Social Suicide
Chapter 19
A pain in his shoulder woke him from a deep sleep. Billie didn't remember getting into bed that night so when he woke up in Willa's guestroom he was confused. He wasn't used to waking up in strange places. He was used to strange hotel rooms, but when he didn't see the phone bolted to the dresser next to him he looked around. He rolled over three times, shoving his face into the pillow trying to hang onto his dream before he finally lifted his head from the pillow.
He carefully rolled over onto his back to scan the room with his eyes before he tried to move. The place screamed of the same sense of style that he'd seen in her New York place. She had more room here in LA and she'd taken full advantage. The attention to detail would make someone thing that she was a little neurotic about her things, but he liked the way that everything seemed to match. Even though most of the hotel rooms that he stayed in on the road matched, this matched just enough to look nice without looking too planned.
As Billie looked over and saw some pictures on the dresser he remembered falling asleep on the couch with JW on his chest. He could still almost feel his son's heartbeat against him. He touched the spot on his chest where his son and been the night before then immediately he looked around for the missing child fearing that he'd dropped the baby.
His confusion was soon settled when he heard a baby cry from outside the room. He wasn't sure for a moment that he'd be able to stand the sound of his son crying it got to him in a way he'd never experienced before. He'd seen a million people cry at concerts and when he and the guys met them in person, but this was different. This was a part of him; something more personal than anything he'd ever experienced before. He was about to get up and go and investigate when he heard relaxed laughing and knew that everything was okay. That was until he looked at the clock and saw that it was already noon.
"Damn," he breathed out. He started to push himself out of bed and felt like he weighed a million pounds.
It usually was this way after a show and normally he'd go and get a massage or something to get his body back into gear, but this morning there would be no massage, no gourmet coffee, no pampering. He was with Willa and he was going to live normally for the next twenty-four hours. It wasn't that big of a challenge really, but he knew that he had to act like a normal person instead of the way he lived while he was on the road.
Pushing himself off the mattress Billie's joints creaked and cracked before he was finally standing next to the full sized bed. He twisted his body twice to crack his back then made his way to his suitcase and pulled out a pair of Dickies and a T-shirt and pulled them on over the boxers he'd fallen asleep in. He planned to take a shower a little later, but for now he had this urge to see his son and like he had for the last two months--Willa.
He made it to the living/dining room in his own sweet time trying to massage his sore shoulder. He got lost on the way, but soon found the three of them sitting around the table playing cards. In the fourth empty spot at the table sat a little seat and he could see the top of his son's head peaking out from his vantage point. Willa had a huge smile on her face, one hand filled with cards, the other hand on a small contraption that held his son. The tiny chair contraption bounced a little as Willa gently rocked JW.
"Hey Billie," Willa finally said noticing him. When she looked up at him she had a bright smile on her face and the tension from the night before seemed to be gone. She looked at him like she had when they'd been at the airport and it threw him for a curve. He needed to know what was going on with her and so far he didn't have a clue. One minute she acted one way and the next she acted another way.
Billie ran his hands through his hair and looked down at himself feeling bad about not getting dressed seeing that the three of them were already ready for the day.
"Hey," he said greeting all of them rather than just Willa as he came around the table so that he could look at his son.
Willa hid her cards from him. "Don't cheat now," she said then turned her cards down to the table. She made a face when she heard one of the other guys groan then looked up at Billie, "Did you sleep well?"
"I feel like shit," He sighed and winced when he saw the expression on Willa's face. He knew that JW was too young to pick up on the language he used, but she seemed to react as if he'd been teaching the boy swear words or something.
"Did you not sleep enough?" She asked, "You can go back to sleep if you want
to."
"I got enough sleep. I'm just sore from the show last night." He used that moment to rub the sore shoulder that had been giving him trouble that morning.
"Your shows are crazy," she said.
"No," Wes said, "He's just missing his morning massage right about now."
"You never got massages when I dated you."
"He didn't need them then," Spanky said.
"Oh my God, Spanky!" She said swatting at him. "Could you be any more crude?"
"Yeah," Billie said with a yawn as he reached out to touch his son's stomach, "He probably can be if you'd give him a chance."
Today JW wore a little jumpsuit outfit, or at least that's what it looked like--Billie really didn't know the technical fashion terms for baby clothes--that looked like a baseball uniform with stripes down the front. It even had a small baseball glove stitched on the right chest area. He didn't know if that was a manly thing to say, but he could see that his son was going to be a lady-killer when he grew up. He was already winning over everyone in the room and would probably only get better at it considering who his family members and extended family members were.
"Better keep you away from Tre," Billie said softly. The baby smiled at him and made a gurgling noise up at him bringing him back to the present. "We got to teach you to sing big guy," he muttered.
"What was that?" Someone asked.
"Nothing," Billie said and looked at everyone. No one really seemed to be paying attention to him, which was a switch. He wasn't sure if he liked it or not, but the change of pace was nice. "What's the agenda for the day?"
They hadn't really made plans; just that he would stay in LA with them so he wondered how this was going to work. When he stayed with Willa before they'd be alone for the most part and hadn't had to have a baby around. It was going to be tricky, but he expected that this trip was going to be eye opening.
Wes and Spanky played their cards and Willa turned and slapped down another one then looked up at him, "No agenda today. I just want you and JW to hang out."
"Yeah," Wes said with a smirk on his face, "You two can bond over Barney."
The three other adults in the room laughed then JW let out a laugh too which caused them to laugh even more.
When he spit up a little Willa automatically reached over and took the edge of a tiny cloth and wiped his face. She acted as if she'd been doing it for a million years instead of just a month or so. "That was JW's way of saying that he'd rather watch the Teletubbies. That Barney dinosaur is a loser."
"Sure," Billie said rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
"There's coffee in the coffee maker, but I'd microwave it since it's been sitting out a while," Willa called to him.
"No thanks," he said then walked into the kitchen. He'd gotten spoiled ordering at gourmet coffee shops and wasn't about to pour down Folders, "Mind if I look around?"
"Go right ahead," she said leaning over the backside of the chair. She smiled at him, "I'm too lazy to explain where everything is, but there aren't any crazy things you could find that would end up embarrassing you or making you sick. Just the formula of course."
"Eww," Spanky said, "Don't even joke about that crap. How they can say that is the same thing is milk is beyond me. The board of health should condemn that stuff not promote it. It tastes like crap."
"Okay, first off I don't want to know how you know that," Willa joked, "Remind me never to leave you alone in the house. I know it may sound silly, but admitting you have a drinking problem is the first step to recovery."
"Ha ha," Spanky leaned over and pushed her playfully. "I got some on my hand the other day and licked it off instead of wiping it off. What the hell is wrong with that?"
"Watch your language!" Willa said.
"Yeah!" Billie added from the kitchen. It was probably one of the most hypocritical things he'd ever said, but he wanted to stay in the conversation.
"Like JW is going to start saying that because I said it," Spanky protested.
"You never know," she said.
"That's right," Wes said, "We all forgot that Willa is SuperMom now."
Billie couldn't see her from where he'd stuck his head into the refrigerator, but he could tell that she had turned to JW from the tone in her voice. It was a little higher and sweeter when she spoke. "Don't you listen to Uncle Spanky, Mr. JW. He's got a potty mouth, but we're going to work on that."
"Potty Mouth?" There was a laugh, "Is that a technical term?"
Willa laughed, "I'm not going to let my son grow up to be like you boys. I've heard all of you together. Not one of you or Billie's friends can keep their mouth's clean."
"I brush everyday!" Billie said with a loud sarcastic laugh. Her laughter filled the house.
He stopped and listened to her laugh. He wasn't sure but he couldn't remember a time in the last year that he'd been happier. He was back with her for the time being and he was enjoying every moment of it when he wasn't getting completely confused by every other thing that was going on between them. "Thanks for the warning," he called.
Willa watched Billie when he came back into the room. The card game had now been slightly forgotten. Wes was sitting in his same spot and was shuffling the cards, but no one had suggested starting another game so they all waited in limbo.
It had been a few weeks since she'd seen Billie and this was giving her a great opportunity to take a look at him again. She'd seen him on television a few times before he arrived at the airport and her opinion of him hadn't changed. He'd been looking well, but being up close to him was so much better than watching a live broadcast of him from an awards show or a taped show on MTV.
Billie balanced a bowl of cereal in the palm of his right hand and a spoon in his left as he pulled back the chair where JW's little carrier was sitting with a pinkie then plopped down in it. She heard a grunt when his butt hit the seat then saw the winced expression on his face. She wasn't sure if he was acting this way because he was sore from the show the night before or if it was from just general nervousness, but he looked almost in pain due to his uncomfortable nature.
Wanting the silence in the room to be at a minimum Willa watched him for only a short while then reached over and took a raisin out of the bowl in front of him, "Find everything?" She made eye contact with him as she popped the raisin into her mouth and chewed slowly.
He looked at her with a smirk on his face as he stirred the cereal around a little.
"Yes," Billie said. He leaned over the bowl when she reached again for another raisin. "You're worse than Tre. I can get you some of your own. I know I didn't pour out the whole box."
Wes let out a small laugh and tapped the cards on the table straightening them into order and looked at Willa. "You aren't going to take that kind of abuse are you?"
"Abuse?" She asked.
Wes nodded. "Basically being compared to Tre at a moment like this is a huge insult. You've been away a while. Unless you've forgotten, Tre is the little piglet when it comes to breakfast. So basically he just called you a pig."
"Piglet?" She laughed, "Is that a technical term?"
Wes held up his arms in a surrendering motion, "I just wanted you to know the meaning behind that. I've got more experience with my Billie to English dictionary than you do."
