Fat

It nearly killed me when Mother came into my room this morning. She was looking so serious, it was frightening. I started shaking right away, and I felt like I was going to be sick. I had no idea what she was going to say to me, or what she was going to do. All these questions were running through my head and making it pound.

She didn’t even glance towards me, still in my bed, until she walked over to my window and opened my curtains so that the morning light could shine through.

Then she sat down right on the edge of my bed and sighed.

She still didn’t look at me, or say a word for what felt like a year. After a while I just decided to get it all over with. I was just about to open my mouth to speak, but she beat me to it.

“Caleb? You-you are… you’re g-”

“Yes” I whispered. I went bright red. I couldn’t even let her say the word.

“Is Lucas y-your… your…”

“Boyfriend?”

She nodded.

“Yes”

She sighed, and then looked down at her hands for ages, silent.
I was so, so nervous.
I had to know how she felt about it all. I had to.

“M-mummy? T-tell me what you th-think. Please…please…”

She sighed again, and then finally looked at me. She had tears in her eyes.

“Caleb… I-I don’t like this. I don’t. In all honesty, I wish this was different, a dream – well, a nightmare – and I’ll wake up tomorrow laughing… but, that’s not going to happen. Cale…you’re still my son. I love you. I don’t like your choice in sexuality, but, I still love you.”

“It’s not a choice, Mum…” I said quietly, and she gave me a weak smile. “I love you too”

Then, she surprised me. She hugged me. We’ve never really been an affectionate family, but it was nice. I started crying, and so did she. We just cried into each other’s shoulders for a good 10 minutes, then I pulled away.

“Mum?”

“Mm?”

“A-are you going to t-tell Dad?” I was so scared just then. Mother was literally holding my life in her hands at that moment. She could have done anything with it.
She paused for a few seconds.

“No. I’m not. Your father…he wouldn’t understand… Heck, I don’t understand, but… Honey, I won’t tell him. He doesn’t have much tolerance for gays”

“I know… Mum? Thank you…for-for accepting me…and for not telling Dad”

“You’re welcome Caleb. Just please…don’t let me catch you and Lucas doing that again, okay?”

“I promise”

Then she stood up, and walked out. Her hand was resting on her slowly expanding belly. I think she has a doctor’s appointment soon…

I’m going to call Lucas now and tell him what happened. He tried calling me when he got home last night but I didn’t really want to talk to him then. I was too upset. I should apologise for that first, and tell him the good(ish) news.