Status: In progress; crazy with work will update as time allows....
My Everything
Chapter 20
Chapter 20: Moving on
It had been a week since my Aunt and mother had died. Billie had been sweet enough to pretty much make all of the arrangements for both funerals. The day after the funeral I spent all day in bed, not because I didn’t want to get out of bed, I just couldn’t go to far from the bathroom, and since it was the master bedroom it came with a bathroom included.
Jake and Joey were also over that day. Adrienne had some plans with her new boyfriend, so Billie and I were more than happy for them to be here. I had to practically throw Billie out of the room so he could spend time with his boys. I knew that he was glad they were there and I wanted him to spend some time with them. At least that’s what I thought. Joey stayed at the house with us, while Jake insisted that he wanted to got to a friends house saying ‘I don’t want to hang around a bunch of grown ups and Joey’ all the time smiling.
I had been laying down after a quick run to the bathroom when I heard a soft knock on the door. Billie had been in and out all day checking on me, even though I had told him not too. Tomorrow the guys would be going to Los Angeles to put on a concert. It had been awhile since they had done anything on stage. I would be home with Joey and Jake, I think. I looked up expecting the door to open, and Billie to come in and ask if I was okay, when it didn’t I spoke.
“It’s open.
At the sound of my voice the door cracked open and Joey stuck his head in.
“Is it all right if I come in? Dad and the guys went down to practice and I’m a little bored.” He asked standing in front of the open door.
“Yeah. So I’m your last resort from complete boredom?” I asked smiling, he took a few seconds before he realized that I was kidding. “You can come in I don’t think I’m contagious.” In fact I had a pretty good idea what it was, but until I had confirmation from the doctor I was going to keep it to myself.
At my words Joy stepped in and walked quietly over to the bed. Sitting beside me his eyes traveled to the pictures and photo album that I had scattered around me. There were many pictures of my Aunt, my friends, and me. I had many pictures to add to the album, many were of Billie and me, Takisha and Mike, Emi and Tre. Joey reached over my leg and grabbed one. He smiled lightly.
“This ones my favorite. Dad looks really happy. So do you. It’s been a long time since he has smiled like this.” He tapped the picture. Looking at his face I was happy that he accepted me, at least I think he did. He never came out and said it. He handed the picture back to me. Looking at it I saw that it was a picture of Billie and me. We were sitting on the couch in the living room, I was sitting on his lap laughing about something, looking at the camera. Billie, on the other hand, was looking at me while laughing. He had a huge smile on his face and his eyes were sparkling. I realized at that moment that even though Billie has told me that he loves me, his eyes said it in this picture.
“Yeah, that’s the happiest I’ve been in awhile. I was so happy that night, I realized I loved him that night. I couldn’t believe how well that party went. I was glad that you and your brother were able to come. I think it made your dad’s night that you two were there. He missed you terribly. I had a great time, I think he did too.” I looked up at Joey smiling.
“He loves you a lot, Jewels. You make my dad happy, I’m really glad you came back. I know that I should be like the sullen teenager that hates the new girl in his dad’s life because she’s taking the place of his mother, but I know you’re not taking her place and I know that you truly love my dad I just….want you to know that I love you too.” He looked away from me, eyes glistening.
“I love you too, Joey.” I reached over and touched his shoulder causing him to look back at me. At the look on his face I moved over and gave him a hug. Pulling back a few minutes later I patted him on the cheek. “Here, keep this.”
I handed him the photo. “Thanks, but is this the only one you have?”
“No I have another on in my bag somewhere.” I replied. “I’ll be right back.” I said as I dashed off to the bathroom, slamming the door shut as I went. I threw up once more. I walked out a few minutes later after brushing my teeth for the millionth time.
“Sorry.” I apologized a little embarrassed. I was over the embarrassment with Billie by now. That tends to happen when someone follows you to the bathroom all day to hold your hair back for you while you puke your guts out.
“That’s okay. It’s not like you can help it. Dad said you’ve been sick for the past couple days.” Joey watched me face and glanced towards the door before he asked his next question. “Are you pregnant?”
I looked at him for a few minutes wondering where he got his brains from. This kid was way to smart for his own good. “I think so….but Joey you can’t say anything to your dad. I want to find out for sure first. I’m going later today after your dad and the guys leave for the concert in LA. Are you guys staying here or going to your mothers?”
“Mom’s….Ummm….I’m going to go hang out in the basement with Dad.” He said standing up. Waving the picture “Thanks for the picture.”
