Fat

I went out for coffee with Marissa and her new boyfriend, Matt, today. I didn’t want to go, but Mother practically forced me to go. She said that she would take away my laptop if I didn’t go. That’s pretty much the only thing that’s keeping me sane right now so I couldn’t have her take it away.
I felt really sick and wanted to throw up but I couldn’t because there was nothing to throw up. I tried, but I only got bile.

I don’t know if it was from hunger or nerves, but I was shaking when Marissa’s car pulled up outside my house. Mother pushed me out the door and I stumbled a little bit on the driveway and nearly fell over because I was feeling so weak I couldn’t even keep my body upright. Mother asked me if I was okay but I didn’t answer, just concentrated on getting to the car in one piece.

Marissa was driving and her boyfriend was in the passenger seat. He turned around when I got in the back and said hello with a bright smile. I tried to smile back but I was mostly trying not to be sick. Marissa told Matt that I’m really shy so not to worry about my lack of communication.

I stayed quiet on the drive to the coffee shop. Marissa and Matt were chatting but I didn’t join in. They were talking about the university subjects they are going to take at the end of this month and were still talking about that when we arrived at the café. We went inside, found a table straight away and checked out the menu. Marissa said she would order for us so I asked for a green tea and Matt asked for a double-shot cappuccino and she went off.

I would have been quite happy if Matt and I just sat in silence but he didn’t seem to want to. He asked me about school and what I wanted to do after school, even though I still have two and a half years left. When I said I didn’t know he asked me what I like doing. I shrugged but said I like writing and movies. Matt said that maybe I could be a movie reviewer or something. I smiled, and got lost thinking about that possibility.

Marissa came back soon after that. She commented on my drink choice. “Why aren’t you getting your caramel latte, Cale? That’s your favourite.”
“I feel sick so I thought green tea would be better.”
“Why do you feel sick?”
“I dunno.”
“Did you eat breakfast this morning?”
“Yes.” I answered Marissa’s question way too defensively and her eyes narrowed. I didn’t eat breakfast. I told Mother we were going out for brunch, even though Marissa said it was just a coffee because her and Matt were meeting up with some friends for lunch afterwards.
“Caleb… Are you ‘dieting’ again?” She moved her fingers like she was quoting when she said ‘dieting’.
“NO!” I almost shouted. Marissa opened her mouth to speak again but Matt cut her off.
“Riss, leave him alone. Green tea’s good for you. If he feels sick it’ll help.”

I decided I liked Matt then. I wasn’t sure about him before. He changed the subject and they happily chatted while we had our drinks. I’m glad Lucas didn’t come up in conversation. I don’t think I could have held myself together if Marissa had said anything. We stayed for another fifteen minutes after our cups had been cleared away and then we left, Marissa and Matt taking me home before they went off to see their friends.

I mumbled “thanks” to them as I stepped out of the car and they said they hoped I feel better. I did feel a bit better after having the green tea, but it made me want to pee.

It was mid-afternoon before I started feeling really dizzy and sick again. I barely made it back to my bedroom after a bathroom trip before I collapsed on my bed and slept for four hours. I missed dinner but even if I wanted to eat I don’t think I can. My chest feels really tight and uncomfortable, like my heart and lungs are pushing hard against my ribs.

I hope that I can just sleep it off, because I really don’t want to tell Mother. She will just worry and send me to a hospital. I’m fine. I’ll be fine.