Don't Go Away

It’s the attention I don’t get from you that I crave from him.

I see your shadow all the time,
See your face inside my mirror,
Like a sunset in the sky,
You distract me from my fears

Marshal looked at the razor on his desk. He was fighting back tears but it wasn't working and they soon cascaded down his cheeks. He flipped his brown hair away from his face and continued to look at the shiny piece of sharp metal.

It's your own fault for liking him. He doesn't know he's hurting you, he told himself. That made the tears fall harder.

His shoulders fell up and down and he dropped his head to his hands. He heard the floors creak as someone walked down the hallway. He held his breath as one of his parents made it to his room. Marshal leaned over to the speakers on his desk and turned his music up a little.

I met my love before I was born.
He wanted love,
I taste of blood.
He bit my lip, and drank my war,
From years before, from years before.

Marshal picked up the razor and played with it in his fingers. He kept telling himself he wasn't going to do it, it would mean he was weak. It would mean he was stupid. Marshal brushed the blade over his right forearm, not breaking the skin.

Chance wouldn't want me to do this, he thought. He let out a loud sob and threw the razor as hard as he could against the wall. He didn't need another scar on his body.

Marshal walked to his door, opened it silently and walked across the hall to the bathroom. He took a wad of toilet paper and wiped his eyes and threw it away.

He looked up at his face. His brown eyes were red and puffy under his brown shag. He wasn't wearing a shirt so you could see his well toned body. He always thought Chance's body was better. All the girls swooned over him. They swooned over Marshal's too, but he showed no interest in them, which made the girls try harder to get his attention. It really annoyed him.

Marshal controlled his crying and it finally stopped. If his dad were to see him crying like this, he would call him a fag and tell him to go look at girl porn like a normal boy. His mom would tell him to go get a girlfriend and stop being a pansy. These were responses they'd said before to him, so he was afraid to come out of the closet to them.

He hadn't told anyone he was gay. Not even his best friend, Chance, because it was Chance that made him go crazy. Marshal never thought girls were that great, but he thought it was just a kid thing that he'd grow out of, but that day in 8th grade when, Marshal first laid his chocolate brown eyes on Chance's blond shag, boyish smile and handsome features, Marshal knew he wanted him as more than a friend.

He wanted to hold Chance when he cried. Marshal wanted to kiss and tell him how adorable he was. He wanted to hug Chance just for the hell of it. He just flat out wanted Chance. But Chance was a womanizer. All the girls loved how he flirted, how he listened, how he actually cared. Chance wasn't an ass. He treated all of his girlfriends with respect and dignity. Another thing Marshal liked about Chance.

Chance had walked up to Marshal on the third day of school and introduced himself. Chance had told Marshal that he didn't have any friends yet, and everyone around him seemed fake. Marshal was really shy around him and didn't talk to him because he didn't want to make a fool of himself.

Marshal was back in his room. He turned off his music and walked over to his phone. There was a text from Chance.

Dude, r u ok?

Marshal didn't know if he could answer or not. He didn't feel okay. At least not that Chance told him that he was dating Cherry Arkabona, the prettiest girl in their class. Even though Marshal was gay, he still knew a pretty girl when he saw one. He wasn't jealous of Cherry, he was mad at Chance. Cherry was a slut, she didn't care about the boys she had relationships with, because once she was out of one relationship, there was a list of boys waiting for her.

Marshal didn't text his best friend back, but he laid down in bed and looked up at his ceiling. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep with him thinking about Chance, but somehow he managed and he was soon being woken up by the radio playing Teenage Dream by Katy Perry.

Marshal got out of bed and scrounged through his piles of cloths on the floor for his waiter uniform, consisting of black slacks and a white shirt with the La Maison de Ville logo on the top left corner.

Marshal took a quick shower before he got ready. He checked his phone as he ran to the kitchen for breakfast and found that Chance had sent him 2 more texts asking if he was okay. Marshal texted Chance back telling him he was okay and that he was on his way to work.

Come by on ur way home

Chance texted Marshal as he walked out of the door and got in his '99 Jeep and drove downtown. Marshal was confused about whether or not he wanted to see his best friend. He didn't know how to act around the guy he liked when he was dating the prettiest girl in their class.

When Marshal got to work, it was about 1:30 in the afternoon, and the lunch shift was just ending. The waiter, Jody, told him he had some customers at table 15 so Marshal walked out there with his pad and pen and found table 15. There were 3 customers: 2 boys and a girl, looked about Marshal's age.

The boy closest to him was wearing skater cloths, had bright blue hair and had snake bites. The girl sitting next to him, was dressed similar, but looked more scene. The boy on the other side was cute to Marshal. He had red hair and was wearing all black. Something about him caught Marshal's eye.

"Hi, I'm Marshal and I'll be your server this afternoon. Can I start you off with something to drink?" he asked.

"I'll have a diet Pepsi," the first boy said.

"Make that two!" the girl added. Marshal scribbled it down and turned to the cute boy.

"Can I have a chocolate milkshake?" he asked in a small voice.

"Really Winston?" the other boy asked.

"Shut up Rayan! If I want a chocolate milkshake, then I'm going to order a goddamned milkshake," Winston said.

"Come on guys," the girl pleaded. Marshal was getting nervous and quickly cut in,

"I'll be right back with your drinks," he said and went to the back and got the drinks. He put extra whipped cream on the top of the milkshake and brought them back out to his table. Once he set them down, he put the tray under his arm and took out his notepad again. "Are you ready to order?"

"Yes," the girl smiled, "I would like the Garlic Spaghetti with Meatballs."

"I would like 4 Cheese Grilled Cheese," Rayan ordered. Marshal wrote it down and turned to Winston.

"I'll have the regular cheese burger without pickles," Marshal smiled. He couldn't help but notice how similar they were. Marshal always ordered milkshakes, not caring what time of the day it was, and he didn't like pickles either.

"I'll be back as soon as I can with your food," Marshal said and winked at Winston before walking to the kitchen.

Marshal usually wasn't this flirty around guys. Mostly because he didn't want Chance to know, but he couldn't help it. He really want to just have fun every once in a while.

After Marshal delivered their food, and they were done, Rayan and the girl were gone by the time Winston brought the check.

"Did your friends stick you with the bill?" he asked.

"Yeah. They do it a lot," Winston sighed, pulling out $40 to cover the cost.

"I'm sorry. They didn’t seem like that great of friends, no offense," Marshal said and started picking up the dishes.

"No its okay, I know they aren't. I'm Winston by the way," he stuck out a delicate hand.

"Marshal."

"Nice to meet you. We should hang out sometime," Winston leaned over and took a pen out of Marshal's waist apron and grabbed his hand, "Here's my number. Call or text me."

"Okay, I will," Marshal smiled. Winston climbed out of his seat and smiled.

"See ya."