Social Suicide

"Billie! What are you doing here at the hospital?" The first reporter shouted at him, shoving a microphone so far up in his face that he had to move his head back so he didn't hit his chin on it.

"Is it true that you're the father of Willa Marviani's baby?" Another one asked, this was must have seen his reaction to getting the microphone stuck into his chin, since he only put it into his chest.

Billie ducked his head and moved a little closer to Wes as they walked through the crowd. He felt like a shy little kid leaning into his parents' shoulder as they threw more questions at him that he ended up ignoring. He wore a dark colored baseball hat, pulled low on his forehead and sunglasses but he still felt nervous at their attack. He wasn't sure in the first place what his reception would be at his return to the hospital and having the media standing outside taking his picture and yelling at him for comments wasn't at all helping the situation.

He had already sent flowers to Willa's house and there had been a delivery made to the hospital earlier in the day of presents for JW, but this was his first appearance in the four days since his son's birth. Elena had flown into LA on Wednesday morning and had left a message that he'd gotten before the show Wednesday night that JW was doing well, but had gotten a little bit of a cold so they were keeping a few days longer than they'd originally said. She said that Willa had been spending a lot of time at the hospital in the ICU ward so by Thursday Billie knew he needed to go and find her.

He'd made attempts to get in touch with Willa, but she wasn't answering her phone herself. He didn't blame her much considering that reporters were probably trying to get a comment from her on the situation, but after getting Spanky as an answering machine three times he hadn't called back. He had sent his love, but wasn't sure that the message had gotten through.

"You okay?" Wes asked as they entered the sliding glass doors of the hospital. The hallway was definitely calmer than the outside area. Wes patted him on the shoulder, knocking him back into the present from the daze he'd fallen into as they'd made their way to the front entrance.

Billie licked his lips nervously and nodded. He removed the sunglasses and shoved them into the pocket of his jacket then pulled his hands into the long sleeves of his jacket. He knew he probably looked out of sorts, but he felt that way and for once he didn't feel like hiding it from the public. He needed to be there like that, in touch with it all, since he'd been pushing it all away for the last few months. He owed it to his son and Willa to be there even when things didn't seem to quite fit the schedule that had been planned out for him that week.

While the guys did interviews that morning with the local television shows Billie had snuck away with Wes. A statement or two would be made to the press about his whereabouts, claiming that he was going to see an old friend. It wasn't a statement that Billie had wanted to make, but he hadn't discussed how they were going to handle the whole baby situation so he didn't want to announce to the world that his son had been born. He barely got through telling his parents about it.

Wes steered him towards the elevator and as he reached to press the button he whispered that there were a few people watching him. Billie nodded and tried to look in the reflective metal of the elevator door to see who Wes was talking about, but didn't see anything.

The elevator arrived a few moments later and they loaded onto it. He stood against the back wall, leaning there sleepily as they approached the floor they were looking for.

"Snap out of it Billie," Wes said waving a hand in front of his face. "Willa isn't going to be too happy with you if you show up looking like a zombie."

"I don't care," He mumbled, as his eyes stayed focused on the closed door in front of him. The bruise on his cheek was beginning to clear up and, as he pushed his hat back on his hat a little, the scratch marks that he'd seen the day before were now gone.

"Did you ever get in touch with Jackie?" Wes asked.

Billie winced at the mention of her name. The morning after the fight he had woken up alone and had been alone since. Jackie had left in the early morning hours and it had taken him two days to get in touch with her but finally they'd talked.

"She's back at school," Billie said, "She told me that if we were going to be together that I needed to get all the stuff that's going on with Willa settled. I think she knows though that I probably wasn't going to end up with her so it's better that she just went home. I've got enough to deal with out here without her around."

"That's harsh," Wes commented.

"Don't start lecturing me Wes," he said with a sigh. "I got the third degree from my family and I'm waiting for a lashing from Rob and one from Elena, I don't need it from you too."

Wes held up his hands in a surrendering motion, "Fine. I'll leave it alone."

"Thank you," he said.

The doors of the elevator soon parted and the two men made their way down to the nurse's station.

"Billie!"

