Status: In progress; crazy with work will update as time allows....
My Everything
Chapter 21
Chapter 21: Last of the American Girls
She puts her makeup on
Like graffiti on the walls of the heartland
She’s got her little book of conspiracies
Right in her hand
She is paranoid like
Endangered species headed into
Extinction
She is one of a kind
She’s the last of the American Girls
I walked off the stage in Los Angeles still hearing the roar of the crowd in my eyes. I was grinning from ear to ear. It felt good to be performing again after such a big break. But I still missed Juliet, I hated leaving her all alone in my big huge house. I could tell she felt out of place in the house, but I knew she stayed for me. I had gotten used to having Juliet around that it took some getting used to her not being with me on this one trip, even just for a few days.
“Great show Bill!” Mike exclaimed, his grin almost as big as mine. Sweat was dripping off his face. He was happy. I clapped him on the back.
“Yeah, it was really good wasn’t it?” I grinned back at him as we walked down the long narrow hallway to our dressing room. “I’m glad Juliet started feeling better before we left. I was getting worried, now I’m a little suspicious that she won’t tell me what the doctor said.” This got a look from Mike.
“Ya know Bill maybe, just maybe it’s good news. I mean she was smiling a lot when we left…” Mike trailed off at the look I was giving him. “..No, not that you idiot. Juliet would never, NEVER, do that. I promise. I was just thinking that maybe she had really good news that she wants to tell you when no one else is around. She must want to tell you in person.” I shook my head in agreement, right before my cell rang loudly. I looked at the screen expecting to see Juliet’s name flashing on it not Adrienne.
“Adie?”
“Billie, I have something important to tell you.” She stated, not even saying hi, before I kind of zoned out. A few seconds later her words caught up with me. “…moving.”
“WHAT?” I yelled catching Mike and Tre’s attention. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
She wears her overcoat
For the coming of the nuclear winter
She is riding her bike
Like a fugitive of critical mass
She’s on a hunger strike
For the ones who won’t make it for dinner.
I sat on the couch waiting for Billie to come home. I was getting more nervous as the seconds ticked by. I fidgeted with the sleeve of my black hoodie. I looked up moments later as I heard a car door slam quickly followed by Billie coming into the house looking very pissed. He slammed the door so hard it made me jump startled as he stomped into the kitchen. My attention was brought back to the front door as Mike came in quietly shutting the door behind him. I looked at Mike. “What’s wrong?” I whispered.
“The only thing I know is that Adrienne called him. I don’t know what they talked about but it involved a lot of yelling. He was pissed off before we even got to leave the venue. I don’t know…maybe you can get through to him.” He whispered back giving me a hug.
I nodded slowly trying not to show my confusion. “Thanks Mike.”
I stepped back and nodded again as Mike walked out the door. I listened for a minute, hearing his car start I walked into the kitchen to find Billie leaning against the counter nursing a beer, still looking angry, this was the first time I had really seen him angry. I tried my luck with him hoping I wouldn’t make it worse.
“Billie, babe, what’s wrong?” I asked taking a small step towards him.
“Nothing.” He stated shortly, still not looking at me. For a thirty-seven year old man, he could certainly pout something fierce. I gave him a small smile. No response.
“Billie there’s obviously something wrong.” I took another step towards him. I was now standing in front of him. “Billie, just talk to me.” I urged. I looked him in the eye for a minute before he gently pushed me away and pushed off the counter and past me into the living room. I followed him closely.
“Billie, please…I…,I…” I didn’t get to say another word because at that moment he whirled around on me finally beginning to let some of his anger out.
She makes enough to survive
For a holiday of working class
She’s a runaway of the establishment incorporated
She wont cooperate
She’s the last of the American Girls
“EVERYTHING IS GONE, JULIET, DON’T YOU GET THAT? MY FAMILY IS GONE!” He yelled. This was a side of Billie that I didn’t like seeing. I never was good at confrontations. He was kinda scary but I knew in the back of my mind that now matter how angry he got he would never hurt me. That thought alone didn’t stop the tears from coming to my eyes, as he hurt my feelings. They were quickly whipped away, as the hurt was replaced by anger of my own.
“YEAH, WELL AT LEAST YOUR FAMILY IS STILL ALIVE, BILLE.” My voice broke, “DID YOU EVER STOP TO THINK ABOUT THAT?” I yelled back at him, turning away from him I started my own angry walk up the stairs. Once at the top I turned and looked down at him and his angry face, saying quietly. “And just so you know…everything is not gone…we’re still here.”