"Did you really call me a pig?" Willa asked looking at Billie as she pushed herself out of her chair.
"Not really," he said, "I mean I did, but I didn't mean it." He shrugged and looked even more nervous.
Willa went over a put a hand on the top of Billie's head and pulled his head back so he was looking up at her. "Where can I get a copy of that Billie to English dictionary?" She asked with a smile trying to reassure him that she was just joking.
"I'll get you a copy," Wes said.
She'd gotten caught in his eyes. It was a dangerous thing to do and she thought for a moment that she could have stayed like that forever. She could have leaned and kissed him then. There was this smile in his eyes, a smile she'd missed the last few months and she wanted to capture the moment, but the other occupants of the room detained her from her goal.
"Thank you so much for dressing for brunch," she said and pushed his head forward, "Being on the road has made you lazy. You aren't going to throw a rock star fit are you? Where's my newspaper? Where's my double latte decaf?" Her mocking tone made everyone laugh.
"Be careful girl," Wes said, "Or we'll have to take this outside."
"What a nerd," Willa said and disappeared into the kitchen for a minute.
"Are you going to let her treat me like this?" Wes asked Billie.
"I love you too," He said sarcastically to Wes in between bites.
"You were the one who said it in the first place," Wes said.
"Well you didn't have to point it out to her," he said, "I guess I won't have to buy you that spotlight for Christmas since you seem to be doing fine on your own."
"You love me though," Wes said and was about to throw him the finger when Willa caught his eye.
"Don't you dare Wes or you'll be sleeping on the porch tonight. I don't care if you are his guard. You're going to need protection if you do that in front of JW."
"He started it," Wes said with a slight mocking whine to his voice.
Willa sighed sitting herself back at the table. "Now boys. I have a few years before I have to deal with a bickering little boy and although I'm sure you think that the practice will be good for me, I don't think I need to practice something like that."
"Sorry Willa," Wes said.
***
Willa had been sitting on the couch in front of the television with JW resting at her side for almost an hour when Billie finally returned from taking his shower and getting dressed. She barely heard him return to the living room, but when she did feel his presence in the room all the hairs on her arms stood on end.
"Taking a nap already?" He asked.
"I've been up since four this morning. JW seems to be living on East Coast time for the moment," she said with a sigh.
"Why don't you go take a nap or something?" He suggested.
"It's okay." She watched a smile come to his face when she yawned. "We need to talk anyway."
"Talk?" He asked.
Willa pursed her lips and looked at him, "We have to make arrangements so that you and I both get time to spend with JW."
"Oh." He came around the couch and found a seat next to her on the couch.
"I've been thinking about moving back to New York or to Seattle to be near my parents."
"Why?" He asked, "I thought you liked it here."
"It's okay," she said.
She watched him eyeing where JW was lying on the couch. His hand slowly moved over and rubbed his son's stomach.
"I thought you wouldn't want to live with your mother again. I thought she was totally bugging you when she was here last."
"She was," she said with a sigh, "Speaking of that...have you talked to your mother about us."
"She knows about the two of you."
"Oh."
"You want to plan a trip out to Rodeo to see them in a few weeks."
"Maybe after the New Year," she said, "I'm going to have to go up to my parents for Thanksgiving and I think after that I'm going to have to recover for a while before I go anywhere."
"Come and spend Christmas with me and the guys in Florida," he said suddenly said. He wasn't looking at her when he said it, but when he turned and looked at her he had this worried look in his eyes as if he was almost scared that she would refuse his offer.
"I think we could do that," she said, "But I would want to do something low key. Spanky has been stuck here with me for the last few months and I was planning on sending him on a vacation for two weeks. I don't really care where he goes, but he needs a break."
"I'll make some plans for him."
"You don't have to do that," she said, "He's my guard. I'll arrange it for him."
"I was just going to suggest that he go out to Hawaii for some time," Billie said, "My sister has a condo out there now and I thought that I'd offer him the use of it for the week."
"Oh."
"What'd you think I'd do?" He asked, "Just throw money at him or something?"
"No," she said.
The tension between them returned for a moment. It was only stopped by the fact that JW was starting to fuss.
"I should go change him," she said. She gathered the little boy up in her arms and smiled down at their son and said in a cutesy baby voice, "My little pooper needs a new diaper."
Willa began to leave the room and she felt Billie's presence behind her so she stopped. She was just down the hall when he bumped into her. She instinctively clutched onto JW and to her surprise immediately felt his arms slide around her to steady her so that she wouldn't drop JW.
"Where are you going?" She asked looking over her shoulder to look at him.
"You okay?" He asked.
She nodded, "So where were you going?"
"To help," he said simply.
"What?" She couldn't help but to looked shocked at his admission. He had come into town to see them, but she hadn't expected him to be that involved. Actually she didn't want to believe that he would be that way because she didn't want to get hurt again if he suddenly disappeared again.
Billie removed his hands from her shoulders. "I thought that I'd help out. He's my son and I need to start taking care of him."
"Thank you Mr. After-School-Special," she said with a mocking tone.
"What the hell Willa?" He said angrily.
"Don't raise your voice like that. You're scaring JW," she said pulling the baby against her tighter.
"What?" He asked. He sounded exhausted with this little back and forth banter. "I leave you alone and you get mad at me and now I actually want to help out and you get mad at me. Can you please explain your rationale so I can follow the rules?"
Willa blushed with embarrassment. "I'm sorry," she said.
"You know, I know that I was stupid for not being there for JW and you before this, but I am trying to be here. I just don't know what you want from me."
He could feel his heartbeat pulsing in his temple as he watched her and waited for an answer. He reached up and rubbed his temple and looked at her trying not to look upset that she wasn't answering quickly. Her lips moved, opened, closed, then twitched, first once then twice, but there wasn't a response that came from her, just a silence between them that was starting to become more and more annoying.
It wasn't really that hard of a question. She could make the choice to have him be in their lives or not be in their lives. He figured that if he had been some kind of a bum it would hard to make the decision, but really he didn't see many drawbacks from them being in each other's lives. It was up to her.
"Well isn't that the question of the hour," she said softly turning away from his gaze. He could hear the anger in her voice. The emotion there was thick and for an instant Billie thought that she might cry. Her eyes had watered when she'd spoken to him, but she didn't let on that there would be emotion shown.
In one instant he was glad that Willa seemed to be fighting him all the way on this. For so long he'd thought that everything with Brennan and Amy would destroy some of her spirit, but he was glad to see that it hadn't. The only trouble now was that she was turning that spirit on him as she glared at him coldly then continued down the hall when JW started to whimper.
Billie followed closely behind her and watched her every move as she lay JW down on the changing table. He didn't know what it was but he had the urge to reach out and make sure that she didn't drop JW when she leaned over to put him down. When his hands reached out for him he caught himself and put his hands at his sides. He knew that he wanted to help out, but he didn't need her to get angry with him over it.
"Don't roll off the table pumpkin," she said with a soft voice as she leaned over and kissed his stomach. JW giggled up at his mother.
Billie loved the way that she was so openly loving to their son. It reminded him of a time when they'd been that way with each other. It was something that he desperately wanted back and hoped that would return.
He was caught off guard when Willa grabbed up his hand and put his hand on JW's stomach. Not daring to go against Willa's instructions to hold his hand there on JW he turned his head and watched her walk across the room. She pulled open the closet doors and stood there for a moment looking at the miniature clothes handing on the railing. He didn't know how that young of a kid could have that many clothes. He wanted to laugh.
"What do you say Fred?" Willa said with a sing-songy voice, "How about the blue jumper Spanky got you?"
JW's reaction to the one sided conversation was just to make happy gurgling noises as she spoke. Billie didn't know if he really could understand at all what she was saying, but he seemed to like the sound of her voice. He wondered for a moment if JW would recognize his own voice soon.
While Billie felt important standing there doing his part, he almost felt as if he didn't need to be there. JW didn't move really, not that he would have with Billie's hand across his stomach. He just lay there and smacked his little gums together happily and Willa seemed to know how to do everything that needed to be done to take care of their son. It was a strange feeling to have, but he finally realized that maybe she really didn't need him around. She'd done fine for the nine months she'd been pregnant and it seemed as if he only seemed to stress her out. He didn't want that at all. He wanted things to be back the way that they were.
Silence filled the space between them. It was one of those moments where Billie thought he literally would have been able hear a pin drop. Willa moved around the room comfortably and then returned to the changing table.
"Huh Fred?" she said looking down at JW. "What do you think about this one?"
Finally when he'd had enough of the silent treatment, when he saw that she wasn't going to talk to him, he cleared his throat and asked, "What'd you call him?"
"I called him Fred," she spoke softly. Her back was slightly turned and she seemed to be acting perfectly normal about all of this as she pulled the outfit off the hanger and went to put the hanger back, "Someone I once was in love with used to call me that." She glanced over her shoulder and he thought that he saw her roll her eyes, "Too bad he doesn't call me that anymore."
"Willa." Her name came out in a tired sigh. Billie let his gaze drop to the floor. He was tired of this. He didn't need this kind of stress from her. She needed to just let it go.
"See," she said and came back over to the changing table, "JW loves the blue ones. He always hates anything else I put him in." She set to work, removing his hand from JW before she bumped him with her hip, moving him out of the way. She began to unsnap the buttons down the front of the outfit he had on and was soon pulling JW out of the clothes.
Lying there in just a diaper JW began to cry a little.
"I know Fred, I know," she said softly. She kissed the tip of her finger put her finger out and tapped his nose lightly with it. It distracted him a moment and he settled down. "We'll be done soon."
"Willa?" He started to say. Willa shoved a toy into Billie's hand.
