Behind Blue Eyes

Brian had Ember in his arms, poking her and turning his head like he wasn't the one doing it. Needless to say, she was starting to get aggravated with him. "Stop it!" She yelled to him and he stopped and looked at her awkwardly. Yeah, she had Jimmy's anger at times. She obviously didn't want to deal with any one's bullshit today.

"Some one's in a mood today," Brian said, joining me in the kitchen.

I chuckled a bit. "If you weren't annoying her she wouldn't get mad at you," I pointed out earning a sigh from Brian.

The guys were making me go out today. They said I had been too stressed out lately and I deserved a day out. Jason Berry was going to watch Ember for me. He had watched her before and I trusted him because she always had a good time with Jason.

"Where exactly are we going?" I asked the guys that were all piled in Brian's SUV.

"To a bar, so you can relax," Johnny said smiling at me.

"I still have to take care of a three year old when I get home," I pointed out.

"No, Jason is staying the night so he could watch Ember," Brian said, earning a glare from me.

"You guys are very secretive and I don't like it."

"How do you think we actually keep things from our fans?" Matt said with a smirk. I groaned as we pulled up to Johnny's Bar. Oh, the things we used to do here back in the day. Jimmy actually asked me out for the first time here. Of course he was drunk off his ass and he couldn't walk straight. But the look in his bloodshot eyes when he asked me out let me know he really meant it.

"Well, I plan on getting shitfaced then," I said with a smile.

As we walked into the bar, many memories came back to me. Like the time me and Brian were playing strip pool and got me down to my bra before I kicked Brian's ass and he was in his boxers.

Jimmy has passed out on one of the pool tables one time. He actually slept there all night because we knew the owner. So many good and bad memories in this place but it was always a place I liked coming to reminisce on the things in life that I had gotten through, with my great, loving, crazy, psychotic family.

After about my fifth Heineken, my eye sight was becoming more blurry and I was now stumbling around the bar, trying to keep my balance on things. When it came to alcohol, I was a light weight. I wasn't always that way, especially with being with Jimmy. But once I got pregnant, I never went back really. This was my first time having a drop of alcohol in months and it felt nice to let loose.

"Having fun?" Brian asked as I took a seat beside him at the bar. He looked amused with my condition at the moment. My arm was draped on the bar, with my head resting on it.

"Very much so, but I feel guilty being here and not with Ember."

"Alice, you're with her twenty four seven. Don't you think you need a break every now and then?" I looked at him with scrunched eyes as I thought about. I never did have a break, unless the guys were over keeping her entertained. But then again, I loved taking care of Ember. Even if she drove me up a wall some days.

"But you don't know what it's like to be a parents. You get new emotions." He really didn't understand what it was like to be a parent. It was hard work.

"I think Ember is the closest I'm getting to being a parent," He said, taking a swig from his beer. I was confused to that answer. I lifted up my head and looked at him with worried eyes. I knew when I needed to sober up.

"What happen?" I asked, genuinely concerned.

"Michelle and I are just going through some rough patches. It's nothing."

"Nothing? You've been together for eight years, married for three. What's going on Bri?"

"I don't know. We're just losing that spark, I guess." This had me really concerned for their relationship. Although me and Michelle weren't on the best of terms, I couldn't see her without Brian. Like I couldn't see Matt without Val. They were literally the most perfect couple and if they ever divorced, I really wouldn't know what to think. "It's fine though, Aly. We'll pull through somehow," He smiled, but that smile didn't fool me.

"I'm always here for you," I said, smiling at him before Matt taking my arm and going to the other side of the bar. He had shots lined up for me. Oh Lord, this was going to be a long night.



I groaned as I felt the same annoying headache I had remembered from back in the day. I put my pillow over my head, blocking the light from my eyes. "Hey sleepy head," I jumped at the sound of a man's voice, but I noticed it was just Jason.

"I forgot you were here," I mumbled as I took the pillow off my face. He was standing at the side of my bed with two advil and a glass of water in his hand. "I love you so much right now." I smiled and took the pills, drinking a bit of the water.

"It's the least I can do. You were always on top of our hangover's when we were out on tour," I laughed, remembering me stacking up on all the advil I could get. If I wasn't on tour with them, I would text them in the morning to remind them where the advil was.

"The things I do for you guys. Is Ember up?"

"No, she's taking a nap downstairs."

"A nap? What time is it?"

"Almost two."

"Why didn't you wake me up earlier? You could have gone home."

"Aly, it's okay. Besides, you looked too peaceful to wake up," He chuckled.

"I probably look like major shit, huh?"

"Well if you minus the racoon eyes, no."

I laughed, "Asshole," I threw the pillow at him and got up out of bed. "Can you just stay here until I'm done with my shower?" When he nodded, I grabbed my towel and headed to the master bathroom, stripping my clothes and jumping in the hot shower.

"Mommy!" Ember yelled as she saw me coming down the stairs. I laughed as her tiny arms wrapped around my legs. I picked her up and balanced her on my hip. "Did you have fun being bad?" I furrowed my eyebrows at her before looking at Jason. "Uncle Jay said you were being a bad girl with Uncle Bri."

"Oh really?" I looked at Jason and smirked.

"Kids, they say the darndest things," Jason said with a nervous laugh before grabbing his jacket. "I'll see you later. Don't worry about paying me." Before I could say anything else he was out of the house.

"Mommy? Uncle Jay said daddy is in Heaven. Can we go Heaven and see him?" Hearing her say that was the saddest most depressing thing I had ever heard come out of her mouth yet the sweetest.

"Ember, daddy is sleeping in Heaven. We can't wake him up, okay? But one day, you can go jump up and down on his bed to wake him up." I gave her a smile. She was happy with that answer. It was times like these when I tried my hardest to stay strong for Ember, to let her know that everything was okay and that one, she would meet her father. I just didn't know what I was going to do when she started school, seeing that all of her friends had dad's to pick them up but she didn't. I didn't want her to feel like she didn't have something she deserved. Because she had him, he just wasn't here physically. Jimmy was watching over me and Ember, and for that, I was thankful.