Find Me On My Better Days

The breakfast had been... awkward. Yeah, awkward. We hadn’t talked to each other that much. He had told me that it was for the best if we didn’t tell it to anybody. I nodded, cause in that moment I realized what I meant to Zacky. I had been a one-night stand. I also realized that I had already fallen in love with him. He drove me home, and took a cab back to his own place, since we had left the beach in my car. When I had locked myself in and closed the door, I started to cry. ‘God must hate me.’ Was all I could think of. Firstly, God took away Jimmy, then God took away the only thing I had left from Jimmy; my precious little child. After that, God gave me one night with Zacky, made me fall in love with him, and made Zacky leave me. What had I done to deserve this? I decided to call the one person I hadn’t talked much to, Brian.

Brian understood that something was wrong, and that I didn’t want to talk about it. He took me to the mall, and bought me ice-cream.
“So... Any particular reason why you gave me a call?” I should’ve known he eventually would ask me that. I mean, Brian could read me as an open book, he knew something bothered me.
“Well.. I don’t know how to say this...” I started, “But..”
“You’re in love with Zacky.” Brian finished for me. I nodded, tears started to fill my eyes, and I sniffled. I felt him take my hand and he kissed it slowly. That was how Brian always used to comfort me.
“Hey, Jenna, don’t cry! It’s not the end of the world, you know.”
“But Brian, that is exactly what it is!” I wasn’t sniffling now, I was crying.
“Jenna... Tell me your main concern, mkay?” I nodded and told him everything. Everything from how I was nothing but a one-night stand, that I had cheated on Jimmy’s memory, that I was afraid of trusting people since what they’d one to me and how I had fallen in love with Zacky, within a blink of an eye. I could see that the part where I told that I had trusting-issues hurt Brian. But when I tried to apologise, he flipped me off.
“Jenna. Look at me.” I looked into his chocolate brown eyes, eyes that had a comforting effect on me. I stopped crying, and I only sniffled once in a while.
“I don’t think that you have cheated on the memory of Jimmy. Jimmy would’ve wanted you to be happy. And Zacky have changed. He doesn’t sleep with girls unless he’s serious anymore. It stopped when Jimmy threw you out, Zacky and me felt horrible, and we promised each other to try to find the true love. I don’t know what you should do about the whole trust thing.. I mean, you just have to give it all, it’s like a game, you have to gamble, you know?”
I thought about it for a long time, and we finished our ice-creams. We didn’t talk about it after that, we just enjoyed each other’s company.

Brian took me out for dinner, it wasn’t a date, it was more a dinner between two friends who hadn’t seen each other for a long time. I really enjoyed Brian’s company. After dinner he asked me if I wanted to grab a drink, I accepted and we went to the local bar. I met his girl Michelle, she was really nice, and it seemed as she liked my company. Brian kissed Michelle’s lips softly, and the love and trust between them was so strong, and yet so far away from my reach, that it nearly killed me on the inside. I was sick of being alone, I wanted to experience love as well! Maybe I should try with Zacky? I didn’t have anything to lose, did I? I sat alone at the bar, thinking about this, when someone wrapped an arm around my waist. I looked down, but this arm didn’t have any tattoos on it. ‘What the fuck?’ was the only thought in my mind. I tried to turn around, but the person who had wrapped his arms around me, held me so hard it actually hurt.
“Come on, baby, I’ve been watching ya all night. I want ya. Now give me some sugar, won’t ya?” His breath smelled of alcohol and smoke, it sent shivers down my spine. Not good ones, these were shivers of fear. I was so frightened of being raped that I felt a tear fall down my face. The tear fell down on the man’s arm, and he quickly turned me around, forcing me to face him. He didn’t say a word, he yanked my arm and lead me outside. He forced his lips onto mine, and it felt like I was being choked. Actually, that would be better than this. I started to cry, I know, I cry a lot. He lifted his arm, as if he was going to smack me, so I closed my eyes, ready for his hand to slap me. But instead of a slap, I felt a thumb brushing away my tears. I kept my eyes closed and when I opened them, I got a huge surprise.