"Entertain him for a minute. He may not be forty thousand screaming girls, but that squeaker thing seems to keep him entertained."
He moved the toy and began to squeak the thing while Willa quickly changed JW's diaper. It had been a long while since he had been around a baby. The last time he remembered diaper changes was way back when he'd go to Tre's.
"That's really gross," Billie said turning his nose up as she pulled the diaper away and cleaned JW up.
"It's nothing," Willa commented and reached to tickle JW's stomach when she was done putting him into a new diaper. "Right Fred?"
"Can you stop saying that?" He asked with an annoyed tone. He picked up the box of baby wipes and began to read the label, or at least he looked at the words, but none of the information seeped into his brain.
Willa began to slide JW into the new outfit. Billie never realized how tough it would be to dress someone until she saw her struggle to put JW in his outfit. Somehow his arms and legs just didn't want to go the way that Willa wanted them to go.
"Stop what?"
"Stop calling him Fred," he said firmly.
"Why?" she asked as she quickly snapped JW into the new outfit and picked him up. The baby clung to her and immediately began to stick his fist in his mouth. "It's just a pet name for him I have."
"Willa," Billie sighed. On the one hand it hurt him that she would use that nickname in front of him like that, but on the other hand he liked the idea of JW having that nickname. It meant that she loved their son and he thought that she loved him too. Why else would she choose THAT name for him? "Are you trying to rub it in forever?"
She stared at him with a cold expression. "Rub what in?" she asked.
Billie glared at her finding it hard not to just grab her and shake some sense into her. She was acting as stubborn as she'd been when they first met. This attitude was just to punish him for the months he'd been away. He knew that much but he felt that she shouldn't blame him now for things he couldn't go back and change.
"Stop being so damned innocent and just come out with it."
"Come out with what?" she said, "Really Billie, you should get some more sleep. You don't sound very coherent today."
"Willa just spit it out. Are you going to be mad at me forever?" he asked.
She blinked at him a few times. "Mad about what?"
"Will you please stop answering my questions with questions!" He slammed his hand down on the changing table, knocking over the box of diapers and the baby wipes with his motion.
JW began to whimper and was soon crying desperately.
"Great Billie," she said with an annoyed tone, "Scare him a little more why don't you?"
"I didn't mean to scare him."
"Well you did," she said.
"What the hell Willa? Do you really think I want to make him cry?" He asked.
"I don't know what to believe with you anymore," she said.
Finally having enough of the strange behavior Willa was throwing his way, Billie dropped his hands heavily to his sides and left the room. "I can't stand you when you're like this!"
"When I'm like what Billie?" she asked.
He turned around and stared at her. "I'm trying Willa. I'm trying my hardest to be around for you. Don't push me away."
"I'm not pushing you away," she said with a sigh, "I was the one who invited you down here in the first place."
Billie sighed again as they made their way down to the living room again. Willa slid easily into a seat on the couch and held JW against her. She grabbed for the remote and turned on the television and began to hum along with the commercial as she rocked JW.
"Can we talk after he goes to sleep?" He asked coming around to sit on the far end of the couch.
"I don't know what you want to talk about," she said.
"We need to make a decision about us. And now before this blows up into something more than it is."
"Well what is this?" she asked.
"I don't know Willa," he said. "I just don't want this tension between us."
"Tension?" she asked.
"Let's not start down that road again, okay?" he said. "I just want us to be like we were. I want to spend time with you again and have fun with you and enjoy being with my son with you."
"Well you have a funny way of showing that," she said angrily clutching JW to her as she glared at Billie. JW had almost had his eyes closed, but came awake with a start when she opened her mouth.
"Can I hold him?" He asked, "He fell asleep with me yesterday."
Willa didn't look to confident about her decision to give him JW, but she did it anyway and fussed over him for a long time before she sat back and watched Billie.
"So you want to be in his life?" She asked with a mean tone to her voice as she ran her hands through her hair. "I just hope that you don't run out on him the way you did when you found out about him."
Billie glared at her over the top of where JW was laying against his shoulder. "Willa. I'm sorry. Am I going to have to apologize for that forever?" He asked.
"Maybe," she said. Her eyes met his and he could see the tears in them. "I can't trust you. I don't want to be mad at you, but I can't trust that you're going to be there for me or for him."
"I'm not some deadbeat dad," He argued as she looked back at the television. He grabbed up the remote and turned off the TV. "I'm going to be there for him."
"What if I don't want you to be there for him?" She asked, "It's easier sometimes if you have a dad that just isn't there instead of someone who is there only part of the time."
Billie ran his hand over his face and sighed. "I'm not going to disappear on you," he said, "You have to know that. Do you think that I would have been gone if I'd known that JW was mine? I mean do you really think I'm that big of an ass?"
Willa looked at him again. "I can't do this," she said, "I can't go through that again. I was in love with you..." She paused and put a hand out to him. "I am in love with you, but I know that I can't go through that again. You broke my heart and that can't happen again."
"I'm not going to let that happen," he said, "What do I have to do to prove that to you?"
"I can't just take things back," she said, "I--"
"I didn't think that you would," he said, "I just want a chance. Give me until New Years to prove myself to you that I'm going to be here. I know it's only a few weeks, but I need that chance." Willa stared at him.
"If things don't work out between now and then I'll leave you alone."
"Really?" She asked.
"I'll put money away into an account for JW and I'll pay child support and all that, but if you really want me to be gone then I will be."
She wondered for a moment if this was just his way to keep this out of the press or not. She knew if she put up a fuss about it he would get bad press and the whole roller coaster ride that she'd gone through with Brennan and Amy would resurface.
*****
Seattle was a horrible mess that Christmas Eve day.
Not only did curious relatives who wanted explanations for Willa's unmarried status surround her, but the weather wasn't making it a great holiday season for anyone. A storm had blown in a few hours after her plane had landed the day before and she'd been sitting in the window since she'd arrived at the house watching the weather get worse and worse instead of better.
Willa hadn't expected sunny weather, like the southern California weather she was now used to, but she'd forgotten just how awful the weather could get in the winter months. She'd hadn't regretted refusing the ticket that Billie had offered her to come down to Florida to spend Christmas with him until it started to rain down slushy snow in the early evening hours.
"I should be in Florida right now," she mumbled glancing from the snowy scene outside to where JW sleeping peacefully in her arms, "Where you and I belong."
"What honey?" her mother asked from across the room.
"Nothing Mom," she said softly as she looked around the crowded living room.
Every relative she'd ever met had shown up to her parents' house and now the fifteen of them were sitting around the television watching old black and white Christmas movies.
"Are you okay Willa?" her mother asked.
Willa smiled and leaned to place a kiss on her son's head. "I was just thinking out-loud."
"Okay," her mother replied.
"Willa honey, maybe you should go to sleep," her grandmother suggested from her seat next to her, "You look pretty tired and it looks like little Joseph is ready for bed."
It wasn't at all late, just after eight in the evening, but Willa could have sworn it was around midnight from the way she felt. She'd been early that morning not only taking care of JW, but also making sure that her mother didn't show him off too much. He had become the trophy of the family and it seemed as if they couldn't get over passing him around and around to show him to everyone.
"That sounds like a good idea," Willa said and carefully pushed herself off the couch and made her way out of the living room.
"Night honey," her mother called to her.
"Night everyone," she said, "Merry Christmas."
Everyone said their good-nights as Willa headed up to her room. She would have turned back to say a more personal goodnight to them, but she was tired and really needed to get away from them.
JW was just getting back to sleep after being jostled around a little when her cell phone rang. She grabbed it up from her purse and hurriedly answered so that the ringing wouldn't keep her son up.
"Hello?" she said in a soft voice.
"Why are you whispering?"
"Hi Billie," she said and moved across the room to where her pajamas were. She looked at the clock and saw the time then did the conversion in her head, "What are you doing calling me this late?"
"It's not late," he said with a laugh, "Unless you've turned into a little old lady now that you're a mom."
Slowly she stripped out of her clothes to put on her pajamas as she moved the phone to her other ear. "It's only eight your time, right? I thought it was eight."
"Yeah it's eight, but that means it's midnight where you are," she said softly looking over at JW once again. He was starting to look like Billie. His eyes had turned a little greener in the last few days and his hair was a dark brown color like his. "I thought you were going to be with your parents tonight?"
"I was," he said with a sigh, "Don't you just love the holidays? I love my family to death, but there is only so much bonding that a person can take before they go crazy. All they kept asking about was JW and they wanted to call you, but I told them to do it tomorrow. I thought you would want to handle your own parents before you tried to handle mine."
"Don't say that too loud or they might hear you," she said.
"No they won't." A car horn could be heard in the background.
"What's that background noise?" she asked, "Where are you?"
"Uh," he said quickly, "I'm on the freeway. I just cut over and didn't signal long enough."
"Freeway?" she asked she checked the clock again, "At midnight?"
"Yeah," he said, "I went over to Tre's for a minute tonight to leave him his Christmas present since he's spending a few days in California with his brothers."
"Oh," she said.
"What are you up to?" he asked, "And how's my boy Fred?"
Willa's breath caught in her throat when she heard him call JW his boy Fred. "He's fine," she whispered, "I just put him to bed though so I'm trying to be quiet, that's why I'm talking so softly."
"The phone didn't wake him up did it?"
"No," she said quickly and walked over to the crib where she'd put him for the night. "He's still asleep."
"Shit, I'm sorry. I forgot about that. I'll try and remember not to call so late," he said.
It was surprising to hear him be so concerned about something so little like that. He had been trying hard the last few weeks to be more involved in their lives and she loved the attention he gave JW, especially when he'd insisted upon singing to him over the phone to put him to bed one night.
