The Sun Also Sets

“John, you have to do something.”

“No. No, I really don’t,” he replied casually as he picked at the strings of the acoustic guitar in his lap.

“You’re being such a dick,” Jared said, disapproving, “Don’t forget I’m one of your best friends; I can see right through all this.”

“Then why do you have to keep asking?” John asked, annoyed.

“Because you need to talk about it,” he replied.

John rolled his eyes, “Can we just write this song?”

“Whatever,” Jared sighed, “I’m going to go get some food.”

John rolled his eyes as he leaned his head against the back of the couch. It was easy to ignore Eric’s calls by just turning his phone off. But he couldn’t ignore Pat or Jared, and he really couldn’t ignore Garrett.

And as if on cue, he entered.

“I’m flying out to Arizona after the show for our day off tomorrow to see her. Will you come?” he asked.

“To see her?” John questioned as he stood.

“Yeah? Eric said she woke up yesterday.”

John nodded his head slowly, sitting back down as the dizziness got a hold on him. So this is what shock felt like? His heart hurt, he couldn’t see straight, he couldn’t even describe how it felt. He wasn’t even sad, but he wasn’t happy either, and the latter shocked him most.

“Oh my God,” Garrett said, sitting next to him, “You didn’t know she was alive? I thought Eric would have called you.”

“I turned my phone off.”

“So you’ll come with me, right?” Garrett asked.

“No.”

“I already bought a ticket,” Garrett said, “Come with me.”

“Sorry, Gare, ask Pat to go with you,” John said calmly.

“If Pat goes he won’t come back. And Jared barely knows her and Kennedy hasn’t even met her. I need you John. Hayden needs you,” Garrett said.

“Was that supposed to make me want to go? You really need to learn your audience,” John said as he stood up and pushed past Garrett.

“You’re not fooling anyone, John,” Garrett said before John left the room.

John gave him one last look before opening the door hastily and storming off. He didn’t understand how no one believed him. He was okay. Honestly, Hayden might have been the farthest thing from his mind.

“John Oh!”

John turned to look behind him as Kennedy caught up with him, “Hey, bro.”

“Where are you headed to?”

“Just going for a walk,” John said, “Figured it’d be nice to see Dallas.”

“Mind if I come with? I need to buy something for Kristen,” Kennedy said.

“Sure,” John said as they made their way out of the venue and onto the street of downtown Dallas.

“So… what’s all this happening with Halvo back home? Garrett’s been pretty upset,” Kennedy said.

John felt bad for Kenny. He was so unaware of the drama they all had in their past, almost making John envious. “Uh, one of their friends tried to take her life.”

Kennedy frowned, “Wow, that’s tough. Did you know her?”

John thought for a moment, biting the inside of his cheek, “Not really.”

“What’s her name?”

“Hayden,” John spoke, “Her and Garrett were really close. From what I hear she’s kind of impossible.”

“Maybe my sister can get a hold of her,” Kennedy said.

“Yeah, maybe,” John said shortly. He actually didn’t want Kelsey to speak to Hayden. Someone like Kelsey, vibrant and optimistic, shouldn’t be around someone like Hayden. The world needed more people like the Brocks, and less like Hayden Reynolds.

The two stopped at a souvenir shop for Kennedy to find something for his girlfriend. John mindlessly picked up random things, surveying them before placing them back where he found them like he figured he was supposed to.

That’s what life seemed like to John lately, just going with the motions of what he figured he should do. It was never what he wanted to do, not by choice, just by lack of effort. He didn’t have any energy to change, so he stayed the same. His feet were stuck in the cement beneath him as the world flashed by him every moment.

And he didn’t seem to mind.

Kennedy decided on a small magnet in the shape of Texas reading Everything is bigger in Texas. It was so cliché and unimportant he found it funny. He didn’t know if Kristen would, but he hoped.

They walked back to the venue and began prepping for the show. When they walked back to the bus they were met with Garrett’s angry voice trying to hush behind the curtain of his bunk.

“But-Hayden please. No, you listen to me, I’m coming tonight. You think I care what you want for me? Screw that, Hayden. I’ll see you later tonight. Don’t sound too excited, goodbye.”

John ran a hand through his hair and sighed before leaving the bus. Garrett walked to the lounge area, sitting down and resting his head in his hands. Kennedy sat across from him.

“Are you okay, kid?” Kennedy asked.

Garrett didn’t look at him, “Ken, can I ask you a favor?”

“Go for it.”