He looked startled at my statement, but before he could reply I turned and walked down the hallway to the bedroom we shared. I hadn’t really meant to lose my temper and yell at him but I was getting tired of the mood swings and temper tantrums. I mean I’m the pregnant one not him. I know that he tried to hide it but sometimes I think he missed Adrienne being here with his boys. He loved her, and I don’t expect him to stop just because I came into the picture. I just hoped that his love for her would change. I think my anger was mainly from my ever changing hormones do to the pregnancy. I stopped just outside our door and looked back down the hall listening intently. I heard him yell obscenities and I heard something crash against a wall. I had never seen him this angry. His anger made me wonder exactly what Adrienne had said to him.
She plays her vinyl records
Singing songs on the eve of destruction
She’s a sucker for
All the criminals breaking the laws
She will come in first
For the end of western civilization
**Billie Flashback**
“Billie I have something to tell you.” Adie said to me.
“What?” I asked more out of habit than out to want.
“I’m getting married.” She stated although I could hear the excitement in her voice. I remember when that excitement used to be about me.
“To that guy?” I asked actually feeling happy for her. I was glad she was moving on.
“His name is Paul. The thing is we’re going to have to move.”
“Move where?” I asked feeling slightly frightened, a feeling I didn’t like.
“Minnesota.”
“WHAT?” I yelled, “What about the boys?”
“They’ll be moving with me, of course.” She replied softly, like it was the most natural thing in the world. That it would be easy for me to hear that she was going to take my boys away from me.
“But Adie, you promised. You promised me that you would never, NEVER, take them away from me. And now what are you doing. Taking them away.”
“You’ll still be able to see them.”
“When Adie? Huh? When? When I’m on tour and we happen to be coming through?” I could feel an anxiety attack coming on.
“Anytime. It’s just a little distance…”
“A little distance. That’s shit Adie and you know it.”
“…I’ll let them stay during part of the school year with you before summer and then you can keep them until you start touring.” She said, making it sound so easy.
“When?”
“Next week.” She said. Talk about a hard blow.
“NEXT WEEK!” I yelled but she cut me off before I could say anymore.
“Billie, I’ve got to go…We’ll talk about this more later yah?” She didn’t even wait for an answer before hanging up.
I threw my phone on the ground smashing it into a couple pieces, oh well, I’ll get a new phone later. “BITCH!” I yelled making Mike look up from his bass, which he was putting back in its case.
I sat down on the curb as I began having a hard time breathing, this attack came on strong. “Bill, breathe.” I heard Mike at my side. “1...2...3...” He began counting waiting for me.
“1...2...3...1...2...3...” Pretty soon my breathing returned to normal and the attack was over but the anger was still there.
“What’s wrong Bill?” Mike asked finally looking at me with concern in his blue eyes.
“Nothing, lets go!” I said getting back on the bus. I normally told Mike everything but I just didn’t feel like talking.
**END OF FLASHBACK**
She’s an endless war
Like a hero for the lost cause
Like a hurricane
In the heart of the devastation
She’s a natural disaster
She’s the Last of the American Girls
That was what lead to all this and it ended with me staring up the stairs after Juliet. I wanted to go after her but I thought she needed some time to cool off, like I did. I went to the living room and sat on the couch, calming down, when her last words hit me.
“Everything is not gone…we’re still here!” I could hear it still in her soft sad voice as she walked away.
“We?” I thought out loud standing up wide-eyed as another thought hit me. I ran up the stairs two at a time and ran to the bedroom. Knocking on the door I waited.
“Come in.” I heard her say softly, knowing she knew it was me. I slowly cracked open the door and looked at her standing in front of the full length mirror. I stepped towards her a couple of steps and broke the silence.
“Did you say we’re still here?” I asked referring to our argument moments ago. She took her eyes away from the mirror and just looked at me.
“Did you?” I asked again stepping up to her in two long strides. She hadn’t moved or said a word. Her hoodie was no longer on and she stood there in a blue tank top and black track pants. She had her tank top pushed up showing her stomach. I could now see the small bump that I had failed to notice before. I looked up from her stomach to meet her wide-eyes in the mirror before she answered.
“Yes.” She watched me for a reaction, she looked frightened.
“So you mean…th…that…that we…we’re…having…a…a…a…” I stammered having a hard time keep my thoughts together before Juliet smiled and finished my sentence.
