The Sun Also Sets

“How do you know how to tie a tie?”

Hayden shrugged, “I guess I picked it up from watching my dad.”

“You look really pretty tonight, Hayden,” Eric smiled, looking down at her.

“Thank you, Halvo,” she blushed, “All done.”

He turned to look in the mirror and she stood behind him, “Do I look okay?”

“Why in the world are you so nervous?” she laughed, “It’s just a partner’s dinner. We’ve been going since we were kids.”

“Do you know how many hot girls go to these fancy restaurants? Ever since you broke up with me I’ve been on the market and I’m over it,” he said.

“We broke up over a year ago, Eric,” she laughed, “Still bitter?”

“Pssh, no,” he rolled his eyes.

Eric’s mom entered his room and gasped, “Oh, Hayden, you look wonderful!”

Hayden looked down at her gown, feeling silly. The law firm that she and John’s dads worked at held these dinners every year, and everyone dressed up. The Halvorsens were always invited since Eric’s dad was a large investor in the firm’s integrity.

“So do you,” she smiled.

“Are you driving yourself?” she asked, “I saw your car out front.”

“Yes, my parents are going to be a little late. I guess we should get going,” she said.

They all walked down the stairs together where Eric’s dad and sister were waiting.

“Hayden!” Leah ran up to her, “Do you like my dress?”

She twirled around in her flowing blue dress, “I love it, Leah. How old are you now, sixteen?”

“I’m only eleven,” she giggled.

“Isn’t she beautiful, Eric?”

“She sure is,” he smiled as Leah hugged Hayden’s side.

“Okay, I’ll see you guys there,” Hayden said, giving Leah’s forehead a kiss before leaving.

Hayden drove to the expensive restaurant they always went to. She entered and found the O’Callaghans already there.

John’s face instantly spread into a smile when he saw her. He stood and kissed her cheek before pulling out her chair for her as she sat.

“Camille, you look great,” Hayden smiled.

“As do you,” she said.

“Gracie, you look beautiful as well,” Hayden said, causing the blond haired eleven year old to blush.

“Thank you,” she responded shyly.

The rest of the group showed up, soon followed by Hayden’s family.

The Halvorsens, Reynolds, and O’Callaghans were best friends. All of them had kids at the same time. They would say it wasn’t planned, but all of the mothers would giggle at the thought.

Eric looked at John and Hayden, “Do you guys think it’s weird that our younger siblings might have a love triangle just like we did?”

“Except that there are two girls and one boy,” John said.

“My brother is going to be the player!” Hayden said, “Hey Caleb?”

Her younger brother tore his eyes away from Grace, “What?”

“Use protection,” John ordered.

“What are you talking about?” he asked.

“He’s eleven, John,” Hayden said.

“It’s never too young to learn,” Eric said.

“So, Hayden, are you excited to start college? We heard that you got your acceptance from Arizona State?” Mr. Halvorsen asked.

“I am really excited,” she said, “I’m going to miss these boys though.”

Eric grinned, “I’m sorry that our bands are going to be so successful.”

“You better hope they are,” John senior said, “Because if not you two are headed right to college.”

“Yeah yeah,” John mumbled, “I think we’ll be okay.”

They all made small conversation for the rest of dinner. Hayden excused herself to go to the restroom before they were ready to leave. As she opened the door to the one person bathroom someone joined her, pushing her in and locking the door behind them.

“What are you doing?” she giggled.

He put his hands on her waist, “You look so great.”

“Well, thanks, so do you,” Hayden said.

He kissed her softly at first, but it became rougher as they fell against the wall. She tangled her hands in his hair but soon pulled away. He began kissing her neck and she chuckled softly, “John, not here.”

“Fine, let’s leave,” he said.

“Someone is a little eager,” she laughed, “Come on, let’s go back out there.”

“Your hair is a little bit frazzled,” he grinned guiltily.

Hayden ran her fingers through her curled hair as she looked in the mirror.

“We’re going to Tyler’s party tonight, right?”

Hayden shrugged, “I don’t really feel like getting drunk.”

