The Sun Also Sets

John O’Callaghan watched the girl in front of him dance just for him on his sixteenth birthday. She was beautiful, but dim. Not very smart but fun to be around. She was popular and loved for her status, just like he was.

The party around him was in full swing, with people from his high school getting drunk and gaining their confidence slowly. But John was sober as he mostly was at parties like these. He and his friends were known as the so aptly named ‘party group’. Upperclassmen came to them for the parties, and freshmen looked up to them.

It was kind of screwed up. Sometimes they felt bad for the kids that wanted to be them, because some of them would just get swallowed up. John and his friends had plans. They drank on weekends but were still involved in sports and did well in school. Partying was just something they did on the weekends.

His eyes found hers instantly, but she looked away quickly, turning back to her boyfriend. He rolled his eyes but smiled at the blonde in front of him. He grabbed her hand and pulled her down to sit on his lap.

“Having a good birthday, handsome?” she asked.

“It’s getting better by the second,” he laughed before kissing her neck.

The girl giggled, “I’m going to go upstairs. Maybe I’ll see you there?”

John shrugged nonchalantly, letting her know that she had him, “Maybe.”

She strutted away from him, justifying why John checked her out until she was out of sight.

“Can I talk to you?”

He looked at the brunette in front of him. She held a diet coke in her hand and she wore a slim fitting cocktail dress. She easily outdid every girl in the room without trying. Everyone knew her name as Hayden Reynolds, the only girl officially in the group.

She held out her hand, exposing her wrist that had a small tattoo that matched his.

He hesitated at first before complying and letting her lead him out to the backyard of her home.

“Are you having a wonderful birthday?” she asked.

“Could be better,” he said, not looking at her.

“John…” she said sadly.

“Is that all you wanted to ask?”

“I got you a gift,” she said quietly, “But if you don’t want it, that’s okay.”

He sighed, hating how she made him feel guilty without trying. But he really didn’t want a gift. He was supposed to be in a period of getting over her. That meant limited contact and no thoughts of her.

The former was the only part he was succeeding in.

“You know I can never turn down gifts,” he said, causing a smile to spread on Hayden’s face.

She grabbed his hand, giving him an uneasy feeling of how long he could last without letting his heart just fall right off his sleeve.

Hayden led him upstairs, using a key to unlock her bedroom door that she always kept locked during parties like these. John chuckled, “That’s very smart.”

“I don’t want anyone having sex on these sheets,” she laughed.

“Not even you?” John asked.

She rolled her eyes, “You wouldn’t need to worry about that. Shut the door behind you.”

John did as she said and sat down on her bed as she walked into her closet, disappearing from sight. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”

She came out, holding a large box and struggling to carry it. She dropped it on the bed and let out a breath, putting her hands on her hips.

John stared at the wrapping paper: comics from the Sunday newspaper.

“Open it!” Hayden said excitedly.

John tore open the paper and smiled when he read the box, “You got me a Philco Classic?”

“I’ve seen you eyeing my dad’s old record player,” she smiled, “Now you have your own.”

“Hayden, this is the best gift ever,” he smiled, getting up and hugging her tightly.

“I’ve missed you these past few weeks,” she mumbled against his chest.

John pulled away from her and sat back down, leaving room for her to sit next to him. She lay back on her bed, kicking off her heels and relaxing.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so distant,” he said quietly.

“Why have you been?”

John lay back next to her, “It’s easier.”

“I didn’t know that my dating Eric would tear us apart, John. It shouldn’t. We’re stronger than that,” she said.

“I’m not so sure about that,” John responded despondently.

Hayden placed her hand atop his, causing him to finally meet her eyes, “I think I might love him.”

John nodded his head, “He loves you, too.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” she said, “I’ll break up with him.”

“You’d do that?”

“I would hope you wouldn’t ask me to,” Hayden said.

John looked at her, “It was always supposed to be me and you. You and I both know it.”

“I waited for you to grow up, John. I begged for you to.”

John stared into her blue eyes. She was so beautiful. His heart pushed his lips towards hers and he kissed her passionately. They had kissed before but it never meant this much. This was do or die.

She kissed him back before her conscience made her push him away, “I-I can’t.”

“Hayden,” he reached for her as she stood up.

A tear fell down her cheek but she wiped it away quickly, “I’ll uh, call you tomorrow. We’re still on for the park, right? I’ll see you.”

“Wait, Hayden,” he stood, stopping her before she could leave.

She smiled lightly, placing her hand on his cheek, “We’re okay, John.” She kissed him on his cheek, “Happy birthday.”

John stared at the road as it passed. They were driving through the plains on their way to Chicago. It was nothing but fields and farmers and there was really nothing to look at after the first mile of nothingness.

So he counted the miles. He literally calculated the number of seconds it took for them to reach each new mile marker. If he had paid attention in his statistics class he probably could have figured out the miles per hour.

Mile markers always fascinated him. So many great ballads had been written and John couldn’t deny that he did his best writing while counting the miles to the next city.

But even on a clear day like this those small signs couldn’t distract him. He was only thinking about her.

About how much he missed her. He had made so much progress in the last few years but every once in a while he would have days that crippled him, taking him back to the very start.

One step forward, two steps back.

John wondered how she was every day. He prayed for her when he understood it didn’t make any difference at that point. He promised himself he would live on. She had supported him in everything he did. She was the living inspiration for the things he accomplished.

So he couldn’t take that for granted, no matter how much it broke his heart to never see her again.

John barely picked up Garrett’s voice in the back lounge of the bus but once he did he couldn’t stop listening as he spoke on the phone.

“How is she doing?” he asked, pausing while whoever was on the other line answered. “Christ, Halvo, she can’t even walk right now why would you try to move her to the clinic?”