“A baby?” She giggled at my speechlessness. All I could do was shake my head. “Yes, we’re going to have a baby. I found out when I went to the doctors a couple days ago. I suspected but I wasn’t positive.”
“We’re having a baby?” I asked again still not believing what I was hearing. I sighed softly whispering. “A baby.”
Juliet stayed silent and looked back into the mirror, rubbing her hands on her stomach. I watched her hands, glide over her stomach the baby bump was so small. I walked up behind her and put my arms around her and my hands on here. Our eyes met in the mirror. Green on green.
“How far along?” I whispered quietly.
“Two months…almost three actually.” I looked down at our hands, intertwined. I felt her eyes on my reflection waiting for a reaction.
“Three months? That would mean…” I said before Juliet interrupted me.
“I got pregnant the night we met.” We both fell silent as we looked at each others reflection. I slowly turned her around and kissed her on her forehead, moving next to her eyes, then her nose and finally I kissed her fully on the mouth.
She puts her makeup on
Like graffiti
On the walls of the heartland
“I love you Jewels.” I whispered hugging her tightly, rubbing her back.
“I love you too, Billie.” She said her voice cracking. I pulled away to see her crying.
“Hey, hey, what’s the matter.” I asked alarmed. Had I said the wrong thing. I didn’t think I had.
“I’m sorry. These fucking hormones. I’m just so happy that your okay with this….I wasn’t sure if you would…,would….want this baby.” She said letting out a half sob, half laugh. “I feel stupid now.”
I laughed. “Don’t be…I’m just excited that I’m going to be a daddy again.” I stated looking to her eyes, smiling.
“Yeah.” she sighed smiling in return.
“I actually hope it’s a girl, this time. I have two boys already a little girl would be just fine.” I said faltering a little when I mentioned my boys.
“Me too. She’d have two big brother’s to look out for her.” She said kissing my nose.
“And a very over protective daddy and two uncles to drive mommy crazy by teaching her bad things. Probably Tre.” Julie said laughing before kissing me soundly. “What do we tell the boys?”
“The truth.”
She’s got her little book of conspiracies
Right in her hand
She will come in first
For the end of western civilization
She’s a natural disaster
She’s the Last of the American Girls.
She puts her makeup on
Like graffiti on the walls of the heartland
She’s got her little book of conspiracies
Right in her hand
She is paranoid like
Endangered species headed into
Extinction
She is one of a kind
She’s the last of the American Girls
I walked off the stage in Los Angeles still hearing the roar of the crowd in my eyes. I was grinning from ear to ear. It felt good to be performing again after such a big break. But I still missed Juliet, I hated leaving her all alone in my big huge house. I could tell she felt out of place in the house, but I knew she stayed for me. I had gotten used to having Juliet around that it took some getting used to her not being with me on this one trip, even just for a few days.
“Great show Bill!” Mike exclaimed, his grin almost as big as mine. Sweat was dripping off his face. He was happy. I clapped him on the back.
“Yeah, it was really good wasn’t it?” I grinned back at him as we walked down the long narrow hallway to our dressing room. “I’m glad Juliet started feeling better before we left. I was getting worried, now I’m a little suspicious that she won’t tell me what the doctor said.” This got a look from Mike.
“Ya know Bill maybe, just maybe it’s good news. I mean she was smiling a lot when we left…” Mike trailed off at the look I was giving him. “..No, not that you idiot. Juliet would never, NEVER, do that. I promise. I was just thinking that maybe she had really good news that she wants to tell you when no one else is around. She must want to tell you in person.” I shook my head in agreement, right before my cell rang loudly. I looked at the screen expecting to see Juliet’s name flashing on it not Adrienne.
“Adie?”
“Billie, I have something important to tell you.” She stated, not even saying hi, before I kind of zoned out. A few seconds later her words caught up with me. “…moving.”
“WHAT?” I yelled catching Mike and Tre’s attention. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
She wears her overcoat
For the coming of the nuclear winter
She is riding her bike
Like a fugitive of critical mass
She’s on a hunger strike
For the ones who won’t make it for dinner.
I sat on the couch waiting for Billie to come home. I was getting more nervous as the seconds ticked by. I fidgeted with the sleeve of my black hoodie. I looked up moments later as I heard a car door slam quickly followed by Billie coming into the house looking very pissed. He slammed the door so hard it made me jump startled as he stomped into the kitchen. My attention was brought back to the front door as Mike came in quietly shutting the door behind him. I looked at Mike. “What’s wrong?” I whispered.
