Just Say You're Not Into It.

The last few days had known no sobriety. I cured each hangover with a stiff drink and a Jagerbomb. I should be in school right now. In French, with James to be exact. I sighed and took another long drink from half empty bottle of Smirnoff in my hand. I hadn't seen anyone in a few days. If Carlos or James came over, I'd go hide in my room. If Logan came over, I'd do another shot. The thing is, I never thought Logan would get in my head this much. The other night with him filled my head with all these new, and sometimes awkward possibilities. The last time I had all these confusing thoughts was a little over a year ago.

It was summertime. James and I had just entered the party scene, trying our best to fit in. This sometime included booze and weed. Other times in consisted of pills. I was sixteen years old, and one night I happened to lose my virginity to said boy. Then all these possibilities of relationships, and a future started forming in my head. I imagined us having a future. A home, good jobs, children. It was weird to think about now, since those feelings have faded. Don't get me wrong, I love James Maslow. More than life itself. However, we weren't meant for each other. I realized that a while ago. He's my best friend. My brother, if you will. And while I hadn't had anywhere near that sort of physical, or emotional bond with Logan, here were all these ideas of a future with him, floating around in my head. I heard a knock on the door before it was pushed open.

"Dri?" I looked up from my place on the floor beside the open window to see Kendall standing in the doorway. "Can we talk?" I nodded and moved up to my bed, where Kendall had seated himself.
"What's wrong?" He finally asked. I thought about it for a minute. Well, I kissed Logan and now I think I really like him, but if we got together and broke up, then it would ruin your friendship with each other and break up the hockey team, and that would crush you and you don't deserve to be anything but happy.
"Nothing." I shrugged.
"Bullshit. That's bullshit." He confirmed.
"I don't know, Kendall. I don't want to talk about it." He looked hurt. I've been telling Kendall every little thing about my life since, well. Ever.
"Well, Dria. Mom get's home tomorrow night."
"And?" I raised an eyebrow.
"And you need to be sober." There was a pause. "Starting now." Kendall pulled the vodka bottle from my hands.

"What the fuck?"
"Dri. Everyone's fucking worried about you. You haven't been going to school, you won't talk to anyone, and you haven't left this room since you studied with Logan!" My breath hitched for a moment and I tried my best to keep my poker face on. We stayed silent for a few more minutes before Kendall ended our conversation.
"You know what, Alexandria? Fine. You win. We'll all leave you alone." I shrugged and he stood up from my bed and left the room, slamming the bedroom door on the way out. I laid in my bed for the remainder of the afternoon, wasting the day, sipping from a different bottle, listening to Kendall joke with his friends and speak in hushed tones on the opposite side of my door from time to time. The sun was just setting as my door was pushed open. No knock, no warning, just shoved open revealing James.

"Get up." He demanded.
"No."
"Get up, Alexandria."
"No." He grabbed my by my wrists and pulled me off the bed, forcing me out of the bedroom and out the front door. I'd like to tell you how I struggled, but I didn't. That required energy I didn't have. We now stood in front of his car.
"Get in." He nodded towards the passenger's side, and held the car door open for me. I was too tired to argue with him now and slid into the seat. He shut the door gently and walked around to his side. When he got in, he didn't look at me. He kept his eyes focused on the road and both hands on the wheel. Music didn't play in the background like it usually did, and James wore this angry look on his face. The first noise I even heard this entire car ride was James rolling down the window and lighting a cigarette. Now I knew how pissed James was. He quit smoking a while back, yet here he was, taking long drags and running his hand through his hair, another sure sign James was upset. We finally pulled into a tiny, and very desolate park by our old elementary school and he shut off the car. I watched him unbuckle his seat belt and open the door. I stayed where I was. He got out of the car, and walked around to my side, opening my door, offering me the other half of his cigarette and holding out his hand for me to take. I couldn't say no. No matter what happened, James was still my best friend, and the second most important man in my life, right after Kendall of course. I took the cigarette, and his hand and got out of the car. For a while, we just walked around this small park. Hand in hand. In Silence. We stopped in front of a small dock on the lake and James finally turned to me.

"Please talk to me, Allie." His eyes held the same hurt Kendall's had, and I broke down. I wrapped my arms around him, clutching his shirt, and crying hysterically. He held me the same way Logan had the other night, but something was different. Just to be drunkenly sure, I crushed his lips with my own.