The Sun Also Sets

Hayden tried to zip up her suitcase but it was impossible. She looked at Halvo, “Sit on my suitcase.”

“Okay!” he said cheerfully, jumping onto the case as she zipped it.

“I can’t believe I’m finally going home,” she said.

“Me either. John’s mom got all new sheets and everything for the guest room in our apartment. You can come to Sunday dinner, too!” he said.

“Will Leah be okay around me?” she asked.

“She’s just a kid, Hayden. She can’t do you any harm. But yes, she’ll keep quiet. Caleb is coming right?” he asked.

“Yes,” Hayden said, “I miss your mom so much.”

“She misses you, too. I think John’s parents will come, too. It’s going to be a party!” Halvo said.

A knock came at her door and Dr. Roberts stepped in, “Hayden, I just need to speak with you for a few minutes.”

“Perfect timing, doc. I’m off to get some pudding from the cafeteria before we leave,” Halvo said before he left.

“Am I in trouble?” Hayden asked. They had already had their final therapy session. Dr. Robert’s said that accepting John was the last step. And she felt ready to step out into the world and face the things she hadn’t confronted yet.

“No, no,” she said, “This is just standard procedure.”

“Okay…”

“Okay, it’s not really standard. But I just needed to tell you some things,” Dr. Robert’s said, “In all of my years volunteering at this center, I have never seen someone so messed up.”

Hayden laughed, “Gee, thanks.”

“What I mean is I haven’t seen someone make the progress you have. It’s normal to back step a little, Hayden. If you start to feel like you did before—depressed or unwanted, I need you to promise that you’ll call someone,” she said.

“You?”

“If you think that will help. But you know that you can handle it, especially with these people around. Don’t underestimate yourself, Hayden,” Dr. Roberts said.

“I won’t. Not anymore,” she said.

Dr. Roberts stood, “You’re so strong, Hayden.”

“I know,” Hayden said, hugging her.

“Don’t over estimate John, okay? He still needs work, but if you help him, he can do it,” she said.

“So it’s my turn to be the hero?” she asked.

“Don’t let him down,” Dr. Roberts said before she left.

Eric came back in. They finished packing her bags and before they left the room Halvo spoke, “Do you remember that whenever John or I would be sad you would make it better?”

“Yeah?”

“I want to do that for you, now. I know it’s more complicated now but I don’t care. Until you can be the one seeing the glass half full, I’ll do it,” he said.

She nodded her head and kissed his cheek before they both surveyed the room one more time, “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

Eric drove to his and John’s house. But when they got there Eric locked the door to keep her from getting out.

“What’s going on?” she laughed.

“I just wanted to tell you how happy I am,” he said.

“Okay? I’m happy too,” she told him.

He grabbed her hand, “Listen to me well, Hayden.”

“I am,” she said.

“I need a promise, Hayden. A promise that you’ll never make me so mad again,” he said.

“Eric-”

“No, promise that you won’t ever think of trying to get away from me. That when things get bad you come talk to me and that you’ll let me make it okay.”

“I promise, Halvo,” she told him earnestly.

“I can’t see get another call like that, or see you in the hospital like that ever again,” he said.

“You won’t, I swear,” she told him, squeezing his hand.

He smiled, “Good, because I will seriously shoot you if you are that stupid again.”

Hayden laughed, “Sounds like a deal.”

He finally let her out and they carried her bags to the door. “Honey, I’m home,” Eric called as they entered.

John met them in the living room, “What did I tell you about calling me honey in front of guests?”

He took Hayden’s bags out of her arms and carried it into her room. She followed him in and smiled when he turned on the light. The walls were covered in paintings and pictures she had done, some of which she didn’t even remember.

“You did this?” she asked John.

“When Eric packed up your apartment he got all the pictures. I figured it might make it feel more like home,” he shrugged.

“Thanks, John,” she said, “I promise I won’t stay long. Just until I can get a job and save up a little.”

“And pay your hospital bills and your court debts and your parent’s debt,” Eric mumbled, “I told you, you’re welcome to stay as long as you want.”

“I’ll pay rent,” she said.

“How about you just cook and clean and we’ll call it even?” John said.

“Deal,” she laughed.

“Okay team, we need to get to dinner. My mom will kill us if we’re late,” Eric said, pushing them out the door.

John drove them to the same restaurant they had the last partner’s dinner at. Except this time three people would be missing.

“Where is she?” Hayden heard Eric’s dad around the corner as he searched and it was then that she realized she had stopped in the doorway. “Hayden!”

She stepped in and smiled at the aging man. He engulfed her in his strong arms and she started crying. She let him lift her off the ground and squeeze her tight. Neither of them cared that they were in a restaurant full of people. Once he set her down she was smiling.

“You look great!” she said.

She noticed tears in his eyes as he led her to the back room that they always reserved, “Come on, Emily can’t wait to see you.”

Hayden followed him in to where Leah and Mrs. Halvorsen were sitting. They both looked up.

“Oh, Hayden!” Mrs. Halvorsen squealed as she scurried to hug her. She pulled away but kept her eyes trained on Hayden, taking in every piece of her, like she was amazed she was actually here.

She hugged her again and whispered in her ear, “Don’t you dare scare me like that again.”

“I won’t,” Hayden told her.

Once they were separated Hayden looked at Leah had looked back down at the menu in her hands. She sighed in disappointment, but understood. She had seen firsthand the pain Eric had been in, and even the pain John had been in.

But Leah had gone through her own mourning process, too. And maybe she wasn’t over it.

They made small talk and waited to order because the O’Callaghans and Caleb hadn’t arrived yet. But then a Sinatra song came through the speakers, and Eric’s dad grinned.

