Cross My Heart

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

“Somebody shut the alarm off” I groan, the annoying beeping noise having woke me up. Slowly I manage to crack my eyelids open, only to find myself in an enclosed area. A very small enclosed area. The beeping increases wildly as I struggle against the restraints on the bed, the walls, they’re coming for me they’re closing in on me.

“HELP!” I scream out hysterically, praying that someone comes to my rescue, the beeping stops suddenly and I can’t breathe or move anymore. I’m paralysed by fear, and I can’t even get outside. The whole room is white, pure white, and there’s no window. Why is there no window?

“His heart’s stopped” A female voice calls out with undisguised panic, I can feel hands on my chest, pushing it in and out. A loud crack resonates around the room and pain shoots through my chest, I can’t even close my eyes. Suddenly the beeping noise starts up again and I look over to see two nurses standing beside my bed.

“Help.. me..” I beg them, but they just look at me weird, don’t they know? I need open spaces I need to be outside, didn’t they check my file?

“Window..” I trail off, hyperventilating as the beeping increase again; it must be coming from my heart monitor, which would make sense in this situation. How can those nurses just stand there and not do anything? Aren’t they supposed to take care of me? One of the nurses grins wickedly, raising her hand to wave at me and then they both disappear, leaving me alone to deal with my fears. I close my eyes, it’s harder to notice the walls closing in when you can’t see anything. Surprisingly it works, my heart beat returns to normal and I take deep breaths, in and out, just like doc had me practice. In, out, in, out, I breathe in time to the beeps that signify that I am still alive in this cruel world. I picture a happy place, somewhere far away from here, somewhere on a beach with my little sister and Ivy. They look so happy, they’re building sandcastles and Hayley is finally laughing and smiling. And Ivy looks beautiful, even more so than she does now, her ribs are hidden beneath skin, she no longer looks like a stick, she looks health. I watch as her eyes light up and sparkle as she plays with my little sister, if only this could be real. Smiling inwardly at the thought, I can almost feel the sand against my body as I lie on this beach, safe from everything. Ivy leaves Hayley and comes to sit down next to me, she just looks at me but doesn’t say anything. Eventually she lies down beside me, and I curl my hand around hers and watch as her face blushes red. If only this could be real.

“Spence?” A voice calls out, it’s not Ivy’s or Hayley’s, both of their mouths never even twitched, it’s from somewhere else. I let out a sigh as I leave my happy place to enter the real world. Cautiously, I open my eyes only a crack, my eyes are drawn to a window which is no longer hidden by thick white curtains. I stare outside willing myself to stay calm before looking around the room. What I see shocks me to no end. Emilie is sitting on the edge of my bed, looking at me with those crystal blue eyes that seem to dance in the light. My breath catches in my throat as I take in her appearance, she hasn’t changed at all. Her shimmering golden hair is tied in a loose braid, and she looks beautiful, except my eyes are drawn to the scar along her collarbone. It’s just barely visible above the light pastel color of her blouse. Reality hits me, this must be a vision it can’t be Emilie, Emilie hates my guts, she would never come back to see me and she lives across the country. I drag my eyes away from the oh-so familiar scar to her eyes, she’s watching me carefully. Comparing me to the boy I once was probably. Emilie and I had been together our whole lives. Our parents had been family friends so we became best friends and in grade seven we started dating. We were together for four years, but then everything changed. She left, she couldn’t take my mood swings, my hallucinations or anything, so her parents moved her across the country so she would be safe and could lead a normal life.

“How ar-” She starts to say but I cut her off.

“Cut the crap, I know you’re not real but even if you were we are done. Over. You left me two years ago and I don’t ever want to see you again.” I snarl at her, the smile on her face waivers a bit but she doesn’t move.

“I’m real Spencer. I came back to see you. I wanted to see you, I don’t know why I wanted to leave back then. I’m really sorry and I still love you Spence, please can we try again?”
I don’t know what to say to her/it. If she’s real than this is what I’ve been dreaming about for years, I missed her so badly but.. Ivy.

The thought of her brings a smile to my face, and I know that I never want to be with Em again, not that way. But Emilie interprets my smile to mean another thing; she thinks it means I want to try again. Her lips are on mine before I can even register what happened, and of course I can’t push her away because my hands are strapped to the bed. I have no choice but to go along with it and let her kiss me because I don’t want to hurt her.

A gasp comes from the doorway and it causes Em to pull away, breathing heavily. It’s Ivy, I go to call out to her but she flees from the room, I don’t know what to do. I can’t even chase her because I’m trapped in this room.

“Emilie you’ve got it wrong.” I say coldly, her eyes narrow at me, “I don’t ever want to date you again.”

“It’s because of that stupid bimbo isn’t it!” She screeches, her eyes harden and her face contorts with anger. I shake my head at her.

“Ivy is not some stupid bimbo! She’s beautiful and she’s perfect!”

“I did not fly all the way out here just to be turned down. No stupid tramp is going to keep me away from you, I can promise you that.”

“Emilie get out. I will never be with you. I don’t want to so get out of my life.”

“Fine.” She snarls, storming out of the room, she makes sure to slam the door on her way out to. As soon as she’s out of sight I groan, lying back on my pillow. How on earth will I be able to get Ivy to believe me? She came in at the worst time. She will never believe that I like her, now what am I suppose to do? Why does Emilie think she can come waltzing back into my life like that after she played a part in destroying it?

“Ivy?” I call out in desperation, praying that she will be somewhere near my room. But no one responds and there is no noise from the hallway at all. I close my eyes, defeated and pray that somehow things will fix themselves.