Fat

I had yesterday and today off from school as well. The bruises on my cheek and eye are fading but my ribs are still killing me. Mother took me to the doctors yesterday to get an X-Ray because she thought that they might have been broken when Dustin and his stupid friends beat me but apparently there weren’t any breaks. Just bruising.

I’ve finally managed to stop crying, too. For the time being, at least. Any little thing seems to set me off though.

The party started out okay. He and I arrived about 15 minutes after the time on the invitation and the music was already loud. There were already a lot of people there but we were able to find the others easily enough. Jake had already had at least one drink because I could smell it on his breath when he hugged me and said hello. I don’t know what it was but it smelled pretty strong. Andi, Mel, Daniel and Alex were there as well, kind of just hanging in the background; the boys with beers in their hands and the girls with some sort of bright coloured spirit thing. I remember thinking that if I was going to try a drink tonight it’d be one of them, because they looked pretty nice.

We were all just standing around for a while, trying to talk over the blaring music, when Alexis danced her way over and jumped on Jake. They started making out in front of everyone and I could feel myself blushing red because I’m just not used to seeing that kind of public display of affection and it made me uncomfortable. I think he noticed because he put his arm around me and led me away, smiling slightly as he did so. He said something like “baby, it’s a normal part of any relationship to be comfortable with kissing one another in public. It’s like the main part of a wedding, remember?”

I can’t remember what I replied but it probably wasn’t very interesting. It never is.

The two of us managed to find a semi-quiet spot in Alexis’ place and stayed there for a while, talking a little bit and him kissing me sometimes. He was saying lots of nice things like he actually meant them and he made me blush a lot, which was never unusual. I think we were sitting in our quiet spot for maybe an hour, an hour and a half at most when everything turned to complete sh*t.

I’d been getting a bit thirsty so when Jake managed to find us and asked me to go somewhere with him to have a “private conversation between only us”, I went with him without too much hesitation. He got up and followed Jake and I out of the room but went in the other direction to where we were heading. I assumed he was going to find the others.

Jake was pretty drunk and it was really hard to understand what the hell he was talking about but I think it may have been something about how much he loves Alexis and that he’s going to ask her to marry him. It didn’t seem to occur to him that he’s only been with her for a few months and that he’s only 15 and nothing I said could get through to him. I let him ramble on for a little while until he decided that he needed more alcohol and we both went inside to find drinks.

The moment we stepped foot inside, there was a loud cheer coming from the dance floor area. Of course, Jake and I wanted to see what the fuss was all about so we went to have a look.

And in the centre of the dance floor was Sammy and Lucas making out.

I just stopped breathing. I literally couldn’t do anything, only stare in disbelief. I felt tears but did nothing to wipe them away. I knew Jake was trying to talk to me but I didn’t hear a word he said.
After a little while, I snapped out of my horrified stupor and rushed over to the drinks table, grabbed a bottle in each hand and left the house, found a spot in Alexis’ front yard and sat down on the grass.
I struggled to open the first bottle but eventually I was able to get to the colourful liquid inside and I downed the drink scarily fast. It was only then that I wiped the tears away. I managed to open the second bottle much easier, but I took my time drinking this one, letting myself actually taste it. I was crying hard by the time I finished it, I can remember that.

I’d heard that you shouldn’t drink alcohol on an empty stomach but I didn’t particularly care at that moment but what I didn’t realise was that it was affecting my head more than I was comfortable with.

I found out soon enough though.

When I saw Dustin and his gang of idiots emerging from Alexis’ house, I tried to stand up and move so that they wouldn’t see me and terrorise me. It didn’t go as planned and I made a lot more noise than I wanted as I stumbled into the colorbond fence separating Alexis’ house from her neighbours and my belt scraped the material.

Of course they heard and came over to me, all of them with matching sneers on their faces.
“Hey, fag. Whatsa matter? Your boyfriend f*cking some other guy, huh? Yeah, that’s right. We know you suck dick. That really is disgusting, you know," Dustin said to me with a massive grin.
“Leave me alone” was all I could come up with in retaliation. He and the others just laughed.
I wanted to walk away from them but they’d surrounded me and I was pinned against the fence.
“Please…”
“HA! I’ve been waiting for this opportunity for a long time, Chubbs…” Dustin said menacingly and then nodded to the others.

Two of them grabbed me by my arms, and held me. I struggled for a few moments but they were much too strong for me, so I just closed my eyes and waited.

The first punch was still a shock though. And the second, and third. By the fourth, I was done. I stopped feeling it and just waited for them to be finished.

I don’t know how long they hit me for, but when they stopped, I could taste blood in my mouth and feel it sliding down my face. I could hear them laughing as they pulled me up from the ground and moved me to a bush that was growing in Alexis’ front yard, trying to find a way to hide me in there I assume.

Faintly, I heard someone calling my name, and Dustin and everyone stopped whatever they were doing and ran off, still laughing.

I just let myself close my eyes and hope to fall asleep.

The next pair of hands that grabbed me was gentle, and I heard Jake’s Irish accent softly speaking my name. I mumbled something unintelligible to show him I was okay, and then went to sleep.

I dreamed that Lucas loved me.