“The only thing I know is that Adrienne called him. I don’t know what they talked about but it involved a lot of yelling. He was pissed off before we even got to leave the venue. I don’t know…maybe you can get through to him.” He whispered back giving me a hug.
I nodded slowly trying not to show my confusion. “Thanks Mike.”
I stepped back and nodded again as Mike walked out the door. I listened for a minute, hearing his car start I walked into the kitchen to find Billie leaning against the counter nursing a beer, still looking angry, this was the first time I had really seen him angry. I tried my luck with him hoping I wouldn’t make it worse.
“Billie, babe, what’s wrong?” I asked taking a small step towards him.
“Nothing.” He stated shortly, still not looking at me. For a thirty-seven year old man, he could certainly pout something fierce. I gave him a small smile. No response.
“Billie there’s obviously something wrong.” I took another step towards him. I was now standing in front of him. “Billie, just talk to me.” I urged. I looked him in the eye for a minute before he gently pushed me away and pushed off the counter and past me into the living room. I followed him closely.
“Billie, please…I…,I…” I didn’t get to say another word because at that moment he whirled around on me finally beginning to let some of his anger out.
She makes enough to survive
For a holiday of working class
She’s a runaway of the establishment incorporated
She wont cooperate
She’s the last of the American Girls
“EVERYTHING IS GONE, JULIET, DON’T YOU GET THAT? MY FAMILY IS GONE!” He yelled. This was a side of Billie that I didn’t like seeing. I never was good at confrontations. He was kinda scary but I knew in the back of my mind that now matter how angry he got he would never hurt me. That thought alone didn’t stop the tears from coming to my eyes, as he hurt my feelings. They were quickly whipped away, as the hurt was replaced by anger of my own.
“YEAH, WELL AT LEAST YOUR FAMILY IS STILL ALIVE, BILLE.” My voice broke, “DID YOU EVER STOP TO THINK ABOUT THAT?” I yelled back at him, turning away from him I started my own angry walk up the stairs. Once at the top I turned and looked down at him and his angry face, saying quietly. “And just so you know…everything is not gone…we’re still here.”
He looked startled at my statement, but before he could reply I turned and walked down the hallway to the bedroom we shared. I hadn’t really meant to lose my temper and yell at him but I was getting tired of the mood swings and temper tantrums. I mean I’m the pregnant one not him. I know that he tried to hide it but sometimes I think he missed Adrienne being here with his boys. He loved her, and I don’t expect him to stop just because I came into the picture. I just hoped that his love for her would change. I think my anger was mainly from my ever changing hormones do to the pregnancy. I stopped just outside our door and looked back down the hall listening intently. I heard him yell obscenities and I heard something crash against a wall. I had never seen him this angry. His anger made me wonder exactly what Adrienne had said to him.
She plays her vinyl records
Singing songs on the eve of destruction
She’s a sucker for
All the criminals breaking the laws
She will come in first
For the end of western civilization
**Billie Flashback**
“Billie I have something to tell you.” Adie said to me.
“What?” I asked more out of habit than out to want.
“I’m getting married.” She stated although I could hear the excitement in her voice. I remember when that excitement used to be about me.
“To that guy?” I asked actually feeling happy for her. I was glad she was moving on.
“His name is Paul. The thing is we’re going to have to move.”
“Move where?” I asked feeling slightly frightened, a feeling I didn’t like.
“Minnesota.”
“WHAT?” I yelled, “What about the boys?”
“They’ll be moving with me, of course.” She replied softly, like it was the most natural thing in the world. That it would be easy for me to hear that she was going to take my boys away from me.
“But Adie, you promised. You promised me that you would never, NEVER, take them away from me. And now what are you doing. Taking them away.”
“You’ll still be able to see them.”
“When Adie? Huh? When? When I’m on tour and we happen to be coming through?” I could feel an anxiety attack coming on.
“Anytime. It’s just a little distance…”
“A little distance. That’s shit Adie and you know it.”
“…I’ll let them stay during part of the school year with you before summer and then you can keep them until you start touring.” She said, making it sound so easy.
“When?”
“Next week.” She said. Talk about a hard blow.
“NEXT WEEK!” I yelled but she cut me off before I could say anymore.
