Heartbeat

“What do you want?” I asked, hopping up on the glass table. Luke just smiled down at me and shrugged.

“The truth?” he asked and I rolled my eyes.

“I know you’re not good at that, but yeah. Preferably.” I replied, watching him uneasily.

“We should be back together, Lily. I love you, we work well together. We’ve been seeing each other for five years and it hasn’t been the same.” Luke said with another shrug, watching me as I processed the information in my alcohol induced haze.

I wasn’t stupid. I wasn’t that girl that stuck around to see the same story play out over and over again. Being with Luke was frustratingly predictable and I wasn’t going to make the same mistake that I had made for five years. The first weeks were fantastic, wonderful. It was the kind of relationship that made you feel happy and safe and alive. Everything was so perfect but it was always the calm before the storm. It always disintegrated into something miserable. It was turbulent and violent and heartbreaking. There was no way I was going to sign up for that again. I was done.

So I shook my head and jumped off the table, hearing my heels against the stone floor. “No, Luke. We don’t work well together and you don’t love me. Don’t use words you don’t understand. I’m not some naïve girl you can string around anymore, sorry. I don’t want anything to do with you, not after what happened last year.” I answered defiantly and pushed my way through him to get back to my friends. But Luke grabbed my arm as I walked out of the dining room and spun me back to face him.

“You don’t mean that.” he said darkly, furrowing his brows and ignoring the people that were curiously watching.

“Don’t touch me.” I said bitterly, trying to pull away as I tugged my arm back. But it wouldn’t budge and neither would Luke so I resorted to trying to pry his hand off.

“Baby look, I’m sorry. Whatever I did, I didn’t mean to do. I swear.” He said, halfway pleading and halfway smirking. He pulled me close and bent down to kiss me but I moved my face away, trying to push him off. Whatever reaction he wanted to solicit from me, he did not.

“Hey, get off of her.” A familiar voice boomed from behind me and I felt Luke’s hand drop away from my arm.

“Back off, bro.” he replied and I rubbed my arm, turning around to see Sidney and Lexie standing there. Lexie ducked away to me as Luke confronted Sidney, the two of them facing one another.

“Look, she clearly doesn’t want you around her so just let it go. You don’t have to grab her.”

“Right and who the fuck are you?” Luke asked, his voice dominant and bitter. But Sidney didn’t waver, instead he just stood his ground.

“I’m Sidney, I’m Lily’s friend.” He said evenly. He didn’t look like he had anything to drink, unlike Luke, Lexie and I. Compared to Luke’s alpha male hysteria, Sidney looked rational and collected.

“That’s Sidney Crosby. He plays for the Pens.” Someone said in the background and I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t sure what that had to do with anything, but I saw the look of realization spread over Luke’s hard face. He smirked before taking a step closer to Sidney, giving him a shove.

“Yeah, well I don’t give a fuck who you are. You’re in my house and that’s my girlfriend and you need to shut the fuck up and mind your own business, bro” he said, taking me again by the arm before whirling me around to face him. He pulled me in roughly, grabbing my face and pressing down against my lips in a drunken kiss. Sidney shoved him as Luke grabbed me and Luke was about to reply with a heavy fist, but he still held on to me.

I mentioned before that I wasn’t stupid and I’m not a damsel in distress either. I could have handled Luke’s advances on my own with no help, but the events spiraled out of control. I was tired of it and I was tired of being manhandled by some dick who had too much Smirnoff and orange juice. So as Luke held tight to my arm, I twisted it around and grabbed his, pulling myself free and pulling his arm into an awkward position. He cried out as I bent his arm, bending to the ground some.

“You touch me again, and I’ll break your fucking arm. I’m not your girlfriend, Luke.” I said roughly before flinging his arm away, trying to keep myself from crying long enough to get away from Sidney and Luke and look like a total hardass.

