Fat

School was bad. No, it was terrible. I felt sick all day but I knew I wouldn’t be allowed to come home on the first day of term. Mother never would have let me. The first thing anyone said to me when I arrived at school was “hey faggot, did you get f*cked up the ass by your pretty boy boyfriend in the holiday? Oh, wait… he wouldn’t want to see your fat ass naked, right?” That was Dustin. I tried to scoot around him since he was standing in front of me, but he moved to the side with me, continuing to block me. “Well?” he said. “Did he see the rolls of flab under your clothes?”

“You seem very interested in what’s under Caleb’s clothes, Dustin. Maybe you’re the ‘faggot’.”
I turned around to see Jake standing there with his arms crossed. I glanced back at Dustin who had a disgusted look on his face. He said “Ugh I’m no f*cking homo.”

“Then stop talking about wanting to see Caleb naked and f*ck off” Jake said back. Dustin scowled, but walked away. Jake is taller than him so if it came to a fight Jake could probably take him. Plus Dustin didn’t have his friends with him and he’s a coward without them.

“Are you okay?” Jake asked me. I just nodded and started walking into the school building. Jake followed me. “How was your holiday?”
“It was okay. Did you –” I began to ask Jake whether it was him that gave Andi my phone number when I was cut off by Lucas calling my name. I stopped walking and stared at him, not really knowing what to do.

“Caleb… please will you talk to me?” Lucas said. “I’m so sorry about everything. I…”
He was cut off by a voice that came from behind me and Jake. “Oh, I see, Tubs, so you and Pretty Boy are having trouble in paradise?” Dustin was back and this time he had his friends with him, who all laughed with him.
“Leave us alone, d*ckhead,” Jake said to Dustin.
“No, I want to see how this pans out. Cause I mean, it’s no surprise that Tubs can’t keep a boyfriend. Look at him,” Dustin said, laughing even more and poking me hard in the side. I leaped out of his reach with tears stinging my eyes.

“Why?” I asked quietly. I don’t know what exactly I was asking. Why does he have to pick on me? Why does he care who I’m with or not with? Why does it mean so much to him that I’m miserable at all costs? I don’t know.

Dustin leaned closer to me and said one word as a reply to my question.
“Because.”

Then he grinned.

I ran off as the tears fell. I heard Dustin laughing and Jake and Lucas calling after me, but I didn’t stop until I reached a bathroom, throwing myself against the door to open it. I just made it to the toilet when I threw up the breakfast Mother made me eat before I left the house.

Lucas and Jake caught up to me a few moments later and I didn’t even care that they caught me with my fingers down my throat and my hand covered in vomit. They immediately knew exactly what I was doing and I just didn’t care. I struggled with Lucas as he tried to pull my hand out of my mouth. I just wanted every vile thing out of my stomach. Lucas and Jake were shouting at me but my ears weren’t working properly. They were ringing and I couldn’t understand what they were saying. With every movement I made as I struggled against Lucas, I felt weaker. My head was getting dizzy and I couldn’t keep full control of my body. My throat felt dry and sore. I was screaming and crying and fighting and eventually, everything went black.

I don’t know how long I was passed out for, but when I woke up again, I was in the sick bay with my mother fussing over me and signing me out of school for the day.

And guess where I am now. The f*cking hospital. Again.

Mother is sitting next to me reading a magazine. Lucas is on my other side. He spoke to my mother when she came to pick me up and asked to come to the hospital with us. He was the one who asked Mother to go past the house and pick up my laptop for me. He knows writing keeps me calm. He knows me too well.

The doctor just called my name. I wonder what he’s going to diagnose me with this time.