Fat

It's been another week and I still hate it here. The doctors say I'm allowed to go home in 10 days but I have to come in 3 times a week for therapy still. I've put on another 2 and a half kilos. I'm 40 kilos now and I feel fatter than ever. The therapist wants to tell me about that Body Dysmorphia thing but I don't want to know so I just ignore her when she starts. Lucas told me I should listen though because understanding my "illness" is a good start to getting "better". I don't know how many times I've had to tell him and everyone else that I'm not sick but I've just given up and started to agree with them that I am, even though I know I'm not. I think they believe me. The first time I agreed with Lucas that I need to get better, he gave me the biggest smile and kissed me really hard, which became a half an hour make out. I'm sorry that I lied to him, but that kissing was really good. 

I think Lucas wants to go further though. He always puts his hands on my butt now and kind of rubs and squeezes a lot. It's really weird, but it feels really nice. He also kisses my neck a lot, and the other day he left a mark that looks like a bruise on my collarbone. He always looks at it and smiles when he comes to visit. Like he's proud of it, like he's saying in his head "yeah, I put that there". 

Speaking of bruise-type marks, Jake came to visit me yesterday when Lucas was at work and he was covered in them. They were all over his neck and collarbone and I could see two on his chest where his v-neck t-shirt didn't cover. He also had a goofy look on his face and he kept smiling randomly. He finally told me why he was acting kind of strangely. He's got a girlfriend. Her name is Alexis and it's easy to tell that he really likes her. She's in his Maths class. I think I know which Alexis he's talking about, but I hope I'm wrong. From what I've heard, she's a bit...easy... I don't want Jake getting hurt but he seems happy enough right now. I asked him about his bruises and he said he and Alexis were a "very physical couple". Whatever that means. He didn't explain. But he said that when I get out of here, he, Alexis, Lucas and I should go on a double date. I'm not so sure about a double date, but it would be nice to go out once I'm free and Jake is really keen so we probably will. 

10 days. 
Why can't I just leave now?