Close Your Eyes and I'll Kiss You; Tomorrow I'll Miss You.

The peace march is amazing, maybe because they’re all still a little bit stoned, but neither Brendon nor Spencer regret disobeying their parents because it was totally worth it.

Pete Wentz, the ‘incredible speech-giver’ that Ryland had been (trying to) tell them about earlier, spoke, mostly yelling things out, but it was all very inspirational. As soon as the march is over, Gabe, Alex, Nate, Ryland, and Victoria drag Brendon and Spencer over to meet Pete because, apparently, Gabe and Pete ‘go way back’ as Nate put it.

“You know, if you two live around here, it would be great if you joined my team. It’s mostly a volunteer thing and there’s a lot of answering phones and making calls, but it supports peace and it’s really great,” Pete says to Brendon and Spencer.

“Actually, we live about two hours away,” Spencer tells him.

“But I’m thinking of moving to the city before college. Maybe go to school here, even,” Brendon says and Pete smiles, while Spencer looks at him slightly bewildered, having no idea about any of those plans of Brendon’s.

“That would be fantastic!” Pete grins.

~*

“Ryan, Ryan, come on!” Jon yells out, grabbing Ryan by the arm and pulling him out of open area and into a more tree-filled zone. Ryan can hardly even hear Jon with all of the explosions and guns going off all around them.

“Shit,” he mutters, watching as one of their soldiers gets shot and falls dead not even five feet away from them.
“Fuck. That’s Adam,” Jon chokes out, looking away from the body with a pained look on his face. Ryan can’t help but stare at the lifeless figure of the friend that he and Jon had made only a few weeks ago. Adam Siska, just eighteen years old, and now dead.

It’s not even the first time now that he’s seen someone he’s known go down, but every time it happens, it just hurts even more. And the though that next time, it might be him, never fails to run through his mind.

~*

Brendon,
I’ve never missed home more than I do right now. And I’ve never missed you so much in my entire life. I can hardly go a single day without someone I know dying. I hate it. I want to come home. I don’t want to be here anymore. I never wanted to be here to begin with. The only thing that gets me through the day anymore; the only reason I run as fast as I can to get away from bombs and bullets is knowing that as soon as this war is over and as soon as I’m out of here, I get to see your face again. I get to hear your voice and I get to touch your skin and I get to hold you and fall asleep with you in my arms and everything will be perfect once again.

I don’t know what else to say. I can only tell you how much I miss you so much and everything else that is happening is just things that I’m trying hard not to think about. I love you. I don’t want to wait any longer before I can tell you that in person again.

-Ryan

~*

“I can understand wanting to get away, but the city, Brendon?”

“Mom, it’s two hours.”

“Where do you even plan on living?!”

“Gabe and Ryland just got an apartment in the village,” Brendon says.

“I’ve never even met these friends of yours. All I know about them is that they helped you disobey your father and me,” she says sternly.

“Actually, they had no idea what they were helping me do, they were just being nice and giving me a ride,” Brendon corrects.

“Still. Why do you need to leave before college? Can’t you just move when the semester starts?”

“Because I can’t stand it here! Besides, there are so many things for me to do in the city. I have nothing here.”

“But the city is full of criminals and drugs and--”

“Mom! Relax, please? You know me. I’m a good kid. …For the most part. And it’s not even for another month. I’m still kind of focused on graduating from high school, remember?” Brendon asks and his mother sighs.

“Are you sure that you’re set on this?”

“Yes, Mom. I am,” Brendon nods.

~*

Ryan,
Stay strong for me and everyone else. We all miss you terribly, no one more than me, though. In a month, I’m moving to the city with some friends that Spencer and I met while going to a peace rally not that long ago. I always imagined that as soon as I moved out of my parents’ house, I’d be moving somewhere with you, but it turns out that those plans will have to wait. I think you’d really like Gabe and Ryland, the guys I’m moving in with. And Nate and Alex and Victoria, the rest of the group, who will probably be practically living in the apartment as well. Spencer decided to stay here instead of moving with me, which kind of makes me a little bit sad. With William gone and you in Vietnam, Spencer is really the only one I have left right now. But when I leave, I won’t even have him. The people I’ll be with are great, but nothing compared to the group we used to have. I miss it more than ever. But I guess there’s really no use missing things from the past. We’re in the middle of a revolution and it’s pretty clear that nothing’s ever going to be the same after this. I want you back home with me.