At the sound of his name he ducked his head a little and watched as Wes was his eyes and took in the situation.

"Hey Elena," Wes welcomed the woman as she joined them at the desk.

Billie quickly turned to face her and instead of getting the cold expression that he thought heed get from the woman he was pulled into a hug. "Congratulations Daddy," she said before he could protest the hug.

"Thanks," He said weakly as he pulled back from her. He looked down the hallway and thought he saw Willa disappear into a room.

"She's down there checking on him. We've been here for about two hours and she's just now getting to see him this morning."

Billie felt his voice catch in his throat. He coughed trying to get his words out. "Is he--is he okay?"

"Yeah," Elena said, "He's going to be released tomorrow morning and Willa is going to take him home."

Elena kept glancing at Wes as he stood with them in the hallway. Finally Wes smiled at her. "Is Spanky around?" he asked craning his neck around.

Elena frowned, "Yeah. He needed a break. He's been dealing with Willa and her mother fighting all week. Thank God her mother decided to sleep in today. He's down getting coffee."

Wes nodded and made his way down the hallway towards where Willa had disappeared. Billie watched as the big guy walked into the waiting room and took a seat. He knew that Wes was tired, the tour had been bad and it was also his day off, but he'd been stuck going to the hospital. For the first time in the last few months he felt bad about dragging him into all his drama. Usually following him around was low key, but since he'd begun to date Willa life had gone into high gear.

Elena surprised him again when she curled an arm through his and turned and steered him towards the waiting room down the hall. "How's the tour been so far?" She asked leaning her head against his shoulder as they walked.

Billie leaned away from her a little and took in her expression. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but he was a bit taken aback by the way she was treating him. She was actually being nice, which surprised him. She usually was polite to him, but she actually seemed concerned about him, which was definitely not her normal behavior.

"Fine," he said, "How's New York?"

"Good, good," she said, "Still standing even though my best client is no longer in the city."

As they passed the room that Willa had disappeared into Billie had gotten a glimpse of Willa sitting in a rocking holding JW rocking him. It had only been a short scene to be a part of, but it left a lasting mark on him. He knew that he needed to be there and be a part of things like that.

"How did your parents take the news?" Elena asked.

"Good," he said, "They were upset a little at first but they're praying that JW will be okay."

"He should be fine. You should hear the kid cry though. It's like being at one of your concerts," Elena said with a laugh, "And he looks like the both of you, brown hair and green eyes that just stare up at you with the cutest little stare, like he has a secret and isn't going to tell you."

"Really?" Billie asked. He shoved his free hand into his pocket. "I haven't seen him yet. Tre said that they caught a look at him the night he was born, but I haven't gotten a chance yet."

"Well today should be the day then," Elena said squeezing his arm. "I know that Willa has been mad, but I don't think that it's fair that you haven't been able to see him."

"Is Willa in a good mood?" He asked.

"Yeah," she said, "As good of a mood as someone can be who just had a kid and who has her mother as a house guest for the next week."

"Do you think she'll let me see him?" Billie asked.

"Yeah," Elena said, "I'm not sure that she can keep you away, you're the father after all."

"Is that what she put on the birth certificate?" He asked.

Elena nodded as they entered the waiting room and took seats. Wes sat across from them and picked up an abandoned newspaper from the seat next to him to read. "His name is Joseph Wilfred Armstrong."

"That's good to know." He looked back out the door and down the hall for a moment. "Is she pissed at me still?"

"I don't think so," Elena said, "I heard through the grapevine that you and your girlfriend split up."

Billie let out a sigh, "Yeah."

"That should put her in a better mood," Elena said, "No offense, but your girlfriend wasn't really helping the situation."

"What?"

"She and Willa never really talked or anything other than when you introduced them, but Willa was really worried that she would be getting involved in things that didn't concern her."

"Jackie is a good girl," Billie said, "She would have stepped out of whatever situation that needed to be left alone."

Elena made a face. "Do you miss every single Jerry Springer episode? Having a third party in his isn't really that great for either of you."

"Yeah," he said and rubbed his face.

"How's your face?" Elena asked cocking her head to the side.

