Dar

When I wake up I am sick to my stomach. I don't know if it's all of the commotion of the night before or the fact that I dreamt of Artemis making love to Adele, but it is a new kind of nausea. One that makes my head hurt and my skin pale and sweat. I look in the mirror in the bathroom and notice that there are bags under my eyes despite the full night of sleep I've had.

There is laughter and the smells of breakfast coming from downstairs, so I throw a lavender robe over my nightgown and run downstairs, ignoring my ill feelings. When I arrive, my sisters and brother-in-laws are surrounding the kitchen island, watching Artemis at the stove.

The Giver is grinning as he shifts through the kitchen, taking out spices and playing with a pan on the stovetop. He is making frittatas, an elaborate breakfast for all of my brothers and sisters. Meredith notices me first and says, "Oh, hey there Hattie! Your guy is making breakfast."

I nod and give Artemis a thankful smile. Jose suddenly puts a hand on my forehead. "You're looking green, Hutch." He is a doctor so he automatically diagnoses everyone in our family. I give him an annoyed look and sit down next to Charlotte who has Catalina sleeping on her shoulder. She rubs my head as I lean into her other shoulder.

"I'm fine," I mutter. Artemis gives me a horribly worried glance. "Maybe you should go to the doctor's," he suggests immediately and nervously cracks some eggs.

"I am fine," I say resolutely and Artemis shrugs and continues cooking. I shake my head and smile, "Don't worry."

Artemis gives me a sad look and then makes me and my family a wonderful breakfast that everyone gets seconds of.



Before I know it, we are all getting geared up to go to the local mall. My parents have urged us all to bundle up so I stand in the foyer wrapped in two sweaters and a wool coat with a huge knit scarf. Artemis is standing right in front of me in similar attire and grins at my ballooned figure. I laugh as he jokingly takes the ends of my scarf and plays with them.

"Looking warm, Hutch," he says.

"Likewise," I reply.

And we stand there looking at each other and I wonder if he did anything with Adele last night. And I feel absolutely awful because I shouldn't care if he did anything with her. It isn't my place. My sisters are staring at us staring at each other so we stop and embarrassedly and turn away from one another. However as we walk out to my parents' SUV in the freezing air of day, the Giver grabs my hand and holds it in his own. His hands are quite soft and I blush.

I don't understand why we are doing this. It isn’t funny anymore. But I cannot say that I don't like it.

We all pile into cars and drive downtown. Artemis and I are still holding hands when we exit the car and walk around in the warm and bustling shopping center. My parents lead us to our furniture store, no doubt wanting to show off their precious jewel to my new 'boyfriend.'

"This is where the washing machines are," my dad announces proudly as he shows him the aisle of the store. I have to give it to Artemis. He is totally pretending to be into it. I watch as he nods fervently at the blenders, the oak and cherry cabinets, and even listen to my mother explain the complexities of the modern day dishwasher. I am bored because I have seen this tour given a million times through the small shop. But the Giver never fails to smile or even ask questions about an egg beater.

My parents finally let us go out to the rest of the mall as they help customers find some microwaves, and Artemis and I stroll through the warm and golden space in content silence. We are still holding hands and neither of us lets go because we have already started and it's hard to stop.

"I can see why you miss all of this," the Giver comments as we watch families wander through the stores with happy smiles and shopping bags. My sisters and their husbands and children are dispersed now, buying for their own specific family units. Catalina needs new dress shoes for church. And Rowan and Sienna need new tutus for an upcoming ballet recital. They are pieces of me, my crazy sisters. But they belong to other people too, their men and their babies. I feel a little sad as I think about this.

"Yes," I return to the Giver, "They are very special to me. And so is Oklahoma." We stop in the center of the plaza and sit down at a bench. There are children running around while their parents chase after them and we watch with encouraging smiles to the adults, as if saying, "Your blaring and running baby isn't annoying. She's adorable!"

Artemis gives me a soft smile and whispers, "Your sisters are very wonderful. I didn't know that they would have families." It's like he can read my mind because this is exactly what I had been contemplating just moments earlier. And I suddenly wonder with a bit of paranoia if he can read my mind.

"I know. Aren't they all beautiful?" I say adoringly. Artemis looks at my loving face and once again darkness crosses his features.