"Anyway I wanted to call you and tell you that there is a package on its way to you."
Willa let out a sigh. They'd discussed Christmas and she thought that they'd been clear when they'd decided not to go crazy on gifts. She knew that Billie had the money to buy JW anything in the world that he could ever want, but she didn't want to start off her son getting used to the idea that he would be spoiled. JW wasn't going to be a Hollywood/Rock star kid. He needed to learn about the real worth of a dollar and that hard work went into the money that Billie and she earned.
"Billie, I told you that you didn't have to get JW anything--"
"It's not for him really, I mean it is, but it isn't. It's for the both of you I guess."
"What did you buy?" she asked.
"Why do you automatically assume that I bought something?" he asked.
"Well you're sending a present--" At that moment the background noise behind him stopped.
"Are you home?" he asked.
"Not exactly," he said.
"Where are you going now?" she asked.
"You'll see," he said.
"You mean hear?" she asked with a smile.
"No," he said.
The doorbell rang downstairs.
"I said you'll see."
"What did you do?" she asked.
"You'll see," he said.
"I'm sure I will."
"Are you going to get the door?" he asked.
"What?"
"I'm standing out here on the front porch freezing my ass off. Go get the door Willa," Billie finally said.
"You're here?" she asked and looked out the window just in time to see a cab pull away from the front of the house.
"Yeah," he said, "Don't make me freeze my fingers off."
"I'm coming, I'm coming." She quickly jumped across the bed, grabbed the baby monitor and made her way down to the first floor again.
"I got the door mom," she said hanging up the phone she pulled open the door to reveal Billie standing on the front porch, as he'd said he would be.
Billie had been nervous when he'd decided to jump on a flight up to Seattle, but the surprised and pleasantly pleased look on her face when she opened the door reassured him that it was the right thing for him to do. He needed to spend Christmas with Willa and JW. He had missed out on so much already that he didn't want to get any more behind.
"That was quick," he said with a smile readjusting the bag on his shoulder. He tucked his phone into the front pocket of his jacket and looked past her. "Can I come in?"
"Willa let Billie in and close the door!" her mother yelled from the living room.
"She knew?" Willa asked.
"I didn't want to crash at the house without a warning so I called her and told her that I thought that her grandson needed to see his daddy on Christmas."
"He's only a few weeks old," she said, "He won't even remember this Christmas."
"Yeah well you and I will and I thought I'd feel a lot better if I was here with the two of you instead of in Florida."
"What about your parents?" she asked.
"I spent this morning with them and we did Christmas together. My parents understand and actually I think my mother was going to kick me out if I didn't come up here to see you."
"Willa!" her mother yelled.
"Sorry mom," she called back and pulled him into the room, closing the door behind him.
Knowing that her mother would want to see Billie and that her other relatives would want to meet the father of her son she reached for his bag. She took it away from him and set it near the wall out of the walkway. "Give the relatives a few minutes then we'll go upstairs and check on JW," she said.
"Sounds fine to me. I haven't made any plans for the time that I'm here. I just have to be back in Orlando by December thirtieth."
"You have plans for new years?" she asked.
Shifting his eyes away from where they might make eye contact with her he shifted his weight from one foot to another then slid out of his jacket. He folded it in half long ways then lay it over his bag. He pushed up the sleeves of his long turtleneck and looked around for a moment. "Yeah. MTV wanted me up in New York, but I've planned something else," he said.
"Party down in Orlando?" she asked, "Like last year?"
"Whoa," he said with a puzzled look on his face, "It's already been a year since that whole Brennan and Amy fight. I didn't realize it had been that long."
"Yeah," she said, "Hopefully this year will be a little less stressful than last year."
Thinking about the plans he made Billie found a smile forming on his face. It would definitely be less stressful than last year. For one he wasn't going to be anywhere near Amy and Brennan if he could help it.
*****
After spending twenty or so minutes meeting the relatives Billie began to fake yawn. He did it more for her benefit than his. She seemed so uncomfortable with him talking to her relatives that he felt he needed to save her, so soon they found their way up the stairs.
They entered her room quietly and she immediately snuck over to JW's crib to check on him.
"Is he still asleep?" He asked as he put his bag down and kicked off his shoes and put them near his bag in the corner.
"Nope," she said after a moment.
"Freddy boy," Billie said coming over to where Willa had picked him up and was holding him. He put a hand on JW's back and leaned and kissed his head. "Santa isn't going to bring you anything if you stay up all night."
When he looked up he thought he saw tears in Willa's eyes.
"I think he needs to be fed and changed before we put him back to sleep," she said with a cough and turned away from Billie to take JW over to the bed.
"Why don't you get his bottle, since I feel strange about going into your mother's kitchen, and I'll change him?" he suggested.
"You'll change him?" she asked.
"Yeah. Don't leave your mouth open like that or flies might fly in there," he said.
She immediately shut her mouth from where it had been hanging open a little.
"What? You don't trust me?" he asked.
"No," she said, "I just didn't think you knew how."
"I practiced," he said.
"When?" she asked, "On who?"
"Don't let this get out, but Wes and I practiced on a doll."
"Wes?" she asked.
"Yeah," he said, "I have a feeling that he's going to be helping baby-sit for a while so I thought he needed to learn too."
"Well who taught you?" she asked.
"My mom," he said, "Over the phone. It was kind of funny trying to describe how to do this without seeing what was in front of her."
"Are you sure you've got it?" she asked.
"She has taken care of several kids. Hand him over," he said and held out his arms.
Willa handed JW over and paused for a moment to put a spit rag on Billie's shoulder. "Well I guess I'll leave you two boys alone. All the stuff is in the diaper bag at the end of the crib," she said, "Don't worry if you mess up. I can fix it when I get back."
"Just go," he said. Willa smiled at him and left the room.
"Okay little Fred," he said. He carried the baby over the bed and lay him down on his back so that he could look up. Billie wasn't sure how well the little guy could see, but at least he'd be able to see something while he waited for him.
Grabbing up the pillows from the head of the bed he put them on each side of JW to make a little barrier so the little kid couldn't get hurt rolling off the bed then he reached for the diaper bag.
"What do we have here kiddo?" Billie said pulling out a toy he handed it to JW who immediately put it to his mouth. "Not the choice I would make, but whatever."
Billie moved quickly and pulled JW out of his sleeper, put him into a new diaper then was putting him back into his jumper when Willa came back in the door.
"Wow," she said, "I'm impressed."
"Yep," he said, "Good as new."
Willa smiled and held out the bottle to him. "Want to feed him too?"
"Sure," he said.
Willa set the bottle down on the nightstand and moved the pillows so that Billie could lean back against the headboard. "Lean back a little and hold JW and then I'll give you the bottle." He did as he was instructed and soon he had JW, half-asleep and sucking on his bottle.
"You're a natural."
"This doesn't feel natural," he said.
Willa moved to his side and held onto the bottle for him. "Stretch your arm a little. Once he gets a little older he'll be able to hold the bottle himself, but for now we're stuck doing it for him."
"Stuck huh?" he asked. Her head was close to his and he wanted to lean over and kiss her but he knew he couldn't. He might be back in her good graces again, but he wasn't about to push the line that still was between them. He needed to take his time and see where things went before he tried to make a move back into her life.
"You know what I mean," she said. She nervously pushed hair behind her ear with one hand. With his free hand Billie pushed her hair further out of her face.
"Thanks."
"No trouble," he said.
"So where are you going to sleep tonight?" she asked.
"I don't know." He wanted to tell her that he wanted to sleep there with her. He had spent the last few weeks talking to her before he went to sleep at night and he wanted to be able to talk to her again tonight before he went to sleep. He knew though that this would be impossible. "Wherever you want to put me."
JW stopped slurping on his bottle and the two of them looked to find him asleep again. He had a little milk drooling down the side of his face, but soon Billie wiped it away. "Wouldn't want people to think that my little guy is a drooler."
Feeling the tension build between them Billie moved to put him back in his crib, but Willa reached out a hand to stop him. "Don't," she said, "He'll wake up again if you move him."
"What do you want me to do?" he asked, "Stay here all night?"
"Yeah," she said.
"I can't do that," he said, "You need to get some sleep too and I'd feel bad about kicking you out of your bed."
"We can both fit," she said.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
He watched her nod carefully. "Yeah."
"So I guess I just get to stay in my clothes?"
"Yeah," she said.
"Can you do me a favor though?" he asked as he settled back a little into the pillows.
"Sure," she said.
"Well first can you make sure that my phone is off?" he asked. "It's in my jacket pocket."
She got up from her place and found the phone, turned it off then put it back into the pocket of the jacket.
"Can you take off my belt?" he asked. "I'll undo it, but I can't pull it off without moving too much." Willa stared at him.
"It's not like you haven't done worse," he said with a laugh. He moved his hand and undid the belt buckle while staring at JW to make sure that he didn't wake him.
"Okay."
Soon the belt was off and Willa was back sitting on the bed next to him. When she went to go put the belt on his bag she grabbed out a blanket from the closet and lay it over Billie.
"Snuggle up," he said softly after she reached and turned the lights off.
Willa must have thought he was talking to JW because he didn't feel her anywhere on the bed next to him for a long time.
"Willa," he said, "I'm going to freeze to death if you don't get over here and snuggle up with me. I've been in Florida for the last week. I'm not used to this weather."
Willa hesitated, but soon he had her snuggled up to his one side and JW snuggled to the open side of his body.
"Comfy?" he asked Willa.
She nodded and whispered, "Yes."
"Relax sweetie. We're just going to sleep."
"I know," she said, "I know."
He heard the emotion in her voice. "Are you okay Willa?" he asked.
"I'm fine," she said softly. "I'll be fine."