"You heard about the fight?" He asked.

"Yeah and so did Willa," she said, "I think you gained a few points for beating up Brennan."

"I wasn't involved in that because I wanted to win her back--"

Willa appeared in the doorway and stood staring at him for a moment before she spoke. "What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk," Billie said.

Spanky showed up with three coffees and after handing them to Elena and Willa he plopped down next to Wes and the two guards struck up a conversation immediately.

"Want to take a walk?" Willa suggested. She looked like she still wasn't sure if she should talk to him, but that she knew as much as he did that they needed to see each other.

*****

Willa held onto her coffee cup with both hands trying to distract herself from looking at him. She read all the little raised plastic writing on the top then reread them, then counted how many letters were on the cup. When he hadn't shown up the last few days she'd thought that he'd disappeared again and she hadn't made an effort to hold out. She knew that he had things to do with the band, but she had at least expected a phone call out of him. Maybe he'd been too busy with Jackie. That was one thing that worried her. She didn't hate the girl at all, but Jackie sure was going to be an issue that she and Billie would have to discuss.

"You okay?"

Willa snapped out of her temporary daze and looked at him. "Why do you ask?"

"You're really sort of--"

"What Billie?" she prompted.

"Because you look really tired Willa," he said.

She avoided making any comments and turned to leave the room. She didn't wait to see if he would follow her, but she could feel him behind her a moment later when they passed the nurses desk and headed towards the elevators.

"Are you okay?" He asked again.

"Yes," she nodded and stared at her coffee cup.

She didn't want him to know how bad she was really doing. She hadn't slept well since the night of JW's birth and she wasn't sure if it was her mother or the reporters were doing more damage during the daytime hours, but she had been on edge for a week now.

"How's he doing?" he asked, "I got bits and pieces, but I'm not sure what the latest news is."

Willa watched him for a moment and it seemed to dawn on her somehow that he really did care about his son. He was standing there in front of her with a worried look on his face, which could have been faked, but when he reached to press the elevator button his hands were shaking, something she'd never seen from him before. Whether it was nerves or the stress of the moment she didn't know, but she could tell that he was truly upset about the situation.

"How've your shows been this week?" she asked trying to get away from the serious subject that she knew they needed to discuss.

Billie nodded, "Good so far. We've got one more tomorrow night down here then we're heading up to San Francisco then up on to Seattle."

Willa took a deep breath then took a sip of coffee. In the last week she'd had a chill that she couldn't get rid of. The winter weather in LA was far from cold, but she'd spent the few days wearing long pants and sweaters and had pulled her down comforter out of the closet to sleep with. "Then you'll be done right?"

"Yeah."

"I hear that you're doing a second leg of the tour."

"Yeah," he said, "We've got the month of December mostly off, and then we're going to tour January, February and part of March then go back into the studio for a month then back out on the road again in May."

"Wow," she said, "Sounds busy."

"Yeah," he said and she watched him yawn, "It's busy, but..."

When he hesitated she looked over at him and could see the worry in his eyes. He had a frown on his face and almost looked as if he would start to cry.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said and looked away from her so that he could find his way into the elevator.

"No," she said, "What were you going to say?"

"Nothing," he said and looked at her, "Up or down?"

"Down," she said, "We should get outside a little."

"The reporters are down there," he said.

"We'll go to the garden," she said, "It's cut off from the reporters." She'd escaped down to the garden the day before after a long morning with JW. He had been doing well, but still it scared her. She'd gotten to hold him most of the morning and it didn't hit her that she was really his mother until a few of the nurses, who were mothers themselves, began to share baby stories with her. They made her feel like one of the crowd and calmed a lot of the nerves she'd had.

Billie nodded and settled in for the short ride to the lobby level. She watched him lean against the back wall of the elevator and could see that the act he was putting up was a good one, but he didn't fool her.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing."

"You sure?" he asked, "I don't remember you having a hard time talking before to me."

"Yeah well I don't remember you being the type to disappear for six or seven months either," she said bitterly trying to keep her cool. It was true. She didn't know what to say to him. Her pride was too great to just stop and tell him that she'd missed him all those months and that she didn't know what she was going to do if he wasn't going to be a part of her and their son's lives.

