Wait for Me

I didn't want to move, I couldn't even bare myself to try. My nose is stuffed and my eyes are burning. I can't look at myself in the mirror; I know I look like a disaster. If he was here, would he still say that I looked beautiful? I won't know because he's gone. He said that he’d wait for me, then why did he have to go out and do something stupid?

The man always had a tendency to do something stupid, to choose the wrong decision. The break up wasn't forever; it was only for a little while. I loved him, with every bit of my heart and I still do. He still owns my heart just like when we met he owned it.

I still remember when we met. Every little detail is engraved in my head. Every smell, every sound, and all my surroundings are locked inside my mind. He took my poster from my hand and asked who it was to. I replied that it was for Tiffany. The man with a black beard smiled and asked if Tiffany was me. I nodded my head up and down, my blonde curls bobbed up and down my back. The air smelt like sweat and oxygen as he took a sharpie and scribbled his name all over my page. He was baring a toothy grin while he was signing the poster.

His face looked excited and energetic like a child on Christmas morning. The smile was contagious and was soon reflecting to him from my mouth. The man was sweaty, probably because he just played a concert. The show was great, and meeting the members was even better.

A Day to Remember was what the audience was chanting less than a half an hour ago. During the performance, the lead singer Jeremy McKinnon was jumping around while the guitars were being strummed. His face was concentrated on the song. He looked natural on stage, like he was born to sing. It made my heart pound when I saw him sing. Jeremy's voice was beautiful, no doubt about it, when his voice chimed though my ears it sent Goosebumps up my arms and into my brain, taking me away from reality. I was no longer some girl who was at a concert; I was in a bubble, happily floating along.

Jeremy use to sing a lot to me when I was with him. He used to sing me song every time we were alone. I missed his voice, I missed his touch, but most of all, I missed his face. His face was beautiful. Everything about Jeremy was beautiful and the more I think about it, the more I want him back. I need him; I want him to be with me again. He was the other half to my semi-circle, the other half to my sandwich, the other half to my heart.

"Tiffany, I love you." Jeremy said to me, we were at the park, sitting on a bench. He was telling me that his band was going on tour, but I had to stay behind, so I had to do it. I knew he loved me. The way his eyes looked into mine, it was like I could see right into his soul. "I love you too, but I have to do this. You know that I love you, and this isn’t forever, Jeremy." Those words left my mouth, each word sent a stab of pain through my chest. A jolt of a burning sensation through my arms and burned my fingers that were intertwined with him.

I don’t remember anyone else being at the park because everything seemed to mesh together and it was only Jeremy and I. All that was important was Jeremy, nothing else. It hurt me a lot to know that he wasn’t mine anymore, no matter how important he is to me. My eyes went blurry and I could no longer see his face. My dark brown eyes looked desperately for him, but they couldn’t find them.

"Will you wait for me?" He asked. His voice was barely a whisper. Another stab of pain went to my heart at the sound of his voice. I couldn't speak. My throat was clogged up but I wanted to scream yes. I should have said yes, I wanted to, but I couldn't. Sitting there made me regret my decision, but I couldn’t go back on it. I got up from my seat and walked away. I didn’t turn back to look at his expression. I just kept my head forward and my hands wiped away the tears that were coming faster than ever.

I should have gone home to call him; I should have gone to his house to tell him my answer. That I thought he was the one, the one that completes me, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. But I didn't. I just couldn't hear his voice or see his face. His face would have hypnotized me into shedding tears. His voice would have made me spill all my secrets.
I waited 3 days. I never called him but he called a thousand times. Each time I'd pick up, not say anything, and listen to his breathing.

"Tiffany, is that you? If it is, talk to me. I love you, Tiff. Please, please, I'm begging you, talk to me." His voice said through the phone. Each time he called, his voice cracked and he didn't mask the fact that he was crying. My heart was crushed. "Tiff, I can't live without you, I made a huge mistake. I don't want to go anymore, please” He wanted to go, and I knew it. I can’t stop him from doing something that’ll make him happy, it’s not right.

“Please.” He said again. I hesitated, but I managed to choke out ''Go."

I freaked at the sound of my voice and hung up the phone. He called back, but I didn't pick up. I didn't pick up his phone calls every again, I regret doing that now. I wish I told him that I'd wait for him, that I didn't want to break up because in all honesty, I didn't. I just couldn't handle that he might cheat on me while on tour. I trusted him, of course, but it's just the possibilities and the endless temptations he'd have to face.

