Beautiful Lie

I sat on the steps of my bus, looking for any sign of life among me. There was nothing. Not a single shout rang out on the wind. It was surprising. Sadly, the silence wasn't distracting me. I rubbed my forehead, giving a weak sigh. The migraine had made itself known soon after my talk with Tom. Now it was going full force, bashing against the inside of my skull.

I closed my eyes, shading them against the sun. I breathed in deeply, doing my best to ignore it while waiting for the pain killers to kick in. That was always the worst part about pills. The amount of time it takes for them to start working is murderous, filled with anticipation.

I looked around, my gaze catching onto a retreating form. I recognized Tom as he walked in the opposite direction. I frowned, tilting my head as I watched his slouched form shrink along the horizon.

"Hey."

I looked up, my gaze meeting Jona's. I smiled weakly, scooting over and letting him join me. He smiled as well, plopping himself down. He looked the way Tom had gone.

"Wha's up with 'im?" I asked, pointing in the direction Tom had gone. He shrugged.

"Since when do yeh care?" he replied, smirking.

"I...well...I just wanted to know, tha's all," I answered.

"Really now?" he chuckled, his arm wrapping around my shoulder.

"Wha's wrong with wonderin'?" I replied, crossing my arms stubbornly.

"Let's see, yeh've been at his neck about pictures the past few days and you told him to fuck off just this morning," he answered. "Yeh clearly 'ate 'im so why do yeh want to know?"

I groaned, burying my face in my hands. He leaned over, pulling my hands away from my face. He looked me over, worry in his eyes. "Did I say somethin'?"

"It's nothin'," I sighed, clearing my throat, "and I don't hate him."

"Then why do yeh avoid him?" he asked. "'e clearly likes yeh so why not give him a shot? Maybe yeh'll like 'im too."

"I can't like 'im, Jona," I replied, shaking my head. "It's not possible. I sure as hell can't be wit' 'im either. It wouldn' end well."

"How d'yeh know? Yeh haven' tried have yeh?" he argued.

"I know how I am in relationships, Jona," I sighed. "Believe me, even if he had a shot with me it would end badly."

"Why though?"

"I'm just not one for commitment, tha's all," I admitted, heart aching.

"Do yeh want to be with 'im?"

"I...I don't know," I replied, my forehead leaning against my hand. "Maybe but like I said, I don' see the point in tryin'."

"But-"

"Willow, can I talk to yeh?"

I looked up. Josh motioned for me to follow him, relief filling me. I looked back at Jona and smiled weakly. He returned the gesture, watching me stand up. I followed Josh along the sidewalk. We were headed the same way Tom had gone. Josh led me away the venue, stopping at the corner.

"Will," he started, clearly nervous.

I watched him lift his hand, rubbing the back of his neck. He ruffled his hair like always, glancing up for a second before reaching up and fiddling with his hair again. Rolling my eyes, I caught his hand.

"Josh, wha's up?" I asked, pushing his hands down to his sides.

"Why aren' yeh takin' yeh meds, Willow?" he asked, pulling his hand out my grip. I froze, my gaze dropping with a shrug.

"I don't know," I answered nonchalantly.

"Willow, how can't yeh know?"

"I just...forget, that's all," I lied, hoping he'd change the subject. "It's no big deal."

"So this constant headache is normal?" he said. "Just do what the doctors said. Take the meds regularly and yeh'll be fine before yeh know it!"

I smiled at his optimism. He looked down at me, his gaze distraught. He really want me to try. I was willing to try. I definitely wanted to get better. It wouldn't do anything to take the meds, though. Sure I'd get rid of this cold but I'd have something new by next week. I was constantly getting sick. I've been like this since I was little.

"Okay, I will," I answered.

"Is that a promise?" he checked.

I smiled, nodding. He grinned back, leaning against the street lamp behind him. His eyes were distant as he stared down the street. Smiling, I knocked his forehead once. He blinked, jumping as he turned to look at me. He sent me a playful glare, making me laugh.

"Wha's wrong?" I asked, standing on tiptoes to level our gazes. He shrugged. "Josh, wha's goin' on?"

"Yeh'll hate me if I answer," he answered.

"Why so sure?" I tried. "Come on, spill. Wha's up?"

"Nothin'," he answered.

"Josh, we both know tha's bull shit. Just say it already," I pressed.

"Willow, please," he groaned. "I really don' wanna say it."

My brows creased as I waited. I debated between letting it go, choosing not to. I was about to ask him again when he pushed past me. My hands shot out, catching him. He glanced back, waiting for me to speak.

"Please, Josh," I repeated, pulling him closer, "tell me."

He looked at the ground. I waited a good five minutes before hearing a sharp intake of breath. He looked up, his eyes pained as he opened his mouth to speak.

"Give 'im a chance."

I didn't reply. I stepped back, my mind making the connection immediately. I fought back an angry remark. He was clearly waiting for one. I took a few breaths, shaking my head.

"Yeh're kidin' righ'?" I scoffed.

"No, I'm not," he denied.

"Fuckin' 'ell, Josh!" I snapped. "Jona I'd understand but you?"

"Why not?" he argued back. "Maybe it'd do yeh some good to get into a relationship."

"You know perfectly well why not!" I screamed back. "Josh, why can't yeh jus' stop? A relationship is not the fuckin' answer! it won' 'elp me in the least!"

"When was the last time yeh dated?!" he snapped back. I opened my mouth to shout my answer only to hesitate. "Exactly, it's been at least three years since your last boyfriend. Move on and try with someone new. Forget what happened then and start over."

"How the fuck can I start over?!" I screamed. "Wha' d'yeh wan' me to do, Josh? Fuck up someone else's life? I'm not cut out for relationships an' it's obvious!"

"Yeh dated me didn' yeh? A good year," he countered.

"It was different then!" I snapped back.

"Is my life as fucked up as you seem to think it is?"

Our eyes met, his glare burning into me. I flinched back, looking down at my sneakers. I kicked at a rock on by my foot and slowly shook my head.

"No, it's no'," I answered.

"Exactly," he answered, "so take a fuckin' chance would yeh?"

"Yeh can' tell me yeh're okay with this?" I argued, desperate for a reason to forget Tom.

"Of course I'm no'!" he exclaimed. "We broke up, though. We're obviously no' gettin' back together. Really, Will, put the past behind you and give Tom a shot."

"But...what if it ends badly," I whimpered, "like the last one?"

"It won't, Willow," he sighed. "Yeh know better now. Just get on with your life, would yeh?"