"We need to talk tomorrow," he said.
"Hmm," was her only reply and soon Billie felt her breathing slow and she snuggled up to him more in her sleep as she fully relaxed for the first time since he'd gotten there.
He carefully rolled over onto his back to scan the room with his eyes before he tried to move. The place screamed of the same sense of style that he'd seen in her New York place. She had more room here in LA and she'd taken full advantage. The attention to detail would make someone thing that she was a little neurotic about her things, but he liked the way that everything seemed to match. Even though most of the hotel rooms that he stayed in on the road matched, this matched just enough to look nice without looking too planned.
As Billie looked over and saw some pictures on the dresser he remembered falling asleep on the couch with JW on his chest. He could still almost feel his son's heartbeat against him. He touched the spot on his chest where his son and been the night before then immediately he looked around for the missing child fearing that he'd dropped the baby.
His confusion was soon settled when he heard a baby cry from outside the room. He wasn't sure for a moment that he'd be able to stand the sound of his son crying it got to him in a way he'd never experienced before. He'd seen a million people cry at concerts and when he and the guys met them in person, but this was different. This was a part of him; something more personal than anything he'd ever experienced before. He was about to get up and go and investigate when he heard relaxed laughing and knew that everything was okay. That was until he looked at the clock and saw that it was already noon.
"Damn," he breathed out. He started to push himself out of bed and felt like he weighed a million pounds.
It usually was this way after a show and normally he'd go and get a massage or something to get his body back into gear, but this morning there would be no massage, no gourmet coffee, no pampering. He was with Willa and he was going to live normally for the next twenty-four hours. It wasn't that big of a challenge really, but he knew that he had to act like a normal person instead of the way he lived while he was on the road.
Pushing himself off the mattress Billie's joints creaked and cracked before he was finally standing next to the full sized bed. He twisted his body twice to crack his back then made his way to his suitcase and pulled out a pair of Dickies and a T-shirt and pulled them on over the boxers he'd fallen asleep in. He planned to take a shower a little later, but for now he had this urge to see his son and like he had for the last two months--Willa.
He made it to the living/dining room in his own sweet time trying to massage his sore shoulder. He got lost on the way, but soon found the three of them sitting around the table playing cards. In the fourth empty spot at the table sat a little seat and he could see the top of his son's head peaking out from his vantage point. Willa had a huge smile on her face, one hand filled with cards, the other hand on a small contraption that held his son. The tiny chair contraption bounced a little as Willa gently rocked JW.
"Hey Billie," Willa finally said noticing him. When she looked up at him she had a bright smile on her face and the tension from the night before seemed to be gone. She looked at him like she had when they'd been at the airport and it threw him for a curve. He needed to know what was going on with her and so far he didn't have a clue. One minute she acted one way and the next she acted another way.
Billie ran his hands through his hair and looked down at himself feeling bad about not getting dressed seeing that the three of them were already ready for the day.
"Hey," he said greeting all of them rather than just Willa as he came around the table so that he could look at his son.
Willa hid her cards from him. "Don't cheat now," she said then turned her cards down to the table. She made a face when she heard one of the other guys groan then looked up at Billie, "Did you sleep well?"
"I feel like shit," He sighed and winced when he saw the expression on Willa's face. He knew that JW was too young to pick up on the language he used, but she seemed to react as if he'd been teaching the boy swear words or something.
"Did you not sleep enough?" She asked, "You can go back to sleep if you want
to."
"I got enough sleep. I'm just sore from the show last night." He used that moment to rub the sore shoulder that had been giving him trouble that morning.
"Your shows are crazy," she said.
"No," Wes said, "He's just missing his morning massage right about now."
"You never got massages when I dated you."
"He didn't need them then," Spanky said.
"Oh my God, Spanky!" She said swatting at him. "Could you be any more crude?"
"Yeah," Billie said with a yawn as he reached out to touch his son's stomach, "He probably can be if you'd give him a chance."
Today JW wore a little jumpsuit outfit, or at least that's what it looked like--Billie really didn't know the technical fashion terms for baby clothes--that looked like a baseball uniform with stripes down the front. It even had a small baseball glove stitched on the right chest area. He didn't know if that was a manly thing to say, but he could see that his son was going to be a lady-killer when he grew up. He was already winning over everyone in the room and would probably only get better at it considering who his family members and extended family members were.
"Better keep you away from Tre," Billie said softly. The baby smiled at him and made a gurgling noise up at him bringing him back to the present. "We got to teach you to sing big guy," he muttered.
"What was that?" Someone asked.
"Nothing," Billie said and looked at everyone. No one really seemed to be paying attention to him, which was a switch. He wasn't sure if he liked it or not, but the change of pace was nice. "What's the agenda for the day?"
They hadn't really made plans; just that he would stay in LA with them so he wondered how this was going to work. When he stayed with Willa before they'd be alone for the most part and hadn't had to have a baby around. It was going to be tricky, but he expected that this trip was going to be eye opening.
Wes and Spanky played their cards and Willa turned and slapped down another one then looked up at him, "No agenda today. I just want you and JW to hang out."
"Yeah," Wes said with a smirk on his face, "You two can bond over Barney."
The three other adults in the room laughed then JW let out a laugh too which caused them to laugh even more.
When he spit up a little Willa automatically reached over and took the edge of a tiny cloth and wiped his face. She acted as if she'd been doing it for a million years instead of just a month or so. "That was JW's way of saying that he'd rather watch the Teletubbies. That Barney dinosaur is a loser."
"Sure," Billie said rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
"There's coffee in the coffee maker, but I'd microwave it since it's been sitting out a while," Willa called to him.
"No thanks," he said then walked into the kitchen. He'd gotten spoiled ordering at gourmet coffee shops and wasn't about to pour down Folders, "Mind if I look around?"
"Go right ahead," she said leaning over the backside of the chair. She smiled at him, "I'm too lazy to explain where everything is, but there aren't any crazy things you could find that would end up embarrassing you or making you sick. Just the formula of course."
"Eww," Spanky said, "Don't even joke about that crap. How they can say that is the same thing is milk is beyond me. The board of health should condemn that stuff not promote it. It tastes like crap."
"Okay, first off I don't want to know how you know that," Willa joked, "Remind me never to leave you alone in the house. I know it may sound silly, but admitting you have a drinking problem is the first step to recovery."
"Ha ha," Spanky leaned over and pushed her playfully. "I got some on my hand the other day and licked it off instead of wiping it off. What the hell is wrong with that?"
"Watch your language!" Willa said.
"Yeah!" Billie added from the kitchen. It was probably one of the most hypocritical things he'd ever said, but he wanted to stay in the conversation.
"Like JW is going to start saying that because I said it," Spanky protested.
"You never know," she said.
"That's right," Wes said, "We all forgot that Willa is SuperMom now."
Billie couldn't see her from where he'd stuck his head into the refrigerator, but he could tell that she had turned to JW from the tone in her voice. It was a little higher and sweeter when she spoke. "Don't you listen to Uncle Spanky, Mr. JW. He's got a potty mouth, but we're going to work on that."
"Potty Mouth?" There was a laugh, "Is that a technical term?"
Willa laughed, "I'm not going to let my son grow up to be like you boys. I've heard all of you together. Not one of you or Billie's friends can keep their mouth's clean."
"I brush everyday!" Billie said with a loud sarcastic laugh. Her laughter filled the house.
He stopped and listened to her laugh. He wasn't sure but he couldn't remember a time in the last year that he'd been happier. He was back with her for the time being and he was enjoying every moment of it when he wasn't getting completely confused by every other thing that was going on between them. "Thanks for the warning," he called.
Willa watched Billie when he came back into the room. The card game had now been slightly forgotten. Wes was sitting in his same spot and was shuffling the cards, but no one had suggested starting another game so they all waited in limbo.
It had been a few weeks since she'd seen Billie and this was giving her a great opportunity to take a look at him again. She'd seen him on television a few times before he arrived at the airport and her opinion of him hadn't changed. He'd been looking well, but being up close to him was so much better than watching a live broadcast of him from an awards show or a taped show on MTV.
Billie balanced a bowl of cereal in the palm of his right hand and a spoon in his left as he pulled back the chair where JW's little carrier was sitting with a pinkie then plopped down in it. She heard a grunt when his butt hit the seat then saw the winced expression on his face. She wasn't sure if he was acting this way because he was sore from the show the night before or if it was from just general nervousness, but he looked almost in pain due to his uncomfortable nature.
Wanting the silence in the room to be at a minimum Willa watched him for only a short while then reached over and took a raisin out of the bowl in front of him, "Find everything?" She made eye contact with him as she popped the raisin into her mouth and chewed slowly.
He looked at her with a smirk on his face as he stirred the cereal around a little.
"Yes," Billie said. He leaned over the bowl when she reached again for another raisin. "You're worse than Tre. I can get you some of your own. I know I didn't pour out the whole box."
Wes let out a small laugh and tapped the cards on the table straightening them into order and looked at Willa. "You aren't going to take that kind of abuse are you?"
"Abuse?" She asked.
Wes nodded. "Basically being compared to Tre at a moment like this is a huge insult. You've been away a while. Unless you've forgotten, Tre is the little piglet when it comes to breakfast. So basically he just called you a pig."
"Piglet?" She laughed, "Is that a technical term?"
Wes held up his arms in a surrendering motion, "I just wanted you to know the meaning behind that. I've got more experience with my Billie to English dictionary than you do."
"Did you really call me a pig?" Willa asked looking at Billie as she pushed herself out of her chair.
"Not really," he said, "I mean I did, but I didn't mean it." He shrugged and looked even more nervous.