I was asleep when I got the message a couple days later. I didn't know it was going to happen. I told him many times not drive under the influence. I regret the day every second of my life. It's hard for me to sleep because if I go to sleep, will someone else I love, suffer the same result? I let Jeremy down that night, the night I got the last message from him.

At 6:00 a.m. my cell phone woke me up. I was about to yell at the person on the other end of the phone when I heard Kevin's voice. All he said was that Jeremy was at the hospital and without hesitation I grabbed my keys and went straight to the hospital. My eyes burned with tears, my mind racing with questions that would be answered as soon as I arrived at that horrible place.

I got there 10 minutes after I got into the car and went looking for Kevin. He’d know every answer to my question. I walked through the automatic doors, He was in the waiting room crying, everyone was crying. I should have just turned around when I saw him but instead I went up to him. I gently touched his shoulder and he looked at me. Kevin’s face was puffy and his blue eyes were bloodshot. He wiped his nose on his hand. His short brown hair was messed, like he just got out of bed. His Pyjama pants confirmed that my speculations were correct.

“I have some bad news.” He said. His voice let out a sob while saying it. My heart began to sank. Kevin looked away from me and stared at a stretcher on the opposite side of the room. “Early this morning Jeremy was driving, he was drunk. His car began to spin out of control on Elm Street and somehow it wrapped around a pole. No one else was on the road or with him, thank God. He was alive when the ambulance came and got him, but only barely alive. When he got to the hospital, he was pronounced dead.” Kevin said. His eyes closed and he buried his head in his hands.

My whole body began to shake. My knees gave out and I fell to the floor. My eyes immediately began to tear up. Seconds later tears were pouring down my face and onto my top. Unattractive sobs escaped from me as my arms gave out my support and I was now on the ground. I was a mess, but I didn’t care. I needed Jeremy to save me, but he wasn’t around anymore. If only I told him I’d wait would he still be alive? This is my entire fault and I could have prevented it, but I didn’t.

Two strong hands picked me up, I assumed it was Kevin. They helped guide me to a car. My eyes kept springing out tears, and I couldn’t help myself. I cried all over the person’s shirt, repeating the words “Jeremy,” “please,” and “no,” not all in the same order.

“Don’t worry, Tiffany, I’ll take you home. Give me your keys; I’ll get Alex to take your car home for you.” Kevin’s voice rang in my ears. The next thing I knew, I was in my bed. My pillow was soaked and snot was crusted above my upper lip. I quickly washed it off with my spit and searched for my cell phone to see the time.

My cell phone laid on the floor, where I dropped it after Kevin called. I pressed a button and it illuminated the room. The time was the first thing that caught my attention. It read that it was 1:38 p.m. Under the time, was a red alert telling me that I had 1 new voicemail. I pressed the call button to activate the voicemail. I almost dropped the phone in shock when I heard his voice.

"Tiffany, I love you." He slurred. "I just can't handle not being with you. Remember the night at the pier? We laid together on the beach and I said that I couldn't live without you, that you were my world, you are my everything. It was true. Without Tiffany Garcia there is no Jeremy Mckinnon. You were mine once, Tiffany, but now I lost you. I lost my everything, so what's the point in living? There isn't a point. Tiffany, I asked you to wait for me and you never gave me an answer, so now I'm telling you that I'll wait for you. I'll wait for you in a place where we can spend forever. When you're ready, I'll come find you, and we can finally be together." The machine cut off there.

Mixed feelings started to wash over me. I replayed the voicemail over and over again. I memorized every word to the voicemail. Jeremy meant a lot to me too, and the fact that I can never see him anymore hurts. It hurts a lot, and I can’t bare it. It was all my fault that he was gone and this voicemail just assured me that it was. I turned my phone off and threw it across the room. I climbed into my bed and let out all my tears. I cried for what it seemed like a couple hours. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. My eyes were burning and I wanted sleep, but I couldn’t. My head hurt and was pounding against my skull.

He said he was going to wait for me and that gave me closure. I need him right now, but he’s not with me. Next time I see Jeremy, we’re going to be together forever. He still owns my heart and I’ll never forget him. I love Jeremy, with all my heart, and I’ll send it to heaven for him to hold on to as he waits. I don’t know how long he’ll wait but I know that when I finally see him, his voice will welcome me back into his arms. The place I should be, the place where I’ve molded perfectly to fit, the place that I should be and never leave. His arms should be my home and I will return to it someday and when I do return to him, he’ll be waiting with open arms.