He held out his hand, “My lady?”

Hayden put her hand in his and they danced. Eric was exactly like his dad: goofy, light-hearted, and ridiculous. She wished he was her dad, simply because he loved her so much.

“Leah, get out here!” John called.

John forced Leah to dance with him and Hayden didn’t care how stupid they all looked, dancing in a room that wasn’t meant for this.

They were having fun just like they did when they were kids. Hayden thought back to when she was little and at the partner’s dinners. Her dad would ask her to dance. She would stand on the toe of his shoes and he would move them fluidly.

It was one of the best memories she had of her dad before her mom took him.

Eric’s dad smiled, “You’re wonderful.”

“As are you,” she said.

Mr. Halvorsen looked at Leah and John, “May I cut in?”

Hayden easily transferred into John’s hands. “God I missed this.”

“I missed you,” John said.

“Did you?” she asked.

“I know that it’s not good to wish for the past. But I really do,” he told her.

“I know,” she said quietly. It still felt uncomfortable with John. At least to her. She was trying not to let things move too fast, because the truth was she wasn’t ready to be his best friend so quickly. He still scared her, because he was capable of so much damage.

But he was trying, and even though he didn’t deserve the time of day she would be patient. Their future was uncertain and would never be as easy as they wished. But she couldn’t change these things.

She wasn’t done with her fight against the demon she had fostered inside herself. She would need help just like John would. It would have to be a joint effort because this wasn’t easy at all.

She longed for the days he would steal kisses during movies and text her good morning and good night. For the parties where they were able to drink carelessly and for the days when life came easy. Looking backs he realized that she really grew up in what most considered a luxury, they all did.

Things weren’t perfect, but she had the best friends she could ask for. She didn’t get there without her positive attitude about the things she couldn’t control. Apparently it had died when Grace did.

If what Eric said was true, she needed to get it back, for all of them.

“Oh looks like we missed the party.”

Hayden and John looked to the door and saw his parents walking in with Caleb following. Hayden was the only one to notice Leah’s smile as Caleb sat down next to her.

“There’s my girl,” John the fourth smiled as he hugged Hayden.

“Hi Mr. Oh,” she said before moving to Camille who was already crying. “Never thought you’d see the day, huh?”

She hugged her tightly, “The opposite, actually. I always knew you’d be okay.”

They all sat and ordered their food. While they waited everyone engaged in a conversation about chemistry, a subject not one of them had been good at. But they all talked like they really understood and they were all so serious Hayden couldn’t help but laugh.

How could she have been so stupid? There were so many people that loved her. Even if she excluded John and even Leah, everyone at this table would have mourned her. She only would have caused more damage to the O’Callaghans.

She had been so selfish.

“So Hayden, what’s your next move?” Camille asked.

“I’ll start an intense job hunt tomorrow. I have a lot of bills to keep up with,” she said.

“I thought Eric paid those?” Leah asked with a hint of a nasty tone.

“He did,” Hayden said politely, “But I don’t want to be in debt.”

“She won’t take no for an answer,” Eric said, and then mumbled, “Shocker.”

“Well,” Eric’s dad started, “We have an opening at the firm.”

“Oh okay, let me go dig my Harvard Law diploma out of my bags,” she laughed.

“Nice try, smart ass,” John’s dad laughed, “You would be my assistant.”

“Seriously? You’d do that for me?” she questioned.

“We’ll talk shop tomorrow at your interview,” he told her.

“Great,” she said happily.

After dinner all of the kids went back to the Halvorsen home.

“Um,” Halvo started, “I’m going to need to talk to Caleb alone. John, want to come?” he asked.

“Not really…?” he laughed.

He spoke out of the side of his mouth and his attempt to conceal what he tried to say only made it more obvious, “I’m going to ask him about his intentions.”

“Oh hells yeah,” John said, “Let’s do this.”

Hayden laughed as they took a confused Caleb into a different room, leaving her and Leah alone.

“They won’t be too harsh, don’t worry,” Hayden said.

“I’m not,” she replied shortly.

Hayden bit her tongue and tried to be nice, “So you’re dating my brother?”

She laughed, “No. Definitely not.”

“That’s what your brother thinks,” Hayden said.

“Well not every person has to date their friends,” she said rudely.

“Wow,” Hayden chuckled, “Want to lay out right now what the problem is?”

Leah finally looked at her, “I’m not okay with you, Hayden.”

“Because of Grace?”

She nodded her head, “I know you didn’t kill her. I don’t blame you.”

“But you’re mad, right?”

“I see the way John and Eric are around each other. They are so stupid and fun and I’ll never know how that feels.”

“Leah-”

She started crying, “I’ll never have a best friend!”

Hayden wrapped her arm around her and let her cry, “I’m so sorry, Leah.”

Once she had gotten herself together she continued, “I try not to be rude to you but I always think of how this almost tore John and Eric apart. And it hurts me.”

Hayden nodded her head, “Leah, you know how Eric and I are together?”

“Sure…?”

“He is the most important person in my life. He was there when no one else was,” Hayden told her.

“So?”

“So you have someone just like that, Lee. Caleb will always be there for you. He is your Eric, and you have to embrace that,” she said. “I know what it’s like to lose one best friend. But you can’t ever forget Caleb. Because he lost Grace too.”

And it was in Hayden’s own advice that she realized how and why everything had gone wrong. She and John were both mourning Grace. They couldn’t console one another because they were too busy trying to appear more together than they actually were.

They had never been able to comfort each other and had grown apart in the process while she and Eric grew closer. The grief would be the only thing she and John had common, and they let it tear them apart. So since they had never been able to truly mourn her, they wouldn’t be okay until they did.