A silence fell over them as they exited the elevator and left the inside halls of the hospital. They walked out into the garden and wandered around a bit before settling into seats on a bench.

"Willa?" Billie said softly.

"Yeah."

"We need to get over whatever it is between us," He said.

Her heart raced. Not in a million years would she have expected him to say those words to her.

"Billie, JW is your son and you can't just abandon--"

"Abandon?" he said, "That's not what I meant at all. I meant that we need to get over this tension between us. I never meant that I wanted to end anything between us. Well I want to end the tension, but you--"

"Oh," she said. She put her hand on his arm.

"Why would you assume that I was going to disappear?" He asked.

"You did it once before so I thought you'd do it again."

"That's not fair Willa."

"Not fair?" She asked, "You didn't see me for six months. What's fair about that?"

"Willa I thought that you and Brennan--"

"Don't mention his name to me again," she said, "I don't care what you thought Billie. I don't give at all what you thought. You should have been there for me even if it was just as a friend. I can't trust you."

She thought that he'd come back with a great answer or at least a rebuttal, but he sat quietly and looked at her with wide eyes. He sighed as he spoke, "What do I have to do?"

"Nothing," she said, "Don't do anything. I wouldn't want to put you out." She got up and moved away from the bench, paused for a moment to wipe the tears from her eyes, then left the garden and returned to hallway of the hospital.

A few moments later, as she got impatient waiting for the elevator back up to JW's floor, she felt to hands on her shoulders. She was about to turn around and hit the person when she felt arms slide around her, hugging her back into a body. She could tell that it was Billie, but that didn't help her relax much.

"I'm sorry Willa."

Her shoulders began to shake as the last week of tension got to her. She wasn't sure if it was him or if it was the fact that someone other than Spanky was hugging her, but the contact somehow broke through the wall she'd put up and she broke down and cried.

"I'm so sorry," He repeated and pressed his lips to her cheek. "I didn't mean to mess up like this. I want to make it right, but you need to give me a chance. Do you really think that I would have stayed away if I'd known."

Willa didn't want to answer. She knew that if she did she would lose all her strength. She wanted to tell him that she forgave him, but she also didn't want to forgive him so easily. It seemed like people took advantage of others when they knew their weaknesses.

"Fred. I still love you, you know that?" he said into her ear from where his chin rested on her shoulder.

Fred. She couldn't believe that he'd called her that. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed it. She always hated when he called her that before, but now it meant something totally different. It showed her that he still cared for her and that he loved her.

Willa scooted away from him and turned around to face him making sure that she was far enough away so he couldn't reach out and touch her. She couldn't think if he had any kind of contact with her. "I can't do this right now Billie. I just can't. My son--"

"OUR son," he said.

"Fine," she got flustered with his insistence about that fact since he'd not been there for so long. "Fine, OUR son is up stairs fighting off a cold that might kill him and you and I need to focus on him not us."

Billie watched her closely. She hated the way his eyes washed over her. He knew that she would fold. She could see it in his eyes that he was just waiting to come in and save her and while the idea seemed nice, she knew she'd need to stand strong for a little while longer if she ever thought that she'd be able to stand on her own again.

"Fine." He took a step forward and held out his hand, "Shake on it. We won't discuss this further until JW is out of trouble."

"Fine." She gingerly took his hand, gave it a squeeze and dared herself to look in his eyes. When she made eye contact with him she saw pain there and felt horrible for being so stand offish about their relationship. He did love her. She could see that and he'd admitted it, but she wasn't ready to go back into his world just yet. "Once JW is better we'll reopen this discussion."

"Agreed."

*****

[Seattle, Washington]

"You ready?" Wes asked in a yell over the slightly muffled sound of the crowd.

They were backstage, but it seemed as if the sound of the crowd would have found them anywhere in the building considering how loud the crowd had been that night even after the guys had said their good-byes to the Seattle crowd.