“Okay I’ll be leaving in an hour or so hopefully.” I said turning my attention back to the photo album as he walked out the door.
**TWO HOURS LATER**
I sat silently in the passenger seat of Takisha’s car. I was scared to death about what I would find out today. I had been going over the idea in my head for the past couple of days and I may not exactly be ready to have a baby but I was plenty old enough and I knew that Billie would be there for me, at least I hoped he would. My biggest fear is what his reaction is going to be. If he doesn’t want this baby, my heart will break because I will NOT get rid of it. I’m afraid he won’t want to be a father again.
“Jewels…Jewels…” Emi said snapping her fingers in front of my face the best she could from the backseat while buckled in. “You okay? You’re like in your own little world.”
“I’m fine…just a little scared.” I sighed, speaking truthfully as I smiled wanly.
“Scared? Why would you be scared?” Kisha asked. “You’re just sick right?”
“I’m not positive….but I think….I think I might be pregnant…but I haven’t slept with Billie since the night we met. I mean wouldn’t I be showing or starting to show by now.” I stammered refusing to look at them by looking out the window.
“Not necessarily. Some lucky girls barely show through the entirety of their pregnancy.” Kisha stated as we pulled into the office parking lot. “We’re here.”
I took a deep breath and opened the car door.
“Ready to find out for sure or not?” Emi asked looking at me through concerned eyes.
“I have to find out I think I’m beginning to freak Billie out with all the throwing up. I mean he hasn’t complained or anything but I can tell by his eyes that he’s starting to get worried.” I trailed off as I pushed on the building door but it wouldn’t open. I stopped and looked at the door before turning around. “Guys the door won’t open.”
“Ummm…Jewels it uhhh….says pull….not push. I think the nerves are getting to you.” Emi stated trying not to laugh and failing. Kisha soon joined in her laughter.
“Shut up guys. I have other things on my mind.” I said cracking a smile. I missed my friends. I walked up to the nurses desk and got the required paperwork. I made my way back to the girls in the waiting room.
“Don’t you think he would have an idea that you could be pregnant. I mean he does have two sons. He was around Adrienne when she was pregnant with them.” Kisha stated.
“Kisha, he is a guy. Maybe he’s not putting two and two together.” Emi said. “He’s probably oblivious.”
By the time the doctor called me back to the examination room we were all convinced that I was pregnant and that Billie was a blind motherfucker. I sat on the examination chair while the doctor looked over my file.
“So you’ve been feeling ill lately. Throwing up and such Ms. Haynesworth?” Dr Marks asked
“Yes, its been mostly all morning and later at night.” I looked at him before deciding to tell him my thoughts. “I think I might be pregnant.” I colored slightly.
“Well, we’ll just have to test you. I’ll get a nurse in here to take some blood. The we should have the result within the next 24 hours. You gave the nurse up front your contact information” I nodded “So we’ll contact you when the results as soon as we get them.”
“Thank you doctor. Ummmm….I was wondering if a guy answers could you not say anything about me being pregnant. That is if I am.” I didn’t want Billie to find out from someone else if I was.
“We can’t release that type of information to anyone but you Ms. Haynesworth. So no worries.” Dr. Marks smiled before leaving the room. The nurse came in not to long after and took some blood. Soon I was leaving the doctor’s office following Kisha and Emi and we headed back home.
By the time we reached home I was exhausted. I went upstairs almost immediately and crashed on the bed. The guys had already left for the concert and Adrienne had picked up Jake and Joey before I had even left for the doctor.
I was just falling asleep when my cell phone rang. Groaning I answered it.
“Hello?”
“Jewels, Did I wake you? It’s Billie.”
“I was almost asleep but that’s okay. What’s up?” I asked curiously.
“Nothing just wanted to make sure that you were okay. You’re all by yourself. What did the doctor say?” H asked. I could hear the concern in his voice.
“Well I really won’t know anything until tomorrow. He took some blood. It didn’t seem to be anything that could be found right then. So now it’s a waiting game.” I said hoping I wasn’t giving to much away. I didn’t want to tell him over the phone.
“Oh okay. You’re alright though right?” I smiled at his concern.
“Yes I’m fine. I’ll probably just go to sleep until tomorrow.” I yawned loudly. I heard him chuckle. “Sorry.”
“S’okay, I’ll talk to you later baby. We’re getting ready to go on. I love you.” He said.
“I love you too, Billie.” I replied smiling before we both hung up.