Willa went over a put a hand on the top of Billie's head and pulled his head back so he was looking up at her. "Where can I get a copy of that Billie to English dictionary?" She asked with a smile trying to reassure him that she was just joking.
"I'll get you a copy," Wes said.
She'd gotten caught in his eyes. It was a dangerous thing to do and she thought for a moment that she could have stayed like that forever. She could have leaned and kissed him then. There was this smile in his eyes, a smile she'd missed the last few months and she wanted to capture the moment, but the other occupants of the room detained her from her goal.
"Thank you so much for dressing for brunch," she said and pushed his head forward, "Being on the road has made you lazy. You aren't going to throw a rock star fit are you? Where's my newspaper? Where's my double latte decaf?" Her mocking tone made everyone laugh.
"Be careful girl," Wes said, "Or we'll have to take this outside."
"What a nerd," Willa said and disappeared into the kitchen for a minute.
"Are you going to let her treat me like this?" Wes asked Billie.
"I love you too," He said sarcastically to Wes in between bites.
"You were the one who said it in the first place," Wes said.
"Well you didn't have to point it out to her," he said, "I guess I won't have to buy you that spotlight for Christmas since you seem to be doing fine on your own."
"You love me though," Wes said and was about to throw him the finger when Willa caught his eye.
"Don't you dare Wes or you'll be sleeping on the porch tonight. I don't care if you are his guard. You're going to need protection if you do that in front of JW."
"He started it," Wes said with a slight mocking whine to his voice.
Willa sighed sitting herself back at the table. "Now boys. I have a few years before I have to deal with a bickering little boy and although I'm sure you think that the practice will be good for me, I don't think I need to practice something like that."
"Sorry Willa," Wes said.
***
Willa had been sitting on the couch in front of the television with JW resting at her side for almost an hour when Billie finally returned from taking his shower and getting dressed. She barely heard him return to the living room, but when she did feel his presence in the room all the hairs on her arms stood on end.
"Taking a nap already?" He asked.
"I've been up since four this morning. JW seems to be living on East Coast time for the moment," she said with a sigh.
"Why don't you go take a nap or something?" He suggested.
"It's okay." She watched a smile come to his face when she yawned. "We need to talk anyway."
"Talk?" He asked.
Willa pursed her lips and looked at him, "We have to make arrangements so that you and I both get time to spend with JW."
"Oh." He came around the couch and found a seat next to her on the couch.
"I've been thinking about moving back to New York or to Seattle to be near my parents."
"Why?" He asked, "I thought you liked it here."
"It's okay," she said.
She watched him eyeing where JW was lying on the couch. His hand slowly moved over and rubbed his son's stomach.
"I thought you wouldn't want to live with your mother again. I thought she was totally bugging you when she was here last."
"She was," she said with a sigh, "Speaking of that...have you talked to your mother about us."
"She knows about the two of you."
"Oh."
"You want to plan a trip out to Rodeo to see them in a few weeks."
"Maybe after the New Year," she said, "I'm going to have to go up to my parents for Thanksgiving and I think after that I'm going to have to recover for a while before I go anywhere."
"Come and spend Christmas with me and the guys in Florida," he said suddenly said. He wasn't looking at her when he said it, but when he turned and looked at her he had this worried look in his eyes as if he was almost scared that she would refuse his offer.
"I think we could do that," she said, "But I would want to do something low key. Spanky has been stuck here with me for the last few months and I was planning on sending him on a vacation for two weeks. I don't really care where he goes, but he needs a break."
"I'll make some plans for him."
"You don't have to do that," she said, "He's my guard. I'll arrange it for him."
"I was just going to suggest that he go out to Hawaii for some time," Billie said, "My sister has a condo out there now and I thought that I'd offer him the use of it for the week."
"Oh."
"What'd you think I'd do?" He asked, "Just throw money at him or something?"
"No," she said.
The tension between them returned for a moment. It was only stopped by the fact that JW was starting to fuss.
"I should go change him," she said. She gathered the little boy up in her arms and smiled down at their son and said in a cutesy baby voice, "My little pooper needs a new diaper."
Willa began to leave the room and she felt Billie's presence behind her so she stopped. She was just down the hall when he bumped into her. She instinctively clutched onto JW and to her surprise immediately felt his arms slide around her to steady her so that she wouldn't drop JW.
"Where are you going?" She asked looking over her shoulder to look at him.
"You okay?" He asked.
She nodded, "So where were you going?"
"To help," he said simply.
"What?" She couldn't help but to looked shocked at his admission. He had come into town to see them, but she hadn't expected him to be that involved. Actually she didn't want to believe that he would be that way because she didn't want to get hurt again if he suddenly disappeared again.
Billie removed his hands from her shoulders. "I thought that I'd help out. He's my son and I need to start taking care of him."
"Thank you Mr. After-School-Special," she said with a mocking tone.
"What the hell Willa?" He said angrily.
"Don't raise your voice like that. You're scaring JW," she said pulling the baby against her tighter.
"What?" He asked. He sounded exhausted with this little back and forth banter. "I leave you alone and you get mad at me and now I actually want to help out and you get mad at me. Can you please explain your rationale so I can follow the rules?"
Willa blushed with embarrassment. "I'm sorry," she said.
"You know, I know that I was stupid for not being there for JW and you before this, but I am trying to be here. I just don't know what you want from me."
He could feel his heartbeat pulsing in his temple as he watched her and waited for an answer. He reached up and rubbed his temple and looked at her trying not to look upset that she wasn't answering quickly. Her lips moved, opened, closed, then twitched, first once then twice, but there wasn't a response that came from her, just a silence between them that was starting to become more and more annoying.
It wasn't really that hard of a question. She could make the choice to have him be in their lives or not be in their lives. He figured that if he had been some kind of a bum it would hard to make the decision, but really he didn't see many drawbacks from them being in each other's lives. It was up to her.
"Well isn't that the question of the hour," she said softly turning away from his gaze. He could hear the anger in her voice. The emotion there was thick and for an instant Billie thought that she might cry. Her eyes had watered when she'd spoken to him, but she didn't let on that there would be emotion shown.
In one instant he was glad that Willa seemed to be fighting him all the way on this. For so long he'd thought that everything with Brennan and Amy would destroy some of her spirit, but he was glad to see that it hadn't. The only trouble now was that she was turning that spirit on him as she glared at him coldly then continued down the hall when JW started to whimper.
Billie followed closely behind her and watched her every move as she lay JW down on the changing table. He didn't know what it was but he had the urge to reach out and make sure that she didn't drop JW when she leaned over to put him down. When his hands reached out for him he caught himself and put his hands at his sides. He knew that he wanted to help out, but he didn't need her to get angry with him over it.
"Don't roll off the table pumpkin," she said with a soft voice as she leaned over and kissed his stomach. JW giggled up at his mother.
Billie loved the way that she was so openly loving to their son. It reminded him of a time when they'd been that way with each other. It was something that he desperately wanted back and hoped that would return.
He was caught off guard when Willa grabbed up his hand and put his hand on JW's stomach. Not daring to go against Willa's instructions to hold his hand there on JW he turned his head and watched her walk across the room. She pulled open the closet doors and stood there for a moment looking at the miniature clothes handing on the railing. He didn't know how that young of a kid could have that many clothes. He wanted to laugh.
"What do you say Fred?" Willa said with a sing-songy voice, "How about the blue jumper Spanky got you?"
JW's reaction to the one sided conversation was just to make happy gurgling noises as she spoke. Billie didn't know if he really could understand at all what she was saying, but he seemed to like the sound of her voice. He wondered for a moment if JW would recognize his own voice soon.
While Billie felt important standing there doing his part, he almost felt as if he didn't need to be there. JW didn't move really, not that he would have with Billie's hand across his stomach. He just lay there and smacked his little gums together happily and Willa seemed to know how to do everything that needed to be done to take care of their son. It was a strange feeling to have, but he finally realized that maybe she really didn't need him around. She'd done fine for the nine months she'd been pregnant and it seemed as if he only seemed to stress her out. He didn't want that at all. He wanted things to be back the way that they were.
Silence filled the space between them. It was one of those moments where Billie thought he literally would have been able hear a pin drop. Willa moved around the room comfortably and then returned to the changing table.
"Huh Fred?" she said looking down at JW. "What do you think about this one?"
Finally when he'd had enough of the silent treatment, when he saw that she wasn't going to talk to him, he cleared his throat and asked, "What'd you call him?"
"I called him Fred," she spoke softly. Her back was slightly turned and she seemed to be acting perfectly normal about all of this as she pulled the outfit off the hanger and went to put the hanger back, "Someone I once was in love with used to call me that." She glanced over her shoulder and he thought that he saw her roll her eyes, "Too bad he doesn't call me that anymore."
"Willa." Her name came out in a tired sigh. Billie let his gaze drop to the floor. He was tired of this. He didn't need this kind of stress from her. She needed to just let it go.
"See," she said and came back over to the changing table, "JW loves the blue ones. He always hates anything else I put him in." She set to work, removing his hand from JW before she bumped him with her hip, moving him out of the way. She began to unsnap the buttons down the front of the outfit he had on and was soon pulling JW out of the clothes.
Lying there in just a diaper JW began to cry a little.
"I know Fred, I know," she said softly. She kissed the tip of her finger put her finger out and tapped his nose lightly with it. It distracted him a moment and he settled down. "We'll be done soon."
"Willa?" He started to say. Willa shoved a toy into Billie's hand.
"Entertain him for a minute. He may not be forty thousand screaming girls, but that squeaker thing seems to keep him entertained."
He moved the toy and began to squeak the thing while Willa quickly changed JW's diaper. It had been a long while since he had been around a baby. The last time he remembered diaper changes was way back when he'd go to Tre's.