In quick motions Billie removed his guitar and wiped off his face with the towel that had been thrown over his shoulder as he came running off stage. He followed the flashlight trail out of the way of the others, throwing the towel to a stagehand, trading the towel for a fresh T-shirt and a jacket and only stopped when Wes grabbed the jacket from him so that he could pull on his shirt.

"Yeah," he said with a soft voice and rushed along behind Wes down the hallway. "Everything is set?"

"Yeah," Wes said checking his watch and looking around as if he was checking to see if they were going the right way, "The flight down to LA leaves at one, which leaves us enough time to get you to the airport and get a shower before the plane boards."

"Thanks for helping me set this up," Billie said.

"Good luck Billie!" He heard over his shoulder and he waved to Mike who was standing with the others a few feet away going through the same dressing down.

"See you in a few days, don't party too hard tonight!" He yelled back to the closing door.

Not waiting for Billie to finish his routine, Wes steered him down to where they met up with a car that was going to take them both to the airport. Everything had been packed before hand and the car was just waiting for the passengers so it could leave.

In the car on the way to the airport he thought about calling his mother again. He'd talked to her a few times in the last few weeks since he'd had to leave LA. He'd promised to call her that night before he left on his weekend break, but when he looked at the time and calculated the time difference he knew that he should just leave the call until later.

"I'll remind you to call her in the morning," Wes said reading Billie's mind, "Although I'm sure she's probably left you a few messages. You know her when it comes to stuff like this. I'm surprised she didn't fly out to see them too."

"Thanks," Billie said in a dazed manner as his brain began to try to comprehend the events that would happen the next day. He had been thinking about it for weeks now, but now that it was here it was starting to sink in.

He was tired. It wasn't just the tour or even the show. Since he'd found out that he was a father there had been a weight on his shoulders. JW had gotten better and had been at home for a week now and it was time for he and Willa to talk, but he was finding himself scared to have the conversation. He knew that it could destroy everything, but he prayed for the sake of his son that he could get through it intact and be there for his new family. Even if he and Willa didn't get back together he knew that he would feel responsible for the two of them.

Luckily the airport was fairly empty that night which made the walk from the car to the VIP area a nice one. Usually Billie rushed through airports mostly due to the idea that there would be trouble with the crowds, but he found himself this time enjoying the walk. He guessed it was because some of the people he saw waiting for flights. He hadn't spent that much time around normal people in the last few weeks and it was refreshing to see people who weren't thirteen years old or who weren't screaming his name or one of the other's names every two seconds.

"You okay?" Wes asked.

Billie nodded and followed him into the VIP lounge. Wes grabbed up all the paperwork and signed for everything then the two men were guided to a very small room that looked like a small hotel room except that it didn't have a bed in the room.

Wes sat down at the desk and flipped on the television across the room with a remote while Billie slipped into the bathroom to take a shower.

*****

When their flight landed in LA a few hours later Billie knew that he shouldn't have been nervous. He'd slept most of the way and he'd thought that the extra sleep would help him relax, but it didn't. The plan was for him to stay overnight in the rest of the night in a hotel then go to Willa's house for the next two days and a night before he had to fly out to Orlando again.

"Billie!" he heard when they stepped off the airplane. He looked back over his shoulder thinking for a moment that Wes was talking to him, but he wasn't even looking in his direction.

"Billie!"

He turned around in almost a complete circle then thought that it was a fan since it was in the middle of the night. He ducked his head. Who else would be there waiting for him?

When he searched the crowd he found Willa standing there with Spanky. She wore a huge coat pulled across her tightly standing there with a huge smile on her face. He thought for a moment that he was imagining it because he hadn't expected her to be that happy to see him. He'd noticed that she hadn't lost much weight since he'd seen her last. It wasn't that she'd been fat or anything, she actually had been a very pretty as a pregnant woman, but he'd expected that she would lose some of the weight that she'd put on during her pregnancy. He blinked a few times just to make sure that he wasn't seeing a mirage.

"What are you doing here?" he asked trying not to smile too widely when he saw that she had a smile on her face. He actually was kind of worried to see her there considering that they'd planned to meet up the next day. He wanted to be happy to see her, but he wasn't sure what his reception would be like so he didn't want to assume too much just because she was there to pick him up.

