I'm With BL/ind

A day, just a simple stupid slow day and I felt my barriers that I have been built up so well were slowly but surely crumpling down. With every positive thing Party Poison said, I grew a bit weak. Every nonresponsive nod Kobra Kid did, I smiled. Every wise line that Jet Star said to us all, I wanted to hear more and every fucking smartass remark that Fun Ghoul said out loud, I just wanted to kick his ass. But the overall problem, I was getting a bit comfortable with them. I was even more worried about Disco, was I really turning into them?

I felt like my shack was crowded, every turn I was looking into the eyes’ of a Killjoy. They were sucking the bitch out of me, I didn’t stomp my way out of the shack nor did I push. I kindly moved them out of my way and stepped on their blankets, I headed into the evening heat which felt worst then the morning heat. I rubbed my forehead with my back of my hand, collecting a bit of sweat as I did and walked over to my car that didn’t seem all that great anymore.

I placed myself on the trunk and crossed my arms over my legs and started to look over my surroundings. I didn’t understand how these Killjoys could stay out day after day with not a damn thing to do but try to survive another day. I did a double take at the Killjoy that stood in front of me, unmasked with a cigarette in his mouth.

“Here,” Fun Ghoul said and handed me a cigarette.

“You didn’t poison it, did you?” I asked and took the cancer stick in my fingers.

“I have better things to do then poison you,” He said and lit up his cigarette.

“Oh yeah like what?” I asked with a small smirk.

Ghoul stared at me for a while. “Shut up,” He hissed and tossed me his lighter. I lit up with my cigarette and cautiously took the first smoke; I looked at him and frowned a bit. “I didn’t poison it, for fuck’s sakes.” He laughed a bit.

“I know because you have better things to do, am I right?”

“Why am I even out here with you?” He asked out loud and started to back up.

“Oh please, don’t leave me out here in the hot heat…” I said trying to play sad.

“Really…”

“No, you can definitely get the fuck out of here.” I said with a wide smile and waved at him.

“Sure, I will sit here and annoy the living fuck out of you, Kat.” Ghoul said and made himself comfortable next to me on the trunk of my car.

“Like there wasn’t enough heat, you have to sit right next to me and add more.” I hissed and pushed him over, making him drop his cigarette.

“Ah, what the fuck… That’s just wasting them.” He frowned and stared down at his dirty cigarette.

“Here then,” I pushed my once used cigarette into his fingers.

“Ew, no I don’t want get your fucked up germs.” He said trying to pass it back.

“SMOKE IT!” I yelled into his ear and slapped his arm.

Fun Ghoul stared at me for a moment or even longer, he flipped me off with tattooed finger and started to finish up my cigarette. I nodded a bit and took my attention off of him, I watched a bit of dirt fly passed us, really… I didn’t know that this was going to be my fucking entertainment.

“This is a very pretty picture,” I heard Party Poison’s voice add on to this wonderful entertainment.

“Fuck you,” Both Ghoul and I said at the same time.

“Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin the moment.” He said holding his hands up. “I just wanted to ask Kat something.”

“Whatever it is you’re going to ask, the answer is no.” I said firmly.

“But he hasn’t even asked you yet, how do you know you’ll say no?” Kobra Kid asked now joining the conversation.

“Oh I’m sorry, go ahead Poison ask me.” I said and smiled widely.

“There’s going to be this gathering tonight and we--” Party started, his eyes moving from me to the Killjoy next to me. “I wanted to know if you wanted to join us.” He corrected himself and continued.

“Thank you,” Ghoul said and flicked the remains of the cigarette.

“No,” I said dully and held my head up with my hand.

“Oh come on Venom, it’s just one little night with us.” Jet Star encouraged.

I looked over to him; he gave me the slightest pouted lip. I didn’t know why but it sort of made my stomach feel all weird, like I was happy or something. It even made a smile grow on my lips, “Fine.” I caved in. Son of a bitch, they were really making me weak. “But what about Disco?” I asked.

“He’ll be fine; I don’t think he’ll be up fully until tomorrow or something.” Poison answered.

I nodded a bit and looked over the four of them; this must’ve been a dream. When the sun was finally gone and the heat vanished the five of us headed out, going into separate cars. Ghoul drove my car with me in the passenger seat and Kobra in the back, in the trashy Trans-Am following was no other than Poison and Jet Star. I didn’t know where this ‘gathering’ was or if there was even one, but it was somewhere I didn’t expect or think to find gathered Killjoys.

I lost track of the drive, getting lost in the pure black landscape. It wasn’t much longer that we were parked somewhere in the desert and getting out, I looked around and there were other beat up cars and a whole lot of other Killjoys. A Better Living’s dream come true, to have them all here at the same time, ready to be captured.

I didn’t understand this, I was clueless on what was about to happen. I followed the four Killjoys towards a bonfire that was roaring and burning brightly. They all stood around it starting to get quiet as a man in a wheelchair started to wheel himself in the middle, not being seen to those that stood behind him but could be heard.

“Listen up!” He yelled loudly, “Killjoys of all sorts, tonight we gather in memory of those rock ‘n rollers, crash queens and motor babies who have died for their right of as a free bird. We stand as one with our heads held high, ray guns at our sides with no thought of them winning. We will not back down!” He chanted, earning yells and claps as I stood there quiet as could be.

All around me got quiet as I looked at all the covered and not covered faces of Killjoys. A sister or brother, a girlfriend or a boyfriend, a best friend stood there with pain plastered on their faces because they lost someone, half it being my doing. Their other half’s mask could be hanging on the wall I was proud of. I stood among those, acting like something I wasn’t. Pretending to care about the words that the man just said, pretending to feel the pain the whole group felt.

But what I felt was something I didn’t think I would feel, guilt. I took a shaky breath and pushed my way through the crowd that formed behind us, I choked on my tears. I was choking on my tears… what the fuck was happening to me? With panic in my system I ran towards my car and opened it up, I dug through everything until my hands were wrapped around the bottle that contained my pain erasers. My hand was shaking as I opened the bottle and pour a pill out; I took it and swallowed it.

A few seconds passed and I was starting to feel numb, I tossed the pills into the glove department and closed it. I closed the door and leaned against it covering my face, trying to collect myself.

“Hey Kat, are you okay?” I heard the voice of Fun Ghoul.

“Yeah, I’m fucking fantastic.” I answered and dropped my hands, looking over to him with a slightly blurry vision.

“Are… are you crying?” He asked and laughed.

“Don’t fuck with me right now, Ghoul. I swear I’ll kick your ass.” I threatened and stared at him.

“Okay, I get it. I’m sorry.” He apologized and stood in front of me.

“Whatever…” I mumbled and crossed my arms over my chest.

“You don’t have to be scared.” He continued.

“I’m not scared!” I sort of yelled and dropped my arms to my sides, finding myself a bit restless.

“We’ll keep you safe tonight, and every night.” He said softly and placed his hand on my shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze.

“What happened to the asshole-ish Fun Ghoul?” I asked and raised an eyebrow. “I liked him better.”

Ghoul cracked a smirk and shrugged, “I have my sensitive moments. Now get the fuck over your worries because we’re going to be okay. We’re here for you.”

I stared at the short man in front of me, the one I thought would never try to comfort me but here he was. Giving me nights of protective, and here I stood pretending to be their friend. I didn’t think it was going to be easy but I didn’t think it was going to be this hard either. I needed help.