Fat

Tomorrow is my anniversary with Lucas! It’s actually really hard to believe that he has put up with me for so long. I don’t think many other guys would want to stick around with a fat loser like me, but I’m so grateful that he has. I love him so much, even though we’ve only been together for 3 months. I’m just sad that I won’t get to hang out with him after school tomorrow because he has to work and then study for a maths exam for Friday. He told me yesterday that he begged his parents for hours to let him be with me but they really want him to at least pass one maths exam this year. He said he’s failed every one so far and he doesn’t even care! He said that models don’t need to know trigonometry or “any of that other sh*t”. Father would kill me if I failed! He’s so obsessed with grades. Sometimes I think the only reason he tolerates me is because I get good grades…

Which reminds me – the reason I haven’t written for the last couple of days is that, on Sunday, when Jake phoned me, he reminded me in passing that we had a big science assignment that was due today that I had completely forgotten about, so I was spending most of my time working on that.

But apart from Jake reminding me of the science assignment, we had a really good conversation on Sunday. I did ask him about phones and he said that soon we’ll go over to the shopping centre and look at some and he’ll help me pick one. We also chatted about our relationships. He said that his and Alexis’ is going well. They have been together for about a month and a half now and he really likes her. I’m still not too sure about her and her motives for being with him but I’m happy that he’s happy. He told me that the weekend before last they had sex for the first time together. I was a little bit shocked; not shocked that they have done it, because a lot of people in my year have already had multiple sexual partners and I know that Alexis has been with other guys before (I don’t know about Jake though, I didn’t ask), but shocked because he spoke about it so casually. If it was me I’d still be freaking out about it. Jake said that he enjoyed it though and that Alexis is “f*cking awesome”. I think he means that she’s awesome at sex but I’m not sure. I didn’t ask because I didn’t really want him to explain. I’d feel too awkward hearing about it and thinking about girls sexually kinda grosses me out.

I wonder when Lucas and I will have sex…

Oh my gosh! I just realised I wrote “when” and not “if” Lucas and I will have sex! I didn’t even think about it, it just happened that way.

Wow. Maybe my mind is becoming more corrupted by Jake and Mel than I thought.

I would like to have sex with him though, some day. That’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re in love, isn’t it?