"I had a surprise for you," she said simply.

"Why are you in such a good mood all of a sudden?" he asked. He looked at her sideways trying to figure out how much of what was coming out of her mouth that he could believe.

Willa didn't answer. She just gave him this huge smile that he hadn't seen from her in almost a year and opened up her jacket. At first he was confused by the motion she made with her jacket, but when he looked down he saw hanging from her shoulders, like a backward backpack, a baby carrier and inside, sleeping peacefully was their son. His tiny head was leaned to the side and he was practically drowning in the baby carrier, but he was there with his lips pursed together and his hands in tiny fists sleeping.

He hadn't expected this at all and at the point he was at he was already over emotional from the end of the leg of the tour and everything. He held his breath praying that he wouldn't embarrass himself. His bag dropped off his shoulder and he stood there staring, wide eyed watching him breath softly against her.

"JW told me that he needed to see you." She tugged at the little hat he was wearing and saw him shiver so she pulled the jacket back around him a little.

"He's got on a little jumper, but he's too little to be in this air conditioning... Anyway we thought that you and Wes should spend the whole time with us at the house rather than just one night."

Billie's eyes didn't leave his son, he didn't blink as he watched him, but when he did finally look up he saw that she was watching him. He didn't know what to say.

He thought he'd have time to think of something to say, but he found himself standing there like an idiot staring at the two of them with his mouth open.
Seeing that he was hesitant about seeing his son she stepped over to him and slid an arm around him and pulled him so that he could see JW's face. She reached for his hand and maneuvered it so that JW could grab a hold of his finger.

Somehow in his sleep his son grabbed onto his finger. He smiled and shook his hand a little, but the guy had a death grip on his finger.

"Aren't you going to say something?" she asked softly.

Billie looked at her then at JW then back at her. "He's beautiful Willa." He stepped back from her and frowned.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing," He said and looked away.

"Are you going to cry?" she asked with a joking tone.

"No," he said and rubbed his face. He let out a sigh and tried to keep his cool. He was tired still and didn't have a clue about how to react to her welcome. He wasn't sure if he could believe that she was being so nice to him. She'd been civil on the phone with him when he'd gotten a chance to call her each day, but he hadn't ever felt fully welcomed back into her life and he couldn't understand why she would do it now. He looked down the hallway. "Let's go."

When he began to walk away Willa hesitated for a moment then caught up with him. "What's wrong Billie?" she asked. He could hear some sort of anger in her voice.

"Not here," he said sternly and looked over her head at something as if it distracted him from their conversation. She wasn't sure if it was a reporter or a fan or even something more serious than that, but he didn't hesitate in his walk so he could explain. "We'll talk when we get out of here."

Willa sighed and walked along with him with the two guards following them. When they got outside Willa led the way to the car and everyone piled in. Spanky driving with Wes up front and the two parents sitting in the back seat; JW sitting between them in the car seat.

Afraid that he might totally crack the wall that he'd put up in the airport, Billie looked out of the window for most of the ride. Somehow his hand had found its way to JW and his son was holding onto his finger as they rode.

JW woke up and began to cry only when the car stopped. He'd fussed a little in his sleep when he'd been moved to his car seat. She'd seen the scared look on Billie's face and had to remind him that JW was fine and that he always fussed when he was moved. Her comment was proven when he fell right back to sleep as soon as they'd gotten onto the freeway. He only woke up again and was fully awake when they took him out to take him into the house.

"Come on in boys," Willa said with a smile when everyone came through the doorway. She gave directions to everyone so they could find their rooms while holding JW against her as he whimpered. He tried to steer clear of her in the house. He desperately wanted to hold his son, but at the same time he was scared to death of that thought. His son. It was just too much to handle at once.

When the bodyguards had disappeared Willa looked at Billie who was pulling off his jacket. "You want to hold him?" she asked.

Billie wasn't facing her when she asked and he was glad that he wasn't, because the thought of holding his son scared him. It wasn't that he thought he'd drop him or that he shouldn't hold him. It was the fear that he'd get too attached that made him hesitate. He wasn't sure what Willa was doing and he didn't want her to tease him and make him think those things were going to be okay then pull away or something.

