Social Suicide

"Billie." She croaked out his name before falling into his arms crying as he pulled her into the hotel room.

"What's going on?" he asked calmly.

He wanted to panic, but knew that he shouldn't considering she looked visibly shaken already. The way she clutched on to him made him think that something serious had happened. He wasn't stupid. He'd known something had upset her, but this looked to be more serious than most of the party drama that he'd ever experienced. If someone was kissing on someone she liked it wouldn't have caused her to be this shaken, would it? He was still half asleep and wondered if he'd really missed something or if this was a dream in itself since he'd never expected her to be at his door.

"I... He... I... "She sobbed and buried her face into his chest. She was out of breath as if she'd been running.

Billie glanced back to Mike and then to Tre, who rolled over in his sleep. He then pulled Willa into the bathroom and shut the door behind them. The humming sound of the fan accompanied the bright, but Willa didn't seem to notice any change in her surroundings. She just clung to him and held on to him as if he was going to disappear or that she might disappear.

"Willa, what happened?" he asked.

She leaned back a little and looked at him. Her expression changed to one of shame. "I'm sorry for waking you up."

"Honey," he said calmly, "its okay."

She shifted in his arms and tried to get away, but he didn't let her. He held onto her and kissed the top of her head, the way his mother kissed his head when he was upset. "Why are you shaking?"

"I didn't know where else to go," she said.

"What happened?" he asked.

"I was as the party... "She stopped and hiccupped. He reached over and pulled a towel off the pile that had been left for them. She wiped her face and looked at him. "This guy... this guy attacked me."

"What? Who?" He was definitely not expecting this news. "I thought you were coming home from the party with Mike and Tre?"

"I was, but I got separated from them so this guy said he'd give me a ride home." She frowned and trembled as if she was reliving the event in her mind.

"He said that he knew you and that he would make sure that I got home ok. I had a drink or two." She held her head and paused for a moment. "I thought he knew you so I thought I'd be okay."

When she began to cry again Billie began to feel guilty about what he'd said to her earlier in the day.

No matter how pissed at her he was, seeing her like this was almost more than he could handle. He'd wanted her to be hurt by his words, but never would have wished this on her. He really hadn't meant to be so harsh with her earlier and hoped he didn't let her down in any way now that she had chosen to run to him when she'd gotten in trouble.

He had no clue really what he was doing, but holding her close seemed to make her feel better so although he didn't want to he began to move. When she clutched to him harder he spoke softly to her and looked into her eyes.

"Let me just sit down okay?"

She nodded but still looked scared, so as he moved across the room he held onto her hand and urged her to come with him. He pulled the toilet seat and its cover down and settled himself into a sitting position. She trembled as she held on to just his hand then settled herself comfortably into his lap when he sat down, wrapping her arms around him.

"I'm so, so, so stupid," she began to mumble as she rested her chin on his shoulder.

"You're not stupid," he said.

"Yes I am. I'm an after school special waiting to happen. I should know better than to take a ride with someone I don't know. I can't believe he... "She cut off her angry words and they were replaced by sad sobbing.

"What'd he do to you Willa?" Billie asked. "I mean... how bad... "

"I kicked him in the balls before he got too... "She said with a laugh in between her tears.

Fearing that she might start crying again he smiled at her and tried to laugh about the serious situation.

"I would have liked to have seen that," he said, "Thank god it wasn't me."

"Almost was earlier." She replied as she tried to make herself feel better.

[Next Morning]

Willa opened her eyes and heard the sound of snoring next to her in the room. She lifted her head off the pillow and was met not only with a hang-over, but her sinuses felt as if they'd been run through a gauntlet. She was definitely sick and this definitely wasn't her room.

"Feeling better?" the low rumbling voice startled her until she realized that it was the weight of Billie's arms and the cushion of his back that was keeping her warm, not the thin hotel blanket that covered them both.

"A little," she said softly.

"You don't have to worry. Mike and Tre won't be up for a while. Trust me. They have slept through earthquakes before."

She looked over and saw that Tre was asleep on the double bed next to the bed and she and Billie were sharing, and across the room was Mike.

