The Sun Also Sets

Hayden tried not to cry in front of the boy sitting at her side, but it was to no avail because the tears wouldn’t stop falling.

“Hayden, don’t cry,” he begged.

“I can’t help it,” she said.

“It will practically be the same, babe. But we can’t go on like this,” he said.

“But I love you Halvo,” she said sadly.

“No,” he shook his head, “You love John.”

She bit her lip and he squeezed her hand, “Go get ‘em, kid.”

“I hope you don’t think that I like… wasted your time. I loved dating you, Eric. You were amazing to me,” she said.

“Hell yeah I was,” he smiled.

“Eric Halvorsen, you’re a great best friend,” she said.

He shushed her, “Don’t ruin my reputation, honey. This is going down in the record books that I broke your heart.”

She laughed, “Sounds good.”

Eric began to walk towards her bedroom door, his feet padding along to the rhythm outside. Hayden took his hand one more time and kissed his cheek, “Thanks for understanding.”

He rolled his eyes and opened the door, “It’s always been you and O’Callaghan, Hayden. At least I got some quality make out time for a few months.”

She laughed, “Hey, you were my first crush.”

“And you were mine,” he said, “But please, go tell John that we broke up, so that we can all get back to normal.”

“Will do,” she said before he gave her one last smile and they walked downstairs together.

They went their separate ways at the party that was in full effect. Hayden didn’t feel as awful as she thought she would. Eric was right; it was always she and John. She thought she had loved Eric, she wanted to love him.

Her and John fought like little kids and forgave each other just as quick. They were all partiers, but John liked to hook up. Hayden didn’t have the energy to compete with the girls that threw themselves all over him, and Eric was a safe bet.

But in the last few months John had begun to withdraw from their friendship, and it was harder than she thought. She missed him. She was only sixteen going on seventeen but she had such mature feelings for him.

She stood on her tip toes, struggling in her high heels, trying to look over the heads of all the people in her living room. She found him eventually, dancing with a random blonde. She rolled her eyes, not surprised.

Hayden stood behind the girl so John could see her. He gave her a strange look and she kept her lips in a straight line and lifted her eyebrows.

He put his hands on the girl’s waist and whispered something in her ear before moving away from her. Hayden held out her hand and ignored the daggers from the girl John had left.

She led him upstairs and shut her bedroom door behind her. He looked at her expectantly, “Is this important? I was kind of busy.”

“Eric broke up with me,” she told him.

She saw his face fall for a split second before he took a sip out of the cup in his hand, “Are you okay?”

She ignored him, “He broke up with me because he thinks I’m in love with you.”

John bit at the inside of his lip and set his drink down on her dresser. He picked up a picture of Hayden and himself at the Homecoming dance their freshman year. He asked her because Eric was too nervous. They had their first kiss that night.

John knew that Hayden had always had a crush on Eric and him both. But she always seemed to be stuck on Eric and it left John alone. He waited for her to realize that he would be the one that would always be there.

But just when she was about to realize it, John hooked up with one of Hayden’s closest girl friends. She started dating Eric the next week.

“Well... do you?”

“Do I what?” she asked.

He set the frame down and looked at her, “Love me?”

She bit her lip, “I don’t know what love is.”

“Does anyone?” he asked.

“John, we’re only sixteen. This is supposed to be fun, not this heart wrenching,” she said.

“Well I think I love you,” he said bluntly.

She gave him a faint smile, feeling relieved. Hayden kicked off her heels and sat on her bed with John following suit.

“So… what do we do now?” he asked.

“Will you stop hooking up with random girls?” she asked.

“Will you stop convincing yourself that you shouldn’t be with me?” he countered.

“I promise,” she said, “I may not know if this is love, John, but it feels pretty damn close.”

“I want to be with you forever, Hayden. And I know we’re sixteen and I sound stupid but I don’t care. Can you promise me forever?” he asked.

“I already did,” she said, holding up her wrist and showing him the ink. He smiled before she kissed him. Her stomach was filled with nervous butterflies but it felt right, like this should have been done a long time ago.

John pinched her hips in between his fingertips as they kissed, eventually positioning himself atop her. She tangled her fingers in his hair and their breathing became heavy.

“We should stop,” John said, out of breath.