"Uh," he said and straightened from where he'd leaned over to put his jacket on the back of a chair. "Yeah, I guess."

"Why don't you go sit on the couch?" she said. He did as he was told and took a seat.

"Lean back a little and get comfy and he can lye on your chest," she said, "that's how Spanky holds him and he seems to like it."

The thought of Spanky holding his son before he did made him a little angry, but he knew he couldn't help it. Spanky had been in town when he hadn't and when he thought about it for a minute he thought it would be better for Spanky to hold him than Brennan.

Billie leaned back and put one of the pillows on the couch under his arm. It was almost four in the morning and he was tired and hoped that he didn't fall asleep with JW in his arms.

When he looked comfortable enough Willa carefully positioned JW in his father's arms then stepped back. Looking down at him she pretended that this was all a normal family scene. She'd been dreaming about this moment for the month and a half or so that Billie had been away and wanted things to go well, but they weren't going as well as she'd thought they'd go. She had tried to not notice the look on his face, but the fear there couldn't be hidden.

He clutched the baby to his chest protectively, but he seemed to be holding onto him too tightly. She took his hand and moved his hand over a little so that one was over JW's bottom and one was across his back then laughed a little, "Billie honey, don't squeeze him to death."

She rubbed her hands together when she felt the tingle in her fingertips that had started when she had touched his hand. When she noticed what she was doing she stuck her hands into her pockets.

He nodded nervously at her. "I'm not going to squish him."

"Are you sure you're okay to sit there with him?" She asked making sure that she could leave him alone for a minute. She wanted them to have time together, but she didn't want to force JW on him.

"He's shivering," he said, "Is that normal?"

Willa could see JW's chin quivering which usually a sign that he was upset, not cold, but if he felt cuddled against someone he seemed to quiet down a little.

"What should I do?" Billie asked.

Willa let out another little laugh and went and got the lap blanket she had under the end table. She spread it out over the two of them, leaving the edge down far enough so that JW's head wasn't covered after she tucked it around his toes and body. Her son was now fighting to stay awake and she knew she should feed him, but she wanted to let Billie and JW to get to know each other so she made up an excuse to leave them there alone.

"You going to be okay if I leave you two alone for a minute?"

"Where are you going?" he asked immediately.

"I'll be right back." She patted his knee. "I'm going to get JW a new diaper and see if we can't get him changed before I put him to bed again."

"Hmm," He said looking down at his son who was staring up at him. She watched as he'd made eye contact with the little boy and it seemed now that their bond couldn't be broken.

"I'll be right back. If he starts to cry just rub his back a little. That usually helps. He likes some of your songs, you should sing to him, too. He likes 'Redundant'."
"Oh no. I don't know if my music is the best for him." He asked.

"Well we normally listen to eighties music, but he seems to like his dad's singing more than Richard Marx."

After she saw a smile form on Billie's face, Willa went around the back of the couch and was heading towards JW's little room when she heard Billie's voice softly speaking to their son.

"You know what big guy?" he said. "I hope your mom stays in this good of a mood because I think I could get used to this."

Tears welled up in Willa's eyes and she disappeared into JW's room. She'd remembered to get extra diapers earlier in the day and spent a minute organizing JW's little closet while she had the chance. Most days in the last month had been spent with JW either at her side or in her arms and it was nice to get away for a while. Spanky had been a great babysitter and she trusted him with all her heart, but there was a part of her that somehow felt more comfortable having Billie hold their son than her bodyguard.

When she returned to the living room Billie had changed positions and was laying half way on and half way off the couch with JW on his chest. JW was curled up against him, tiny legs tucked underneath him, butt in the air, with a hand shoved in his face sucking on his knuckles. Billie was fast asleep with both arms around him, holding him in place, one on his back and one on his butt, like she'd showed him. It was such a perfect moment that she had to catch it on tape.

Being a new mother she had of course became a picture-holic and had taken about 75 rolls of film of her son in the last week alone. Now she grabbed up her camera and went slowly back over to them. Focusing quickly she took a close up so that she could fit the two of them in the picture together. It wasn't an award winning shot, but it was the two of them and that's all she needed.