“Billie, I’ve got to go…We’ll talk about this more later yah?” She didn’t even wait for an answer before hanging up.
I threw my phone on the ground smashing it into a couple pieces, oh well, I’ll get a new phone later. “BITCH!” I yelled making Mike look up from his bass, which he was putting back in its case.
I sat down on the curb as I began having a hard time breathing, this attack came on strong. “Bill, breathe.” I heard Mike at my side. “1...2...3...” He began counting waiting for me.
“1...2...3...1...2...3...” Pretty soon my breathing returned to normal and the attack was over but the anger was still there.
“What’s wrong Bill?” Mike asked finally looking at me with concern in his blue eyes.
“Nothing, lets go!” I said getting back on the bus. I normally told Mike everything but I just didn’t feel like talking.
**END OF FLASHBACK**
She’s an endless war
Like a hero for the lost cause
Like a hurricane
In the heart of the devastation
She’s a natural disaster
She’s the Last of the American Girls
That was what lead to all this and it ended with me staring up the stairs after Juliet. I wanted to go after her but I thought she needed some time to cool off, like I did. I went to the living room and sat on the couch, calming down, when her last words hit me.
“Everything is not gone…we’re still here!” I could hear it still in her soft sad voice as she walked away.
“We?” I thought out loud standing up wide-eyed as another thought hit me. I ran up the stairs two at a time and ran to the bedroom. Knocking on the door I waited.
“Come in.” I heard her say softly, knowing she knew it was me. I slowly cracked open the door and looked at her standing in front of the full length mirror. I stepped towards her a couple of steps and broke the silence.
“Did you say we’re still here?” I asked referring to our argument moments ago. She took her eyes away from the mirror and just looked at me.
“Did you?” I asked again stepping up to her in two long strides. She hadn’t moved or said a word. Her hoodie was no longer on and she stood there in a blue tank top and black track pants. She had her tank top pushed up showing her stomach. I could now see the small bump that I had failed to notice before. I looked up from her stomach to meet her wide-eyes in the mirror before she answered.
“Yes.” She watched me for a reaction, she looked frightened.
“So you mean…th…that…that we…we’re…having…a…a…a…” I stammered having a hard time keep my thoughts together before Juliet smiled and finished my sentence.
“A baby?” She giggled at my speechlessness. All I could do was shake my head. “Yes, we’re going to have a baby. I found out when I went to the doctors a couple days ago. I suspected but I wasn’t positive.”
“We’re having a baby?” I asked again still not believing what I was hearing. I sighed softly whispering. “A baby.”
Juliet stayed silent and looked back into the mirror, rubbing her hands on her stomach. I watched her hands, glide over her stomach the baby bump was so small. I walked up behind her and put my arms around her and my hands on here. Our eyes met in the mirror. Green on green.
“How far along?” I whispered quietly.
“Two months…almost three actually.” I looked down at our hands, intertwined. I felt her eyes on my reflection waiting for a reaction.
“Three months? That would mean…” I said before Juliet interrupted me.
“I got pregnant the night we met.” We both fell silent as we looked at each others reflection. I slowly turned her around and kissed her on her forehead, moving next to her eyes, then her nose and finally I kissed her fully on the mouth.
She puts her makeup on
Like graffiti
On the walls of the heartland
“I love you Jewels.” I whispered hugging her tightly, rubbing her back.
“I love you too, Billie.” She said her voice cracking. I pulled away to see her crying.
“Hey, hey, what’s the matter.” I asked alarmed. Had I said the wrong thing. I didn’t think I had.
“I’m sorry. These fucking hormones. I’m just so happy that your okay with this….I wasn’t sure if you would…,would….want this baby.” She said letting out a half sob, half laugh. “I feel stupid now.”
I laughed. “Don’t be…I’m just excited that I’m going to be a daddy again.” I stated looking to her eyes, smiling.
“Yeah.” she sighed smiling in return.
“I actually hope it’s a girl, this time. I have two boys already a little girl would be just fine.” I said faltering a little when I mentioned my boys.
“Me too. She’d have two big brother’s to look out for her.” She said kissing my nose.
“And a very over protective daddy and two uncles to drive mommy crazy by teaching her bad things. Probably Tre.” Julie said laughing before kissing me soundly. “What do we tell the boys?”
“The truth.”
She’s got her little book of conspiracies
Right in her hand
She will come in first
For the end of western civilization
She’s a natural disaster
She’s the Last of the American Girls.