"What time is it?"

Billie sat up a little, removing his arms from around her and turned to find the alarm clock then reported, "It's just after five."

"How long have I been asleep?"

"About an hour or so," Billie said.

"How did I get into bed?" she asked.

"Don't stress out Willa," Billie said calmly, "We got into bed when you started to fall asleep. I told you that I'd take you back to your room, but in between tears you told me that you wanted to stay here so I was going to leave you here, but you said that you wanted me here with you... "

She rolled over and faced him. "Thank you, Billie."

"For what?" he asked. He reached over and pushed her hair out of her face.

"For taking me in, even though I was bitchy to you," she said.

"You came to my door in the middle of the night. I may be an asshole, to use your vocabulary, but I wouldn't have kicked you out. I'm not that big of an asshole."

"Sure you aren't," she said with a smile.

"Look. I hate to do this, but you should really get out of here before everyone gets up. Wake up call is in about an hour and I'm sure you could use another hour of sleep."

"I guess I'll see you later."

"Bye," he said.

"I'll let myself out."

"Make sure you lock the door."

Willa nodded and pushed herself up and out of bed. Her head ached and no matter how much she wanted to stay there with him under the covers she knew that he was right. She debated about whether or not to kiss him and at the last moment ran quietly over to where he was laying on his back with his eyes closed.

Climbing carefully on the bed she was leaning over him almost kissing him before he opened his eyes. She leaned and kissed him.

"I'll see you later. Thanks again."

"No trouble."

He pushed himself up and kissed her again and had his arms around her, she thought to pull her down, when Mike mumbled something in his sleep.

"You'd best get out of here before he wakes up."

She nodded. "I thought he could sleep through an earthquake."

"He can... "Billie said with a seductive tone, "I'm not sure that he'd be able to sleep through... "

Now Tre rolled over. "Turn off the television, Billie. It's too early!"

"I'm out of here," she mouthed softly and leaned to kiss him once more before exiting the room.

She carefully made her way back to her room. She was still shaken up about the little adventure she'd had the night before, but remembering the kisses that she shared with Billie was enough to keep her mind off the night before.

Humming a tune to herself she stepped into the shower. She should have gone to sleep, but she decided that she was too awake to go back to sleep. She wondered, as she showered, if Billie had actually gone back to sleep. She figured he probably had, considering that she'd kept him up when he should have been sleeping.

She'd be able to tell later if he'd gone to sleep or not. There would be no way to hide getting only a few hours of sleep the night before. She might have her tricks, but there would be no hiding his fatigue.

[Day 2 of Video Shoot]

Willa looked up from her day planner to find Sam Bayer bounding up to where she was sitting. She'd been picking at her catered lunch tray as she chose the chicken sandwich, but after eating half of it she really wasn't hungry anymore.

"Hey girlie!"

He practically skipped up to her and she could tell from his excitement that he seemed like the kind of guy that loved his work.

"Hi Sam," she said softly with a smile then glanced over his shoulder to where the guys were throwing a football back and forth.

Mike and Tre threw from one side of the small alley to the other side where Billie was. She hadn't spoken to them other than during their work, which she'd only been in the background for.

Partially she didn't want to bother them, but also she feared that either Tre or Mike may know something about her being in bed with Billie. He had been sleeping, but she wouldn't have all been surprised to find that he'd heard something either before he went to sleep that night or after she and Billie had woken up that morning. She wanted to avoid any kind of conversation that might bring that information to light for the others.

"What are you doing here? Can't get enough of me, eh?" he asked with a laughing tone to his voice.

"I had nothing better to do. And from what you have told me they are very entertaining to watch and considering I have never seen a Green Day show, I might as well stop by while I'm around."

Although, secretly, she just stared at Billie's ass as he ran opposite from her to catch Mike's wandering football.

"Okay, well, don't get too bored. Why don't you go play with them?"

Willa just gave him a 'yeah right' look and he walked away with a chuckle.

Later on that day she was growing tired, but had a little more life in her after watching the trio perform the song for the video shoot. She glanced over to where Billie was talking on his cell phone. She'd been watching him and he'd been on the phone for twenty minutes. She usually wasn't the nosy type of person, but she wanted to know who was taking up so much of his time.