"That's really gross," Billie said turning his nose up as she pulled the diaper away and cleaned JW up.
"It's nothing," Willa commented and reached to tickle JW's stomach when she was done putting him into a new diaper. "Right Fred?"
"Can you stop saying that?" He asked with an annoyed tone. He picked up the box of baby wipes and began to read the label, or at least he looked at the words, but none of the information seeped into his brain.
Willa began to slide JW into the new outfit. Billie never realized how tough it would be to dress someone until she saw her struggle to put JW in his outfit. Somehow his arms and legs just didn't want to go the way that Willa wanted them to go.
"Stop what?"
"Stop calling him Fred," he said firmly.
"Why?" she asked as she quickly snapped JW into the new outfit and picked him up. The baby clung to her and immediately began to stick his fist in his mouth. "It's just a pet name for him I have."
"Willa," Billie sighed. On the one hand it hurt him that she would use that nickname in front of him like that, but on the other hand he liked the idea of JW having that nickname. It meant that she loved their son and he thought that she loved him too. Why else would she choose THAT name for him? "Are you trying to rub it in forever?"
She stared at him with a cold expression. "Rub what in?" she asked.
Billie glared at her finding it hard not to just grab her and shake some sense into her. She was acting as stubborn as she'd been when they first met. This attitude was just to punish him for the months he'd been away. He knew that much but he felt that she shouldn't blame him now for things he couldn't go back and change.
"Stop being so damned innocent and just come out with it."
"Come out with what?" she said, "Really Billie, you should get some more sleep. You don't sound very coherent today."
"Willa just spit it out. Are you going to be mad at me forever?" he asked.
She blinked at him a few times. "Mad about what?"
"Will you please stop answering my questions with questions!" He slammed his hand down on the changing table, knocking over the box of diapers and the baby wipes with his motion.
JW began to whimper and was soon crying desperately.
"Great Billie," she said with an annoyed tone, "Scare him a little more why don't you?"
"I didn't mean to scare him."
"Well you did," she said.
"What the hell Willa? Do you really think I want to make him cry?" He asked.
"I don't know what to believe with you anymore," she said.
Finally having enough of the strange behavior Willa was throwing his way, Billie dropped his hands heavily to his sides and left the room. "I can't stand you when you're like this!"
"When I'm like what Billie?" she asked.
He turned around and stared at her. "I'm trying Willa. I'm trying my hardest to be around for you. Don't push me away."
"I'm not pushing you away," she said with a sigh, "I was the one who invited you down here in the first place."
Billie sighed again as they made their way down to the living room again. Willa slid easily into a seat on the couch and held JW against her. She grabbed for the remote and turned on the television and began to hum along with the commercial as she rocked JW.
"Can we talk after he goes to sleep?" He asked coming around to sit on the far end of the couch.
"I don't know what you want to talk about," she said.
"We need to make a decision about us. And now before this blows up into something more than it is."
"Well what is this?" she asked.
"I don't know Willa," he said. "I just don't want this tension between us."
"Tension?" she asked.
"Let's not start down that road again, okay?" he said. "I just want us to be like we were. I want to spend time with you again and have fun with you and enjoy being with my son with you."
"Well you have a funny way of showing that," she said angrily clutching JW to her as she glared at Billie. JW had almost had his eyes closed, but came awake with a start when she opened her mouth.
"Can I hold him?" He asked, "He fell asleep with me yesterday."
Willa didn't look to confident about her decision to give him JW, but she did it anyway and fussed over him for a long time before she sat back and watched Billie.
"So you want to be in his life?" She asked with a mean tone to her voice as she ran her hands through her hair. "I just hope that you don't run out on him the way you did when you found out about him."
Billie glared at her over the top of where JW was laying against his shoulder. "Willa. I'm sorry. Am I going to have to apologize for that forever?" He asked.
"Maybe," she said. Her eyes met his and he could see the tears in them. "I can't trust you. I don't want to be mad at you, but I can't trust that you're going to be there for me or for him."
"I'm not some deadbeat dad," He argued as she looked back at the television. He grabbed up the remote and turned off the TV. "I'm going to be there for him."
"What if I don't want you to be there for him?" She asked, "It's easier sometimes if you have a dad that just isn't there instead of someone who is there only part of the time."
Billie ran his hand over his face and sighed. "I'm not going to disappear on you," he said, "You have to know that. Do you think that I would have been gone if I'd known that JW was mine? I mean do you really think I'm that big of an ass?"
Willa looked at him again. "I can't do this," she said, "I can't go through that again. I was in love with you..." She paused and put a hand out to him. "I am in love with you, but I know that I can't go through that again. You broke my heart and that can't happen again."
"I'm not going to let that happen," he said, "What do I have to do to prove that to you?"
"I can't just take things back," she said, "I--"
"I didn't think that you would," he said, "I just want a chance. Give me until New Years to prove myself to you that I'm going to be here. I know it's only a few weeks, but I need that chance." Willa stared at him.
"If things don't work out between now and then I'll leave you alone."
"Really?" She asked.
"I'll put money away into an account for JW and I'll pay child support and all that, but if you really want me to be gone then I will be."
She wondered for a moment if this was just his way to keep this out of the press or not. She knew if she put up a fuss about it he would get bad press and the whole roller coaster ride that she'd gone through with Brennan and Amy would resurface.
*****
Seattle was a horrible mess that Christmas Eve day.
Not only did curious relatives who wanted explanations for Willa's unmarried status surround her, but the weather wasn't making it a great holiday season for anyone. A storm had blown in a few hours after her plane had landed the day before and she'd been sitting in the window since she'd arrived at the house watching the weather get worse and worse instead of better.
Willa hadn't expected sunny weather, like the southern California weather she was now used to, but she'd forgotten just how awful the weather could get in the winter months. She'd hadn't regretted refusing the ticket that Billie had offered her to come down to Florida to spend Christmas with him until it started to rain down slushy snow in the early evening hours.
"I should be in Florida right now," she mumbled glancing from the snowy scene outside to where JW sleeping peacefully in her arms, "Where you and I belong."
"What honey?" her mother asked from across the room.
"Nothing Mom," she said softly as she looked around the crowded living room.
Every relative she'd ever met had shown up to her parents' house and now the fifteen of them were sitting around the television watching old black and white Christmas movies.
"Are you okay Willa?" her mother asked.
Willa smiled and leaned to place a kiss on her son's head. "I was just thinking out-loud."
"Okay," her mother replied.
"Willa honey, maybe you should go to sleep," her grandmother suggested from her seat next to her, "You look pretty tired and it looks like little Joseph is ready for bed."
It wasn't at all late, just after eight in the evening, but Willa could have sworn it was around midnight from the way she felt. She'd been early that morning not only taking care of JW, but also making sure that her mother didn't show him off too much. He had become the trophy of the family and it seemed as if they couldn't get over passing him around and around to show him to everyone.
"That sounds like a good idea," Willa said and carefully pushed herself off the couch and made her way out of the living room.
"Night honey," her mother called to her.
"Night everyone," she said, "Merry Christmas."
Everyone said their good-nights as Willa headed up to her room. She would have turned back to say a more personal goodnight to them, but she was tired and really needed to get away from them.
JW was just getting back to sleep after being jostled around a little when her cell phone rang. She grabbed it up from her purse and hurriedly answered so that the ringing wouldn't keep her son up.
"Hello?" she said in a soft voice.
"Why are you whispering?"
"Hi Billie," she said and moved across the room to where her pajamas were. She looked at the clock and saw the time then did the conversion in her head, "What are you doing calling me this late?"
"It's not late," he said with a laugh, "Unless you've turned into a little old lady now that you're a mom."
Slowly she stripped out of her clothes to put on her pajamas as she moved the phone to her other ear. "It's only eight your time, right? I thought it was eight."
"Yeah it's eight, but that means it's midnight where you are," she said softly looking over at JW once again. He was starting to look like Billie. His eyes had turned a little greener in the last few days and his hair was a dark brown color like his. "I thought you were going to be with your parents tonight?"
"I was," he said with a sigh, "Don't you just love the holidays? I love my family to death, but there is only so much bonding that a person can take before they go crazy. All they kept asking about was JW and they wanted to call you, but I told them to do it tomorrow. I thought you would want to handle your own parents before you tried to handle mine."
"Don't say that too loud or they might hear you," she said.
"No they won't." A car horn could be heard in the background.
"What's that background noise?" she asked, "Where are you?"
"Uh," he said quickly, "I'm on the freeway. I just cut over and didn't signal long enough."
"Freeway?" she asked she checked the clock again, "At midnight?"
"Yeah," he said, "I went over to Tre's for a minute tonight to leave him his Christmas present since he's spending a few days in California with his brothers."
"Oh," she said.
"What are you up to?" he asked, "And how's my boy Fred?"
Willa's breath caught in her throat when she heard him call JW his boy Fred. "He's fine," she whispered, "I just put him to bed though so I'm trying to be quiet, that's why I'm talking so softly."
"The phone didn't wake him up did it?"
"No," she said quickly and walked over to the crib where she'd put him for the night. "He's still asleep."
"Shit, I'm sorry. I forgot about that. I'll try and remember not to call so late," he said.
It was surprising to hear him be so concerned about something so little like that. He had been trying hard the last few weeks to be more involved in their lives and she loved the attention he gave JW, especially when he'd insisted upon singing to him over the phone to put him to bed one night.
"Anyway I wanted to call you and tell you that there is a package on its way to you."