“Then don’t drink.”

“I also don’t feel like watching you drink,” she told him.

“Are you going to lecture me again about drinking? It’s getting tired,” he sighed.

“I don’t know, John. We’re graduating in a few months. I have a scholarship to ASU, I don’t want to blow that,” Hayden told him.

“So you’re going to be mad if I go?” he asked.

“No,” she looked at him, “Just don’t do anything stupid.”

“I know that tone of voice,” he said, “You’re being passive aggressive.”

“I was just thinking since we haven’t hung out alone in a while you might want to just come over and hang out with me. But whatever, it’s cool,” Hayden said going for the door.

“Hayden, you’re being really infuriating,” he said, trying to be calm.

“Fine, I’ll just lie to make you feel all better. Go have fun, get wasted, and I’ll take care of you when you’re hung over,” she obviously faked a smile.

“I will. And maybe I’ll meet a girl who actually likes to do the things that I like to,” he spat.

She glared at him before shaking her head, “You want to play that? Fine. I’m out.”

He chased after hear and grabbed her wrist, “Hayden, wait. I-I didn’t mean that.”

“John, if you want to do that then go ahead. Just tell me right now,” she said.

“Hayden you know how much I love you. I’ll just go for a little while to make an appearance and then I’ll spend the night with you, okay?”

“Don’t bother,” she sighed.

“Are you still angry?”

She seriously contemplated it; making him feel bad for his hurtful words, but she knew that he wasn’t serious. He loved her too much to let anything get in the way. “No,” she finally conceded, “I’m probably just going to go to sleep. We’ll go to the park tomorrow, okay?”

He chewed on the inside of his lip before sighing, “As long as you’re sure.”

She kissed his cheek, laughing softly at the lipstick mark she left. She wiped the smudge away with her thumb, “Love you.”

“I love you more.”

Hayden smiled as she stretched out on the blanket next to Kennedy, “It feels so good to be outside.”

“It is a beautiful day,” Kennedy agreed.

“Thanks for taking me out,” she said, “I was getting a little bit of cabin fever with Eric gone and everything.”

A Rocket to the Moon had left for two weeks for a short string of appearances up the coast. She had to coax Eric into going because he was so worried. But it has been over a week since he had gone and she hadn’t left the rehabilitation center.

Garrett and Kelsey had visited her, but they were the only ones.

“No problem,” Kennedy said, “I love Arizona this time of year.”

“Yeah, it’s great because in about two months it will be as hot as Satan’s balls.”

“Oh yeah?” he laughed, “Interesting comparison.”

She laughed before changing the subject, “So what’s new in your life?”

“Well,” he began, “I’ve really just been relaxing. We’ve all been writing a little bit here and there.”

“When do you guys leave for tour again?” she asked.

“Not for a while. We’re going to be recording a new album in the next couple of months so we’ll basically be hanging out here. Looks like you’re stuck with us,” he winked.

“I’m not complaining,” she laughed, “So… tell me about your girlfriend.”

“Well, her name is Kristen. We’ve only been together for a few months. She’s really sweet. Kind of loud at times, but I like her,” he shrugged.

“You don’t sound very sure about that,” she commented.

“I don’t know…” he said, “You know, as we get older I’m looking for someone that’s going to last. I’m not exactly sure she’s that person, yet.”

She nodded her head, “I understand.”

“Do you?”

“Well I mean I get what you’re doing, but right now I’m just looking for someone who cares. Actually, I’m not looking at all,” she told him honestly.

“You dated John, right? No one since you broke up?”

“I went on a few dates, but nothing meaningful. Now I’m just going to focus on me. I’m going to fix me,” she said, smiling triumphantly.

“Good for you,” Kennedy smiled.

Hayden and Kennedy made conversation, mostly about his past as she tried to keep the focus off of hers. Soon Garrett, Kelsey, Jared and Pat showed up with food. They all played pickup soccer and talked and laughed.

But as Kennedy told about when his high school won the state championship in soccer and she looked off at the people in the park, her heart fell into the pit of her stomach.