“Well of course she’s emotionally wrecked. She seemed to be doing… better, though.”

“He’s your best friend, Eric. He won’t listen to me. Yeah yeah yeah, tell me how it goes,” he said, obviously annoyed before hanging up.

John entered the back and sat on the couch opposite Garrett. Garrett only continued to mess around on his phone.

“Is she okay?”

Garrett looked up at him, “So now you’re wondering?”

“Garrett…”

“No, she’s not. She’s going crazy lying in that bed but she broke her right leg and her left ankle and can’t get up. Eric is the only person she has to talk to and she practically shuts him out,” Garrett said all at once.

“I heard you say he’s trying to take her to a clinic?” John asked.

“Yeah, the one that Kelsey volunteers at. She’s refusing to go,” Garrett said.

“Does that surprise you?” John asked, rolling his eyes.

“Halvo wants you to call her,” Garrett said, “He thinks it will help.”

“No.”

“John, come on,” Garrett begged.

He stood, “No. Hell no.”

“It was four years ago,” Garrett said angrily, “This is bigger than you and me, John. Bigger than all of those grudges you hold against her and a whole hell of a lot bigger than anything you think would be ‘best for you’.”

“You don’t understand, Garrett. You’ll never get it,” John said.

Garrett stood, suddenly not feeling as if John was that much taller than him because right now he knew he was right, “Because you don’t let me. You shut everyone out and you pretend like you’re some kind of great person for doing so, but really you’re just hurting all of your friends and especially your family.”

“Leave me alone,” John said, beginning to walk away from him.

“You are exactly like her, you know?” Garrett yelled after him.

John stopped dead in his tracks, clenching his fists. Garrett’s comment hurt him. He wasn’t like her. He was nothing like her.

There were only so many places he could go on this small bus. Everyone else had been asleep but their yelling had woken them. John lay down in his bunk and stared up at the ceiling, waiting for the inevitable.

And soon enough, Kennedy opened the curtain to John’s bunk with a smile, “Hey dude.”

“Not now, Kenny,” John said.

“I heard you and Garrett yelling. You know, Hayden didn’t seem so bad,” Kennedy said.

John looked at him, incredulous, “What do you mean?”

“When I talked to her, I mean- I know she’s screwed up but I think there’s hope for her,” he said.

“Kennedy, promise me you won’t go there. Don’t talk to her. She’ll only bring you down with her,” John said desperately.

Kennedy looked at him strangely, “Okay, bud.”

He left John alone with more stress than before. Kennedy couldn’t become friends with Hayden. It sounded dramatic but he didn’t deserve to be surrounded by that.

John took out his phone, dialing the number he had memorized. His thumb hovered over the talk button, and about a minute later he pushed it. She wouldn’t recognize his number; he had changed it years ago.

It rang twice before she answered.

“Hello?”

He stayed silent, trying not to breathe heavy as his heart beat sped up.

“Hello?”

Even if he wanted to speak he couldn’t form the words.

“Listen, you creep. You’ve been calling my phone every month for the last three years and you don’t say a word. Stop calling me,” she demanded.

“Hayden…” he whispered.

He swore he heard her breath catch deep in her throat; now it was her turn to be silent.

“Hayden, are you there?”

“How dare you,” she hushed, “What the hell do you want?”

“I wanted to… to make sure you’re okay,” he said.

“Liar,” she said vehemently.

“Screw you, Hayden. You’re right; I didn’t call to make sure you’re okay you selfish little-”

John didn’t finish his sentence as he heard her small whimper she attempted to hide. She was crying. John wasn’t ready for this. In the last four years Hayden Reynolds didn’t cry when people spoke down to her, she insulted them back.

“Go ahead, John, finish,” she said.

“Why are you crying?” he asked quietly.

“Are you freaking joking, asshole? Did you think that your call would be constructive at all? You’re ridiculous.”

“Do you think that being a jerk to every person that is trying to take care of you will help?” John countered.

“I don’t want help!” she yelled, “I want you, and Eric, and Garrett and the doctors to leave me alone so that I can go try again! Is that what you wanted to hear, John? Well there you go!”

He stayed quiet, tears coming to his eyes, “I didn’t call to help you, Hayden. I called to tell you that no one cares.”

“Thanks for stating the obvious, O’Callaghan.”

“Stay away from Kennedy, okay?” John warned.

“Is he your boyfriend or something?” she asked.

“Shut up. He’s too good for you. He’s too happy and too positive to be involved with you. He’s one of my best friends and I swear to God if you bring him down, Hayden, it’ll only make your life worse,” John said.

“Worse than what, John? Worse than lying in a hospital bed immobilized after failing at taking your own life? Bring it on, idiot, I’d love to see what more damage you can do,” Hayden said.

“Hayden, I’m sorry for what happened to you-”

“No, you’re not,” she corrected.

“Fine, you’re right. But all of those people that you’re pushing away are going to walk away on their own once they realize they are too good for you.”

“Just like you’re too miserable to move on with your own life and forget about me,” Hayden commented.

“It’s a little hard when you’re making all of my friends feel sorry for you.”

“Well whose fault is that, John?” she asked.

“You tell me, Hayden,” he challenged.

“Is that all you needed?” she asked.

“I would never wish for you to take your life, Hay,” he whispered.

“You just wanted me out of yours,” she whispered, sounding like she was telling herself.

“I won’t call again,” he said.

“I figured it was you about two years ago,” Hayden admitted.

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because the silence on your side was the only peace in our lives.”

John nodded his head as if she could see, and his next words were a promise he was sure he would regret, “Well maybe I’ll call again.”