Willa let out a sigh. They'd discussed Christmas and she thought that they'd been clear when they'd decided not to go crazy on gifts. She knew that Billie had the money to buy JW anything in the world that he could ever want, but she didn't want to start off her son getting used to the idea that he would be spoiled. JW wasn't going to be a Hollywood/Rock star kid. He needed to learn about the real worth of a dollar and that hard work went into the money that Billie and she earned.
"Billie, I told you that you didn't have to get JW anything--"
"It's not for him really, I mean it is, but it isn't. It's for the both of you I guess."
"What did you buy?" she asked.
"Why do you automatically assume that I bought something?" he asked.
"Well you're sending a present--" At that moment the background noise behind him stopped.
"Are you home?" he asked.
"Not exactly," he said.
"Where are you going now?" she asked.
"You'll see," he said.
"You mean hear?" she asked with a smile.
"No," he said.
The doorbell rang downstairs.
"I said you'll see."
"What did you do?" she asked.
"You'll see," he said.
"I'm sure I will."
"Are you going to get the door?" he asked.
"What?"
"I'm standing out here on the front porch freezing my ass off. Go get the door Willa," Billie finally said.
"You're here?" she asked and looked out the window just in time to see a cab pull away from the front of the house.
"Yeah," he said, "Don't make me freeze my fingers off."
"I'm coming, I'm coming." She quickly jumped across the bed, grabbed the baby monitor and made her way down to the first floor again.
"I got the door mom," she said hanging up the phone she pulled open the door to reveal Billie standing on the front porch, as he'd said he would be.
Billie had been nervous when he'd decided to jump on a flight up to Seattle, but the surprised and pleasantly pleased look on her face when she opened the door reassured him that it was the right thing for him to do. He needed to spend Christmas with Willa and JW. He had missed out on so much already that he didn't want to get any more behind.
"That was quick," he said with a smile readjusting the bag on his shoulder. He tucked his phone into the front pocket of his jacket and looked past her. "Can I come in?"
"Willa let Billie in and close the door!" her mother yelled from the living room.
"She knew?" Willa asked.
"I didn't want to crash at the house without a warning so I called her and told her that I thought that her grandson needed to see his daddy on Christmas."
"He's only a few weeks old," she said, "He won't even remember this Christmas."
"Yeah well you and I will and I thought I'd feel a lot better if I was here with the two of you instead of in Florida."
"What about your parents?" she asked.
"I spent this morning with them and we did Christmas together. My parents understand and actually I think my mother was going to kick me out if I didn't come up here to see you."
"Willa!" her mother yelled.
"Sorry mom," she called back and pulled him into the room, closing the door behind him.
Knowing that her mother would want to see Billie and that her other relatives would want to meet the father of her son she reached for his bag. She took it away from him and set it near the wall out of the walkway. "Give the relatives a few minutes then we'll go upstairs and check on JW," she said.
"Sounds fine to me. I haven't made any plans for the time that I'm here. I just have to be back in Orlando by December thirtieth."
"You have plans for new years?" she asked.
Shifting his eyes away from where they might make eye contact with her he shifted his weight from one foot to another then slid out of his jacket. He folded it in half long ways then lay it over his bag. He pushed up the sleeves of his long turtleneck and looked around for a moment. "Yeah. MTV wanted me up in New York, but I've planned something else," he said.
"Party down in Orlando?" she asked, "Like last year?"
"Whoa," he said with a puzzled look on his face, "It's already been a year since that whole Brennan and Amy fight. I didn't realize it had been that long."
"Yeah," she said, "Hopefully this year will be a little less stressful than last year."
Thinking about the plans he made Billie found a smile forming on his face. It would definitely be less stressful than last year. For one he wasn't going to be anywhere near Amy and Brennan if he could help it.
*****
After spending twenty or so minutes meeting the relatives Billie began to fake yawn. He did it more for her benefit than his. She seemed so uncomfortable with him talking to her relatives that he felt he needed to save her, so soon they found their way up the stairs.
They entered her room quietly and she immediately snuck over to JW's crib to check on him.
"Is he still asleep?" He asked as he put his bag down and kicked off his shoes and put them near his bag in the corner.
"Nope," she said after a moment.
"Freddy boy," Billie said coming over to where Willa had picked him up and was holding him. He put a hand on JW's back and leaned and kissed his head. "Santa isn't going to bring you anything if you stay up all night."
When he looked up he thought he saw tears in Willa's eyes.
"I think he needs to be fed and changed before we put him back to sleep," she said with a cough and turned away from Billie to take JW over to the bed.
"Why don't you get his bottle, since I feel strange about going into your mother's kitchen, and I'll change him?" he suggested.
"You'll change him?" she asked.
"Yeah. Don't leave your mouth open like that or flies might fly in there," he said.
She immediately shut her mouth from where it had been hanging open a little.
"What? You don't trust me?" he asked.
"No," she said, "I just didn't think you knew how."
"I practiced," he said.
"When?" she asked, "On who?"
"Don't let this get out, but Wes and I practiced on a doll."
"Wes?" she asked.
"Yeah," he said, "I have a feeling that he's going to be helping baby-sit for a while so I thought he needed to learn too."
"Well who taught you?" she asked.
"My mom," he said, "Over the phone. It was kind of funny trying to describe how to do this without seeing what was in front of her."
"Are you sure you've got it?" she asked.
"She has taken care of several kids. Hand him over," he said and held out his arms.
Willa handed JW over and paused for a moment to put a spit rag on Billie's shoulder. "Well I guess I'll leave you two boys alone. All the stuff is in the diaper bag at the end of the crib," she said, "Don't worry if you mess up. I can fix it when I get back."
"Just go," he said. Willa smiled at him and left the room.
"Okay little Fred," he said. He carried the baby over the bed and lay him down on his back so that he could look up. Billie wasn't sure how well the little guy could see, but at least he'd be able to see something while he waited for him.
Grabbing up the pillows from the head of the bed he put them on each side of JW to make a little barrier so the little kid couldn't get hurt rolling off the bed then he reached for the diaper bag.
"What do we have here kiddo?" Billie said pulling out a toy he handed it to JW who immediately put it to his mouth. "Not the choice I would make, but whatever."
Billie moved quickly and pulled JW out of his sleeper, put him into a new diaper then was putting him back into his jumper when Willa came back in the door.
"Wow," she said, "I'm impressed."
"Yep," he said, "Good as new."
Willa smiled and held out the bottle to him. "Want to feed him too?"
"Sure," he said.
Willa set the bottle down on the nightstand and moved the pillows so that Billie could lean back against the headboard. "Lean back a little and hold JW and then I'll give you the bottle." He did as he was instructed and soon he had JW, half-asleep and sucking on his bottle.
"You're a natural."
"This doesn't feel natural," he said.
Willa moved to his side and held onto the bottle for him. "Stretch your arm a little. Once he gets a little older he'll be able to hold the bottle himself, but for now we're stuck doing it for him."
"Stuck huh?" he asked. Her head was close to his and he wanted to lean over and kiss her but he knew he couldn't. He might be back in her good graces again, but he wasn't about to push the line that still was between them. He needed to take his time and see where things went before he tried to make a move back into her life.
"You know what I mean," she said. She nervously pushed hair behind her ear with one hand. With his free hand Billie pushed her hair further out of her face.
"Thanks."
"No trouble," he said.
"So where are you going to sleep tonight?" she asked.
"I don't know." He wanted to tell her that he wanted to sleep there with her. He had spent the last few weeks talking to her before he went to sleep at night and he wanted to be able to talk to her again tonight before he went to sleep. He knew though that this would be impossible. "Wherever you want to put me."
JW stopped slurping on his bottle and the two of them looked to find him asleep again. He had a little milk drooling down the side of his face, but soon Billie wiped it away. "Wouldn't want people to think that my little guy is a drooler."
Feeling the tension build between them Billie moved to put him back in his crib, but Willa reached out a hand to stop him. "Don't," she said, "He'll wake up again if you move him."
"What do you want me to do?" he asked, "Stay here all night?"
"Yeah," she said.
"I can't do that," he said, "You need to get some sleep too and I'd feel bad about kicking you out of your bed."
"We can both fit," she said.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
He watched her nod carefully. "Yeah."
"So I guess I just get to stay in my clothes?"
"Yeah," she said.
"Can you do me a favor though?" he asked as he settled back a little into the pillows.
"Sure," she said.
"Well first can you make sure that my phone is off?" he asked. "It's in my jacket pocket."
She got up from her place and found the phone, turned it off then put it back into the pocket of the jacket.
"Can you take off my belt?" he asked. "I'll undo it, but I can't pull it off without moving too much." Willa stared at him.
"It's not like you haven't done worse," he said with a laugh. He moved his hand and undid the belt buckle while staring at JW to make sure that he didn't wake him.
"Okay."
Soon the belt was off and Willa was back sitting on the bed next to him. When she went to go put the belt on his bag she grabbed out a blanket from the closet and lay it over Billie.
"Snuggle up," he said softly after she reached and turned the lights off.
Willa must have thought he was talking to JW because he didn't feel her anywhere on the bed next to him for a long time.
"Willa," he said, "I'm going to freeze to death if you don't get over here and snuggle up with me. I've been in Florida for the last week. I'm not used to this weather."
Willa hesitated, but soon he had her snuggled up to his one side and JW snuggled to the open side of his body.
"Comfy?" he asked Willa.
She nodded and whispered, "Yes."
"Relax sweetie. We're just going to sleep."
"I know," she said, "I know."
He heard the emotion in her voice. "Are you okay Willa?" he asked.
"I'm fine," she said softly. "I'll be fine."
"We need to talk tomorrow," he said.
"Hmm," was her only reply and soon Billie felt her breathing slow and she snuggled up to him more in her sleep as she fully relaxed for the first time since he'd gotten there.