Fat

Okay, I am so over this. I am sick of being in this house with Mother constantly watching over me like a hawk. I swear she listens at the door when I go to the bathroom and then pretends that she’s just walking past when I come out. And she forces me to eat about 5 meals a day, which I hate so much.

And when Lucas is here, she literally pops her head in my doorway every 2 minutes and asks: “are you alright in here?” or “can I get you boys anything?” and just generally butting in. I want to tell her to leave us alone, but then she might get even more suspicious about me and Lucas being together.

She nearly caught us kissing once today. I was sitting on Lucas’ lap and his hands were up the back of my shirt, rubbing the fat of my back with his cool hands and his tongue was battling with mine in my mouth and we were both getting pretty into it… And then Mother opened the door AGAIN! I jumped so violently I fell on the floor and hit my head on my bedside table.

I think I knocked myself out because the next thing I remember, I was lying flat out on my bed, with Lucas on one side and Mother on the other, looking at me worriedly. They’ve made me stay on my bed all afternoon. Lucas is still sitting with me; he’s sitting behind me with his arms around me, and I’m leaning against his chest. He can see what I’m writing right now and told me to say that I’m beautiful. No I’m not. He told me to cross that out…

Mother went out to buy something for dinner. I don’t know what, but I hope it’s not too fattening.

My head still hurts.

Lucas told me to stop writing now because he wants to kiss me more before Mother comes home, so I’m going now.

I can’t believe I’m actually writing this, but I actually am looking forward to going back to school, so I can get away from Mother’s constant surveillance…