"Do you want to be like them?" he asks.
"What do you mean?" I question back.
"Do you want to have a family like them?"

I stare at our intertwined hands for a long second and surprise myself because I answer, "Of course. They are so happy with their daughters and their soccer and ballet practices and one day when I've done all I can in California, I will move back here and do the same because it's what I want."

Artemis nods heavily and looks at the floor as he speaks. "My little sister and brother had children. I would go back from time to time to visit them, make sure they were okay. Alain had twin boys, Etienne and Emile. And sweet little Aurelie, who had only been ten when I left, had three children, all girls. They were absolutely beautiful."

"And you couldn't talk to them or anything?" I ask, feeling a little wave of biting curiosity grip me.
"Well, no. I wasn't allowed to because it is against Giver law to really connect with past members of your family. But I would send them some luck from time to time. The butcher shop became very successful and Aurelie married a good man who treated her right. I saw to all of that," he responds with an ardent gaze as if no one could ever question that he had never looked after his family.

"And you and Adele...?" I broke off.

Artemis expulses a barking laugh. "The thought of Adele and I having children is absolutely ludicrous. We could barely keep from fighting about everyday, little things. Givers cannot have children, anyway. We are frozen in time. It's not possible."

"Oh," I reply with a colored face. The kids around us are now hyper at an all time high, screaming and bellowing at the top of their lungs for more candy, more hugs, more time.

We sit there for a long time. Hand in hand watching the little ones fly by and wondering if any of them really know how precious they are.



It is late at night when we are preparing for dinner again that Jude calls me. I am downstairs in the kitchen with my loud and insane sisters. They are playing Twister right in the middle of the kitchen. Artemis has his right hand on blue and left foot on green as I answer. I try not to laugh as I watch his lanky limbs cross my sister's awkward positions.

But as soon as I see Jude's name flash across the cell phone screen, I turn silent and walk quickly to the next room where it is quieter. "Jude?" I ask breathlessly as I press the answer button.

"Hattie? Hi!" he sounds just as nervous as I do, "How are you?"

"I'm great! I'm just spending some time in Oklahoma, actually," I reply.

"That's awesome. Uh, well I was gonna ask you to come out to dinner with me tonight, but since you're across the country, that's probably not possible, huh?" He asks with a laugh and I immediately explode into a million butterflies and rainbows.

"Oh, ha. No, that's not possible. But it will be soon! I'll be home tomorrow and we can go out then if you want," I say and can't keep the smile from pervading my face.

"That's great! Um, okay then. I'll see you soon then?"

"Yes! I'll see you soon!" I say back.

We hang up and I can't prevent the excited sigh from escaping my lips. I turn back to the crowded kitchen where Artemis is unfortunately losing to Meredith at Twister. He finally collapses when he tries to get his right foot on yellow and Meri pops up in victory.

"Huzzah!" she cries triumphantly, "The master of Twister wins again!"

Artemis laughs and says, "I bow down to the master. I was a fool to challenge you."

"You're a newbie. You didn't know any better," Meri replies and offers her hand to help him up.
Everyone marches into the dining room and when the Giver and I are alone, straggling in the back, I ambush him. "Did you make Jude ask me out again?" I whisper at him.

Artemis shakes his head and says suspiciously, "No. I didn't. Why?"

I am practically jumping up and down when I say, "Because. he. just. asked. me. out!"

Artemis looks annoyed again and maybe a little bit angry. So my happy expression starts to wear off.
"Oh, him again?" he inquires sourly.

"Shut up," I reply, "He's such a good person and I think he likes me. Hattie Armstrong. It just sounds so right."

Artemis rolls his eyes. "I still think he's shady," he returns with a lowered voice because now we're sitting at the table, readying to eat my mother's famous fried chicken and mashed potatoes.

"You are thinking too much then because he is perfect!" I hiss.

I realize that I've been too loud and everyone at the table is looking at Artemis and I leaning into each other and whispering angrily.

"Is something wrong?" my mother asks us.

Artemis shakes his head quickly.

"Nothing is wrong, Bethany," he says politely. I shake my head too and the Giver and I continue eating and pretending that we love absolutely everything about each other.