Status: Finished!
Find Me On My Better Days
Unforgivable
As we sat and waited for the doctor I felt extremely nervous. I didn’t want to be pregnant, and if I was pregnant, who was the real father? I had slept around, so I wasn’t sure who could be the father. I didn’t remember any of the guys I had slept with. Zacky grabbed my hand, it was as if he could read my mind, he always knew when something was wrong. It made me even more nervous. I wished I could read his mind, and was on my way to ask when they called my name.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Zacky asked, his voice soft and calming. I couldn’t say anything, I just nodded to him. He never let my hand go, and it made me feel less alone. I knew that Zacky would be there for his child, but it was a possibility that it was someone else’s kid.
“Alright, Miss Thompson.”, the doctor said, “Your test results show that you’re not pregnant.” I waited for the felling of relief to flush over me, but all I could feel was disappointment. I looked over to Zacky’s face to see his reaction, but his eyes and face remained motionless.
“Also, Miss Thompson, there is something we need to talk to you about.” The doctor said seriously. I smiled and answered that it couldn’t be that bad? The doctor gave a small, compassionate smile.
“I’m afraid you’re not able to have kids.” This time Zacky reacted. He jumped off his chair and left the office without a word. I sat there, shocked and alone. I needed Zacky to be here and hold my hand, I couldn’t understand why he’d reacted like that.
“I’m s-sorry, what?” My voice was shaking, but I wasn’t able to cry, I went into numbness.
“I’m afraid you’re infertile. Looks like when you had the miscarriage two years ago, it damaged your ovaries, and we haven’t found out till now. I’m very sorry.” I shook my head, I didn’t want her compassion.
“Is there nothing I can do?” I asked dazed. The doctor looked into my eyes and shook her head. Her red curls danced around her face, and I thought to myself that she would have beautiful kids. I thanked her and left the office. I went out the backdoor, didn’t want to see Zacky right now. Not only was I heartbroken, but I was pissed at him as well. Why did he leave me? He knew I was frightened. I picked up my phone and called the only person I knew never would leave me.
I sat in the couch, drinking tea and eating a sandwich. I stared at the man sitting next to me, I loved the way he smiled when he was watching television. I tried to focus on SpongeBob, but I always fund myself thinking about Zacky and his reaction. I was devastated. Someone knocked at the door, and I ran upstairs and hid in Johnny’s bed. I had been doing the same thing three times the last hour. We never knew if it was Zacky, and we didn’t want to risk anything.
“I know she is here! Let me talk to her, dammit!” Wow. Zacky was pissed, I’d never heard him like this before. This was the first time I was actually frightened of Zacky. I heard Johnny mumble something to answer and the next thing I know, someone burst open the door to Johnny’s bedroom. Oh-oh. If Zacky found me now, he would think that Johnny and I had been in bed together. He opened the door to Johnny’s wardrobe, and then I could hear his footsteps next to the bed. I closed my eyes, but the quilt never left my body. Someone sat down next to me in the bed, and I was convinced he knew I was there. I heard someone sob.
“Fuck, Johnny,” Zacky growled, “I don’t know what to do. I love her so much, but it seems as destiny doesn’t want us to be together.”
“Don’t say that, Zacky.” Johnny said slowly, clearly unsure of what to say and what to do.
“I was sad when I heard she wasn’t pregnant,” Zacky’s word made me stiffen, “I really wanted her to carry my child, see her stomach grow, see her skin glow. I wanted it all.” Zacky said quietly. His words made my eyes fill with tears.
“You can still have it all, Zacky, I bet she just needs some time alone.”
“You don’t understand! She can’t have any children. She’s not able to have any children! And when I heard that.. I did something unforgivable, Johnny. I walked away from her, I let her sit there all alone.” I couldn’t see or hear Johnny’s reaction. I hadn’t told him about this part.
“You what?” Johnny was shocked.
“I walked away from her, I let her sit alone with the doctor. That’s not the worst part. I went to Gena. And I.. I slept with her.” I heard a smack and suddenly, the bed was empty except from me.
“Get the fuck out of here, Zacky! I’m tired of you hurting her, you don’t deserve her! She’s so good and deserves so much better than a horn dog like you! Now get out of my house, before I fucking kick your ass!” Johnny screamed the last part.
“I love her, Johnny, that’s why I’m leaving. She’ll be better off without me.” Zacky was quiet, and his words scared the shit out of me. Leave? Where to? Before I jumped out of the bed to ask him, Johnny asked him for me.
“What do you mean leave?”
“I’m moving. I can’t be around here without fucking things up. She would’ve been better off without me and Brian coming back to apologize. If we’d just left her alone, I wouldn’t have fallen for her, and I wouldn’t have hurt her.”