“Will you go back to Arizona with me tonight? Tim won’t let me go alone because he thinks I’m irresponsible or something,” Garrett rolled his eyes, “You’re my last hope.”

Kennedy smiled sympathetically, “Sure, I’ll go.”

Garrett smiled weakly, “I appreciate it.”

*

“I’m a little offended on how excited you are to see Garrett, you slut.”

Hayden shrugged as she took a sip of water, “Wow, I’m getting good at even faking it in front of you.”

Eric frowned, “He’s been calling me every second since it happened.”

“He should be here soon, right?”

“Yep. He’s bringing Kennedy, too. I think Kelsey will come too,” Eric said.

“Well, sweet, it’ll be a little party,” Hayden feigned her enthusiasm. “Wait, John isn’t coming?”

“Did you expect him to?” Eric asked so eagerly it was as if he was hoping for a breakthrough.

Hayden bit her lip, “I guess not.”

He rolled his eyes as he continued to knit whatever was in his hands.

“I can’t believe you picked up knitting,” Hayden laughed.

“Well what else was I supposed to do!? You sleep like ninety-five percent of the day and I was so bored,” he defended himself.

“Maybe go home?” Hayden suggested.

He shrugged, “I would rather stay.”

Hayden leaned her head back against the pillow and stared at her best friend. His hair was an organized mess and his eyes were tired. He had spent many nights sleeping in her room, sneaking in after visiting hours. He held her hand when he thought she was sleeping, and only smiled when she gave him a cynical remark.

She heard Garrett’s voice in the distance, asking where her room was. Hayden heard his footsteps and finally looked up when he stopped at her doorway.

“Hayden,” he breathed.

She only looked at him, not sure what to say. He walked to her slowly, stopping a few feet from her side. She reached out her hand and he smiled, engulfing it with his larger one.

Eric left them alone but they stayed still. Garrett Nickelsen was the younger brother Hayden never had. He moved in next door to her family when she was seven, he was six. He adored her when he was a kid, and that hadn’t changed much as they got older.

Garrett wasn’t her best friend, or the love of her life, no-he was family. He was the only family she had left. But it had been too long since they had spoken. Too long since they had gone out for frozen yogurt, or ridden bikes around the park for hours talking about everything. Too long since he would cheer her up when she was sad, or go with her to the doctor when she was sick.

Hayden still loved him, but not how she used to. He let what others say about her infiltrate his true feelings and let them change his mind about her. Garrett didn’t cut her out, not intentionally anyways, but it just wasn’t the same after that night.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“For what?” she asked.

“For not being there, or for talking to you at the party, or for calling you more while I was gone,” Garrett said.

“Isn’t it weird how you’re apologetic only when I got close to dying?” Hayden asked. She hated to be so mean to Garrett, but never once in her life were things like this; this time he deserved it.

He sat down in the chair Eric had been occupying for days, “I didn’t know what to say, Hayden. Things just got so screwed up.”

“Because you let them, Gary,” she said delicately, “You picked John.”

“You shouldn’t have made me pick sides,” he stated.

“Don’t you dare,” she said, trying not to raise her voice because she honestly didn’t have enough energy. “I never asked you to pick. He did, and you listened. Why couldn’t you just tell him off like Eric did? Things didn’t have to change, Garrett, you let them.”

He looked down at their intertwined hands, moving them to where her hand was resting against his flustered cheek, “I don’t want to fight.”

“You shouldn’t have come.”

“I had to make it right,” he said, “I know you, Hayden. You can’t stay mad at me forever, I’m your star.”

Hayden almost smiled at him as he spoke the words she had told him when she was only eleven, Garrett was her star. The light in the dark, and that would never change.

“I’m sorry. So, so sorry for being a horrible friend. Never again will this happen to us, I promise. I-I don’t know what else to say,” Garrett muttered.

Hayden smiled at him, “I forgive you, buddy.”

Garrett smiled half-heartedly, “I’m so scared for you.”

“That’s pretty justified,” Hayden said.

“I won’t ask you why,” Garrett said, “Because I already know. We all do.”

Hayden nodded her head, “Let’s talk about something else.”

“Well, I just left our show in Dallas. Oh, and guess what? I totally tripped on stage. Like, tripped over a chord and fell on my face,” Garrett laughed.

Hayden laughed out loud, “Oh my gosh. Are you okay?”

“Just my pride is bruised. John totally called me out, too, that dick,” Garrett laughed for only a second before looking at Hayden, noticing the grin slowly falling from her face at the mere mention of his name. “Oops,” he said simply.

