Eyes For You

As I walked through the halls Monday morning I couldn't wipe the smile off of my lips. All I wanted to do was find her and put my arms around her and kiss her as I had Friday night. Rounding the corner to where her locker was I felt my heart drop. In front of her locker stood a group of kids crying, poems and letters taped across the length of the door.

Scanning the bunch I spotted her best friend Annie.

"Annie, hey can I talk to you for a second?" I said, my heart racing.

"What is it Duchene?" she asked irritable.

"What the hell is going on? Is this some kind of sick and twisted joke?"

"You've got to be kidding me. Duchene. you are as dumb as they all say, no this isn't a joke. This is a fucking nightmare okay?"

"Annie, what do you mean? What happened? I was with Roxy Friday night and she was perfectly fine."

"Duchene, stop playing games. There is no way in hell that her parents let her out of the house in the condition that she was in."

"What do you mean the condition she was in?" I said, hearing my voice rise.

"Matt, Roxanne has been battling Cancer since she was twelve years old and about two weeks ago the Doctors told her there was nothing else they could do. She didn't tell you any of this?"

"No. She didn't, you've got to be lying. There is no way that this is true."

"Matt, I'm sorry. She should have told you, but my guess is that she didn't want to have you worry. She knew how serious her disease was and the fact that she chose to go out with you means that she really cared about you."

"I-I wish I knew. I wouldn't have kept her out so late."

Thinking back to Friday night, she had been extremely tired prior to me bringing her home and she had gotten extremely quiet, but how was I supposed to know that she had Cancer?! Sure she had made a few comments that could have struck me as strange, like she never got out and that her parents didn't normally allow her to go out. Damn, I'm an idiot, I should have known.

"Matty, I'm so sorry," Annie said as she burst into tears and wrapped her arms around me.

Dumbstruck I hugged her back and let the tears fall from my face.

__Two Weeks later__

As I stood over her grave and stared at the headstone I let my mind wander. How quickly things had changed in the course of two weeks. Prior to Roxanne hockey was all that mattered to me and the draft and since, I realized life was too short. I stopped doing the reckless things teenagers do to try and 'be cool.' No more street racing or blowing things up, it was stupid and childish. If there was one thing I learned from Roxanne it was to never take life for granted.

She died too young. We were just beginning to know each other. We could have been something great, something beautiful. Instead I was here, visiting her grave, trying not to think of what could have been.

While I was upset that she was gone from my world, I had to remember that she was in a better place now, at least I hoped she was.

Damn it Roxy, couldn't you give me a sign or something?


As if on queue, letting me know she was there a soft breeze blew through the air, numbing my spine and sending a chill straight through my bones. Looking up I could see the sun peeking through two clouds, almost as if it were a spotlight and then I understood.

"Alright beautiful, I get it. I need to let go. This is why you didn't tell me because you didn't want me to do this. I get it. I'll let you be and I promise I will visit you when I can. Rest easy peaceful angel. I will see you again some day."

With that I walked back to my car and set out for Colorado for my first development camp for the NHL. It was time for me to move on and leave the past behind me. It was time to start living my dream for myself and for Roxy.