“You’re right, Zacky. But it was the right thing to do, apologize I mean. But you should’ve kept away from her. She’s fragile, and I love her. I hate to see how much you hurt her. I think you should move. Maybe she’ll be able to find someone who loves her without hurting her, then.” The door closed, and finally I was able to let my tears flow.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Zacky asked, his voice soft and calming. I couldn’t say anything, I just nodded to him. He never let my hand go, and it made me feel less alone. I knew that Zacky would be there for his child, but it was a possibility that it was someone else’s kid.
“Alright, Miss Thompson.”, the doctor said, “Your test results show that you’re not pregnant.” I waited for the felling of relief to flush over me, but all I could feel was disappointment. I looked over to Zacky’s face to see his reaction, but his eyes and face remained motionless.
“Also, Miss Thompson, there is something we need to talk to you about.” The doctor said seriously. I smiled and answered that it couldn’t be that bad? The doctor gave a small, compassionate smile.
“I’m afraid you’re not able to have kids.” This time Zacky reacted. He jumped off his chair and left the office without a word. I sat there, shocked and alone. I needed Zacky to be here and hold my hand, I couldn’t understand why he’d reacted like that.
“I’m s-sorry, what?” My voice was shaking, but I wasn’t able to cry, I went into numbness.
“I’m afraid you’re infertile. Looks like when you had the miscarriage two years ago, it damaged your ovaries, and we haven’t found out till now. I’m very sorry.” I shook my head, I didn’t want her compassion.
“Is there nothing I can do?” I asked dazed. The doctor looked into my eyes and shook her head. Her red curls danced around her face, and I thought to myself that she would have beautiful kids. I thanked her and left the office. I went out the backdoor, didn’t want to see Zacky right now. Not only was I heartbroken, but I was pissed at him as well. Why did he leave me? He knew I was frightened. I picked up my phone and called the only person I knew never would leave me.
I sat in the couch, drinking tea and eating a sandwich. I stared at the man sitting next to me, I loved the way he smiled when he was watching television. I tried to focus on SpongeBob, but I always fund myself thinking about Zacky and his reaction. I was devastated. Someone knocked at the door, and I ran upstairs and hid in Johnny’s bed. I had been doing the same thing three times the last hour. We never knew if it was Zacky, and we didn’t want to risk anything.
“I know she is here! Let me talk to her, dammit!” Wow. Zacky was pissed, I’d never heard him like this before. This was the first time I was actually frightened of Zacky. I heard Johnny mumble something to answer and the next thing I know, someone burst open the door to Johnny’s bedroom. Oh-oh. If Zacky found me now, he would think that Johnny and I had been in bed together. He opened the door to Johnny’s wardrobe, and then I could hear his footsteps next to the bed. I closed my eyes, but the quilt never left my body. Someone sat down next to me in the bed, and I was convinced he knew I was there. I heard someone sob.
“Fuck, Johnny,” Zacky growled, “I don’t know what to do. I love her so much, but it seems as destiny doesn’t want us to be together.”
“Don’t say that, Zacky.” Johnny said slowly, clearly unsure of what to say and what to do.
“I was sad when I heard she wasn’t pregnant,” Zacky’s word made me stiffen, “I really wanted her to carry my child, see her stomach grow, see her skin glow. I wanted it all.” Zacky said quietly. His words made my eyes fill with tears.
“You can still have it all, Zacky, I bet she just needs some time alone.”
“You don’t understand! She can’t have any children. She’s not able to have any children! And when I heard that.. I did something unforgivable, Johnny. I walked away from her, I let her sit there all alone.” I couldn’t see or hear Johnny’s reaction. I hadn’t told him about this part.
“You what?” Johnny was shocked.
“I walked away from her, I let her sit alone with the doctor. That’s not the worst part. I went to Gena. And I.. I slept with her.” I heard a smack and suddenly, the bed was empty except from me.
“Get the fuck out of here, Zacky! I’m tired of you hurting her, you don’t deserve her! She’s so good and deserves so much better than a horn dog like you! Now get out of my house, before I fucking kick your ass!” Johnny screamed the last part.
“I love her, Johnny, that’s why I’m leaving. She’ll be better off without me.” Zacky was quiet, and his words scared the shit out of me. Leave? Where to? Before I jumped out of the bed to ask him, Johnny asked him for me.
“What do you mean leave?”
“I’m moving. I can’t be around here without fucking things up. She would’ve been better off without me and Brian coming back to apologize. If we’d just left her alone, I wouldn’t have fallen for her, and I wouldn’t have hurt her.”
“You’re right, Zacky. But it was the right thing to do, apologize I mean. But you should’ve kept away from her. She’s fragile, and I love her. I hate to see how much you hurt her. I think you should move. Maybe she’ll be able to find someone who loves her without hurting her, then.” The door closed, and finally I was able to let my tears flow.