She folded up her book and slid her leftover sandwich into a trash bag then made the decision to get up and go over to Billie when she saw him close his phone.
She approached him carefully as he sat rigidly at the aluminium picnic table.

"Have a good lunch?" he asked when her shadow fell over the binder of papers in front of him. She doubted that he would have noticed her if she hadn't been blocking his sun.

"Yeah," she said with a smile. She frowned when he didn't look at her.

"You didn't eat much," he commented then looked her up and down once then again, "On a diet?"

Great, another set of stereotypes to break. She'd never been the modelish type and wasn't going to start now.

"I'm not an anorexic model, so give it up," she said, "I've been snacking all day on power bars."

"Hey, you don't have to justify that to me," he said with a nasty tone not looking at her.

"What's YOUR problem?" she asked.

Billie gathered up his phone, his binder, and backpack, stood up and walked past her. "You haven't spoken to me all day. I thought YOU were the one with the problem."

Willa watched him walk past her and let her mouth hang open a little. After all that they'd gone through, the fighting and the making up that she'd thought that they'd gone through the night before, she was still fighting with him.

"Billie?" she called after him.

He turned around and stared at her for a moment. "I don't want to hear it," he said sternly.

Willa quickly got up then excused herself from a crew worker coming up to her. She threw a nasty look in the direction of some people who were watching their conversation, who were all still laughing. It shut them up a little, but she wondered if it would really do any good.

She didn't know what she was going to say or even really why she was trying to follow him. When she got outside she looked around for a minute, thinking that he might be pacing, since she was prone to do that often when she was upset. She didn't see him so she thought he might be in his trailer.

She expected Billie to still be pissed off. She expected him to be cursing at himself or someone else, but he wasn't. She actually was surprised to see him through the window, lying on his stomach, looking as if he was already well into an afternoon nap.

She knocked softly and watched him turn over and look at her through the glass. His eyes were tired looking and he was still angry, and although he didn't seem to be too thrilled to see her he waved her in.

"Can I come in?" she asked cracking the door a little.

When he nodded again that it was ok for her to come in, she entered the tiny room and immediately took a seat in a chair next to the bed he was laying on.

"What do you want?" he asked. He lay flat on his back and stared at the ceiling.

"I want to know why you hate me so much," she said plainly.

He studied her face then sat up and rubbed the back of his neck before he got to his feet and went to get a drink out of the tiny refrigerator.

"Want one?" he asked holding out a bottled water.

"Thanks," she said and took the one he held out to her while he reached for another. He moved slowly across the room again and took a seat across from her on the bed.

"So are you going to tell me?" she asked.

"I don't hate you," he said twisting open the bottled water he threw the cap across the room and watched it hit the wall and fall into the sink.

"Actually I think I like you too much," he said and took a quick drink, as if having something in his mouth would get him out of saying anything more. He didn't look at her as he held the water in his mouth for an extremely long time.

"You sure don't act like it," she said with a frown. She opened her bottle and took a drink.

Billie reached over and grabbed the top out of her hand and threw it over into the sink, like he had with his own top. It bounced differently, but landed in the sink just the same.

"I'm sorry for running out of there before," he said not looking at her still.

"What was that whole drama scene about?" she asked, "If I didn't know better I would have to think that you just threw a model tantrum." Billie laughed.

"Finally," she said with a sigh. "Considering that you're in a Punk band, you sure act way too serious."

"I'm not serious," he said firmly.

"Give me a break Billie," she said, "I wasn't making fun of you. I was trying to get a reaction out of you. Something that I'm finding is hard to do."

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"You're way too uptight about certain things and I think it needs to stop!" she said.

"It was dumb of me to run out," he said softly. He reached with his free hand to smack himself lightly on the forehead as if he was trying to smack some sense into himself.

"Dumb wasn't the word I was thinking of, but yeah it was kind of stupid."

"Look I don't want to hear it." He snapped at her. He didn't mean to, but with the lack of sleep and the strange circumstances of the day he needed to get out of this conversation before it really got ugly.