**NEXT MORNING**
The girls and I were sitting in the living room watching soaps, well not really watching them, more like making fun of them. Everything had gotten quiet except the murmur of the TV as we all got lost in our thoughts. All of us jumped startled when the phone rang loudly breaking the silence.
I grabbed the phone quickly before it woke Billie. I was shaking slightly. “Hello?”
“Juliet Haynesworth?” A snooty female voice asked.
“Yes, this is she.”
“This is Martha from Dr. Marks office. We have your test results.” She said pausing.
“And what are my results?” I asked impatiently. I had a feeling she was testing my excitement level. Bitch.
“Congratulations, you’re two months along.” She said. I heard the smile in her voice. The confirmation scared the shit out of me. I put the phone down and let the information sink it before I smiled.
“I’m pregnant!” I stated as Emi squealed and gave me a hug. “Two months.”
“I’m gonna be an Auntie…well…in a sense.” She said smiling. Her smiled dropped as she concentrated on something. “Wait so if you’re two months almost three months along then that means you’ve been *Prego* this entire time. Ever since St. Louis. Wow.” She smiled at me.
“Are you going to tell Billie?” Takisha asked.
“Of course…I just don’t exactly know how I have until tomorrow to figure that out. He’s got that show in LA tonight. So I have time to think. I’m scared of how he’ll react.”
“Billie will be ecstatic. If you’re lucky maybe you’ll have a little girl for him to spoil. Not to mention me.” Emi said.
“Yeah, a girl would be nice.” I said smiling. “Do you think I should tell his mom or let him?”
“Let him. It’ll probably be really important for him to tell his mom.” Kisha said
“Okay guys if it’s alright with you I’m going to go change into my bathing suit while I can still fit in it and go lounge by the pool.” I said standing up and walking upstairs.
“I WANNA GRILL FOOD!” I heard Emi yell after me.
“OH NO YOU DON’T! YOU’LL KILL US ALL. I THINK WE SHOULD LET TAKISHA COOK. WE HAVEN’T TRIED HER COOKING YET! “ I yelled down the stairs.
“OKAY!”
I wasn’t ready to tell Billie yet but I had to tell him soon. Very soon. I was going to start showing. I already had a very small bump. So later I wouldn’t be able to hide it very well.
It had been a week since my Aunt and mother had died. Billie had been sweet enough to pretty much make all of the arrangements for both funerals. The day after the funeral I spent all day in bed, not because I didn’t want to get out of bed, I just couldn’t go to far from the bathroom, and since it was the master bedroom it came with a bathroom included.
Jake and Joey were also over that day. Adrienne had some plans with her new boyfriend, so Billie and I were more than happy for them to be here. I had to practically throw Billie out of the room so he could spend time with his boys. I knew that he was glad they were there and I wanted him to spend some time with them. At least that’s what I thought. Joey stayed at the house with us, while Jake insisted that he wanted to got to a friends house saying ‘I don’t want to hang around a bunch of grown ups and Joey’ all the time smiling.
I had been laying down after a quick run to the bathroom when I heard a soft knock on the door. Billie had been in and out all day checking on me, even though I had told him not too. Tomorrow the guys would be going to Los Angeles to put on a concert. It had been awhile since they had done anything on stage. I would be home with Joey and Jake, I think. I looked up expecting the door to open, and Billie to come in and ask if I was okay, when it didn’t I spoke.
“It’s open.
At the sound of my voice the door cracked open and Joey stuck his head in.
“Is it all right if I come in? Dad and the guys went down to practice and I’m a little bored.” He asked standing in front of the open door.
“Yeah. So I’m your last resort from complete boredom?” I asked smiling, he took a few seconds before he realized that I was kidding. “You can come in I don’t think I’m contagious.” In fact I had a pretty good idea what it was, but until I had confirmation from the doctor I was going to keep it to myself.
At my words Joy stepped in and walked quietly over to the bed. Sitting beside me his eyes traveled to the pictures and photo album that I had scattered around me. There were many pictures of my Aunt, my friends, and me. I had many pictures to add to the album, many were of Billie and me, Takisha and Mike, Emi and Tre. Joey reached over my leg and grabbed one. He smiled lightly.