She should have expected him to be here.

“Kelsey, I’m going to go use the bathroom,” she said.

“Want me to come? Those public restrooms are kind of gross,” Kelsey said.

“No, no I’m good. I’ll be back,” she said before walking away from the group.

It took her a few minutes to work up the courage she needed to even take the steps to the bench he was at. She walked slowly, making sure not to step on any fallen leaves so she wouldn’t startle him.

She sat on the other end of the bench, resting her hands in her lap. They didn’t speak. Finally he blew smoke from his cigarette out of the side of his mouth and stomped it out on the ground. He looked at her and she met his eyes.

“So they let you out of that place?”

“A few times a week,” she replied.

“Are… Are you doing, better?” he asked.

She sighed and turned her body to face him, “You don’t have to pretend like you care, you know? It’s okay.”

“Good,” he said, facing her now too.

“Why did you come to wish me a happy birthday?” Hayden asked. She was slowly gaining more courage. John was just another person. She didn’t feel as intimidated by him as she always thought she would. It’s not that she was strong enough; she just couldn’t care less if he got angry. He couldn’t get any angrier.

“I don’t know, Hayden,” he sighed, “Jesus, I just wanted to see you I guess.”

“I can’t deal with this, John. You have your own issues and I have mine. You can’t keep playing with me, please,” she said, her voice wavering.

“You tried to kill yourself Hayden,” he said, running a hand through his hair, “If that’s not a cry for help then what is?”

“I didn’t need help from the person who caused it, John,” she said angrily as a tear slipped down her cheek.

“Oh, I caused it? Right, it’s all my fault,” he shook his head, standing up and kicking his feet against the ground, “I did not push you!”

“No, John,” she said, “I jumped. But don’t you dare try to say that those things you said to me weren’t the last thing running through my mind.”

“I never thought you would be so stupid to kill yourself!”

“Really? You didn’t?” she said, laughing rudely, “Because if I recall that’s exactly what you said. You told me that no one would care if I died, so I might as well just do it myself.”

“You know I didn’t wish that for you,” he said, “Screw you.”

“Oh but you already did that, didn’t you? Right before you said those things,” she said.

She saw his face slightly fall as he remembered. But he quickly snapped it back up into his usual frown, “Are you forgetting why we are here? You know that I was angry and you know why. I didn’t mean what I said.”

“It’s been four years, John! Four long years of your silence while I slowly beat myself up because I lost you.”

“Four years since you killed my little sister!” he finally yelled out as tears came down his face, “You took her from me and I hate you for that!”

“You don’t think I hate myself enough!?” she said, yelling now as well, “But just like you didn’t push me I did not kill her maliciously. Do you believe that? Please don’t tell me you believe that I did. They said that if I wasn’t speeding it wouldn’t have changed anything. It was that man’s fault, not mine!”

He gripped his hair in his hands, “I know you didn’t do it on purpose. But you drove the car that she died in and I can’t forget that.”

“It’s not healthy, John. I’m learning that,” she said quietly.

“Hayden, nothing about this relationship we have could be healthy. We can’t be how we were,” he told her.

“Why do you hate me, then?” she asked, crying, “If you know I didn’t do it on purpose then why do you hate me?”

“It’s not so much that I hate you, it’s that I blame you for the way I am today. When I found out that you jumped... I felt nothing. I’m numb, Hayden. I never feel anything because of how much I miss Grace, and I blame you.”

“I don’t know how to change that,” she said weakly.

“Hayden, I can’t even look at you without seeing Grace. All I think about is that…” he struggled to continue, “…that you were the last one to see her and it’s not fair that she’s gone and you’re still here. I know that sucks, but I don’t understand why God chose this way,” John said.

She stared down at her feet, “Well, now you’re thinking like a true suicidal person.” She wasn’t angry at what John said. It’s what had gone through her head for four years.

“It’s not even that I wish you had gone instead, anymore. I wish that it would have never happened. But when I found out you jumped, it was like a justification, and it scares me that I feel that way,” he said.