“He didn’t want to come, did he?” Hayden asked.

Garrett shook his head, “He says he doesn’t care. We all know he’s lying. I tried, I really did.”

“He’s not the reason I did it, you know,” she said, not sure if she was trying to convince Garrett or herself.

“Are you sure about that?” he asked.

She looked into his blue eyes. There was too much honesty and truth in them to lie. When she took the step off that cliff there was only two people on her mind, but how could she forget about Garrett?

They say that suicide is selfish, something Hayden didn’t think she was. John would move on quickly and Eric would understand. But Garrett, he wouldn’t be able to deal. She had made it a point to make sure Garrett wasn’t tainted by the ugliness of the situation around them, and even though it was unrealistic to think it worked, he would be the hardest hit.

And as she looked in his eyes she realized she owed it to him.

A tear slipped down her cheek, “I’m not sure of anything anymore.”

“That’s what we’re here for.”

Hayden turned to the voice at the door, seeing Kelsey’s smiling face that was starting not to annoy Hayden as much.

“Hayden, this is my brother, Kennedy,” Kelsey pointed to the boy at her side as they stopped beside Garrett.

“I’m sorry Garrett dragged you here,” Hayden said, feeling uncomfortable. Kennedy was a stranger; someone she knew very little about. But she presumed he knew enough about her to make his own judgments.

“Oh, it’s no big deal,” Kennedy smiled. That’s when Hayden realized how handsome he was. He wasn’t anything special, brown hair and green eyes. He dressed like a band boy, but something was different. He looked happy, just so happy to be alive.

That was something Hayden did not think she could even recognize anymore, a trait that used to belong to herself.

“I’m going to get some coffee,” Garrett said, “Kelsey, would you like to join me?”

“Sure, Gary,” she laughed. Kennedy rolled his eyes as the two left the room.

“Garrett is trying to get at my little sister,” he spoke as he sat down.

“He’s a good kid. I think they’d be a good couple,” Hayden said, not really sure of what to say.

They sat in silence, not a comfortable one. It was awkward and they both knew it. But finally he spoke, “So, uh, I know this is kind of weird of me to say, but I hope you know there are a lot of people that love you.”

“I wouldn’t say a lot,” Hayden said, trying not to be so cynical around a boy with such good intentions, “But thanks.”

“If you ever need someone to talk to, you know, about anything, I can help you out,” he smiled.

“You don’t want to get involved with me, Kennedy, just ask the lead singer of your band,” Hayden said.

“I like John, but that doesn’t mean I think he is the best judge of character. And we could just talk about anything. Like… um, favorite animal. Mine is a kangaroo,” he smiled.

Hayden laughed, “A kangaroo huh? Mine is a giraffe.”

“You know you can feed them at the Phoenix zoo?” Kennedy said excitedly, “It’s so cool!”

“No way! How come I never knew about this!?” Hayden laughed.

“I’ll take you there sometime,” Kennedy said, “Once you’re out of Mountain View.”

“That might be a while,” she said.

“I can wait,” Kennedy said.

“Well now I have something to look forward to,” Hayden said, “It’s been a while since I’ve had that.”

“Can I be honest with you, Hayden?” Kennedy asked.

“I would appreciate that,” she told him.

“You’re different than I thought you would be. The way you were described… well, it was different. I don’t know why you wanted to take your life and I’m not sure I want to, but I’m sure it was a justifiable reason. You have a good head on your shoulders, just a lapse in judgment, I think,” he said.

“You sure have a lot of faith in someone you don’t know,” Hayden said.

“I’m an optimist. You need some optimism, Hayden,” Kennedy said.

“I don’t even know what I need. There’s no way you can. I don’t believe in optimism.” she said defensively.

“I just have hope, I guess. I’m optimistic of a better life, hopeful that my family will be okay, positive that someday I’ll meet the most perfect girl in the world,” he said, smiling at his last statement.

“Sounds like a lot of energy for something you’re not even sure will happen,” Hayden said.

Kennedy sighed, “I used to know someone like you. I didn’t help him like I should have, and I’m not going to let you slip away.”

“Don’t be the hero, it never works,” she warned.

“Maybe you’re right,” Kennedy said as he stood. He walked towards the door but stopped before he exited, a confident smile on his lips, “I’m sure I’ll be seeing you soon.”

“How are you so sure?”

He shrugged, still smiling, “Optimism.”