"What are you doing?" Spanky asked in a whisper.

Willa whipped around and put a finger over lips and moved across the room and into the kitchen. Spanky followed her and leaned against the counter across from her.

"I don't want to wake him up," she said, "I wanted a picture of them together. Is that bad?"

"Who? JW or Billie?" he asked.

"Both. I can't believe the two of them together. They've totally bonded and they just met."

"This is worse that you were during your pregnancy," he said with a groan, "If you start bawling again all the time I'm going to have to separate the two of you."

"I can't help it, you know?" she said, "I thought it would be good to see them together...but it's better than I imagined."

"You've really got him confused Willa," Spanky said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked.

"Don't play games with this one." he warned.

"I just want to pretend for one moment that everything is normal okay?" she said, "Is that too much to ask for?"

"No," he said, "You need to talk to him and get this settled because with you trying to raise JW and him being on the road there are going to be troubles. You need to get this settled."

"I will," she said, "I'll talk to him when he wakes up."

"So are you going to forgive him and marry the guy?" he asked.

"I don't know about marriage, but yeah I figure that JW needs his dad in his life. I don't want to have my family messed up."

"So is Billie back to being family again?" Wes asked from the doorway.
"Jesus, can I not have a conversation without someone listening in?" she said with fake anger then pushed herself up so that she was sitting on the counter facing the two bodyguards.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I just know that I've been with the guy for the last few weeks and even though you may not know it, he's worried about this. He wants to put things right and you need to give him a chance to do that."

"I'm not putting up the wall. Did you see him in the airport? It's like he couldn't get out of there fast enough."

"That's Billie. Family is something that he holds close to him and dealing with family issues has always been hard on him," Wes explained. "It's because he thinks highly of family matters and he doesn't discuss stuff like that in public. He doesn't want anyone to overhear things that they don't need to hear."

"Well why can't he just explain stuff like that to me?" she asked.

"Plus he'd just gotten off a flight and you knew that he had never seen JW before and while it was a surprise for him to see his son, it was more of a shock. I know him well enough to know that he thought that he was going to have time to prepare to see you and when you showed up like that he was caught off guard. He's not mad or even a little bit upset with you. Believe me. He's been talking about this trip back down here since we left LA the last time."

"Really?" she said.

"The boy is in love with you Willa," Spanky said, "Why do you think he's been paying my check all these months to take care of you?"

Willa turned away from him and busied herself by washing dishes in the sink. "He has?" she asked.

"No offense, but do you think I could just afford to hang out with you?" he asked.
"I thought the agency was paying for it," she said stopping her washing.

"No," Spanky said, "I've been reporting to Billie since he left in New York. He was mad about the whole situation, but he never would have let Brennan into your life and take over. He knew if I was here that I wouldn't let it happen either."

"He didn't want Brennan around?"

"Hell no," Spanky and Wes said in unison.

"There's a clause in my contract that said if I ever got brought up on charges for battery against Brennan, he would bail me out.

"Really?"

"Please tell me that you aren't that naive Willa," Wes said, "The guy is in love with you."

"He's got Jackie in his life."

"Since when?" Wes said, "I haven't seen that girl since the last time we were in LA. From what I can tell they've said their good-byes. She told him that she loved him and he said that he was in love with his son and needed to be with JW."

"He what?" She said. She dropped the glass in her hand back onto the counter, luckily it only shook back an forth for a moment before it rested in its correct position.

"HE. LOVES. YOU."

"Don't say that," she said and pushed out of the kitchen.

"Don't say what?" Spanky asked in a semi-loud voice.

"Stop it Spanky, you'll wake up JW and you'll have to take care of him," she said, "I don't want to talk about this with you."

A cry of JW filled the room and a moment later Billie came walking towards the kitchen with JW held against him. His eyes were having a hard time staying open, but he could see enough to hold him out to Willa.

"I think he's ready to see his mom again."

Once his hands were free Billie ran his hands through his hair and looked at the three of them. "What's going on?"

The three of them stared back at him in silence.