I'm Supposed To Love You

I got home and went straight up to bed. I didn't turn on the light, though, for fear that Peter was awake and waiting for me. Then he'd see my tear-stained cheeks. I stumbled to my side of the bed and began to climb in when I felt someone already there. Assuming it was Pete, I moved the person over to the other side. "Oomph!" I heard the person groan as I tried to push them with tired arms.

The person freaked and twisted within the covers. Before I knew what was happening, there was the bright light of an open cell phone being shone in my face. I squinted my eyes away from it and put my hand up to my face to try to block it.

"Audrey?" It didn't sound like Peter's voice, groggy or not.

"Yeah?" I sounded stupid and tired.

"Where have you been?"

"Nowhere," I answered, not ready to tell anyone about my father.

"Bullshit." You're real sensitive, aren't you?

I looked past the blinding light of the sidekick to the person's face. It looked like Brendon, but I couldn't be sure.

What's he doing here?

I don't know, but I'm about to find out.

"Why are you here?" I asked with a slight quiver in my voice.

"Peter's not coming home tonight," he sighed.

"Well, why not?" I sounded angry even to my own ears.

"He's still at the studio, and..."

"He's cheating on me, isn't he?"

Cut the bullshit, Brendon.

Brendon sighed again.

"I knew you were gonna accuse him," he said, shaking his head.

"What's that supposed to mean!?" I raised my voice slightly.

"It means you have no faith in him," he replied, losing none of his bite. "I see it in your eyes. You don't love him!"

I stood crouched over him with his Sidekick still slightly blinding me, my mouth agape. I gasped a little, but it wasn't to add to the effect. It was simply because of my shock.

"How dare you?" My voice was dangerously low, now.

"I don't know," he said, bold enough to cross my borders and push my buttons. "But I do know that he doesn't deserve you."

"And what? You do!?"

Brendon glared at me, sitting silently.

"Get out of my house." I threatened him nonverbally with my eyes.

Then it happened.

What did?

Dumbass, you were there!

I'm just adding to the drama.

Whatever.

He stood up, quick as lightning, and took hold of my shoulders. He pulled me up and in, crashing my lips into his. He did all the right things to deepen the kiss while I did all the right things to struggle my way out of it. Finally, I bit his lip and he let me go. I couldn't see his reaction, since his Sidekick fell under the sheets, but I know I was about to burst into tears.

"Get out," I demanded, my voice shaking.

He didn't budge.

"GET OUT!" I screamed at him as I tried pushing him out of my room, which turned out to be unsuccessful. After I stopped struggling, he took my wrists and put them both in his left hand as he wrapped his right arm around my shoulders. He pulled me into his chest and stroked my hair, encouraging me to cry.

I stood there sobbing into Brendon for God knows how long before I choked out: "Why is he never here?"

Brendon continued to hold me as he lowered his head down to kiss my hair. "He just works a lot."

"Why were you here?" I asked it into his chest as if it were the only way he could hear me.

"He sent me here to tell you where he was. I dozed off, I'm sorry."

"Why did he bother?"

"Pete didn't want you thinking he was cheating on you. It'd break his heart if you left him."

"Then why did you kiss me?"

Brendon paused before sighing, "Audrey, I can't stop thinking about you. I can't focus on anything anymore. Whenever the other Audrey and I... well..."

"Yeah...?"

"You know... I can't keep my mind on her. It drifts off onto random things and usually ends up on you for most of it."

This time, I paused. How could Brendon just straight out kiss me when he knows Pete needs me.

You're irresistable, dah-ling.

Ha!

Brendon stopped stroking my hair and slowly released me. His shirt was drenched in my tears as was my face. He looked down at his chest and chuckled lightly. I wiped my eyes and laughed as he did.

There was a long period of silence before I decided to break it. "I do love him, you know."

"How do you know?" He asked me.

"Well, every time he's gone, I miss him. And every time he's on tour, I feel the need to call him and check up on him. I worry about him. Sometimes I'm scared he's going to screw some random fan and forget all about me."

"That's not love, Audrey," he said, sounding sympathetic. "That's jealousy."

I didn't have anything to say back. I mean, what if he was right? What if I'm just in this relationship for the sake of being in a relationship? If I am, then I can't lead Peter on. It'd be horrible.

What if Brendon's just making you have second thoughts about your status with Peter?

What do you mean?

I mean maybe he's trying to make himself sound better than Peter to grab you as his girlfriend.

Brendon wouldn't do that.

You have way too much faith in a guy who's already tried to break you and Peter up once tonight.

Brendon likes me. He doesn't want me.

Are you insane!? He could've easily taken advantage of you without caring about how Peter felt! Doesn't that sound like want!?

Sometimes, you have to give people second chances.

Third.

Second.

He two-timed both you, Audrey Sparce, and Audrey Kitching. How did that make you feel?

Pretty damn low, but I had Peter, so it didn't hurt as much.

I can't believe Audrey Sparce is relying on a man.

"Brendon," I said with pleading eyes. "I'm trying my best to be the best girlfriend to Peter. I'm going to ride this jealousy as long as I'm allowed to, if that's the case."

Brendon stood stock-still and silent, as though debating whether to stay or not. Apparently, he decided not to, as he headed toward the bedroom door. He stopped as he was turning the knob and turned his head slightly toward me. "He talks about how much he loves you all the time. Don't fuck with my friend's heart, alright?"

"Don't fuck with it either," I said, my voice threatening him each moment he lingered.

For the next hour, I lay awake in bed, stopping in-between thoughts to let out almost-silent sobs. I kept looking at the screen of my Blackberry to check the time. I also partly wanted Peter to call me, but I wouldn't admit it, even to myself. Why I wouldn't, I'll never know....