Status: Finished!
Find Me On My Better Days
Deja vu
I woke up to an annoying beeping next to me. I opened my eyes, and I panicked as I couldn’t recognize where I was. I remembered Gena being pregnant, Zacky running away from me, the depression and the swim. I looked around, the walls were white, there was several monitors on my right side, two chairs on the other side of my bed, and I was all alone. I understood I was on a hospital. But why wasn’t anyone sitting in any of the chairs? Why was I all alone? After the miscarriage my best friend had been sitting in the chair next to my bed. I felt so alone, so lost and I realized... I started to sob as I realized I had pushed them all away. No! I hadn’t pushed Johnny, Matt or Brian away! Why wasn’t Johnny here? I felt a sting in my chest. The monitors started to beep more rapidly, and I watched the monitor-screen as my heart rate fell. I saw a man in white, then everything disappeared.
“She’s awake! Johnny, she’s awake!” I heard it before I could see anything. My vision was all blurry, and I had problems of focusing on the person sitting next to my bed, holding my hand. The person got up from the bed and leaned over me. I couldn’t see him, but I could smell him. His scent was miraculously healing! I felt better immediately and I found that I could focus. I looked directly and deep into his eyes. They were red and puffy, as if he had been crying. Someone grabbed my other hand. I looked into Johnny’s brown, smiling eyes, and I started to cry again. This time out of anger.
“Where were you when I woke up? Where were you when I needed you?” I yelled to Johnny. His eyes turned from glowing to blank, and a hurt look replaced the smile. He pressed his lips to a small string, and let go of my hand. He took one step back, and for the first time since I’d met Johnny, he hissed at me.
“I’ve been here all the time Jenna, open your Goddamn eyes! I’ve been here for you. Maybe you should try to be here for me as well?” He left before I could say anything. I looked over to Zacky, trying to gain some answers from him. He looked back at me, had a disappointed look in his eyes. He didn’t say a word, just got up and left the hospital room. Once again, I was on my own. This time I had pushed Johnny away. I was such a monster. I drifted off to a dreamless sleep.
When I woke up, a nurse stood at my bedside, writing something down on a notepad.
“Has anyone been here?” I asked her, my voice groggy from sleeping. She shook her head and went back to the writing. I said nothing and turned my head, so she wouldn’t see my tears. The door burst open. Matt stood in front of me, he had a hurt look on his face. The nurse whispered something to him, and he nodded. He said nothing, just sat down in the chair and held his head in his hands.
“What’s wrong?” My voice was still hoarse.
“Johnny’s gone.” I looked at him, shocked. I waited for him to explain it, but he looked at me, his eyes filled with anger this time.
“You know, Jenna, I almost wish Jimmy never met you.” I said nothing.
“If he hadn’t met you, none of this would’ve happened. Jimmy wouldn’t have started drinking, which means he would still be alive. Johnny wouldn’t have fallen in love with you, which means he wouldn’t have hated Zacky and Brian, and he wouldn’t have ran away. And Zacky.. You’ve been mind-fucking him, and as a result, he’s just a mess. And it’s all because of you. You’re nothing but trouble, and you always seem to push people who love you away. Well, guess what? We’re done with you. You’re no longer a part of the family, and I will never let you in again. I promise you.” His voice was sternly. He walked out of the door and he never looked back.
I had to stay at the hospital for a week, and after Matt’s visit, I had no more visitors. I was all alone in the world. I couldn’t stop thinking about what he had said. Johnny loves me? It seemed as if my life was nothing but a big mess, which annoyed me. On the other hand, none of them wanted to see me ever again, so I guess I wouldn’t have to worry about it. Apparently I would never see them again. I can’t say I blamed Matt. All the things he had said was things I’d already thought about. I decided that things would be better if I just left Huntington – screw that- it would be better if I left California! I could start on scratch somewhere else in America. Somewhere where no one knew me, somewhere where I could be anyone I wanted to be. I made my decision and went upstairs to start packing my things. After a couple of hours of packing, someone knocked the door. I opened the door, and again, I was shocked.
“She’s awake! Johnny, she’s awake!” I heard it before I could see anything. My vision was all blurry, and I had problems of focusing on the person sitting next to my bed, holding my hand. The person got up from the bed and leaned over me. I couldn’t see him, but I could smell him. His scent was miraculously healing! I felt better immediately and I found that I could focus. I looked directly and deep into his eyes. They were red and puffy, as if he had been crying. Someone grabbed my other hand. I looked into Johnny’s brown, smiling eyes, and I started to cry again. This time out of anger.
“Where were you when I woke up? Where were you when I needed you?” I yelled to Johnny. His eyes turned from glowing to blank, and a hurt look replaced the smile. He pressed his lips to a small string, and let go of my hand. He took one step back, and for the first time since I’d met Johnny, he hissed at me.
“I’ve been here all the time Jenna, open your Goddamn eyes! I’ve been here for you. Maybe you should try to be here for me as well?” He left before I could say anything. I looked over to Zacky, trying to gain some answers from him. He looked back at me, had a disappointed look in his eyes. He didn’t say a word, just got up and left the hospital room. Once again, I was on my own. This time I had pushed Johnny away. I was such a monster. I drifted off to a dreamless sleep.
When I woke up, a nurse stood at my bedside, writing something down on a notepad.
“Has anyone been here?” I asked her, my voice groggy from sleeping. She shook her head and went back to the writing. I said nothing and turned my head, so she wouldn’t see my tears. The door burst open. Matt stood in front of me, he had a hurt look on his face. The nurse whispered something to him, and he nodded. He said nothing, just sat down in the chair and held his head in his hands.
“What’s wrong?” My voice was still hoarse.
“Johnny’s gone.” I looked at him, shocked. I waited for him to explain it, but he looked at me, his eyes filled with anger this time.
“You know, Jenna, I almost wish Jimmy never met you.” I said nothing.
“If he hadn’t met you, none of this would’ve happened. Jimmy wouldn’t have started drinking, which means he would still be alive. Johnny wouldn’t have fallen in love with you, which means he wouldn’t have hated Zacky and Brian, and he wouldn’t have ran away. And Zacky.. You’ve been mind-fucking him, and as a result, he’s just a mess. And it’s all because of you. You’re nothing but trouble, and you always seem to push people who love you away. Well, guess what? We’re done with you. You’re no longer a part of the family, and I will never let you in again. I promise you.” His voice was sternly. He walked out of the door and he never looked back.
I had to stay at the hospital for a week, and after Matt’s visit, I had no more visitors. I was all alone in the world. I couldn’t stop thinking about what he had said. Johnny loves me? It seemed as if my life was nothing but a big mess, which annoyed me. On the other hand, none of them wanted to see me ever again, so I guess I wouldn’t have to worry about it. Apparently I would never see them again. I can’t say I blamed Matt. All the things he had said was things I’d already thought about. I decided that things would be better if I just left Huntington – screw that- it would be better if I left California! I could start on scratch somewhere else in America. Somewhere where no one knew me, somewhere where I could be anyone I wanted to be. I made my decision and went upstairs to start packing my things. After a couple of hours of packing, someone knocked the door. I opened the door, and again, I was shocked.