I'm Supposed To Love You

I awoke the next morning to Kitty sitting on the edge of my side of the bed. I quickly shifted myself to put my weight on my arms. I lifted myself to get a good look at her. She noticed my sudden movements and looked to me with sad eyes.

"I'm taking you to see your dad," she said, knowing I was going to question her appearance in my bedroom.

"Why?" I asked while rubbing my eyes.

"Your mom needs to know you have closure," she replied. "She called my cell no less than 15 times, telling me to wake you up. I figured you'd want your sleep after last night."

Now I was alert. "What are you talking about?"

"You didn't think this house was your's, did you?" Kitty smiled.

"I'm not following," I replied.

"I came home last night to Brendon fuming. Why was he here?"

My face turned red with anger, but Kitty mistook it for embarrassment.

"Did you...?"

"NO!" The memories of last night came flooding back to me and I became flustered.

"Then what happened?"

"He came to tell me Pete wasn't coming home," I answered, not daring to look her straight in the eyes.

"That's why he was so upset?" Kitty furrowed her eyebrows. "He has anger issues..."

"No," I said, covering my eyes with my hand as though they would reveal any of my indescretions. "He... he did something, and it bugged me. So, I kicked him out."

Kitty slowly widened her eyes and brought her brows together in recognition. Her mouth remained closed as she brought her head toward me. It looked as though she couldn't hear me... voluntarily.

"Excuse me?" She blinked her eyes rapidly a couple times and bit me with the venom in her voice.

"He... kissed me." I hung my head in shame at my own words.

"He what!?"

I didn't answer her rhetorical question. But my head did sink lower. It looked like I was a puppy who just peed on the new, white carpet.

"You do realize that, once Pete finds out, this'll be all over the tabloids," Kitty said.

"No," I replied, not raising my chin one bit. "He'll find out after everyone else knows. And it's going to be hell."

Kitty paused. "Did you kiss him back?"

"No, that's why he was so angry."

"Well then I shouldn't be lecturing you, I'm sorry. I'm making it seem like you just assassinated Jesus."

I let out a light chuckle and shook my head. "Don't be sorry. I feel terrible."

"No," Kitty demanded, picking my head up to look at her with force. "Brendon should be the one with the guilt. Don't even start defending him, either!"

"I wasn't going to," I smiled.

"Good. Now I'll take it upon myself to be the best friend in this situation and make sure Peter never finds out."

"No, Kitty."

"What?"

"I said no. I'm going to tell him. I mean, what if this ends up being long term? I don't want to feel guilty every time I kiss him. It's not the way I want to feel every morning when I wake up next to him."

"It was only a kiss!"

"Then it shouldn't be such a big deal to tell him."

----------------------------

It had been a couple days since I'd last seen Peter, but I told him to meet me at Sprinkles, which is the same bakery I kissed him at. I got there in my white Acceptance shirt and brown bermudas and sat outside the front door. I didn't know how long they'd let me stay inside as I didn't know how long they'd let me loiter. So I decided to play it safe and... loiter.

There were no benches outside the front, so I simply sat on the ground. My white-rimmed sunglasses didn't gleam in the sunlight as it was partly cloudy and my head was down. I tapped my brown flip flops together out of sheer boredom and played with my keys as I waited.

Ten minutes passed....

Twenty minutes....

Ten more....

Another ten more....

Eventually, I got sick of waiting. I stood up, brushed myself off, and walked back to my car.

On the drive home, my mind went through all the possibilities of why he never showed, each one worse than its predecessor. Then, my cell phone rang. I looked at the caller ID, hoping to God it was Peter saying how sorry he was for not meeting me. But when my mind stopped praying, my eyes were clear enough to read it: LINDSAY

Lohan?

Yeah.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey," she said, her voice upbeat and perky. "I was wondering if you were doing anything today."

"Well," I started. "I was planning on spending the day with Peter, but I don't think he'll be home."

There was a pause.

"Hello?" I asked the receiver thinking she hung up.

"You guys are still together?" She sounded confused.

"Yeah, why?"

"Umm...." She knew something I didn't.

"Umm what?"

"I just saw him at the studio the other day," she said. "And he had his arm wrapped around another girl's shoulders. They looked pretty comfortable, and I just assumed---." She cut herself off.

"Oh," I replied, small tears forming in my eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice pleading for forgiveness.

"It's... it's not your fault." My voice was breaking. "Hey, I gotta go. I'll call you when I can."

"Alright, bye."

"Bye."

I hung up and put both my hands on the wheel, gripping it firmly. I stiffened my shoulders and prepared myself for the sobbing that would soon come.

I pulled over near an unknown building and took my keys from the ignition. There was the place I chose to cry. I cried for a good ten minutes, telling myself over and over about how stupid I apparently am, before I heard a tap on my window. I jumped slightly and looked at who tapped.

It was a little girl....