through it myself; you’re going through it now. You know that it’s hard”

“B-but, Lucas, you’re beautiful…you don’t need to –”

“Caleb…” he whispered, and then he kissed me hard for a few seconds before pulling away again. “You are beautiful, too, but you won’t believe it when anyone tells you. It took me a long time to realise this myself, but baby, nobody in the entire world is ugly. Especially not you”

“Bu –”

“No arguments” he said, and kissed me again and almost immediately put his tongue in my mouth; even though I’m sure I had morning breath. From the corner of my eye, I saw Jessie leave the room, smirking to herself. I flushed slightly, but, to be completely honest, I didn’t really care that she saw. I just love the feeling of kissing Lucas, although it sometimes scares me how fast we’re moving with all the kissing. I mean, really, we’ve only been a couple for just over a month and sometimes we spend like half an hour just exploring each other’s mouths. And this morning he kind of pulled me out of bed and made me sit facing him on his lap (even though I was still in my Superman pyjamas) (and he didn’t even break the kiss either). And he put his hands on my enormous, fat butt! (He kind of yelled at me when I said that after I squealed when he did so, so that’s why those words are crossed out. Doesn't make it any less true though.) And he kept them on there, after he finished yelling and started kissing me again. I swear he squeezed a little bit once… It can’t have felt nice for him. It wasn’t bad for me though.

I’m exhausted. Lucas has just left because he needs to finish up the photo shoot from yesterday. He said he didn’t want to leave, but he said that the photographer is a bitch and wouldn’t pay him if he didn’t come today as well.

I think I’m going to go back to sleep for a while. Maybe I’ll get to miss lunch cause I’m asleep? That’s always a good thing.

I still can’t believe that about Lucas. He’s too beautiful.