Hayden looked at him as they both took deep breaths, calming down. She wanted this, she wanted him. But not like this, not with everything so hot and the air full of pressure. It would be her first time and it was supposed to be special; she was nervous.

“I want to, John,” she whispered.

“Me, too.”

“Have you done this before?” she asked unsteadily.

“No,” he told her honestly, “I’ve been waiting.”

“For what?”

He moved her hair out of her face and gave her a small smile, “You.”

Hayden lay in her bed, her fingers tracing over the black ink on her wrist. It was an infinity sign she had gotten so many years ago. Her aunt Carey had signed her permission, and John’s mom had signed his.

They got the symbol in the same place before they were even dating. It had meant best friends forever but they both knew it was more. She had thought about getting it removed for about two years, but she supposed she didn’t have the guts.

She had kept her promise of forever. He didn’t.

She knew he still had it, and she couldn’t lie and say she wasn’t glad.

She heard a knock on the door and a quiet ‘hello’ before the door opened. She smiled at Kennedy as he entered.

“Hey there,” he said.

“What are you doing here?” she asked.

“I’m taking you out,” he said simply.

She chuckled, “You don’t have to.”

“Come on, Reynolds. Live a little,” he challenged.

She shrugged as she slipped on her shoes, “Fine.”

They signed out of the clinic and got in Kennedy’s car. They made idle conversation on the way and when they arrived Hayden grinned.

“Are we going to feed the giraffes?” she asked excitedly.

“I might even ride a camel with you if you’re lucky,” he smiled as they walked towards the entrance of the Phoenix Zoo.

Kennedy paid for her entrance and she thanked him. They looked at all of the animals on the way and smiled at all of the children running around them, having the time of their lives.

As they walked through the monkey habitat Hayden laughed. The attendant told them to stay away from the monkeys, because they had a tendency to pee everywhere.

“One time, John scared one of the monkeys and it peed on me,” she said.

Kennedy laughed, “How did John scare it?”

“He screamed at it. We were only seven,” she laughed, “I was so mad though. We were on a school field trip so I was going to have to walk around with the smell all day. But he used all of the money his parents gave him to buy me a new shirt from the gift shop.”

“That’s hilarious,” Kennedy laughed. As they walked down a pathway they heard a noise behind them. Hayden didn’t even flinch at the bird’s call but Kennedy nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Oh my God,” he panicked, grabbing her hand, “We have to get out of here.”

He pulled her as they ran to a more populated area and finally stopped when they were out of breath. “What was it?” she laughed.

“A peacock.”

“So?”

He sighed, “I might be kind of terrified of peacocks.”

She gave him a strange look, “They are the most harmless bird ever.”

“I got attacked in this very same zoo when I was a child,” he said seriously.

Hayden really tried to suppress her laugh but she couldn’t. Kennedy rolled his eyes as she bent over laughing, “Yeah, yeah, I’m used to it.”

“I’m sorry… it’s just so funny,” she said, fanning herself to recover from her laugh.

“Let’s just go feed these giraffes,” he said stubbornly.

They walked up the steps to the exhibit and an attendant immediately approached them. She handed them small pieces of brown food, reminding Hayden of just simple dog food.

“Just hold it out and Lily here will take it from you,” the woman directed.

Hayden did as she was told and the giraffe wrapped its tongue around the food in Hayden’s hand, causing her to giggle.

“It feels so weird!” she laughed.

“It’s awesome,” Kennedy said.

Hayden gave all her food to Lily, the baby giraffe. Kennedy spread is out among the two other animals and Hayden watched as he smiled and spoke to the animals like they could understand him.

He was really cute, she thought.

“So was that great or what?” he smiled.

“Thank you so much,” she gushed, “I loved it.”

“Are you hungry? I’m feeling like you want a pretzel,” he said.

“You read my mind,” she laughed as they walked to a nearby stand. They got one pretzel to share and sat down on a bench near a pond with all kinds of fish in it.

“So how’s life on the outside world?” Hayden asked.

“I can’t complain,” he said, “Oh, Kelsey is graduating next month though and I’d love it for you to be my date. She really wants you there.”

“What about your girlfriend?” she asked.

“Kelsey doesn’t like her,” he said tightly.

“Why not?”

He shrugged, “We just like to watch out for each other.”