“This ones my favorite. Dad looks really happy. So do you. It’s been a long time since he has smiled like this.” He tapped the picture. Looking at his face I was happy that he accepted me, at least I think he did. He never came out and said it. He handed the picture back to me. Looking at it I saw that it was a picture of Billie and me. We were sitting on the couch in the living room, I was sitting on his lap laughing about something, looking at the camera. Billie, on the other hand, was looking at me while laughing. He had a huge smile on his face and his eyes were sparkling. I realized at that moment that even though Billie has told me that he loves me, his eyes said it in this picture.
“Yeah, that’s the happiest I’ve been in awhile. I was so happy that night, I realized I loved him that night. I couldn’t believe how well that party went. I was glad that you and your brother were able to come. I think it made your dad’s night that you two were there. He missed you terribly. I had a great time, I think he did too.” I looked up at Joey smiling.
“He loves you a lot, Jewels. You make my dad happy, I’m really glad you came back. I know that I should be like the sullen teenager that hates the new girl in his dad’s life because she’s taking the place of his mother, but I know you’re not taking her place and I know that you truly love my dad I just….want you to know that I love you too.” He looked away from me, eyes glistening.
“I love you too, Joey.” I reached over and touched his shoulder causing him to look back at me. At the look on his face I moved over and gave him a hug. Pulling back a few minutes later I patted him on the cheek. “Here, keep this.”
I handed him the photo. “Thanks, but is this the only one you have?”
“No I have another on in my bag somewhere.” I replied. “I’ll be right back.” I said as I dashed off to the bathroom, slamming the door shut as I went. I threw up once more. I walked out a few minutes later after brushing my teeth for the millionth time.
“Sorry.” I apologized a little embarrassed. I was over the embarrassment with Billie by now. That tends to happen when someone follows you to the bathroom all day to hold your hair back for you while you puke your guts out.
“That’s okay. It’s not like you can help it. Dad said you’ve been sick for the past couple days.” Joey watched me face and glanced towards the door before he asked his next question. “Are you pregnant?”
I looked at him for a few minutes wondering where he got his brains from. This kid was way to smart for his own good. “I think so….but Joey you can’t say anything to your dad. I want to find out for sure first. I’m going later today after your dad and the guys leave for the concert in LA. Are you guys staying here or going to your mothers?”
“Mom’s….Ummm….I’m going to go hang out in the basement with Dad.” He said standing up. Waving the picture “Thanks for the picture.”
“Okay I’ll be leaving in an hour or so hopefully.” I said turning my attention back to the photo album as he walked out the door.
**TWO HOURS LATER**
I sat silently in the passenger seat of Takisha’s car. I was scared to death about what I would find out today. I had been going over the idea in my head for the past couple of days and I may not exactly be ready to have a baby but I was plenty old enough and I knew that Billie would be there for me, at least I hoped he would. My biggest fear is what his reaction is going to be. If he doesn’t want this baby, my heart will break because I will NOT get rid of it. I’m afraid he won’t want to be a father again.
“Jewels…Jewels…” Emi said snapping her fingers in front of my face the best she could from the backseat while buckled in. “You okay? You’re like in your own little world.”
“I’m fine…just a little scared.” I sighed, speaking truthfully as I smiled wanly.
“Scared? Why would you be scared?” Kisha asked. “You’re just sick right?”
“I’m not positive….but I think….I think I might be pregnant…but I haven’t slept with Billie since the night we met. I mean wouldn’t I be showing or starting to show by now.” I stammered refusing to look at them by looking out the window.
“Not necessarily. Some lucky girls barely show through the entirety of their pregnancy.” Kisha stated as we pulled into the office parking lot. “We’re here.”
I took a deep breath and opened the car door.
“Ready to find out for sure or not?” Emi asked looking at me through concerned eyes.
“I have to find out I think I’m beginning to freak Billie out with all the throwing up. I mean he hasn’t complained or anything but I can tell by his eyes that he’s starting to get worried.” I trailed off as I pushed on the building door but it wouldn’t open. I stopped and looked at the door before turning around. “Guys the door won’t open.”
“Ummm…Jewels it uhhh….says pull….not push. I think the nerves are getting to you.” Emi stated trying not to laugh and failing. Kisha soon joined in her laughter.
“Shut up guys. I have other things on my mind.” I said cracking a smile. I missed my friends. I walked up to the nurses desk and got the required paperwork. I made my way back to the girls in the waiting room.
“Don’t you think he would have an idea that you could be pregnant. I mean he does have two sons. He was around Adrienne when she was pregnant with them.” Kisha stated.
“Kisha, he is a guy. Maybe he’s not putting two and two together.” Emi said. “He’s probably oblivious.”