She shook her head, “You need help, John. We can get though this, we can do it. I promise.” She didn’t care that she sounded so desperate.

“I don’t want to!” he yelled, “If I had anyone to turn to, I would. It should be you that I go to but I can’t, and that kills me.”

“It doesn’t have to be this way,” she said, tears choking her words.

He rubbed a hand over his face, “Yes, it does. I have to go.”

“Stop coming around me, then,” she said, “I can’t deal with this.”

“Well isn’t that convenient,” he rolled his eyes, “Sure, Hayden, I’ll tip-toe around your feelings while my little sister lies dead in the ground you walk on.”

“Get away from me,” she said firmly.

He hadn’t meant what he said. He didn’t like to speak of his sister in that way, and he knew Hayden was fragile. But he was so eager to get away, so he didn’t stop.

“Gladly,” he spat before walking away from her.

The whole group said goodbye to each other outside of the restaurant, hugging even though they would no doubt see each other very soon.

“Hayden, can I drive home with you?” Grace asked.

“Well, I’m not going to your house, sweets. Why don’t you just drive with your parents?” she asked.

“Please?” she asked, smiling.

Hayden sighed, “Fine. But don’t tell the other kids. We’ll go get ice scream.”

She felt a hand on her waist and turned to look at John. “Taking Grace home?”

“Yeah, we’re going to spend some quality time,” Hayden said.

“You sure you don’t want to come tonight?”

She rolled her eyes, “Positive.”

“I’ll be over later, okay?” he said, taking her hand.

“Don’t,” she said, “I want to be alone tonight.”

“Alone or just not with me?” he asked.

“However you want to see it,” she said, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Whatever,” he said before walking away. She said goodbye to Eric before she and Grace walked to her car.

As they drove Grace turned to her, “Are you and John fighting?”

“No, Grace,” she lied, “We’re fine.”

“Are you guys going to get married soon?” she asked.

Hayden laughed, “No. Not anytime soon.”

“You should, so then we can be sisters!”

“But then you would never get to date Caleb!” Hayden teased.

“He likes Leah,” she sighed.

“Give it a few years, kid. Things change. I liked Eric when I was your age,” Hayden admitted.

Grace laughed, “That’s funny. I’m pretty sure John wants to marry you soon. He has a ring.”

Hayden glanced at her, and when she spoke tried to sound disinterested, “A ring, huh?”

“He says it’s a promise ring,” she said, “Sounds like a wedding ring to me though.”

“I guess we’ll have to wait and see,” Hayden said.

“You guys will never break up, ever. I hope I can find that someday,” she said.

“You will, Gracie, I promise.”

The car fell silent and Hayden’s thoughts were consumed with what Grace had said. John had gotten her a ring? They had talked about marriage in the distant future, but she knew it would always be him. She supposed a promise ring was perfect, but not necessary. A ring would just be visible evidence of how much she loved him.

Her thoughts were completely forgotten soon, though. That’s when they were hit. A large pickup truck hit her small car on the passenger side, sending them rolling three times. They landed upright.

Hayden couldn’t really remember anything. Her vision was foggy and there was blood and particles everywhere. She tried to unbuckle her seatbelt but she was trapped. People on the street were telling her to stay calm. But she was screaming for Grace. She reached over into the passenger seat and saw her.

Then she fell out of consciousness. When she woke up she was on a gurney, being loaded into an ambulance. She couldn’t feel anything below her neck, but the EMTs assured her she was okay. Before they closed to door to the ambulance she saw a man trying to walk in a straight line on the sidewalk and failing miserably. He had blood running down his forehead.

She took the mask off of her face and shook her head when the EMTs tried to stop her, “Where’s Grace?”

The woman, her nametag reading Mary, looked at her with sad eyes and took her hand. Hayden tried to shake her head but her neck was wrapped in a brace. Mary didn’t need to speak, because it would just end up being a lie anyways.

But she spoke anyways, and from that day forward Hayden knew that what Mary said would never be true,

“You are going to be okay.”