“Have you ever broken up with a girl for Kelsey before?” Hayden asked.

“Yes,” he replied.

“Do you think that will be the case here?” she asked.

“Probably. It’s like… I know she’s not the one. I can just feel it. But right now it’s just fun, so whatever,” he said.

“I get where Kelsey is coming from though,” Hayden said, “I don’t think any girl would be good enough for my little brother.”

“Tell me about him,” Kennedy smiled.

She shrugged, “I haven’t seen him in at least two years. I can’t really tell you much.”

“I bet he misses you,” Kennedy said.

“You know, I like to think that too. But he hasn’t even tried to contact me, so I don’t really know,” she said.

“I’m sorry, Hay,” he frowned.

She brushed her hands together as they finished up the pretzel, “How about that camel ride?”

Kennedy grinned as he intertwined their fingers and they walked to the station. They waited in line and when it was their turn Hayden loaded on first. The attendant told them to hold onto the side bar and she gripped it for dear life. But he only rested his hand on it leisurely and instead kept a tight grasp on Hayden’s waist.

“Hayden, I think our camel is pooping,” Kennedy said halfway through the ride.

She laughed, “Fantastic.”

The ride finished and Kennedy helped Hayden down politely. They saw a few more exhibits before the sun began to go down.

They got back to the clinic and on the way to her room Hayden stopped and smiled, “Do you want to get ice cream from the cafeteria? They have assorted flavors and we can take it back to my room.”

“Sure!” he said. She led him to the ice cream station and he laughed, “By assorted flavors you meant strawberry, chocolate, and vanilla?”

“Beggars can’t be choosers,” she laughed.

They both chose strawberry before going back to her room.

“You paint?” he asked, pointing to a frame on her wall.

“I try,” she said, “There’s not much else to do around here.”

“This is really, really good, Hayden,” he said, studying it, “You should make me something!”

“Like a wonderful peacock painting?” she grinned.

“Not funny,” he sighed, sitting next to her on her bed.

She apologized between her giggles and they continued talking. Kennedy liked to ask her questions about the clinic and about therapy, and she honestly didn’t mind answering. He wasn’t asking to try to be a therapist, he was honestly just curious.

“I have a question,” Kennedy said, “It’s kind of awkward.”

“Go for it,” she laughed. They were both lying back on her bed and she propped herself up on her arm to look at him.

“Do they have like… conjugal visits here?” he asked.

She laughed, “I’m sure they do, but… I don’t know! Ew!”

“I’m just saying. You know, some people have needs and I know this place is supposed to heal you, so it only makes sense,” he laughed.

“You could just leave and do it somewhere else,” she told him.

He propped himself up, mimicking her, “But what would be the fun in that?”

She laughed as he smiled and lay back down. He closed his eyes and she looked at him, suddenly feeling more lonely than ever. It had been so long since someone had held her like they loved her. Eric didn’t count. She longed for strong arms and whispers in her ear, reminding her that she belonged.

She had been thinking for a while, and didn’t even notice that Kennedy was definitely watching her as well.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, simply sensing the trouble.

She looked at him as they both sat up, not even thinking as she spoke her next words. It wasn’t that she spoke before she had the chance to think, she just chose not to. “Kiss me.”

“What?” he asked, unsure.

“Kiss me, Kennedy. Please,” she said, not caring that she sounded so desperate.

“Hayden…” he said carefully as he stood, “I have a girlfriend.”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” she said, “And I’m not trying to take advantage of how nice you are in this state I’m in. I just—please.”

He scratched the back of his neck and looked at her, “Hayden, why me?”

“Because I don’t have anyone else,” she said, a tear slipping down her cheek. She knew it was ridiculous and unrealistic and she honestly felt stupid. She opened her mouth to backtrack but before she could speak Kennedy was in front of her and his hand was on her cheek and he was kissing her.

She kissed him back immediately. It started out sweet and innocent, and she waited for him to progress into something more—which he did. But even as their tongues tangled and their hands ran all over each other, Hayden was only thinking of one person.

So while Kennedy’s kiss was amazing and the way he made her feel was so different than what had become the norm, she was able to enjoy it. But the second their lips parted she had no hope that she could ever permanently feel this way.

Because no one would ever compare.