I quickly walked out the door, throwing my cup on the grass as I started to go home. My face felt hot and my eyes burned. I wanted to get away from there, away from the tension and the reminder of failed mistakes. But more importantly, I wanted to get away from the temptation. When it came to Luke and I, sometimes I couldn’t help but wonder what if.

“Lily, wait!” I heard Sidney shout as he ran to catch up with me. I wasn’t far, just three or four houses away from Luke’s house. I turned around and waited for him as he sprinted up, giving him an apologetic look.

“Sid, hey. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for any of that to happen.” I said, my words slightly slurred. I wasn’t completely wasted but I was buzzed and it was enough to magnify all the emotions I felt as well as make me dizzy. I half expected him to give me a speech or something, to tell me whatever and leave and never talk to me again. But instead, he enveloped me in a hug. The gesture was so sudden and sincere that it surprised me. After all, we were new friends who had met only a few days ago. But I relaxed and eased into him, pushing away any tears that threatened to spill.

“It’s okay.” He said simply and we parted. But instead of continuing down the sidewalk, I just sank down to the grass. It was wet but I didn’t care, I stretched out and tilted my head up to look at the blackness. I felt him lay down next to me, the two of us just quiet for a moment.

“You’re not drunk.” I commented after a few minutes, turning my head to look at him.

Sidney just shook his head, watching the night sky. “Nope.” He replied simply and I furrowed my brows in confusion.

“Why not?” I questioned a little defensively, still staring at him. He finally turned and looked at me with a smile.

“I don’t drink. I’m worried someone will take a picture and ruin my career before it even starts.” He said, frowning a little.

“I think someone taking a picture of you smashing Luke’s face in would have been just as bad.” I said casually, looking back up and Sidney laughed.

“I think you’ve got it confused. He was about to smash my face in. Where did you learn that little arm maneuver anyways?” he asked, looking at me. I laughed and averted my eyes from the sky to look at him.

“Boris Yeltsin’s daughter.” I said, giving another laugh. Sometimes I say things so ridiculous that it puts my life into perspective. The absurdity of my family, of the experiences I’ve had—it was pathetic, how much I craved normalcy when I was so far from it.

Sidney looked at me strangely and I just shrugged. “I was 14 and we visited Moscow for some dinner honoring Russian journalists and she randomly pulled me aside and showed me what to do if someone messes with me. I’m pretty hardcore, Sidney.” I joked and he laughed.

“Well I’m glad you stopped it.” He commented and I shook my head. Stopped it?

“I started it.” I answered back darkly, looking away from him. This was my fault. “I knew being there was playing with fire, I shouldn’t have even gone. And I shouldn’t have gotten you involved.”

“No, I involved myself and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be able to be with your friends without having to deal with him.” He said, his expression serious. But it lightened quickly, the hint of a smile igniting his face. Sidney stood before bending down, giving me his hand to help me up. He yanked me up and we both started going back down the street to our houses.

“I probably could have taken him.” Sidney said with a smile a few minutes later.

“Huh. I don’t know. Luke is 6’0 and kind of big.” I replied jokingly. Sid looked all offended for a second.

“I play hockey. We fight all the time. I just didn’t want to get charged with assault and not play in the nhl.” He said as we approached my house, grinning.

“I’m pretty sure you could be a serial killer and they’d still want you to play.” I said while we walked up to my door and Sidney laughed.

“How would you know? You’ve never seen me play. I could be the worst player in the league. “

“You’re right. But on the plus side, I’ve never seen a hockey game so I probably couldn’t even tell.”

“That needs to be changed. What are you doing tomorrow?” he asked.

“I don’t know—maybe hanging out with Marc?” I said hesitantly, smiling.

“Perfect!” he exclaimed and it took me aback. “Both of you can come. I’ll pick you up at 10.” He said, turning to run back to Mario’s.

“Sid, wait!” I shouted and he stopped on my driveway, looking at me expectantly.
“What are we doing ?” I asked curiously and he laughed.

“You’ll see.” He replied and went back home. I turned my key into the door and walked in, leaning against it’s wood frame with a smile after I closed it.