"Hey!" she said. She stood up. "If you're going to be an asshole then go to hell. I'll skip out on this video in a minute if you don't stop acting like this!"

Billie stared at her. He hadn't expected that either. She was standing there yelling at him, talking to him like no one had talked to him in a long time. The problem was that he thought she looked sexy as hell doing it when he knew he should be mad at her for getting him into this mess.

"And if you think that this is a model tantrum then go screw yourself. You've made my life nothing but hell since I got he-"

Doing the only thing he knew how to do to shut her up. He got to his feet and pulled her into a hug, kissing her to shut her up. He thought that she wouldn't react the way that she did and he found himself, a moment later with a smack across his face.

"You hit me!" He grabbed her hands and held them tightly so that she couldn't take another swing at him. He was shocked to feel the tingling on his cheek. He'd never been smacked like that before and didn't want it to become a habit.

"Don't do that!" she said angrily and twisted out of his grasp.

"I... I...," he stopped and stared at her.

"I thought it would be nice to start off on a better foot with you. That's the only reason I agreed to do this... I thought that I'd get a little respect from you all, but it seems like the only thing I'm getting from you is harassment!"

She stormed out of the trailer and he knew that he'd done it now. If he didn't go out there after her she was going to leave the set and screw up the entire video shoot as well as walk out of his life, which he didn't want.

Pushing out the door he followed her into the alleyway and grabbed her arm.

"Where are you going?"

"To quit, where do you think I'm going?"

"Look, you can't do that," he said quickly.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because it'll screw up everything. There is a lot riding on this video and if you leave it'll screw things up."

"I don't care," she said, "I can't work with you."

"Come on, there are like only two more scenes left then you'll never have to see me again, if that's what you want," he said.

She glared at him, took a breath. "Don't speak to me once more or I'm out of here."

Billie nodded and looked over to see some of the crew watching them. "Truce for now?" he asked.

She nodded. "This is far from over Billie, but if you don't get this shoot done everyone is going to kill us."

Billie nodded again and held out an arm for her to go into the building. When they returned to the set everyone was watching them. He wondered if everyone had heard them yelling at each other.

"Make up!" Sam called out and a woman came over and applied some make up onto Billie's reddened cheek.

The woman stared at him for a moment and he tried to ignore the look she was giving him. He wondered if there were marks across his cheek where he'd been smacked. He hoped that he could get through the next few hours and then get whatever needed to be settled, settled between Willa and him.

[Two Weeks Later]

"I'm not doing it!" Willa yelled into her cell phone. "I swear if I have to put up with another one of that guy's little fits!"

"Honey, its MTV. It's the best television exposure you've gotten in the last few months. I think that this would be a great opportunity to get your face out on television a little. It'll open up a whole new market for you..."

Willa paced across her small living room and stared out the window while her booking agent went on and on about the new market and the whole strategy of getting her face out there.

"MTV is about as wide spread coverage as anyone could get. I mean Cindy and the whole House of Style thing really shot off a lot of people's careers."

Willa stomped her foot. She was cranky from having a bad week and really had thought she'd be done with Green Day and everyone associated with them when the video had wrapped up two weeks before. "Elena, I don't want to be with THEM!"

There was a pause for a moment and she could almost hear Elena's brain working. The two of them were fairly close despite the fact that had purely a working relationship. Elena was the one who booked her shoots for her and made sure that everything was set for her to travel. The woman was a saint and in the last few months had become somewhat of a friend. Willa knew that Elena was going to ask about the video shoot. Willa had given her a short answer to her question of how it had gone just after the wrap party, but now she was going to want an explanation.

"What happened?" Elena said calmly. "I thought that you were the one who volunteered to be in the video in the first place."

"I did... "She sighed thinking of how excited she'd been to see Billie again.

He hadn't made the best first impression with her, but after seeing his face on numerous magazines she'd formed a little crush on him, but since the video shoot she'd found it taxing for her to even look at his face in a picture. She definitely didn't want to have to face him in person if possible.