By the time the doctor called me back to the examination room we were all convinced that I was pregnant and that Billie was a blind motherfucker. I sat on the examination chair while the doctor looked over my file.
“So you’ve been feeling ill lately. Throwing up and such Ms. Haynesworth?” Dr Marks asked
“Yes, its been mostly all morning and later at night.” I looked at him before deciding to tell him my thoughts. “I think I might be pregnant.” I colored slightly.
“Well, we’ll just have to test you. I’ll get a nurse in here to take some blood. The we should have the result within the next 24 hours. You gave the nurse up front your contact information” I nodded “So we’ll contact you when the results as soon as we get them.”
“Thank you doctor. Ummmm….I was wondering if a guy answers could you not say anything about me being pregnant. That is if I am.” I didn’t want Billie to find out from someone else if I was.
“We can’t release that type of information to anyone but you Ms. Haynesworth. So no worries.” Dr. Marks smiled before leaving the room. The nurse came in not to long after and took some blood. Soon I was leaving the doctor’s office following Kisha and Emi and we headed back home.
By the time we reached home I was exhausted. I went upstairs almost immediately and crashed on the bed. The guys had already left for the concert and Adrienne had picked up Jake and Joey before I had even left for the doctor.
I was just falling asleep when my cell phone rang. Groaning I answered it.
“Hello?”
“Jewels, Did I wake you? It’s Billie.”
“I was almost asleep but that’s okay. What’s up?” I asked curiously.
“Nothing just wanted to make sure that you were okay. You’re all by yourself. What did the doctor say?” H asked. I could hear the concern in his voice.
“Well I really won’t know anything until tomorrow. He took some blood. It didn’t seem to be anything that could be found right then. So now it’s a waiting game.” I said hoping I wasn’t giving to much away. I didn’t want to tell him over the phone.
“Oh okay. You’re alright though right?” I smiled at his concern.
“Yes I’m fine. I’ll probably just go to sleep until tomorrow.” I yawned loudly. I heard him chuckle. “Sorry.”
“S’okay, I’ll talk to you later baby. We’re getting ready to go on. I love you.” He said.
“I love you too, Billie.” I replied smiling before we both hung up.
**NEXT MORNING**
The girls and I were sitting in the living room watching soaps, well not really watching them, more like making fun of them. Everything had gotten quiet except the murmur of the TV as we all got lost in our thoughts. All of us jumped startled when the phone rang loudly breaking the silence.
I grabbed the phone quickly before it woke Billie. I was shaking slightly. “Hello?”
“Juliet Haynesworth?” A snooty female voice asked.
“Yes, this is she.”
“This is Martha from Dr. Marks office. We have your test results.” She said pausing.
“And what are my results?” I asked impatiently. I had a feeling she was testing my excitement level. Bitch.
“Congratulations, you’re two months along.” She said. I heard the smile in her voice. The confirmation scared the shit out of me. I put the phone down and let the information sink it before I smiled.
“I’m pregnant!” I stated as Emi squealed and gave me a hug. “Two months.”
“I’m gonna be an Auntie…well…in a sense.” She said smiling. Her smiled dropped as she concentrated on something. “Wait so if you’re two months almost three months along then that means you’ve been *Prego* this entire time. Ever since St. Louis. Wow.” She smiled at me.
“Are you going to tell Billie?” Takisha asked.
“Of course…I just don’t exactly know how I have until tomorrow to figure that out. He’s got that show in LA tonight. So I have time to think. I’m scared of how he’ll react.”
“Billie will be ecstatic. If you’re lucky maybe you’ll have a little girl for him to spoil. Not to mention me.” Emi said.
“Yeah, a girl would be nice.” I said smiling. “Do you think I should tell his mom or let him?”
“Let him. It’ll probably be really important for him to tell his mom.” Kisha said
“Okay guys if it’s alright with you I’m going to go change into my bathing suit while I can still fit in it and go lounge by the pool.” I said standing up and walking upstairs.
“I WANNA GRILL FOOD!” I heard Emi yell after me.
“OH NO YOU DON’T! YOU’LL KILL US ALL. I THINK WE SHOULD LET TAKISHA COOK. WE HAVEN’T TRIED HER COOKING YET! “ I yelled down the stairs.
“OKAY!”
I wasn’t ready to tell Billie yet but I had to tell him soon. Very soon. I was going to start showing. I already had a very small bump. So later I wouldn’t be able to hide it very well.