-Brendon

~*

“I can’t believe Spencer isn’t coming!” Alex says, shaking his head, and Brendon laughs.

“I know. But hey, I guess he thinks the prom is more important,” he chuckles.

“God, I keep forgetting that you guys are still in high school!” Victoria says, looking back at Brendon in the back of the minibus. They’re on their way to some party that was going to be so incredible that they drove an extra hour just so that they could pick Brendon up to come along.

“Hey, not for that much longer,” Brendon points out. “And as soon as I’m out, I’m coming to the city!”

“That’s going to be so awesome. Now we won’t have to drive so far to take you to a party,” Gabe says.

“What’s this party for anyways?” Brendon asks.

“I’m not entirely sure,” Gabe says. “One of Pete’s friends’ friends…um…yeah, that’s about as much as I know.”

~*

“It’s great to see you again!” Pete yells over the roar of music and tons of people chattering.

“You too,” Brendon smiles.

“When are you gonna be moving here finally?”

“In a month!” Brendon answers excitedly.

“Oh, that’s great. It’ll be nice to be able to see you more often.”

“Yeah, totally,” he agrees, nodding. He looks around to find that Alex, Gabe, Nate, Ryland, and Victoria are all either involved in their own conversations with other people or have disbanded from the group completely.

“So Victoria was telling me the other day that your boyfriend is in Vietnam?” Pete asks.

“Yeah, yeah he is,” Brendon nods. “He got drafted.”

“That’s really too bad. You must miss him.”

“Believe me, more than anything.”

“Hey, come here, you should meet some of these people,” Pete says, grabbing Brendon’s wrist and pulling him towards a large group of strangers.

~*

Ryan is squinting, trying to make sure that the words he’s writing are actually somewhat readable. It’s dark and there’s no source of light whatsoever besides a few starts peaking out through some trees, but that won’t stop Ryan from responding to Brendon’s letter. He just got it not even an hour ago, but he doesn’t know when else he’ll find time to write back, so he decides that he needs to as soon as possible.

Jon has been silent ever since he read the letter that came to him from Cassie. Ryan assumed that he just didn’t have much to say, which had been happening a lot lately, but he thinks differently when he hears a sniffle coming from Jon’s general direction. He looks away from his letter, towards Jon, and he can hardly see him, but somehow he knows that he’s crying.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he whispers. Jon sniffles again and in the dark, Ryan can see him lift a hand to wipe his cheeks.

“I want to go home,” he answers simply. Ryan nods because he understands completely, until Jon continues. “Cassie…she. In her letter, she told me…she’s pregnant. With my baby. And I’m not there and I don’t know when I will be.”

“Oh my god. How…how far along is she?”

“Four months. She said that she found out the day after I left, but was hoping that I’d be back before long. Said she didn’t want to worry me while I was gone, but now that she’s starting to show, she figured that I’d want to know so that I wouldn’t be in complete shock when I got home. Especially if there‘s already a baby by the time I‘m back.”

“Hey. I’m sure we’ll both be out of here in less than five months,” Ryan assures him, not even really sure.

“I hope so. I fucking hope so.”

~*

Brendon’s pretty sure that he’s never felt this amazing before in his entire life. He still isn’t even sure what it was that Pete gave him, but he doesn’t care because he feels like he could do just about anything. The vibrant colours surrounding him almost hurt his eyes and the way everything seems to be melting and mixing together is completely exhilarating. He likes the way Pete’s hands feel on him, grabbing a hold of his wrist and leading him somewhere, he doesn’t even know. He wants to stop and touch the walls because the colours and swirling and it almost looks like water and he’s certain that the walls actually are made of water, but he doesn’t get the chance to find out because Pete is dragging him somewhere and he’s pulling him along so fast.

The next thing he’s aware of is Pete’s mouth on his, lips pressing together and moving against each other. It’s so unfamiliar but welcome at the same time. It’s only the second person he’s ever kissed, but he can’t even think in numbers so the first slips past his mind. He opens his mouth willingly to let Pete’s tongue in and the hands all over him cause him to let out a tiny grunt and he doesn’t even know what he’s doing, but he knows that he definitely does not want it to stop.