"You won't have to be there with them. It'll be just you and Carson there for the premiere."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. The guys are going to tape a message to be played, but you'll be there live with Carson."

Willa thought about it for a moment. She wanted to say no, but she knew that Elena was right about the exposure. MTV would make her face visible to a lot of people, and although Willa didn't love her modelling career, at the moment it was paying the bills and the more exposure she got, the more bills would get paid.

"I guess I can make it then."

"Honey, if this video goes big you're going to have to be seen with them in public at least if it gets nominated for something at the video music awards."

"Yeah well that's at least a few months away, so I can have all this time to prepare myself to deal with them!"

Elena laughed into the phone. "Good lord girl. Calm down. It's not like they are that bad."

"You've never met them in person." Willa knew that she really shouldn't be bad mouthing the whole band, but dealing with Billie for the video shoot had soured her to the whole group.

"They can't be that bad. They have model faces."

"Yeah well they have supermodel attitudes to go with them."

"Honey calm down and go enjoy the rest of your day off. You'll be going to the studio on Tuesday. Now do you want a car to come and drive you up there or do you want to get their on your own?"

"Can I get a car?" she asked, "And will someone go with me? I hate doing press stuff by myself."

"I'll make sure that someone is with you and that the car picks you up at the apartment."

"Thank you Elena."

"Hon, go and eat some ice cream or something."

"I'm planning to."

"You seem stressed out. You need to relax a little."

"I know, I know."

Willa hung up with Elena and went to make herself lunch. She'd been at a shoot for the last two days and was trying to make up for the stress of the event by making herself a huge lunch. She knew that if she was going to deal with working another shoot the next day she was going to have to eat a load of food. She didn't like to deal with the stares of the makeup people and crew when she actually ate a real meal on the set so she usually ate heavily the day before she had a shoot.

She was about to sit down to watch cartoons and eat lunch when the phone rang.

"Hello, Willa speaking."

He hadn't expected her to pick up. Well he'd called her and wanted to talk to her, but he'd been praying that he'd get her voicemail or something.

"Willa, its Billie."

"What do you want?"

'Great. She remembers me.' His sarcasm didn't ease the tension that could be felt across the phone line.

He wanted to groan. He hadn't been the one to think of calling her. The guys had wanted him to talk to her and make sure that she was going to show up at the premiere thing for MTV since they hadn't parted a few weeks before as friends.

He took a huge breath. "I was wondering if they'd called you about going to the MTV studios."

"I just got off the phone with them and I'm going to go, only because I know that you won't be there."

Billie bit his tongue and thought about his next move.

"Well I was thinking of seeing if you wanted to go to lunch the next time I'm up your way, but I guess that you wouldn't want to be seen in public if you can't stand to see me in a professional setting."

"You guessed right."

Billie was stunned when she hung up the phone on him.

Fuming, Billie got up and began to pace the room he was staying in that night.

"How'd it go?" Tre asked sticking his head into the bedroom.

"What a bitch!" Billie said, not to Tre really, just into the air.

"Tell Willa I said hello when you call back," Tre said and ducked out of the room again.

Billie stared at his phone again. He wanted to throw it across the room. How could this girl get him so pissed off in such an off beat way? She didn't scream or yell, she just was herself and she'd gotten under his skin.

He dialled her number again and waited for her to answer.

"Hello?"

"Look, you know what? I'm getting tired of your stupid attitude. You've been giving it to me since we met and I just don't understand... " Billie felt his head begin to ache as the air left his lungs with the words he was spitting out at her.

"Oh, hello again Billie." She took a breath and spoke in a lazy tone to him as if she didn't care at all that he was yelling at her.

"Goodbye again Billie."

The click of the phone going dead on her end of the line filled his ears. Billie punched the end button on his phone. "Damn it!"

He heard a noise and turned to find Tre now watching him from the doorway.

"Why don't you just ask her out already?" Tre laughed and left.

Billie thought about dialling her again, but figured two calls was enough for one day. He didn't turn off the phone. He found himself calling up the group's travel agent.

"Hello, I need a flight to New York... JFK... yeah, for Tuesday... and I need a car and driver to get me to Times Square... MTV Studios."